You have a cool friendship with someone but want a little more?

[Anonymous]

like i'm friends with this girl and we seem to get along but its unclear where things are going , i don't know if maybe i want too much from her or if i didn't try hard enough but was open minded and open to different outcomes with her

[HollyK21]

You should really just stop overthinking, tell her how you feel and ask her out. Giving someone an ultimatum means forcing them to make a choice, and that is not what you’d be doing whatsoever. To suggest otherwise is just another excuse you’re telling yourself in order to drag your feet about this, which no one can stop you from doing. However I will remind you that the more time you wait the more opportunity you give for your window to close. Women are just as likely to get into their own heads about things as men are, and if she does have feelings for you now she could definitely start talking herself out of them if she’s not feeling like you’ll ever make a move or that you’re interested.


Could we say that she can make a move too? Absolutely, and it’s becoming more common by the day for women to do so. However I believe we are still in times where most women won’t act first, and we can blame a lot of that on societal norms alone with women not wanting to feel embarrassed or desperate as we’ve been so accustomed to believing that’s what acting first makes us look like.


If you also worry about things changing well it’s too late for that, you’ve already caught feelings and you can’t just turn that off. Sure you could stay quiet and keep things as-is but then I hope you’re ready to step into a fully platonic connection and everything that comes with it. That means advising her about other men, watching them approach or having to see her move on in general. That’s what you’d feel inclined to give her an actual ultimatum because at that point your backs against the wall and you don’t wanna lose her to someone else. I say avoid that long before it happens.

[MontBlanc]

When something feels unclear, it’s rarely about wanting too much.

It’s about whether the other person is equally intentional.

If the connection matters, clarity will follow.
If it doesn’t, that’s clarity too.

[Alex-Snow]

You need to have an honest convo IRL and ask her where she would like the relationship to go. Do not be afraid to say that you want to take it to the next level. Are you sexually involved with her yet?

[Asker]

no we haven't had sex yet but i have a desire to sleep with her , would like to talk to her but don't want it to sound like an altamadium or that i was pressuring her into this

[Alex-Snow]

Start off with a neutral convo and play it by ear and gently bring it up

[Nikki1989]

It is not that complicated. Stop overthinking.

[exitseven]

No, maybe I did before I got married.

[Asker]

neither of us are married or have kids so don't have to worry about that yet.