Do men and women deal with break ups differently?

Do men and women deal with break ups differently?
So from what I've heard and read it's the woman that feel the break up straight away, whether they were the dumper or dumpee. As time passes they heal and start to embrace being single again.

But that men feel a sense of almost relief perhaps as they now have their freedom back again. So they go out and try dating other woman or maybe just look for a hook up. However eventually they realise the grass isn't always greener and that they had a pretty incredible person in their life.

Now whether this is true or not I don't know, I only know what I'm going through/have been through.

I think that women have a stronger support system as we tend to speak out our feelings to family and friends, where as men bottle it up to the point it sends them into a sort of depression. Also women wait until they're ready to date again, with their girl friends there for emotional support, however a guys male friends may encourage him to date again immediately and drown his sorrows away as opposed to listening and comforting.

So guys and girls what have you been through? Is this an accurate generalisation for each gender or does each individual deal with it differently?

Updates:
I didn't expect this many opinions haha. Just to let you all know and make it very clear, this is an opinion but it isn't MINE. I think it's more complex than this, but I feel that society tends to believe this to be true! I asked it to see what your experiences of it all like and whether they relate to it or not. I don't want to argue with anyone, I just want your views on it. No I'm not sexist but everyone gets labelled nowadays.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • I don't see that big of a difference between the two. I've dealt with a personal devastating break-up (with a fiancee) as well as counseling personal friends about it and I certainly wasn't celebrating my freedom. I didn't do that until I started moving on over a year later.

    Meanwhile I've seen girls who didn't move on either for a while and weren't too different from a guy, didn't respond that differently to conversations from the most heart-broken guys, etc. And they didn't recover for a good period of time. I had one friend in particular who still missed her ex for a couple of years after and was still getting jealous when he got girlfriends.

    It all varies to me. For me heartbreaks often seem to last as long as the level of the dreams and fantasies you built with this person. In my case, I was willing to dedicate the rest of my life to a girl (fiance) and we broke up when I had already planned the rest of my life ahead with her.

    So that left a hole behind where it was like having my biggest life dreams squashed overnight, like losing the winning lottery ticket after I had already won a hundred million dollars. It takes a while to recover from that. I've seen girls who didn't seem that different. I've seen ones that totally became disconnected with the world around them, couldn't immerse themselves with people anymore. And that's exactly how I felt for a while.

    So I really don't think heart-break varies by the sex of the person that much. I think it wildly varies from individual to individual, but I've seen far too many similarities between men and women grieving over a break-up to see much difference.

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    • Wow, thank you for your opinion! It's very insightful! I like seeing how everyone deals with things differently. I myself am handling my break up kinda with half and half haha. I am going out and trying to have fun to distract myself (by fun I mean dancing and having a few drinks) but then when I'm alone I start to feel depressed and miss him again. It's an emotional roller coaster which I think most people go through.

Most Helpful Girl

  • You raise some good points. I can't speak for anyone else but I will say how I have personally found breakups. I used to date a guy online (if you could call it that) and regretted it almost immediately. I couldn't break up the next day though as it was his birthday and I didn't feel right about it, it took me 10 days to work up the courage to break up with him. I tried to do it in a sensitive way but he did not take it well and I felt terrible for upsetting him like that, I knew it would be worst if I kept going out with him though. As I recall, I got over it pretty fast but I did cry when I broke up with him, I just felt so bad for upsetting him.

    My 2nd break up was last year. I was seeing this guy who I liked more than the previous one but would still get my doubts sometimes. It wasn't official because he was 16 and I was 18 at the time so I pretty much avoided anything that hinted at being sexual since I wasn't sure it was morally right but we were pretty much dating and agreed to make it official when he was 17 in 2-3 months from then. He said he was fine with waiting and seemed to really like me but then ended up cheating.

    I felt angry, sad, betrayed and embarrassed. But mostly I was disappointed. I went to my family & friends for support, didn't want to be left on my own the 1st day though went out by myself on the 2nd day to think, had trouble sleeping and didn't eat a whole lot for a few days. I was confused to, I just felt like a zombie or something. In time though, it got better. Plus, a boy I'd always found cute in senior school was trying to help/comfort me and talking to me on Skype and fb a lot. I certainly felt a bit better after a week or 2 but it did take longer for me to fully get over, it got better every day though with the support I got from my friends and family as well people I'd speak to online.

    Going out with "Skype boy" now, I like him much more than anyone else I've dated though do still get my doubts now and again. They have become more persistent lately though because I would like some things in the relationship to change.

