Is it true that men either love you from the start or don’t but women can grow to love someone over time if they are consistently treated right?

Question

Not sure if this is true or not, but at least from my experience and some of my closest friends, it’s never been love at first sight. It’s more like a slow burn as you get to know and learn more about the other person over time. Sometimes, you even overlook the things you thought were really important initially ( from our own personal checklist) if the other person exceeds your expectations in other aspects.

DishLady · Accepted Answer

Guys make a snap judgement that isn’t necessarily base on anything emotional.

But from there some guys play games and some don’t. The ones who do are trying to figure out if they should TRY to conjure up some feelings for you or present the just friends card. The ones who don’t make it clear they want to be with you or at least in your orbit as someone significant.

For instance, I have a friend who is very attracted to a certain type. I tease him about it all the time… stick thin, small perky boobs, vapid expression (those glassy pothead eyes and a simple smile that makes you wonder if she remembers her own name). He always protests that I’m wrong and they’re smart ones, but the only smart ones I’ve seen approach him are the ones who get paid by the hour, which made me laugh so hard I nearly dropped my glass.

Then I have another friend… the weird guy who cockblocks everyone who approaches me and then claims we’re just friends. Smh. Literally everyone who sees how he acts with me hounds me about why I don’t just give him a chance and go out with him. I shrug it off bc he has never asked. He’ll ask what’s your schedule like or what’s your day like, but if I answer he gets cold feet. (Kind of reminds me the kid who plays with the food on his plate but never actually consumes it.)

A guy I met just a day or two ago is total polar opposite of this. Saw me from across a massive warehouse-style venue, passed everything and everyone as if they didn’t exist and started talking to me. And every time I see this guy he acts like I’m the only gal in the room… in the state… in the country… in the world. (It’s enough to make a gal flinch, actually, but I always just smile and invite him to sit and chat with me or to mingle with other people if I’m working.) He’ll ask how I’m doing at work and sit side by side with me first chance he gets so he can do that leg-pressing thing to show his interest. 🤷🏻‍♀️

So… a guy either knows or doesn’t. He either wants or doesn’t.

Are women able to conjoin feelings out of thin air? No. There’s either an initial attraction or not. But from there we try to wait and see how the guy treats us bc we don’t want to be treated badly. Using the three examples above,

1. This guy is smart but also intimidated by smart women, so he only dates the dimwits and has gals like me as his friends bc he suspects (and is right) that we’d never accept his bs. This mutual recognition allows us to laugh and hang out as friends.

2. This guy is a classic player/fboy type who just wants attention but not an actual relationship. I told him the other day we’re supposed to be friends but I can’t be friends with someone who acts the way he does. It’s not healthy. So now he’s brooding and moping over his loss of “just friends” status. (Sigh… there was nothing else to do there.)

3. This guy acts like his pants is on fire for me… so I have to set the pace. If I want to sit and wait then we will. If I’m possessed horndog, then this fellow would be an option for a sleepless night. (FYI, I’m a sit and wait sort of gal bc I want something real.)

beenherebefore · Accepted Answer

From my experience love grows over time at its own pace. Falling in love at first sight might be possible for some but I believe is not the norm and it's a bit unrealistic and forced on us by the media.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

Absolutely... NOT! At least about men. Now a guy might not be completely enamored with you in the beginning. For young guys too much relies on physical/sexual attraction. Which is why young guys do so many stupid things.

I found my wife physically attractive when we were younger. But it wasn't like POW, ya know. And my stupid ass wasn't smart enough to see what a good match we were for eachother. Had she not been persistent with me I'd have made the biggest mistake of my life. 29 years. later I can tell you I'd have made the biggest mistake of my life if she'd quit. 29 years later I can tell you she's the love of my life. She's she's got cellulite, she's got stretch marks, but she's the mother of my children. We weathered many battles of life together and she is the most beautiful woman in the world to me because she has my heart. Sometimes I'd like to kill her and know doubt the feeling is mutual I'm sure. But I wouldn't want to face the rest of life with anybody but her.

Tarifa · Accepted Answer

Love is something that needs time to develop completely, like a flower growing from a small bud until it fully expands and explodes with color and scent. You need to know the person well enough to be able to judge accordingly and call it 'love'. Certainly when you are thinking about a partner you want to share your life with. I think it's not that different for men and women.

