How do you know if someone is telling you the truth or omitting the truth?

[Simslover92]

I sort of get the feeling that my friend is omitting the truth a bit but there's no way for me to know for sure. It's not like them to lie or omit the truth but something is just not adding up.

[aaron13547]

Life is a game of hide and seek. I think in your case, your friend doesn't know they are playing the "game". We all lie to ourselves.

We all have a way of knowing what other people think. I see patterns, and can like feel energy. When a person thinks with their brain it feels different then when they speak from there heart or emotions. The truth comes from everything working together.

I think you feel your friends energy isn't right. And you already know you know, just not how you know. That makes it hard to justify. Trust yourself 🙂

[Simslover92]

Thanks.

[aaron13547]

You're welcome!

[realbiggrin]

If its not like him to omit the truth, you should give him the Benafit of the doubt. Be sure not to let your curiosity come off a lack of trust.

[Simslover92]

Ok I won't.

[HollyK21]

“It’s not like them to lie or omit the truth” — you either believe that or you don’t. Let’s play Devils Advocate and say she was lying, unless it’s something that involves or affects you directly then I wouldn’t worry about it. It could be something that’s personal/touchy, or that she simply doesn’t want to expand upon or explain to you.

[Simslover92]

We tell each other everything though... at least usually we do. It's just weird.

[Simslover92]

Also it's a he

[HollyK21]

I get that for sure, I’ve got a friend of 14+ years that I tell mostly everything to as well. NOT every single thing though, some things aren’t for her to know or I want to keep to myself. It’s ok to have boundaries in even our closest friendships, and neither party is entitled knowing to every minor thing there is to know about the other. I feel like leaning into that too much becomes more about vulnerability and you not wanting to be left out to dry when you share secrets or otherwise with him. Like “I’m telling you this, why can’t you tell me that”. Keep in mind it’s your choice to share with him, and if he’s not offering secrets to match, then maybe it’s best to keep it to yourself.

[HollyK21]

**entitled to knowing

[Simslover92]

I suppose you're right. I guess I just have to start keeping stuff to myself as well.

[HollyK21]

You don’t have to, like if he’s someone you enjoy talking to and confiding in, he’s trustworthy and all that, then go ahead and tell him whatever’s going on. No harm done. I’m mainly saying that when you do choose to share that information, it shouldn’t be with an expectation that he should also offer up a secret, or be as open with his private business. It doesn’t take away from your friendship, or mean that he doesn’t trust you, he’s just wired a bit different.

[Simslover92]

Right that's very true. Thanks.

[HollyK21]

No problem ☺️💛

[OneViewpoint]

@Simslover92

"I suppose you're right. I guess I just have to start keeping stuff to myself as well."

Why? Why does a friendship need to be perfectly symmetrical for you? Have you never had a friend who spilled their guts to you to the point some of it made you cringe while you were more opaque with them? In my experience, few friendships are totally balanced or totally open. Each person has their own boundaries. I tell my friends virtually nothing about my dating life. They know it's off limits. They also know I'd come help them with a flat tire at 3AM.

If you want to share everything, go for it. But realize that spilling your guts constantly in no way obligates other people to do the same. It does not mean they aren't your friend.

[Simslover92]

It doesn't and it won't. The friendship is probably over now. I said some stuff last night that I wish I hadn't said but it can't be changed. He's an ex and I realize I should have let it go a long time ago.

[OneViewpoint]

You seem to create your own drama constantly. Like you need it every couple of weeks or so. Think about that. Highs. Lows. A repeating pattern.

[Simslover92]

You're right and that's going to change because I'm tired of it all. I just want to be free.

[OneViewpoint]

Relax. Stop creating narratives in your head. It may be easier said than done but just relax. Allow life to happen. Stop placing your expectations on other people. Realize they have a life and free will too.

[Simslover92]

No I mean I'm just going to focus on myself. Get myself together like I should have done a long time ago. I'm not going to focus on other people. Just myself.

[sage2021]

You can't tell. If you were in person with them they wouldn't look you in the eye when talking to you. They'd look at the ground and other things instead.

But it's hard to tell.