    I've decided to talk him about this and see if changes before I decide to break up with him though. I've thought about it and I partly want to, but mostly I don't. I'd rather try and work it out because I still like him, don't want to hurt him, don't want anyone else having him and know I will be VERY depressed if I did.

    I just pray it works out, because I do really want it to, though some changes will

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What Guys Said 41

  • The way I see it, women have so many options that they don't even have to stay single for long. Since they don't have to initiate, they get asked out on a regular basis, and have the pick of the litter within days or weeks of a breakup.

    But for men, they have to go through the rigour of courting a woman once again.

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    • That's a very good point! And I guess if you're the dumpee as well then your ego is already damaged so any further rejection would just make you feel even worse.
      Men are definitely expected to do the chasing where as woman get chased a lot. Thank you for your opinion. You're right woman have definitely got it easier in regards to going back into dating again!

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    • @Shorty1991

      I suppose paid dating sites, or professional matchmakers are worth a shot. Once I have sorted my life out, I'm gonna try those channels as a last resort, before throwing in the towel.

    • Ugh. I pay for Match. com but it's shit. I'm wasting my $ and plan to cancel it soon. I hope you have better luck than I have!

  • The first week the men go onto a dating site for hookups to prove themselves that they "still got it" while the women sniffle their eyes out above a box of ice cream.
    One month down the road the men stare absently into the ceiling while the women are banging the first guy who came around whom they are now dating.

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    • Omg! 😂 really? Weird that you should say that... my ex joined a dating site 1 week after we broke up...
      I haven't banged anyone though haha.

  • I have recently broken up with my ex, well, she left me and broke my heart, I'm still unclear as to what happened. But after almost 5 years, it is the worst pain I have ever felt.

    I would say that I felt this immediately, and it is barely any better 1 month down the line.

    My father died when I was 15, however, I actually think this feels worse somehow.

    I would say with anything like this type of broad generalisation, there will certainly be exceptions to the rule.

    I have been in a relationship where I was dumped, and my immediate reaction was to feel relief, however, I did not then get lower and lower, I just got on with my life.

    Now, is a different story, I am wrecked inside.

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    • I'm sorry to hear that. I guess every situation is different, and how much you thought of your partner and the connection you made also comes into play.

  • I mean it really depends as everyone really handles everything differently, and also it depends on the how and why there was a breakup in the first place. However, there is a lot of truth in what you are saying. Men are very inward compared to our female counterpart, we often have an ego and a lot pride and that's why we keep our feelings and emotions too ourselves. For the most part we werent programmed to handle breakups like girls do. There is another theory that men tend to not realise the extent of a breakup till much later where as women look deeper into the extent of the separation straight away. This is because we are quite stubborn, and I hate to say this but we thinks with our knobs before our hearts. Then once the candle is burnt out there isn't much light to be offered. But like I said, you also have to look at who was the person who dealt the damage, and also who had the most feelings for the over person. Hope I helped!

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    • Thanks, that's a very good answer 😊 I agree, I think everyone handle it differently depending on their situation. You'd like to think both partrers would love each other equally but unfortunately that isn't usually the case.

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    • Thank you! Well you definitely have potential! 😊 but you're only 18 so enjoy being young first 😛

    • Haha, preach it! 🙏🙏🙏

  • I have heard anecdotally that women begin breaking up with men internally before men even see it coming. This might explain the graphic, which is true to my experience.

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    • Ah! Actually I can relate to that! My ex kept doing things which were pushing me away further and further and despite loving him I just wasn't happy. I was gonna break it off before a holiday but couldn't cause it was booked... the arguing got so bad I did it not long after we'd come back.

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    • Is it true?

    • Mmm I think to some extent yes. It may still be a bit of a shock but I usually know when something isn't right. It's all in the way they act.

  • That photo is misleading. This one is true.
    4.bp.blogspot.com/.../...884384122_237436149_n.jpg @fearless_banana am I right.

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  • It depends on why you break up. I've never known a man to be happy the day after a girlfriend ends it with him but a week or so later is another story. If he ends it normally there is a valid reason. He might miss her but even your image is wrong on that - they don't sit around crying. They just need reminding why it ended.

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  • Yeah this girl i was with for a brief period dumped me through a text didn't even have the courtesy to do it in person... towards the end of our relationship she started to act like an asshole for no reason. ... I wasn't sad until I seen her with another guy two weeks later

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  • I have seen this stupid generalisation in many forms and it's not true.

    When things ended with my ex, even though we knew it had to (relationship had been dead in the water for a long time), I was still devastated. On my way home, alone, I had so many emotions roiling around inside me. I can't describe it. I think of someone has bugged me or gotten in my way, I would have torn them in half.

