I (f) am 20, and he is 35. Should I see where this leads?

[Anonymous]

Hi there. So long story short, I met a very nice guy a few months ago, who is 35, and we became friends. It has not come up in conversation until this past week that I am 20. About a month ago, he began showing signs of having romantic interest in me. When I told him how old I was, he was slightly stunned that I am so young, but said to him, age didn't matter, but to do what I felt comfortable with, and he would support me either way. Now, I am just struggling with whether or not I should follow this trail and see where it leads, or if I should keep our relationship just as friends. Any inside you have is much appreciated! Thank you!

[Anonymous]

I think it’s fine. I think there’s a better chance of a relationship surviving w age differences. When both people are the same age they’re usually still trying to figure out life. Not that an older person has it all figured out, they just have more life experience so they can help guide you through that. Plus he’s probably more mature, more stable financials. I’m not saying you’re after his finances but I get it if a girl is looking for a man who is financially stable. Most relationships end because of finances. But too you need to discuss where his train of thought is. I don’t know what your situation is but if you’re one of these girls who’s out seeking attention, clubbing, drinking, etc, he may be past that type of lifestyle. So you need to look at those types of things that could possibly cause the relationship to end.

[Anonymous]

At 20, your brain is still developing its executive functions, and your life experience is likely much narrower than a 35-year-old’s. This can create an unintentional power imbalance where he leads and you follow.

He is likely looking toward stability, career peaks, or even marriage/family. You are just beginning your independent adulthood. Consider if you are ready to compromise your exploratory years to match his more established lifestyle.

if you feel pressured to grow up" faster than you’re ready for, it may be better to stay friends. If you feel he truly respects your autonomy and current stage of life, moving slowly is key.

Good luck.

[Nikki1989]

Yes, most 35-year-old men are not much more mature than a 20-year-old female anyway. Go for it.

[MidnightRivers]

This is fine! All i'd say is that at 20, you’re likely still figuring out who you are, what you want long-term, maybe studying or starting your career. At 35, he’s had 15 more years of adult life experience, and so this gap could create an imbalance even if neither of you intends it. It would show in subtle ways i. e. decisions, emotional influence, financial differences, or long-term goals

[Anonymous]

This happened to me a few years ago, but I knew she’d eventually find someone better mostly because I’m so much older and she’s simply too young and vulnerable and I’d have no one too blame but myself this time especially if we had kids, this time I’d have no excuse if I was left in a bad way.

[LC75LC71]

It's up to you anon. None of us here know your situation beyond the few sentences you typed. Nor should play a factor.

[Alex-Snow]

Follow your gut and your heart. Age should not matter but it might make for a bit of a challenge. Maybe take things slow? Have you had sex with him yet?

[Staximus]

Do what you want to do, it's your life. You don't have to marry the guy. If he starts getting controlling or manipulative, get out

[jahaims]

Any 35 year old interested in a 20 year old is a loser taking advantage of an inexperienced person

[MikeMcMansion]

Oh brother you have no idea about ghetto women and fam/divorce court do you?

[OneViewpoint]

Not my problem. Make a choice.

[Anonymous]

Probably not. But you do you.😆