How can I feel worth it for a woman?

[Anonymous]

I’ve always been an extremely self-aware and critical person of myself, and whenever a woman is around that I fancy, I tend to tense up in some ways. I get red in the face, I worry about not coming across well enough. Those feelings of self doubt creep up. I get those butterflies in the stomach, and it’s just that inner chemical reaction, I don’t know, it’s so nice but it’s also so scary.

I’m much better now that I’m older, but I feel that it’s just a natural response when you’re in the company of someone great. I think the best thing to do is probably mask it as best as possible, or to just be honest about it, if the moment is right.

I just wish I was able to find a woman that was willing to work with me on this, knowing that I’m of course there for the right reasons, but it seems like if it’s too apparent that a man fancies a woman, she is already automatically looking elsewhere.

[MontBlanc]

Start by feeling worth it to yourself first.

Women are drawn to men who:
• respect themselves
• have direction (even if still building)
• treat others well
• communicate calmly
• live with purpose, not desperation

Worth isn’t money or looks , it’s how you carry yourself and how safe people feel around you.

Build your life, your standards, your confidence.
The right woman responds to that naturally.

[Nikki1989]

Stopping anonymous posts on websites like this one would be a good start.

[NathanDavis]

you have to be worthy to yourself... first

and for real too

to rely on a partner to fix it for you would be about the worst idea... and I am not saying you should not rely on your partner, no... that's different

what I am saying is that you should not see a partner as a fix to your own problem

[Asker]

It’s not that I think I even need any fixing. It’s just the awkward push and shove of navigating attraction and not turning someone off. I want to be honest. I want to be able to feel something. Not play games. I want to overcome the shyness of it all too. That’s really all it is. Maybe it just takes meeting the right person I have no idea. I never have.

[NathanDavis]

you definitely need to fix a few things

[Asker]

Name them.

[NathanDavis]

you named them yourself...

extreme criticism of yourself << this needs therapy
extreme "self-awareness" <<< that's extreme insecurity, also needs therapy
extreme worry in the presence of a woman <<< also could use some therapy

self doubt, "butterflies", overreaction... all signs of high anxiety, which can also require therapy

"this is a natural thing" not it isn't... it is not normal

"I rather mask it" no... you should face your insecurities, therapy is primarily for that one thing...

there's just too much overthinking and negative idealization of things that are actually NOT happening... and all this leads you to self-sabotage, so that's why... I think, therapy could help

[Asker]

I appreciate your feedback

[slatyb]

Have you considered professional counseling? Another idea is to get to know women without trying to date them. How many women do you greet by name when you see them?

[Asker]

That’s my problem. I live a relatively lonely life. I don’t meet a lot of women outside of work and that typically isn’t the place where I want to meet a woman in the first place. I don’t live in a particularly great area.

[slatyb]

Have you considered moving? People do move to improve their chances of meeting a compatible partner.