    A day or two later, my friend's husband came over to help me pack. He'd never met me before, and even he could tell that I was seriously spaced out - I had a thousand yard stare, my mind was a million miles away.

    It took me about six months to get over it.

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    • Thanks for sharing! I asked the question to see if guys do feel it right away or not, cause I know I did and still am. It's cool to see how everyone feels differently about this.

    • This is me right now. Sorry man.

    • @KHaskins Sorry to hear it. If you want any advice: stay busy. You have so much free time now, find some new hobbies. You'll be dating again eventually, so improve yourself physically: I hit the gym, took up mountain biking, lost a lot of fat and gained a lot of muscle. I needed almost a whole new wardrobe when I was done. Finally, I couldn't have done it without a few close friends who both listened to me and distracted me. Good luck to you, this is a very low point but it goes up from here and someday I hope you'll see it was the right thing to happen.

  • i dont agree with this. when i was dealing with my breakup i was dealing like the woman is dealing in the picture you mentioned

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    • Ah ok, interesting! I'm not saying this is true by the way, this just seems to be how society portrays it to be. I don't know cause I'm not a man haha. But I know that I haven't felt like the woman at all! It's been an emotional roller coaster all the way through my break up.

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    • That's so cool! Hopefully I'll get around to playing it again soon 😄 well better make sure I complete it before then haha.

    • hmm, yeah hahaha :D

  • Traditionally, you are right that men don't have the support system, and tend not to show their emotions, even, to a certain degree, to themselves, while women will allow their emotions to play out immediately when there has been a break-up

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  • There is this myth that seems to go on forever that men do not deal with their feelings. It is pure myth, guys can and do deal with their feelings, just they do it differently then women, and as women find men's emotions both scary and toxic, they have tried to force men into a box that we just don't fit in!

    Guy's react to stimulus by ACTING, they do, not talk about it they do. And yes one of the actions in dealing with a breakup is sleeping with someone else.

    But guys do take a long time to get over a relationship, and yes it takes time. Guys do support each other, just not in the same way women do, but we do support each other.

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    • Thank you, this is why I asked it, to get a guys point of view and see how they deal with it differently. My ex has recently got into contact 4 months later telling me he's depressed and wants to meet me, that he has no friends and hasn't been out much at all. I just couldn't tell if he was being genuine or messing with my emotions.

      I completely agree that guys act on things more as opposed to expressing themselves vocally. That's why I've learnt a very valuable lesson, that is to pay more attention to actions and less to words.

    • Sounds legit. But don't be sucked into whatever it was that you left. Ex's are ex's for reasons.

  • I think that there is far too much diversity in each gender for such general statements to have much predictive validity.

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  • Of course

    i always see a break up as a form of grief and everyone deals with grief in their own unique manner

    I am still devastated, 4 years on from my marriage split

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  • I mean depending on the length of it
    For a longer relation ship ill usally solk with more video games and movies (preferably horror) until i start to feel better lol
    Like i said thats if its a long relationship
    Short ones i might be upset but youd bever be able to tell

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  • Each INDIVIDUAL deals with breakups in a different way. It has nothing to do with gender.

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  • yah. women get hit right away and get over it and move on.

    it hits men after a week and he takes longer to move on.

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  • Nah that's just a stereotype. Everyone has their own way of moving on, depending on how the relationship and breakup went *meep meep*

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  • Lol.

    It depends on both the people involved, and how dissatisfied each of them were with the relationship for what reason.

    Linking it to physical sex is just shortsighted.

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    • I agree.
      I am only depicting what I feel society believes about gender stereotypes. This isn't what I personally feel. When a guy has only just become single a lot of women assume he'll go on the rebound and look for sex, I mean from speaking to other women I know this is generalky what they seem to think. I don't think it can be applied to everyone! We are all completely different. Every situation, how we handle it and how strongly one person felt in comparison to the other all come into play.

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    • Saying a woman belongs in the kitchen because she doesn't have a penis is also sexist lol

    • That's not what I said. It's what my ex used to tell me...

  • I don't know about this. I played with my exs emotions pretty hard and got into her head. I was over the break up similar to what the woman stereotype is.

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  • I disagree. In a breakup the first few days are toughest. Get past that and you are fine.

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  • Replace the first two male pictures with the third one and you'll have me after my last break up. My ex moved on to dating someone in less than 4 days, she never went through any grief period.

