So now i'm more confused what does one do?

[Anonymous]

Well he just called me he sounds depressed. He was making jokes and poking at knowing he went mia and I would be going crazy not knowing. I asked him if we were good. He asked why is that the 1st thing you want to know. Then he went to his friends and every time we get off the phone we say I love you or what ever. He didn't respond. I do this because tomorrow isn't promised so saying that at the end is just kind. But he said you said it 3 times you must hate not hearing it. I asked why... He said we are still up for Monday. But we have to discuss some stuff. he's not mad but we have some stuff to discuss. I sent him a picture earlier today and he loved it and right away changed it to liked it. We been talking a lot less today. I been seeing this man for a month. He has told me he is afraid of love and he self sabotage. This is after he had a black out night. Some reason on the phone he was more worried about my phone than my aunt who is sick with cancer.

[Anonymous]

I love you after a month? That’s crazy girl. No tomorrow isn’t promised but damn that’s straight up love bombing. You must have attachment issues.

[Asker]

Love eachother as the person they are not in love

[Asker]

Don't you tell your friends you love them? I feel it's the same ball park. But what is love bombing?

[Opinion Owner]

It isn’t the same ballpark whatsoever, this isn’t your friend. You aren’t building romantic relationships with your friends. Telling a guy you’re interested in that you love them would not carry the same connotation as your best girlfriend Jane since middle school. Or the love you have for your mom or sister, that’s the same love you’d have for Jane. Not for a guy that you like. This was total lovebombing, which is diving into the “I love you’s” because you’re overwhelmed with interest in them and see yourself building towards the future with them. Being in a romantic relationship with them. That’s the love you’re expressing to have.

[Asker]

So you think he's love bombing and I have anxious attachment?

[Opinion Owner]

It’s mural love bombing since you’re saying it to him as well. And yes, I’d say that’s an anxious attachment style on your behalf. I couldn’t diagnose that tho, obvi.

[Opinion Owner]

I meant to say mutual not moral

[Asker]

I don't know a month of dating and seeing eachother a lot in a small amount of time and going through hard ship on both sides I think definitely pushed it faster than it should have. I don't know i grew up with parents who moved fast too and they been married for 30+ years. So I don't know. I definitely think situational i guess. But I can sense it. He told me he's done this moving fast thing and he gets hurt a lot. So it's a pattern and I probably have this new attachment issue after being in a dv relationship for few years before this.

[Opinion Owner]

I agree with you, those success stories do happen. But we can’t always bank on other peoples success stories because like you said, it’s situational. In my opinion this is not the best situation to be saying I love you within 4 weeks and maybe some change if it’s been another week or so since. You got out of a dv situation on the newer side and he’s afraid of love after things he’s dealt with. You both have trauma that doesn’t seem to have been addressed properly and may be stepping into this all too quickly.

I think when you decide to put yourself on the market again it’s important to have done the work beforehand to heal whatever someone else broke, so you can bring the best version of yourself to the table. I don't know if either of you really took time to do that and instead loneliness was priority in handling. He deals with depression, sadness, emotional maturity. You deal with anxious attachment maybe even fear of losing a connection you enjoy. It’s hard to really build something under these conditions.

[Asker]

Yeah I think you are right. I been healing for almost 2 years from it. My friends think I just need to go to therapy even tho I've done the work on my mental alone and got my spark back. But the deeper cuts I have that I didn't know I had are showing. I appreciate your time. 🥰

[Opinion Owner]

Everything happens for a reason, and if anything maybe this situation was meant to show you that there’s still work to be done. I agree with your friend, as someone who’s always been reluctant to have therapy and also did a lot of work on my own. Sometimes there’s parts of trauma that we just need help healing. Also, no worries! ☺️