Am I screwed when it comes to dating?

[Anonymous]

if I'm a shy girl with terribly low self esteem who struggles to talk to guys?

no guys ever ask me out or hit on me.

obviously going to bars isn't gonna work...

so how the hell do i get a date?

its really hard to hit on a guy, if I think I'm ugly.

[ohsheeT]

Okay. So first of all , get the word ugly out of your vocabulary , because only ugly comes from the inside , so get it out , get it out , get it out

And you're right going to bars , there's no good

So\nWhy don't you try this
Do a couple practice runs? There's a couple apps that I go to that you can role play on

Experience something with somebody about going out picking up on each other fantasies. What have you and play those out to see where things would go are different options that you have or how people would talk to you? Because it will change everything about you. Asking a guy out, it would give you more confidence which you should already have.

You need to love yourself. The moment you start truly loving yourself. Everything changes guys will see this in your complexion. In your eyes and your smile, how you walk how you talkyou\n Can still be shy and quiet. And have the best confidence ever\nAnd guys will see this


So if you want let me know I will give you some apps that you can experience these things, meet new people.\n Can you start feeling the energy of yourself and others when you're communicating and that will change everything too.

[Shy-boy53]

Being shy is definitely not wrong , I think we all are at different times. It’s quite cute to be really. Don’t rush with things as I think there is definitely someone out there for everyone in life. You will eventually meet someone who totally gets you I’m sure and then you will get to feel more relaxed with them. Just don’t make it a make or break thing. It usually happens when you least expect it

[Anonymous]

Ok I will answer this differently. For one it really depends on your looks in the beginning. I don’t write the rules, that’s how a major majority of men operate. Most times if you don’t have the looks they won’t approach you. Women can complain about that but that’s usually how it goes. A lot of women will say men are pigs, they shouldn’t judge her on looks, judge her on her personality. But incidentally a man can’t judge a girl on her personality cause he knows nothing about her when he first sees her. The first thing he almost always sees is looks. Like women, men tend to look at the best women physically speaking for a number of reasons. Especially procreation. The same way women do when it comes to men’s height, their physical status, etc. Now w that said you really have to evaluate yourself. Are you seeking men who are out of your league as they would say? If you are then maybe you need to take a step down to the league you’re probably meant to be. That’s not to say you can’t move up. But if you’re expecting to move up are you doing the things you need to do to move up. Yes looks usually are the first thing that will draw a man in, but personality is what’s going to either keep him around or push him away. Aside from you doing the things you need to do to attract a man, there’s usually no burden on women to be the ones to approach men and ask them out. You being shy is actually a good thing. Men love shy women. A lot of men don’t want some over the top, look at me type of girl who’s seeking all this attention online from others. Have you had a relationship before? I guarantee you there’s a man out there who would take you. The question is would you take him? Chances are he’s on lower level that you wouldn’t even look at. There’s a lot of men on that lower level that women don’t even look at. Even the ones who think they deserve a top man but realistically don’t, won’t look at those men.

[Asker]

league is a matter of opinion. I've had ugly guys chase me, attractive guys chase me too. beauty is subjective.

[Opinion Owner]

Sure it is. But to a majority of men they really all want women who have looks, nice body, etc. But they can’t all get that. The crazy thing is instead of inquiring more, asking more questions, having a conversation you come back w a statement which kind of tells me you got defensive. I’m telling you how a lot of men think. So rather then ask questions like I said, maybe learn something, you want to come back w a response like yours. Which to me, I’m thinking ok you asked this question because you’re not having luck. So when a man tells you, you come back at him w being defensive. I’m not saying it hurt my feelings that’s for sure. What I am saying is that when men try to tell women these things, how men think, how we operate women still tend to not believe it. But how’s that working out for you as far as you having an actual relationship? It’s not. So maybe just ask questions, or sit quiet and listen.

[Asker]

@Opinion Owner

if beauty being the eye of the beholder is a foreign concept to you. then it means you don't have any actual real life experience.

[Asker]

believe it or not, I've had guys tell me I'm beautiful. They just never showed any interest.

[Opinion Owner]

lol that’s one of the stupidest things you could say. They’ve told me I’m beautiful but never showed interest. Maybe they were being polite. Men tend to not want to hurt girl’s feelings. I don’t know of men who really meant a girl was beautiful but wasn’t interested in her. That’s not something to be proud of. Oh men have said I was beautiful but they weren’t interested lol

[Asker]

other times, I've had guys deliberately check me out but never approach me. I had low self esteem so I could never approach them either

[Opinion Owner]

Ok. Keep telling yourself that. You have it all figured out w all the men knocking down your door trying to court you.

[Asker]

@opinion owner

because its the truth

and i can tell you don't have life experience.

