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so before anything I am currently 48 years old and I have been through therapy since grade school as well as medication’s, and everything just seems to be getting worse. The big thing that scares me and worries me and hurts me more than anything is that I still have never had a date. I was diagnosed as autistic, although high functioning. I don’t even have any female friends and the ones I do don’t seem to arrange it so that it’s one on one. Even recently, I become very close to the girl that I actually I liked. I told her and would do things for her help her with tasks and then I become a “problem” and she doesn’t want me around. Another girl I met who was asking about my story, we hung out a few times she always smiled, and now I don’t even see her smile and it’s like she’s avoiding me. I remember getting bullied and picked on a lot in grade school. I also remember not having the best relationship with my father emotionally and I remember being afraid of him. I’m a simple person. I don’t have a super lot of interest, but the ones I do I’m very very into which are a lot of childhood things. It’s almost like I’m still a 13-year-old stuck in a 48 year-old body. I had a girl once to tell me when I was a teenager, you should learn how to talk after I tried asking her out. I had another girl that my friend tried setting me up with that told him I was scary, and he didn’t understand because everyone always says I don’t get it, you’re like the nicest guy in the world. And when I say nice, I will drop everything and do anything at any time. I’ve asked questions like this recently. I just don’t always get a lot of answers. Maybe it’s the timing. But I’m very very hurt right now. I’ve cried more last year and this year than I have in a long time and nobody seems to really have an answer. And that scares me a lot. Any advice is all I ask
Please, does anyone have any guidance or advice? The pain is just too much?
Updates
5 mo
My heart can only take so much
Updates
5 mo
It’s almost like every avenue I try I don’t know how to choose are a path and even when I think I am doing right I’m trying different avenues. It’s the same result.
What Girls & Guys Said
Opinion
1Opinion
Ok, fair... and you're not alone in that. A lot of guys prioritize work and family issues (siblings, parents, etc.) debt... and by the time they come out of it all they're Steve Carrell in Crazy Stupid Love...
1. Cut yourself some slack.
2. Make a list of what you think you'd like in a gal, then see where you'd find someone with those traits and interests.
3. Breathe and take a step forward daily towards meeting this goal. BUT if you feel overwhelmed, pause and skip it for a week, remembering that you're going to get back to it the following week.
4. Be honest with the gal about your anxiety issues -- not tossing it all in her lap, but, once you get past date 4, for example.
🙏 thank you so much! I am just so lonely but crushed by no one ever seeming to wanna be with me. But thank you for your advice. I truly appreciate it.
Alright, ill be direct and honest because I know that for my autistic friends they always appreciate that the most and its who I am after all. So if that's not what you want don't read my opinion.
Reality is, you are going to have to play this level of life on hard mode so to speak if your starting character lacked the stats. Lets say you were playing an RPG game, and your character doesn't have a stat point yet. As a result of that some dialogue options are unavailable. That looks like your reality at the moment. That doesn't mean you can't grind the stat point however. And then when you unlock the correct dialogue tree's suddenly you can progress.
So the first thing I see you mention is this one "I don’t have a super lot of interest, but the ones I do I’m very very into which are a lot of childhood things". I relate because I have very geeky interests to, and I can assure you that the amount of attention I can hold from a girl by talking about Windows sysadmin stuff is going to be very low haha. So your going to need to expand your dialogue options again by expanding your knowledge and interests to things that girls are more likely to enjoy. For me that turned out to be philosophy and just deep conversations. Its still a minority of girls who love that and can do that on the level I seek in a relationship, but I had very fulfilling friendships and relationships trough that because it gave me so much conversation fuel. And in turn I was loved because I was a knowledgeable guy. You will need to expand yourself beyond the childhood and find more passions so you increase your chances of having something in common with her.
The other one is probably going to be a speech thing. That will take practice, ideally with a patient girl who is willing to give you honest feedback. She might have some clothing tips to should you want them, girls love giving those tips a lot of the time.
And lastly, nice isn't the solution to everything. Girls want you to be true to yourself. So don't ever do something for the sake of being nice that you don't want to do, because you will hit points where a girl will test your honesty by asking something of you that she expects a negative reply from. It comes across really strange if you always want everything, it removes your individuality to the point where people will wonder who you are. Obviously be a nice person, but also stay true to yourself and let her know your wants and needs to so she knows if she fits in to that. If someone fits into the others wants that gives them confidence they are right for them.
Thank you so much. I take your advice and am grateful for your in-depth answer. 🙏
You sound like someone who has spent most of his life trying very hard to be accepted, loved, and safe, and after years of rejection it makes sense that you feel exhausted and deeply hurt by it all. One thing I notice is that you seem to give everything emotionally very quickly, especially when you finally feel close to a woman, and while that comes from a caring place, it can unintentionally feel intense or overwhelming to someone who does not know you well yet. I do not think you are doomed or unlovable, but I think you may need support that focuses less on “how to get a relationship” and more on building confidence, emotional balance, boundaries, and social comfort slowly over time, because relationships usually grow best when both people feel relaxed instead of emotionally responsible for the other person’s happiness.