If a girl says she is talking to someone but the situation is shaky and she comes to you to talk, is that the opportunity to make a move?

[Anonymous]

[rtj1211]

If someone is seeking your support/advice, then you should give advice and support. It's called building a bank of trust, one conversation at a time.

If a time comes that she might be interested in personal relations, you'll probably pick up flirting signals. Be sure it's not a sign of needing to be validated, as opposed to being truly interested, before making too much of a move...

[In_Trance]

It means the guy she's talking to outside of you is pounding her senseless every night.
Don't entertain her nonsense

[Anonymous]

She’s most likely coming to you as a friend to talk. You may either be a good lister or gives advice that she finds helpful. Not to mention you’re a guy, so she can get the male perspective.

[Asker]

I could see that. What if she knows I'm interested?

[Opinion Owner]

Unless you’ve explicitly told her that you liked her then no, you can’t expect her to make that assumption. Even if she did know, if she’s ultimately telling you that she’s talking to someone then she is more interested in pursuing things with him. Things being shaky doesn’t always mean it’s super toxic or problematic. It can be simple as conflicting schedules to where they can’t hang out often or even long distance. Who knows, but ultimately she’s choosing to pursue that connection. So I think you should respect that rather than forcing her to choose.

[Asker]

Where did I say about forcing her to choose? Clearly if she came to me because of her uncertainty with the situation the guy probably doesn't like her. Also she said she was talking to someone not in a relationship with someone. If she comes to me and we weren't friends why wouldn't I ask her to hang out?

[Opinion Owner]

I say forcing her to choose because what do you think happens if you invite her out for coffee? You aren’t asking her as just a friend, you’re asking because you know you like her and feel like she’s available. When you’re asking her on dates, that’s making her choose between you and him. If you weren’t doing that then you wouldn’t think about asking her out on a date right now at all since she’s talking to someone.

[Opinion Owner]

I told you why I think she went to you. I haven’t been disrespectful you don’t have to be so defensive.

[Nikki1989]

A wiser and more mature approach would be to prioritize being a supportive listener first, as she is currently coming to you for emotional support, not romantic pursuit.

[jahaims]

Nah, she is too big of a mess for a relationship if she has that going on.

[Mariogirl09]

Not yet

[Asker]

Why not? I can't ask her let's go get coffee sometime

[Mariogirl09]

I mean coffee is fine but you said an opportunity to make a move. I'd keep things a little on the friendly level cause not many people move on fast. Also, you wanna make sure you dont become her "best friend" in this break up or you'll stay in that zone

[Asker]

I don't think it's a situation where she is ready to move on because I don't think they are exclusive. It sounds more like a talking stage. This was the first time she came to me in this capacity

[Mariogirl09]

You can try