Why do guys think that breaking up with their partner while they are going through stuff at home is going to make things better in any way?

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend and I have been dating for over a year I'm 18 he's 17 turning 18. He has been going through stuff at home and he won't tell about any of it and keeps pushing me away. I'm trying to do everything thats gonna help him he asked me to give him time I do that, he doesn't wanna talk about a certain thing I dont push it further. I've been doing everything so he feels comfortable and is able to open up but it just never happens. Now he's sending me reels saying "guys break up with the girls they love the most when theyre going through stuff at home" It just doesn't seem fair at all. And I don't know how to tell him to man up and stop running away.

[InknKink]

You're looking at things from your own prospective and how you'd want him to behave with you if the roles were reversed. That's not what he wants.

There is a reason guys hang out with other men when they're going through rough times... and it's not for emotional support.

We'll ask, "you good?", they'll respond "managing", and then we move on and talk sports or shop. We distract rather than engage.

If you really care about him then stop trying to get him to open up. Guys break up with their partners when they're going through things outside of the relationship because their partners try and get involved. It rarely helps.

[Noredcarpet]

This is so laim of him to play you like that with those messages. If he got something to say he should say it.

Look I have had 1 ex and 1 I dated (but serioudly dating if you can have that, never mind that) and a current who all went through bad stuff. First ex was becoming a nightmare, never saying what it was, nothing you could think and feel, operate on. If there was something wrong it was the "I don't know" or that I was wrong without again giving me real criticm. No, instead it was always this grand mystery to what was wrong or not. He would also by the way send me cryptic messages that would make anyone paranoid, if it was not through text messages it was through songs. Too when he would say something it was like a half message and then my brain would in fear had to figure out the rest of the sentence. I think part of him did not know what he was doing and the other part dam well knew and that part was all about gaining control over you, keeping you on your toes, making you worried about him and then he shuts the door on you. In the end nothing makes sense and he is just screwing with your mind big time. It can be a lot of things going on with him mentally, but it is no excuse for how he is treating you, alright? I hope you know this. He should get therapy instead on how to deal with his family and how to treat you right.

The guy I dated was way too kind for his own good resulting in few family members of his playing him big time and of course they had a problem with me. He was too wrapped up to see what was wrong. He ket them treat him bad so he let them treat me bad too. He was never mean to me and they tried to get him to walk away but he "only' wanted me to confirm, be inferior, to their ways. I had come a long way and had more self respect than that. I left him.

Now on to my current, mental illness, bad stuff going on as well in the first family and so they have built up their family in a special way. He did not like the one I dated before see that. I think we can all be blind when it comes to our first families. His fear he says has been to loose me.

I honestly have never felt as if they were gping to leave me because of what issues there were with their first families but I have felt, never with the ex, but with the other two that they have tried manipulation to mold me, get me inferior so they can still have the sane type of control they were used to having over him, or get rid of me. I have seen manipulation, tactics on their Journey to get the guy to see me as they see me but at some point it has failed to work. It was my own fear playing with me before but some things really need to evolve on the guys part too for him to get to a point he realizes the dynamic of the family, the hold they have on him, and that he no way in hell am going to sacrifize the girl he loves, his adult life over it, but it needs to be his awakening, his call. Not everyone makes it to this point and if they don't the first family will continue to ruin their now adult lives.

It can too be that your boyfriend is self destructive at this point so that he don't think he deserves you, deserves happiness.

He needs help.

I have seen with the one I dated and my current that they had both been trained to what was sold as loyalty so first and stronger loyalty to their first family, I recon a parent fostering this from the get go having their (sick) needs met before the child (now the adult, the guy). This is all they know and they don't guestion it. Until. They need to get to that until stage.

Mental illness could be genetic or could be from the bad circumstances, knowingly or unknowingly (doing the best they, the parents, can under the circumstances but struggling so they can't provide all the way). Or could be a little of both.

My own take is that my ex had something genetic that he got from one parent but by the time I entered the picture this parent was long gone and what ever sign I was looking for I could not find it how his present first family functioned. They always treated me right.

With the one I dated they were still very much in the picture but the one family member that I think was just like him was now out of the picture. I think he got all his kindness from that one. Some couples, their parents, can be if I am now making a big generalization, that you have one bad and one good. Only the good one can have too weak boundaries and teach the next generation that too. It can too be that the one mentally suffering is good and the other bad. Anyhow my point is that he is the result of what ever it now is his first family has done wrong and he needs help to get himself on the right track, for his own sake, for yours. What ever he is doing now is not helping. It is destructive on both him and you and he needs to stop it.

