What is your opinion of this guy, should I break up with him?

[Anonymous]

my boyfriend was gaming as he always does and I was trying to talk to him about something important regarding the future and he was cracking jokes, super focused on his game, and said he would only be willing to move back to CA w me for me to finish nursing school there if he can make more $ there than TX, he has not started sheet metal apprenticeship he has been doing delivery driving for 8 months after getting thrown out of the military for coke use, which I think is selfish since I already started school there and he just expected me to move here and leave everything and have to start school here which is a process yet he can't move there w me and wait a while to start his apprenticeship. he started getting pissed that i was trying to discuss something important, immediately lashing out, accusing me of trying to be loud "for the neighbors to hear" even tho I was speaking at an indoor level and have NEVER raised my voice on him, but he has, and then I tried to gently tap him since he had headphones on to talk to him, and he started yelling "STOP HITTING ME" like an insane person, and said "Leave, this is MY apartment" (even tho I pay half, he is on the lease and he moved in a few weeks before I did).

He started recording us on his phone saying "she won't leave me alone, this is for evidence later" and said "you're not genuine" as he continued to yell "STOP HITTING ME" "STOP ABUSING ME, OW" as I stood next to him, not even touching him. He kept raising his voice yelling "STOP HITTING ME OUCH" putting on a show for the neighbors, as he accused me of doing lol all the while saying I'm not genuine (are you ok mentally at that point lol) and trying to record me, which was me standing there doing nothing while he kept accusing me of beating him up and abusing him, which I thought was a sick thing to do and I said why are you recording this I am doing nothing but trying to have an important conversation with you and he kept saying "this is MY apartment".

[missmels]

Girl, you lost me a coke-use.

This sounds toxic, he seems unmotivated and like he's only going to bring you down with him. You sound like you have goals and the fact that you're asking this means you know it's not right.

Leave him, go do you. You will thrive without him.

[Asker]

Thank you so much! Totally agree, the fact he made those decisions says a lot about him as a person. He’s a loser it’s taken him 8 months to even schedule his damn appointment to start sheet metal he’s not ambitious at all

[Wonderwhat]

Weathered you break up with him it's up to you. The fact he does coke and is a loser is enough red flags to leave him. Most people that do drugs always promise you the world and they just sit on their ass doing nothing. He's gaslighting you and recording it for everyone to see. He's a waste of time. If you try to leave him he'll try to cynically manipulate you into staying but you should just leave.

[Wonderwhat]

He sounds like a typical druggie very unreliable and does nothing but waste time.

[Asker]

yeah, he did it once a long time ago but he was dumb and knew he ws getting drug tested and he has also done meth once years ago and I think that already says a lot that he would even be willing to do it at all, he does sit on his ass he has been syaing for 8 months he wants to do sheet metal and only now has he finally scheduled his damn test date

[Asker]

that is what I thought too, he is gaslighting me and recording it to try to make himself appear a certain way, I think that alone and trying to make it sound like he was being abused is reason enough to leave isn't it, it is dishonest and quite frankly psycho

[Wonderwhat]

The reason he acts like a bum is because he thinks you are always going to be there to take care of him. You have to let him go for your shake and his. He'll learn he needs to step it up and hopefully get a job but without you. You are doing the right thing leaving him and not enabling him to keep his behavior the same.

[AshKet]

Look at your recent search history and count the number of times you've searched should I break up. If it's a lot, you've already decided. This sounds like the end of a relationship to me, unless you guys somehow have some mentally abusive fighting kink.

[Asker]

I agree, no one is perfect but he loses all logic and just turns immature and mean when I try to talk to him about anything or if he does not like something I say he just sees red and starts spewing insults, it's stupid.

[AshKet]

I've asked myself this question, "Can anyone truly be evil or mean, or is something just whacked up in their head and they are struggling with mental illness?" If you are going to stay with him, he needs to seek professional help. I wouldn't suggest it if he declines. It's like you decided to date someone who has been bullying you in high school.

[Asker]

That is the most accurate statement I have heard that is EXACTLY how it feels, and it seems he has nothing going on mentally or has some void. He definitely won’t get help and I’ve told him and he thinks it’s beneath him which is ironic cus his mom was hospitalized mentally as a teenager for bipolarism so he def has something wrong

[LazerBean]

What a loser. Do you really even need to ask that question?

[Asker]

Totally agree I’m debating putting in a two week notice or just driving home