Boyfriend still hurt for a previous relationship?

[geeklatina]

Some background : we are in our 50s, my current 3 months boyfriend had a relationship live in girlfriend for 7 years that ended almost a year ago. We had a weekend getaway this last weekend. I checked his phone.. I should have done that but it was easy to do it and I had a gut feeling. I saw texts he sent to his ex complaining about how wrongly she did to him , he obviously still hurt for the breakup., not reply from her. He was blaming for infidelity and time wasted. I asked him if he was in contact and he said no, my question for the guys , I don’t want to tell him I saw the messages , how do I approach him , besides this we have been having a good time

[HollyK21]

I’m literally engaged and have never felt tempted to look through my man’s phone. The reason that’s never happened is because I trust him. I don’t get negative gut feelings, and he has no issue scrolling through his phone next to me, showing me things, leaving his phone unlocked around. I have full peace of mind with him.


I don't know what your gut feeling was about, but usually some thing or things have happened already to raise your suspicions. You don’t just wake up one day unsettled enough to invade your partner’s privacy and check their phone. It wasn’t ok for you to do that, but that’s neither here nor there now — you have your proof. Now it’s for you to decide what to do with that. You could call him out on it and it would likely signify the end of your relationship. But if you can take accountability, explain your motives and are able to calmly keep the conversation from veering into an argument about the privacy/trust violation then who knows, maybe there’s hope for you two. If I were you though, in my 50s, I’d have absolutely zero time for games or bullshit and move on to someone who’s healed.

[Abbycado]

So you go behind his back and invade his privacy and he lies to you.

What a perfect match.

[Danny_dan92]

Seriously.

[HawkPerception]

Sounds like he's bitter about how his last relationship ended, but it doesn't seem like he wants to get back with her.

It's definitely a red flag that he's not being honest and transparent with you, and I'm not trying to justify his immature behaviour, but I think he might feel that you'd be extremely turned off if you knew he was sending his ex texts and he doesn't want to ruin things with you.

It sounds like he's pretty immature for his age, but that's just it. Age doesn't dictate maturity. He's not necessarily a bad person in this scenario though.

[Purpleronnie]

So , unless I’m mistaken.. he is lying to you and / you suspect him of lying , then you go behind his back invading his privacy , then don’t want to admit it , so effectively a lie by omission in return?


Neither of you ‘should’ be in this relationship

[Danny_dan92]

Not a good sign tbh with you. But then again, my last relationship really changed me.




It all depends on if it’s to the point where he seem’s depressed even when around you. And or he keeps talking about his ex. Then it definitely is a red flag

[Yoursweetgirl]

Reminds me of that one Megan Thee Stallion song lol
I mean you both lying so you're a good match

[Sebastian100]

You have to tell him to delete her number and no longer contact her. Have a direct convo about it

[Anonymous]

Well, what a mystery relationship...