I have developed this habit to belittle myself and portray that to everyone, especially in front of someone I am interested in how to get rid of it?

[Anonymous]

I was like this,
I am like this, I need to change my own perspective towards myself.
I want someone to fall in love with.
And doing that required me to be confident and respectful enough to myself.
I am good with talking to girls but I quickly make it weird and very dark.
It just happened cause I trust women too quickly.
I need to slow down and stop being so paranoid and attention whore.
I tried therapy but its so expensive that I am broke to have that.(I am a student)
About me:-age 26
Worked in an mnc (a bank)
Made good money, left my country to get this degree (in computer field)
Developed touch deprivation.
Now I am struggling to find good things about myself, cause I was an ideal son, an ideal student, and most importantly a kind person. I made myself fitter as much as it was possible for me without giving up on time and job, got teeth aligned (most painful year of my life).
But I didn't develop any other fun skills like music, dance, flirting, sarcasm, etc
I tried but I am just not good enough and lack interest.

Basically I am Leonard from the big bang theory.
I just want to get love.
The worst part is I am too dumb but people think I am smart (I am just too lucky when it comes to career) everywhere else I lose.
There might be some level of truth in that part.
Now I am desperate, alone, and just feel broken.
I fulfilled my family's wishes till now, that used to be my purpose, now my purpose is only job and love.
I just can't imagine any of the two things happening to me. Feeling hopeless, worthless and useless.
I used to do some social work to get out of this but now everything is a burden.
Even walking in a garden on a sunny day is a burden

[Telekinetic-Potato]

What you need is a win. A good one. Maybe it's impressing that girl, maybe it's something else. But you're not going to get better until you set a bar for yourself and program yourself to take enjoyment in the pursuit of your goals.

Like a martial artist who propels themself to a high level of performance by carefully honing one discipline at a time.

The first week might have been spent just learning how to stand. And they will likely continue to stand like shit, punch like shit, defend like shit for years.

Bruce Lee became the man he is because he made the decision to start. Starting something is that hardest part. But eventually, you'll notice the stutter in your responses smooth out, you'll feel less embarrassed when you make a social misstep. You'll find that as you become closer to the people who make you happy all of a sudden other people will want to be around you.

It's a feeling similar to a bodybuilder going to the gym and watching their muscles take form over the course of months.

The more you realize that your self doubt is the only real obsticle to growth, that tick itching at you to trash yourself is fear and laziness and not really you, the more enjoyment you'll take in even the pains of progress.

Where people fuck up is they look for someone to tell them exactly what to do and they focus on the activities of going out and speaking better but never stop to think about how their actions are really affecting them. When you act without having a meaning attached, then you're pretty much screwed in terms of not hating your life.

But the first step is introspection. Which starts with acknowledging these voices until you can interrogate them like a detective questioning a suspect. If you don't understand the feeling so well that you can talk to it like a person then it will always have a chance to take power over you again. That should be scary.