So from what I've heard and read it's the woman that feel the break up straight away, whether they were the dumper or dumpee. As time passes they heal and start to embrace being single again.
But that men feel a sense of almost relief perhaps as they now have their freedom back again. So they go out and try dating other woman or maybe just look for a hook up. However eventually they realise the grass isn't always greener and that they had a pretty incredible person in their life.
Now whether this is true or not I don't know, I only know what I'm going through/have been through.
I think that women have a stronger support system as we tend to speak out our feelings to family and friends, where as men bottle it up to the point it sends them into a sort of depression. Also women wait until they're ready to date again, with their girl friends there for emotional support, however a guys male friends may encourage him to date again immediately and drown his sorrows away as opposed to listening and comforting.
So guys and girls what have you been through? Is this an accurate generalisation for each gender or does each individual deal with it differently?
Most Helpful Guy
I don't see that big of a difference between the two. I've dealt with a personal devastating break-up (with a fiancee) as well as counseling personal friends about it and I certainly wasn't celebrating my freedom. I didn't do that until I started moving on over a year later.
Meanwhile I've seen girls who didn't move on either for a while and weren't too different from a guy, didn't respond that differently to conversations from the most heart-broken guys, etc. And they didn't recover for a good period of time. I had one friend in particular who still missed her ex for a couple of years after and was still getting jealous when he got girlfriends.
It all varies to me. For me heartbreaks often seem to last as long as the level of the dreams and fantasies you built with this person. In my case, I was willing to dedicate the rest of my life to a girl (fiance) and we broke up when I had already planned the rest of my life ahead with her.
So that left a hole behind where it was like having my biggest life dreams squashed overnight, like losing the winning lottery ticket after I had already won a hundred million dollars. It takes a while to recover from that. I've seen girls who didn't seem that different. I've seen ones that totally became disconnected with the world around them, couldn't immerse themselves with people anymore. And that's exactly how I felt for a while.
So I really don't think heart-break varies by the sex of the person that much. I think it wildly varies from individual to individual, but I've seen far too many similarities between men and women grieving over a break-up to see much difference.6
Most Helpful Girl
You raise some good points. I can't speak for anyone else but I will say how I have personally found breakups. I used to date a guy online (if you could call it that) and regretted it almost immediately. I couldn't break up the next day though as it was his birthday and I didn't feel right about it, it took me 10 days to work up the courage to break up with him. I tried to do it in a sensitive way but he did not take it well and I felt terrible for upsetting him like that, I knew it would be worst if I kept going out with him though. As I recall, I got over it pretty fast but I did cry when I broke up with him, I just felt so bad for upsetting him.
My 2nd break up was last year. I was seeing this guy who I liked more than the previous one but would still get my doubts sometimes. It wasn't official because he was 16 and I was 18 at the time so I pretty much avoided anything that hinted at being sexual since I wasn't sure it was morally right but we were pretty much dating and agreed to make it official when he was 17 in 2-3 months from then. He said he was fine with waiting and seemed to really like me but then ended up cheating.
I felt angry, sad, betrayed and embarrassed. But mostly I was disappointed. I went to my family & friends for support, didn't want to be left on my own the 1st day though went out by myself on the 2nd day to think, had trouble sleeping and didn't eat a whole lot for a few days. I was confused to, I just felt like a zombie or something. In time though, it got better. Plus, a boy I'd always found cute in senior school was trying to help/comfort me and talking to me on Skype and fb a lot. I certainly felt a bit better after a week or 2 but it did take longer for me to fully get over, it got better every day though with the support I got from my friends and family as well people I'd speak to online.
Going out with "Skype boy" now, I like him much more than anyone else I've dated though do still get my doubts now and again. They have become more persistent lately though because I would like some things in the relationship to change.
I've decided to talk him about this and see if changes before I decide to break up with him though. I've thought about it and I partly want to, but mostly I don't. I'd rather try and work it out because I still like him, don't want to hurt him, don't want anyone else having him and know I will be VERY depressed if I did.
I just pray it works out, because I do really want it to, though some changes will1