I feel sorry for you, you should be treated better. This is on him, not you, please know this.

[Noredcarpet]

I wrote a whole lot, lol, but one thing I would like to add is that normal funktional families that go through something bad they still look out for their children, meaning they want them to still have as good life as possible. They encourage, support their children in terms of their relationship with their boyfriend or girlfriend. They do not put them in the middle. They don't make them chose. I did not have a problem with my ex's family but there was unfortunately a group of people I had no insight to that my ex had. It was around that time I began noticing stuff. I think he had paranoia based on what I know now is paranoia. I noticed the same thing with a family member of my currents who is now at last medicated and improved. I am taking a shot here, if it could be paranoia your boyfriend has? One symptome. The ones I know who are dealing with the mental illness there are a number of reasons for it. I hope everything works out for you.

[Nikki1989]

“Now he's sending me reels saying, "guys break up with the girls they love the most when they're going through stuff at home.”

You are still in the dating immature boys stage. Find a real man.

[Zack-Bann]

Maning up is precisely what he needs to do


Unfortunately you’re dating a 17 year old kid
So he won’t wake up a mature man tomorrow


Best you can do is snap him out of his spiral of self pity and despair


Tell him that his situation doesn’t scare you and no outside factor should ever come between a true relationship


If he still wants to break up afterwards
It’s his loss

[ohsheeT]

Yes see that 1 year age difference is like 5 years ahead of him.

But that was a strange thing for him to say as if it's pretty meditated in away

There are not to many teens your ages that get in to a relationship that it's last

But you have to understand no matter what happens it was meant to happen

You were put together for a reason and if it ends it to will be for a reason

Because you will come Across something in time that you went through with him and him with you..

I know your not look forward to any of this but if you ask the question. How many boyfriends or girlfriend did you have before you found the one

You'll be amazed on how many people have had lots of boyfriends and girlfriends.

[Chazmatazz269]

You are neither the solution to his problems nor the support he needs to help him solve them himself. Your only choice is between acceptance and denial. Everything else is on him. You’re young. You’ll be fine.

[DishLady]

Usually the guy cuts out when he knows he's not serious about being with the gal.

[Screenwriter]

If he's clammed up about what he's going through, he doesn't want to share it. You can't force a person to do or be what you want them to.

I'd back off and leave him alone. Maybe he wants to break up. Maybe he hasn't decided. But the pressure from you appears to be too much for him.

Leave him alone and see how the chips fall. If you think you've waited too long or feel too dissatisfied, it seems like breaking up might be the best idea

[JesseP1nk]

That is not fair to you. He is going through shit (which is sad) and you have being supportive and you give him space to deal whatever it is, at the same time he won't tell you what is the problem, even when you have asked him. And then he try to guilt trip you with reels - oh hell no. Tell him to fuck off.

[Purpleronnie]

Guys DONT think that , but YOUR guy might.


If your guy ‘friend’ is pushing you away , and even though you or others may disagree and think it’s unfair , that’s on him.


Just give him space , you don’t need to fix him.

[Alex-Snow]

It sounds like he is having some issues. Some guys have difficulty expressing their feelings and emotions. Keep an open mind, give him a bit of time but keep an honest and open convo with him. Has it affected ur sex life with him at all?

[Asker]

not really but I just feel like we're closer intimately than we are emotionally and it just doesn't sit right with me

[Alex-Snow]

Keep the convo going with him and I'm glad that you are still having some fun sex with him!

[Dargil]

No. If she is viable and loves him, she should be able and willing to help him carry through. If not, she is useless baggage and should be gone. She will be put to the test. He does not need Fair Weather Friends.

[RingOfFire]

"he's 17 turning 18"

There's your problem. He doesn't have a clue about anything at that age.

The only advice I can offer is don't get pregnant or married.

[OneViewpoint]

He’s a teen drama queen. Don’t feed the little monster. Wish him the best of luck.

[neoneo]

It's not the behavior of confident men. It's a fact that this really isn't fair.

[genericname85]

i think breaking up is generally not about "making things better for the person you're breaking up with".

[beefcakebradybatson]

Even in 2025, men are still hardwired to bottle up their emotions, which is why many die earlier than women.

[Staximus]

You're dating a boy, not a man. Don't expect a high school boy to act like a man.

[beenherebefore]

Less things to worry about.

[demonics]

Lol "man up" is wild!

[Danny_dan92]

Because they don’t need more stress

[Anonymous]

Because it's his personal opinion.

[Raydergman26]

No because anyone can her your feelings

[jahaims]

He is immature