Why wouldn’t someone want to date or be around someone autistic and a low iq?

[Anonymous]

It happens more than you think. Why does it happen when they notice the person has a disability? Sometimes they just ghost them or don’t want to date them. And is it reasonable to not want to date someone like that?

Because if they go out in public people would stare at them knowing it might be wrong for them to date. Why is it wrong for an autistic and low iq person to date a typical person?

Updates

3 mo

Mabye the autism could be mistaken for the low IQ if it’s around 75? That’s mild intellectual disability

[aceleon]

umm maybe because dating ordinary people with ordinary cognitive functioning is hard enough and people don't want to bother with even harder things? sorry to offend anyone but humans are lazy bums, no one has the patience to care for someone other than themselves let alone someone with diability.

[Asker]

Yeah how so? How is it hard enough? They wouldn’t want to deal with them?

[Asker]

Or they wouldn’t have the patience to deal with those with a disability is this why they are ghosted?

[aceleon]

yes, even ordinary level people takes too much effort for basially nothing worthy in exchange, the ones with disability might look like even more trouble for even less in exchange.
life is a trade, sadly.

[Asker]

How is dating someone with autism look like more trouble compared to a typical person?

[aceleon]

girl, are you perhaps autistic yourself? just asking, no offence.
but for the simplest explanation, autism is a defficit that is usually tied to having your cognitive emphaty impaired aka having problems with understanding other people's thought processes, now considering even neurotypical couples with average levels of cognitive emphaty sucks at understanding each others thought process and act accordingly, how do you think someone with a disability which their entire disability revolves around having more problem with understanding other people than average people would do? it is basically recipe for ''i had bad now i'm having worse''.
also people with autism sorry to offend anyone but requires heavy adjustments in life which no matter how much in love will eventually turn into burdens for the neurotypical partner.
you can't expect a guy or girl who has no sensory issues to always remain sensitive about his ton of voice with you, they will forget, they will WANT TO forget, no one wants to keep their attention on something that doesn't do anything to them for the sake of another people, humans are selfish and lazy in nature.

[Asker]

Yeah I am autistic. How could you tell?

[aceleon]

are you being sarcastic now?

[Asker]

No I’m being serious

[aceleon]

umm sorry if i am offending you but you taking this long to understand my point is enough reason to consider it.
you even asking why autistic partner would not be a welcome thing is even more proof you don2t understand how people in general thinks like. i'm curious though, are you also low iq? or you not catching up fast is entirely about your autism, which level autism are you? 1.2.3?

[Asker]

My IQ is around 75 and I’m level 1 autistic

[aceleon]

sorry to hear that, not for autism perhaps but for iq impairment.

[Asker]

Why are you sorry for my IQ?

[aceleon]

umm, maybe because you are clinicly have low intelligence which must make life harder in general i assume.

[ohsheeT]

That's like someone asking, how come somebody would want to date a beautiful girl that is ugly on the inside? And the moment she opens your mouth ugly just pours out


Some people are just meant to be together. Some people have compassion, some people can see deeper than other people. Some people can feel things deeper than other people.\nThere's a chemistry a connection some people are just beautiful on the inside and other people like that

[4ngelic]

as someone who wouldn't (unless for the autistic person they're high functioning and just come off as your typical 'quirky' or introverted person, not someone with a disability) it's because it would be very challenging and hard to enjoy their company on a regular basis. if their disability is very noticeable, it would give me unwanted negative attention when i'm with them too.

[Asker]

How would it give you negative attention when you are with them?

[DishLady]

It’s upsetting that you pair “autistic” and “low iq” … You might not be aware, but many autistic individuals are actually very advanced thinkers bc they’re capable of very particular focus on points of interest.


The only challenge in most cases is the inability to identify sincere vs sarcastic or superficial social cues.

[MrChinaski]

Autism

It's just more work. Intimacy is about emotional sharing, vulnerability and commitment. Autism is predominantly a difficulty in understanding other people's views of the world, their goals, expectations, and emotional needs. That isn't a limit. For the right woman, for a woman I love who has autism, I would 100% sign up. Completely. All in. But if you are talking about choosing a date between two people both of whom you know next to nothing about, well it's a tough ask.