Like I always say - trust your gut. There's probably something that he might want to tell you but he's afraid 😟 to tell you.

[sage2021]

Thank you for the MHO 🙂❣️

[ohsheeT]

Weather it's is true or not you can read the words... but most of the time there's more truth in the words they didn't say

[AviatorTom]

You never "know" unless you have a second way of checking and verifying what they say or don't say.

[Account]

I feel it. It is gut-related I don't know how to explain it.

[MrChinaski]

The whole point of the lie is to not be discovered, like termites. I've read some of the science and experts don't do much better cold than amateurs.

If you know someone very well then you may pick up a feeling that something is off which isn't spotting a lie at all but it is spotting small deviations from the way they normally communicate. Heck after 25 years my wife and I could sidestep entire conversations... she would say 'Can I just say something <pause>' and we both knew exactly what was to be said by each of us.

So, yeah, science says the generic 'tells' for lying are weak; long-term lengthy interactions can show you something is 'just weird', as you said elsewhere in the thread... but can't necessarily help you know the nature of the weirdness without talking to them about it.

[ProbablyClueless]

I've caught a lot of lies by thinking about what would need to be true for everything the person has told me to check out. The more assumptions you have to make, the less likely the story is to be true. You also have to keep the stories connected together. As in, you have to ask if you believe that all A, B, C, and D are true, as opposed to whether any one of them can be true.

What you'll find is that the statistical odds of the story you're being told will often become crazy pretty quickly, because you have to stack the individual odds.

A lot of people think that the trick to catching a liar is to not believe what they say. My advice is the opposite.

[jazzy34]

A liar forgets the lies he tells. Therefore, ask questions. If the answers contradict each other, you'll know that he's lying or omitting the truth.

[Simslover92]

Thank you!

[jazzy34]

You're welcome. :)

[MikeTheBartender]

Not enough context, but general lie detection 101, find his or her baseline and look for deviation.

[Simslover92]

Usually they tell me what's going on with their family. Like give me all the details but they haven't told me anything other than they are going through a lot. I call bs because this is the very first time they haven't disclosed more details. They are obviously hiding something and I think I know what and who it is and it's frustrating they feel they have to lie about it to me.

[lilBigPotato]

You answered it yourself... You can't know for sure. But if you keep digging you might find something or they might start contradicting themselves.

[On_cloud_wine]

My intuition.. it’s even stronger and more in-tuned the more I know the person. Maybe that’s what you feel

[sawno]

I assume its true and then try to present them with a situation they are forced to reveal themselves. Can take me a little bit to pull off.

[AngryCarl2]

You know what's funny? Usually I don't know. It mostly comes down to whether or not I trust that person.

If things don't add up you're probably missing a part of the equation. That's when I like to have multiple sources.

[privateperson]

Ask them the same question a few times over a few days apart and see if the answer varies then ask them to clarify.

[Nikki1989]

Typically, your nervous system detects inconsistencies prior to your brain.

[dudeinohio]

There are some people its easy to tell. Others, they are good at it. Just have a good memory of conversions with them and hope they slip up and you catch them.

[msc545]

There's no way to know for certain if anybody tells you that lie detectors work, that in itself is a lie.

[dragoblack]

By their related actions and the vibe they give off

[slatyb]

Does it matter? Are you afraid she is manipulating you to get you to perform some action you would not do if you had all the information?

[Screenwriter]

What's caused these suspicions?

[Simslover92]

It doesn't matter anymore. They disclosed the truth to me or at least what seems like the truth. All I can do is hope they aren't lying.

[WhitneySnow]

If it doesn’t add up, they probably are

[Cute_User513]

True, also if they seem nervous or don’t wanna talk about it

[WhitneySnow]

@Cute_User513 true.

[exitseven]

I can smell it on them. It;s the stench of lies.

[Anonymous]

You may never know

[Zionne]

depends if they stutter

[Bloodparadise]

Truth about what

[Simslover92]

They claimed to be dealing with "family" but I don't think that's true based on some thing not adding up.

[TonyMetal___86]

Trust your intuition

[fish5505_87]

Trust your gut!