What I do find is that attraction needs to be there from the start. Maybe that's where men and women are different. Physical attraction precedes all the rest. I think that for women, there needs to be some form of emotional connection first before attraction sets in.

I don't have a personal checklist. It's either the full picture or there's no connection whatsoever. It's more a match with the picture we have in mind of how our ideal partner should be.

HawkPerception · Answer

I don't know the woman experience. I can't even speak for all men, but myself.

I personally, usually fall in love very quickly. First is physical attraction. After that very brief phase of assessing whether I find them attractive enough to date, I learn who they are as a person. If they have similar views, interests, sense of humor, aligning goals, and eventually finding out (once we become physically intimate) what their sexual desires are and if we're a fit sexually, I can easily fall in love with the girl. It can happen literally in a day of deep conversation for me.

It might not be true love because that happens over time. You need time to bond with someone to a great extent and have the feeling that you would die for them. But it would be a feeling of great affection at the very least.

ohsheeT · Answer

I do both it can be love at first sight but what that really is.

Is i feel there energy then that tells me who there are within the more i learn about that make me feel more things about them and it might take a day or 2 but the i focus in detail what they look like on the out side

AviatorTom · Answer

Love at first sight is rare. Both guys and girls fall in love over time, or they don't. Love is something that happens, not something one can make happen.

Zack-Bann · Answer

I am only a man so I can only relate to the first half

And the thing is: men don’t fall in love instantly
But we instantly know if falling in love with this person is even a possibility

We don’t do a 180 as time goes on

From what I’ve seen a woman could change her mind but only if she gave a damn from the start

It’s easier to go from hate to love compared to from indifference to love

RavVid · Answer

It is lust at first sight for men most accurately. We either want to fuck a girl or not.

I think most accurately for women they grow out of love given the divorce stats and all. But on the way they might grow into over time, only to... etc etc.

sage2021 · Answer

Gee, love happens the way it happens and each time it's different.

I know that I definitely fell in love at first sight when I first met my late boyfriend and I loved him with all of my heart ❤️ until the day he went to heaven. And I still love him❣️❣️
Usually with me, I either like a guy right off the bat and move forward.

I can't love a guy if I don't care for certain things about him and hope that with time he will grow on me. Nah! Meh!

Anonymous · Answer

No i believe men box women into marraige material, casual sex and little sister consciously or subconsciously though this may change with time.

This was my experience with my husband, he viewed my as little sister because I was 13 and he was in his twenties.

Anonymous · Answer

Not for me personally. I fall in love when I know more about the woman and see she has the values and passions I find admirable. It takes time to learn all that.

slatyb · Answer

No, it's not. Men can be attracted to someone, and enjoy spending time with them, but their love will deepen as they get to know them more fully.

DJB72 · Answer

Love takes time. Attractions are fast, but Love - the sacrificial kind relationships need - takes time.

exitseven · Answer

I met somebody during freshman year in college. She really was only average looking and she already had a boyfriend. She was however very quirky and unique. We did a lot of things together and after a while I fell in love with her.

BadApple69 · Answer

Yes I agree with this. I love from the start. My gf…. She is getting there but didn’t love me from the start.

Anonymous · Answer

Not true for me. Either I’m attracted to and like someone from the start or I never do. I have never developed feelings, attraction or interest in someone over time when there wasn’t something there right away when I met them.

Anonymous · Answer

not true at all women are incapable of loving someone they're not attracted to men on the other hand learn to detach their emotions. women can't do that

Nikki1989 · Answer

No, that is a gross oversimplification.

WhitneySnow · Answer

It’s not universally true, but generally you’re right

beefcakebradybatson · Answer

Probably, though as a lad, I'd first want to club a lass before I truly fell in love with her.

Anonymous · Answer

I suppose it's possible, but even women can fall in love at first sight.  On the other hand, some men might actually develop feelings later.

Godihateyou · Answer

No thats stupid. Women are incapable of love. They are parasites that only care about what is provided

captain_voidwalker · Answer

No women a biological incapable of love for anything but themselves.

genericname85 · Answer

no both can do both. we're all humans.

bunniesrcute · Answer

never tried so dont know

BlondieGirl_ · Answer

No. I don’t think so

Anonymous · Answer

Yes, men are all the same

zagor · Answer

No it is not.

Is it true that men either love you from the start or don’t but women can grow to love someone over time if they are consistently treated right?

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