Low IQ.

Sorry, I just wouldn't have anything to talk to them about. That's a hard no.

[DecentMan]

Why do you mix Autistic and Low Iq out of interest? these are two separate scenarios to my mind, Autism is not related to low IQ always as far as I know?

[Asker]

I was diagnosed autistic but my iq was in the 70’s. Could I been misdiagnosed autistic?

[Asker]

Basically autism and low iq is different?

[Maybe_Maybe_not]

Basically they are different, yes.
Also IQ tests aren't reliable per se, especially not if they're not paired with therapists' sessions.

[Abbycado]

So, this is only a guess. Dating is hard enough (or at least many feel that way) as it is. Having to learn to navigate a disability while doing something that is already considered difficult by many people probably is a less attractive option.

This is only my guess.

[Asker]

Yeah it happens a lot and it could be hard for the guy to deal with 😢

[Abbycado]

It just seems like the most logical explanation. Is it fair? No.

Wish you all the best.

[DecentMan]

Well i think it depends on the Guy and their perspective, dont give up and just look for people with a similar outlook on life and similar IQ even. Dont let Labels rule you either, humans and nature dont come with labels really, its a concept. So you are as you are, and you need to accept that first. Also remember in an achedemic world remembering things and repeating them is held highly, but other talents come from other places which IQ does not come into, so you might find your powers are placed in another angle.

[fantasticass]

I have autism. I've learned to embrace it. I wasn't diagnosed until the age of 50. I have lived half of my life not knowing I have autism.
They have dating apps for people on the spectrum. The majority of my friends are all type A personality, and a few are on the spectrum like myself.

[fivebyfour]

Mabye the autism could be mistaken for the low IQ if it’s around 75? That’s mild intellectual disability

75 is a low IQ, but yes a person with a high IQ but autistic, can often be perceived as low IQ, in fact an IQ of 75 and autism used to called Kanner Syndrome,,,

[realbiggrin]

I can say this, love doesn't take intelligence.
Honor doesn't take intelligence, loyalty doesn't, neither does compassion or empathy.
Emotional intelligence is a far greater determinate of happiness and success then IQ.

[Asker]

Really? How?

[Miristheiss]

I have never know soneone with autism in my age range that I was attracted to.

I do not know if I would have liked it or not. The autism would have had to have been mild so that they were functional.

[Asker]

Yes even if they are mild some people still wouldn’t want to be around them how come?

[molonski2]

Are you kidding? Or taking the piss?
What an horrendous outcome for the individual with the higher IQ..
Plus the response from others , OMG No thanks

[Purpleronnie]

😂😂, People are allowed to want to date the people they choose to last time I checked


I don’t think it’s so much about selecting against a person , group , or minority it’s about dating whom we want to date.


I’m not neurotypical and my IQ has never came up in relation to a date nor have I ever felt I needed to know that about a woman I’ve been interested in.

[Asker]

Yeah exactly so why are some people not accepting of autistic people when it comes to dating?

[Purpleronnie]

I wouldn’t like to generalize about those people but from my experience on the receiving end being neurodivergent there seems to be a mix of ignorance and fear. They have perceived me as different which they seem to understand as a negative because of their ignorance

[Asker]

Ignorance and fear how?

[Purpleronnie]

Hmm 🤔, I just explained ignorance …. They seen me as “different” which they equate to a negative because “ in their ignorance “ they don’t understand that neurodivergence/ neurotypical is a spectrum and everyone is somewhere on that scale. When I react or act differently to them they think.. weird in a negative way not a curious way so then they judge but not on all the information … hence ignorant … fear , well fear of what they don’t understand which seems to throw them off balance

[Asker]

Yeah that’s true is this why some people with autism are ghosted?

[Purpleronnie]

Well again , I can’t say.. I am HFA , ( high functioning autism ) but autism is part of the ASD , as is Asperger’s. Neurotypical people typically don’t understand and sometimes can’t even tell with me and some know instantly so I can’t and won’t generalize about what others may or do think. But in my gut I believe ignorance and fear are probably somewhere at the root for a lot of people.

