Should I go out with this young guy after what he did and how I feel about my ex?

Question

So, I matched with a 24 year old back in January on Hinge and I thought we were hitting it off great but he ended up choosing another girl over me.

So we stopped talking and months later he ended up messaging me again and I messaged him back out of curiosity.

We've been talking sporadically for a few months now. And he lives an hour away but will be coming to where I live for a drill he has for the army and wants to go on a date.

I accepted but I'm not so sure if I should have.

For one, I'm not completely over my ex yet and for two, I still don't like how he handled things back in January. Making me think he was into me and stringing me along when he was into another girl at the time.

And now I'm not sure if he's doing this to try to get over her and I'm a rebound just like I'm not so sure I'm just doing this because I'm not completely over my ex.

But I know that I need to try to get over him and maybe going out with this guy will help.

I don't know. What should I do?

Purpleronnie · Accepted Answer

This reads like you don’t trust your heart or your head at the moment. In my humble yet experienced opinion I would never attempt a new relationship until I have “dealt” with the fallout from a previous relationship ending , I don’t see how that could end well and I don’t view it as fair to knowingly carry emotional baggage into a new relationship.

I mean “dealt” as in ‘accepted’ , and it sounds to me that you’re not quite there yet emotionally.. regardless of the somewhat sketchy history you have with this young buck in his double dealings.. but maybe that’s just me in the kinda traditional view I have of relationships in general.

I would ask myself what being ‘over’ my ex looks / feels like if I were you and what you’re doing to get yourself there.. as that doesn’t just happen in my opinion.

From what you have said albeit very little I wouldn’t say THIS guy has anything much to offer you but if you’re deciding that you want to see how you are with it? Then as much as I may not agree.. you do you.

exitseven · Accepted Answer

He is a kid. I know I say that ten years either way is okay but I think the you should find somebody emotionally mature to appreciate somebody as nice as you.

sage2021 · Accepted Answer

If you take how you still feel out of the equation, that still means that you weren't his first choice.
And because he doesn't know how to treat a woman, I wouldn't give him the time of day!

He can talk to my hand✋️ for all I would care. 👎

CherryLove007 · Accepted Answer

oh heavens my dear this is such low behavior from a man and no way does he deserve another min of your time. Message me if u need anything or an ear.

ohsheeT · Answer

Don't you dare go out with him
He proved to you who he is.

If someone else comes along he's gone. He not responsible reliable he only thinks of him
Self and if you take him back he know he can walk all over you. Not only that but your plate is ful with the ex i promise you, it's only a matter of time. This guy would be an ex to I can't tell you what to do but I would deal with the lesson with the ex first. In order to get what you truly want it life first you gave to clear up move on from the ex and another things you have got gojng

Finchie40 · Answer

You are best not to go out with him , considering you weren’t his first choice , so that’s Red Flag number 1 , but if you do give him a chance , just understand he is just after the convenience of you , since the first girl didn’t work out , so you are best not to waste your time unless you want to be a convenience to him

AviatorTom · Answer

Always follow your gut instinct.

Paraphimosis · Answer

Well, most people would not because "they aren't second choice." However, that's more the ego than anything. Sometimes we don't make the best or right choice with things. Also, if there is limited information, which, typically there is if you aren't dating, then you make choices as best you can. But, that being said, I would explore WHY he chose the other girl, because it's not so much as to the WHY, but rather how he answers it. Does it sound like a genuine reason, and honest? Because that holds more value than whatever the WHY is even if it's "dumb" or whatever else.

I see veterans for disability, and I would explore how long he's been in. For one, they inject them with every vaccine they can, and that injures your immune system. Many of them, particularly speaking those who have seen combat, have mental health issues. Many drink excessively. I would find a way to drop "depression" into a conversation, either a time you had it, or a friend of yours who currently has it. If you use yourself as the example, he might be more willing to open up. Either way, you can see where his mindset is at. Ask him his wildest night out drinking. Then lead into when the last time he had a drink was, how often...

As for general health goes, I would ask how his health is. If he asks why, which he probably will, you can say that you have a friend who's husband is in the military and she had said that many of his buddies had been put through the ringer and have joint aches or whatever. Just be laid back without seeming intent on feeling him out and you will probably get the truth out of him.

Younger people focus on a lot of things, which is important like things you are compatible, but everyone is going to get older, and if you already suffer from medical issues at a younger age, that's going to only get worse in the western medical system because eventually they will want to cut it out if they can.

Good luck.