[Opinion Owner]

lol if it’s the truth then you don’t need to keep telling me the truth. When people know it’s a fact they don’t bother arguing w people. As for life experience. What kind experience we talking? Love? 19 years of marriage and still counting. Traveling? Been to 42 different countries? Military? Been there too? Volunteering? Do that everyday as part of my current job. Talking to people? I’ve met many women all over. I don’t think I need to talk to you about experience in life. It was nice talking to you. Hopefully you figure it out before you hit 30, it’s creeping up fast. Hard as it is right now you trying to find someone. Imagine when you’re older.

[Asker]

@opinion owner

if beauty being in the eye of the beholder is a foreign concept to you, then I shouldn't be taking any advice from you. You aren't someone who has lived and seen things

[HighValue]

If you find a guy that you are interested in, have a wallet sized picture of yourself (a normal clothed picture, nothing provocative), write your contact information on the back along with telling him you are interested in getting to know him for a possible relationship, and write a specific day and time frame you will be available to talk.

Then just hand it to whoever you are interested in. It is seriously that easy. If he is interested, he will contact you.

[Asker]

some guys are rude where i live. lotta mean nasty people out there who don't care to be polite. give you bad, judgmental looks, ignore you, scoff at you, act like you dont exist. Some of these people won't even help me when i need help with something at the gym

[Anonymous]

Boo hoo! Women are not coming out of the woodwork to tell guys they're attractive, yet they still approach women. If the guys are not coming to you you have to go to them. If you don't want to do that then maybe you should just buy some cats and get some knitting needles. Yeah, you can and probably will get rejected. Not likely as much as most guys though. And if you are, maybe you need to re-evaluate your league. The world does not exist to make you feel better about yourself. That comes from within. It's better you learn this now. Most people are ugly, inside and out. And if they're not? Talk to them a while, I promise you they'll likely become ugly.

[MontBlanc]

No, you’re not screwed.

Most people just need better exposure and clearer intention.

Meet more people, present yourself well, be direct about asking, and don’t take rejection personally.

Dating is strategy and consistency not perfection.

[Anonymous]

Dating is a skill that can be practiced and improved, even if you are currently starting with high anxiety and low self-esteem. Many men actually find shyness endearing rather than unattractive.

Shyness often comes from a fear of what others think, but social confidence is like a muscle that grows with use.

Low self-esteem can lead you to settle for the wrong people because you feel lucky to have any attention at all.

[Asker]

im not looking to change myself into an entirely different person. i don't even think its possible. i just need to work with what i have.

[Opinion Owner]

You don't need to transform into an extrovert; you just need to put your existing shy girl traits in a context where they are seen as strengths.
Many men find shyness endearing and attractive rather than a flaw.
Good luck.

[Asker]

nobody cares about how endearing it is... if i can't even take the first step of talking to him.

[Asker]

its not like i have guys chasing me cuz im shy.

[bobalife]

It’s okay to be shy. Lots of guys like the quiet and shy types. Don’t be too hard on yourself sis.
And yes, it’s okay to wanna work on your social skills to show your interested. Eye contact and a smile makes a difference for starters :)

[Asker]

im pretty boring conversationalist. im boring, nervous, not funny, not spontaneous. i can't ever approach a guy cuz i think im ugly.

[bobalife]

Girl, I think I’m pretty boring and awk turtle at times LOL. But what’s happening is you’re just having a lot of negative self-doubt and narrative you tell yourself = negative self-belief that isn’t exactly true. How we think = how we perceived and feel. But what we feel is just temporary and can be change.

I am sure there’s positive things about you. I encourage you to take time to write down in a journal / laptop/ phone/ paper on things you that like you like about yourself (i. e. it can be as small as your eye color is nice, certain shade of lip color looks good on you, or pretty nails), proud of yourself, or things you wanna work on to love yourself better :) keep practicing on reframing your narrative about you more positively!

[bobalife]

I’ve also def seen girls who I don’t think are good looking with really handsome guys. So beauty is always perceived differently to everyone. We may not be everyone’s cup of tea just as everyone’s ain’t ours, but we will be someone’s cup of tea :)

[Berethor]

Hard to know if you are ugly without a photo, but you can follow me if you want to chat.

[Staximus]

If you want a guy to ask you out on a date, you have to actually act like you want to talk to him and want him around

[Staximus]

I meant to say you actually have to talk to him and act like you want him around more

[Staximus]

If you think sitting there like a rock or a bump on a log is going to attract guys, it's not

[Staximus]

You need to learn some social skills

[Pohjolan]

Dating apps and sites are a thing and there is currently more men than women seeking a relationship.

[Anonymous]

Probably, not. You have a worse mindset than me.

[Anonymous]

If you are pretty, dont worry. If you aren't, then improve your image

[serious]

Well, I can understand how it must be for you.

[TonyMetal___86]

There will be a right time...