[MrChinaski]

My hunch is that if I think you are neurotypical and you have autism then sometimes your well-meaning behaviour looks a lot like what I would see if a neurotypical person was disrespecting me. So for them: They assume you are neurotypical -> They interpret your behaviour as disrespect -> they ghost you. For you maybe the experience is: You engage in normal, well-meaning behaviour -> You get ghosted.

This is all supposition. I've only had a limited experience with these dynamics, so I'm just floating it as an idea.

[MrChinaski]

Sorry, I didn't mean to jump into your convo. This is an issue I've been wrestling with myself recently.

[Purpleronnie]

@bddddd , I think that’s probably true also and a good example of how socially , neurodivergent people are mis-understood / perceived differently. Still though in my experience ghosting is disrespectful and commonly behavior of neurotypical 😂

[MrChinaski]

@Purpleronnie I'm not morally defending ghosting, ever. It's a horrible thing to do.

[Anonymous]

No, it’s not wrong. I’m an autistic with a higher IQ but mild mental health issues and some men will go out with me. Mental health issues are a problem too.

[FreyaRed]

I could but I would be probably a relation like between a pet and its owner.

[AngryCarl3]

Most people want to date someone with an IQ close to their own. It tends to make conversation easier.

[Rangers]

It could be a genuine vast inability to learn certain things that frustrate them and make them want to give up

[loveyouoak]

I've always thought autistic people had high IQs. I don't think you have a low IQ at all.

[Asker]

Really? How so?

[MrChinaski]

My rough understanding is... and other people with more knowledge jump in... that profound autism is often associated with low IQ... but this is a relatively small group. Mostly IQ and autism are uncorrelated. Sometimes people with autism and a high IQ demonstrate incredibly deep, virtuoso if you like, abilities in narrow fields, but that is a small group too.

[Asker]

@bddddd What if my IQ is 75 and I am high functioning autistic?

[Asker]

Can that happen or not usually? It’s not autism then?

[MrChinaski]

That's perfectly possible.

[Asker]

@bddddd How is that possible?

[MrChinaski]

Most people with low IQs don't have autism, the same way that most people with high IQs don't have autism.

[Berethor]

I think that I would be okay with dating a woman like that but only if she is a virgin.

[Berethor]

Why? virginity is what I care about the most, so I might even overlook a disability.

[Berethor]

Why you open a new account after you got banned? why you are harassing me?

[Vegasrunner]

To much work.

[Asker]

How is it too much work? Even in casual relationship?

[Vegasrunner]

@asker I dont have casual relationships with women because there is nothing in it for me.

[Asker]

But how is it too much work in a relationship?

[Vegasrunner]

@Asker Women in general are a lot of work in relationships, when you add in Autism its a lot of extra work that makes it difficult for the man. It would feel like Im more of a babysitter and it would be harder to be attracted to her.

[Asker]

Yeah how so? How is it more work to date an autistic girl?

[Vegasrunner]

@Asker This conversation is a great example of how.

[Asker]

How?

[Vegasrunner]

@Asker Because it is difficult for you to grasp basic concepts and understand context clues. What benifit would a man get from dating an autistic women?

[Asker]

Yeah you are right no guy would ever date me and I am going to be forever alone!

[Asker]

That’s the reality because I am autistic 😔

[Vegasrunner]

@Asker My apologies I wasn't trying to be mean. I meant the question literally, you have to think about what benifit it is for the man. One of your advantages is that you are forced to think about that. This is not something most women consider, however if you can think about the man's happiness first and how you can help him achieve that i guarantee you will find someone.

[captain_voidwalker]

Natural selection makes people avoid mating with genetic defects

[Anonymous]

Every second person claims to have autism these days.

[dudeinohio]

Its not wrong. Im sure lots of people would date them.

[Anonymous]

GcMAF and Hyperbaric oxygen therapy. I tried them both and can swear by them. I got more info if you want? I am not the same person as I was before I took them.

[slatyb]

Intellectual compatibility.

[Asker]

How so? Please explain to me

[slatyb]

Someone's ability to understand what I'm talking about without me having to filter what I'm saying.

[Asker]

Ohh on what if they don’t understand it sometimes?

[Asker]

Why is that a deal breaker?

[slatyb]

Because it leaves me lonely.

[jahaims]

It's self explanatory