Guys, would trauma affect your ability to attach properly to a woman?

[Pink934]

Let’s say for example you lost family members, struggled with addiction or lost a child. How would that impact you going forward? Would you be afraid to attach again?

I’d get over it

That would set me back

I’m not sure how I’d feel after that

[Summeroflove]

A lot of people have traumas but that doesn't make it okay to hurt someone else because of it…. Especially because the same people that people want to make excuses for also hurt people who have traumas as well as create trauma.

It’s okay to find someone whose emotionally supportive. At the same time…. If someone cannot attach properly they have to seek professional help. I can’t make someone attach to me… and I don’t want to.

[Pink934]

You’re so right. I can’t make this man attach to me, he has to be willing to feel vulnerable enough to do that himself. Which for whatever reason he’s clearly not feeling able or willing to do so.

[Summeroflove]

You’re right. Now…. That can take time if the relationship moves naturally I don’t expect it overnight.

But if someone’s pulling away. Sometimes it’s best to let them go

[Pink934]

I guess I just let him go then, I don’t believe in forcing things against another person’s free will

[Summeroflove]

Yeah exactly it hurts you can grieve. But it’s best for some people…. And honestly it may be best for him too so he can heal.

But you have to protect yourself

[Pink934]

Well I do pray for his healing. Not for my own benefit but because he genuinely deserves it.

[Summeroflove]

Yeah and that’s all you can do. Maybe he will find the right person someday. And hopefully he will.

But some people get scared

[Anonymous]

I think we need to be clear about what 'trauma" is. Because anyone can claim trauma. There's a difference between trauma and distrust though. A person can say they're traumatized from the past, but are they really? I have trust issues from repeated similar past experiences involving the opposite gender. But I don't consider myself traumatized. I consider traumatized to be something that requires therapy or something. Conversely distrust can be nullified and trust rebuilt over time with the right person. But it does take patience and open communication on both people's part.

[Pink934]

So true. And that makes me wonder if it’s more a distrust thing or a trauma thing with him. Or whether the harsh truth of it is that he doesn’t think I’m worth it.

[Anonymous]

Yes. I've been obsessed with a borderline abusive women.

[Pink934]

I’m not one of those, I’m pretty wholesome to be honest

[Opinion Owner]

Good for your prospective partner. I've been obsessed with a girl who has been nothing bit awful towards me.

[WonderingManII]

That would set me back

[Pink934]

Even if you met a stable nice woman that you actually liked?

[WonderingManII]

@Pink934 I do suffer from trauma. Not exactly like what you are talking about. But it does mess me up emotionally.

[Pink934]

So does it affect you when it comes to romantic relationships or other stuff?

[WonderingManII]

@Pink934 I have a terrible time believing anyone really loves me.

[Pink934]

Same here in ways. But Jesus loves everyone, and that’s a guarantee 😊

[WonderingManII]

@Pink934 I believe in Jesus, but I don't always feel loved by Jesus. Throwing around "Jesus Loves you doesn't fix everything".

[Pink934]

Even though we don’t always have it in us to recognise Jesus’ love for us, we are undoubtedly always infinitely loved by Him. But I understand it doesn’t fix everything in us because we always tend to think of what we don’t have.

[WonderingManII]

@Pink934 I am a little sensitive to this because for 22 years I cleaned a school second shift. It was a very lonely job and I couldn't make any friends. I would go to a Christian forum and try talking about my situation with them. They would reply, "Jesus is all you need" over and over again. Many of those people wouldn't even go to Church! They didn't even think they needed Church because "Jesus is all we need." Something about that never felt completely right to me. Jesus is God, and God created Adam, then said it is not good for man to be alone. He created Eve from Adam. What does that tell us? I think it tells us that God created Humans to have other Humans in your life. Just cause Jesus is or lord and savior doesn't mean we are made for total isolation.

[Pink934]

Believe me I totally get your sensitivity there. I feel the same. It’s all fine and well for people to say those things, and yes, it should be true. But it’s incredibly hard when you just really want a partner to ‘do life’ with. That’s exactly why God created Adam and Eve, to show how men and women can support and complement each other here on this earth.

[WonderingManII]

I'm happy that you understand!

[Pink934]

Totally :)

[Daytoday79]

Bullying

[Daytoday79]

Me having been bullied