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  • The way you view it, to me it seems like guys just need to come over a breakup a bit longer, so they just start to "miss" everything they did with her, it's no hormone thing in his case.

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  • i just go through the first day and then i go back to masturbation. and thats where the process stops.

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  • i will speak for me - im not even able to get past phase 1 - regret it and feel pain about it. wtf

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  • Just like every fucking gender/sex-based generalisation, there is just one answer to this.

    This depends on the person, not the gender. The end.

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  • I've heard all this stuff myself, and I don't really buy it. I do think men get over it a lot easier. Though it also depends on how much the relationship meant to one person or the other. If it meant more to the woman it hurts her more, if it meant more to the man, it hurts him more.

    Females having an emotional support system is just everyone's easy way of explaining everything. Women aren't always as vocal or emotionally expulsive as much as they say. And if women wait until they date again, they must decide that pretty soon. That to me says it hurts them more not to be in a relationship to just jump in them so quickly again.

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  • Initial phases may be different, but Ultimately both of them will get over & lead their lives happily

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  • Yes, I think you are right.

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What Girls Said 17

  • I completely agree.
    I've analzyed many of my guy friends and they tend to go out every night with the buddies and drink, have bro time, hook up with random girls, date and repeat the cycle for a bit until one day they realize how much they miss having "a girlfriend" instead of a hook up. They miss the cuddling and the cute things a girlfriend does/did... and at this very moment they feel emptiness and unhappy even though they try to mask it but deep down are finally trying to deal with breakup.

    While girls on the other hand, we express our feelings right away. We become that girl they betray on movies, we watch the same sad romantic flicks, cry, talk to our support system whether they friends or family members we express our feelings. We cry for a few days, on and off at times, we go through pictures and replay memories and cry some more, we eat comfort foods, listen to love songs and continue to express our feelings. Eventually one day its completely over, and he's just a distant memory.

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  • It really depends on the circumstances. Some people just deal with emotions differently. Sometimes people are just glad they got out of the relationship and don't even feel bad.

    But in general, I think this is true. As you said, guys don't get the emotional support since they're taught to not be as vocal about it.

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  • https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xXeL3CHdLYk

    I don't know but this song depicts it perfectly lol

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  • Actually i am like man when i breakup with my boyfriend perhaps im man lol

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  • I think this is pretty a astute observation. In my experience anyway.

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  • I have read this in a psychology forum too that dealt with the facts about divorce. I think it is generally true!

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  • I feel relief immediately afterwards and horrible crippling feelings years later.

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  • Lol i dont follow people that closely on here. Maybe bobbyxx

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  • If they dumped someone they love then that is their fault. I do not feel sorry for them at all

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    • But what about if despite loving them they wanted different things so they had little choice? For example what if one wants kids and one doesn't?

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    • Sounds like you dodged a bullet

    • Think you're right haha

  • No we're similar

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  • well then I guess I'm a man

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  • Lol the pic is so funny.

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  • Its bullshit. MY opinion

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  • Honestly, it would take wayyy longer than a month for me to get over a breakup.

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    • Oh definitely haha, I think it's more to demonstrate that as more time passes a girl starts to pick herself where as a guy starts to feel the impact of the break up. I'm not saying that the picture reflects real life but that's what it seems to be saying.
      I've been single for 4 months and I still feel pretty crappy from time to time.

  • I think it depends on the person. I can only speak from personal experience on what I have dealt with as well as helping friends who had been through breakups. For me it hurts either way whether I was dumped or did the dumping it hurt for different reasons. Maybe I thought the person was great, honest and caring but had to dump him because he wasn't. It hurt for the reason of feeling fooled and tricked. Being dumped hurts a lot too. You think they really love you, will do anything to be with you and make all these big plans just to say "its over bye" just like that making it seem like you were never important and making you wonder if there is something wrong with you and wondering if you will be alone forever and unlovable. Some friends of mine (male and female) acted the same way. I think a lot of it depends on why the break up happened or who did the dumping. They say there is always one person in a relationship who cares more than the other and I think that plays a big part in it. doesn't matter if its a male or female. For those who did the dumping they may not think much of it now or a few years from now but it doesn't mean that one day they just think of that person they dumped and think "they were so great, why did I ever break up with them?" We all handle dumping and being dumped differently but at the end of the day you can find someone better who will appreciate you and all that you do.

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  • Generally yes and your picture describes it but it depends on who was the heart broken. The heartbroken usually gets hurt more. People, no matter their gender, react differently to breakups.

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  • I don't know about guys but for myself it's pretty spot on. It's agony in the beginning but with time, I heal and move on

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