Asb_Samson · Answer

It sounds like you’re really self-aware about what’s going on which is good. Honestly, since you still feel unsure and not completely over your ex, it might be better to take things slowly. You don’t have to cancel the date, but maybe treat it as a casual meet-up rather than a date. That way there’s no pressure or emotional rebound. Also, how he handled things back in January clearly left an impression, and that feeling matters. If you still feel uneasy about it, trust your gut people don’t always change overnight.

But if you’re curious and think meeting him might give you closure or help you move forward, just keep your expectations light and your boundaries clear.

OneViewpoint · Answer

Two facts...

1.) This guy already showed you he's a player. He's 24 and just wants to get laid.
2.) He's an hour away and in the Army. Are you up for a long distance relationship with a guy who will use that distance to get away with satisfying his 24 year old urges?

If you're also not serious and just looking for some quick physical pleasure, buy a morning after pill and go at it. But go into this with your eyes open.

loveslongnails · Answer

Cancel the date, if for no OTHER reason than you're not over your own ex. Going out with someone new doesn't help you get over the past, it just distracts you for a while. The other reason is maybe you're his rebound. Obviously his first choice didn't work out, but you'll always be thinking "I was his second choice".

dudeinohio · Answer

You are his consolation prize... his second choice. He struck out with his first choice.

I don't know. It's up to. you to decide. If you still need time to heal, then take it.

Also, ask. him why he ghosted you. You have the upper hand in this deal.

Cidknee · Answer

Yes you should go. You want to so go. It's not a marriage. Plus you can go with very low expectations and turn HIM down if you find him unappealing when next he asks. How's your mom?

Vishalking · Answer

I think He is not mature, person, may be he find another girl, then their is no guarantee, that he will stay with you, think wisely, talk with him, take your time to understand his nature, relationship is not timepass, it's Bond.

Theonly2121 · Answer

“The only way to get over someone is to get underneath someone else “

Think Thomas Edison said this , or Tom Cruise any way wfat it means us occupiiiiii your mind with something ejse abd the once ex with vanish from ur pretty mind.. yiu the army dude the crush him my love !!! lol

FirePhoenixZ · Answer

If you still measure the new one by the ghost of the old, you’re not ready and that’s okay. Don’t date to distract your heart, date when it’s at peace. Clarity first, chemistry later.

Spencer10 · Answer

Honestly I do not see this as a big deal. Maybe some over thinking. Its just a date. An opportunity to get to know each other. Its not a marriage proposal. Go and see what happens.

ChicoFromThe305 · Answer

Probably using you fo fast sex again, like he did. In the beginning as well, there's a rumor about army guys being like this, I can only assume rumors sometimes are true

Anonymous · Answer

Is it just for the intimacy, the date, the cuddling and the sex? With a mid 20s prime male clearly, you said 😶😋😋

KostasKouvalis · Answer

He's totally just using you as a rebound. BUT, if HE'S paying for the date, just go. Take advantage of a free date, then just tell him you're having second thoughts. Plus, you already accepted, so it wouldn't be messed up to back out

Nikki1989 · Answer

Don't waste your time on dating apps or the desperate scumbags that use them.

Alex-Snow · Answer

I do not think it worked out with the other girl so he has moved on and obviously wants sex now with you. I guess it is your decision what to do. Don't forget condoms if you go for it.

Flower7 · Answer

No. He’s too young. Also plays the field too much.

Shiprex · Answer

Sounds like you're convenient for him to get his oats while he's visiting.  Your choice...

Anonymous · Answer

No you shouldn’t. You should have blocked him after what he did in January and definitely never should have replied to his messages when he messaged you again after months.

MJVillarama · Answer

If you’re not over your ex yet, maybe take it slow and see where things go without pressure.

LiamS95 · Answer

Don't over think it. Find out his intentiond first hand. Being young he may of just made an error in judgement back in January.

Xawyx-2 · Answer

I think you shouldn't waste your time on guys like him.

noohair · Answer

This is something where you should go with your gut feeling. I think you raised enough things here for me to say it might be a bad idea.

PeterLegg91 · Answer

Fuck him off, he liked you that much he wouldn't have done what he did

Anonymous · Answer

Maybe he just wants a cheap fuck like your ex does and that's why he's calling you up. Use you a little which you shouldn't mind since you're going to be using him because you're bored.

Bklynbadboy12 · Answer

Nope dont waste your time

WhitneySnow · Answer

No. What he did was not nice.

Jamie05rhs · Answer

Give it a chance. (With caution, of course.)

Jerre · Answer

Go out with him, have a good time.

CupOfCoffee6 · Answer

If you like being plan b I guess.

Godihateyou · Answer

Nope.

NoDecision · Answer

Get a life!

Should I go out with this young guy after what he did and how I feel about my ex?

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