If a man won’t commit or give a straight answer, should I just walk away?

[MissSunshine2]

I’m in love with this guy and I’ve learnt that he’s still blowing hot and cold, just in more subtle ways than before, as one of my guy friends who’s like a big brother to me explained.

So I told this guy that I’m going to need more certainty if we’re going to date. My gut feeling is that I should just leave him be and focus on my own stuff; not contracting him over Easter to arrange to catch up in person.

He knows where I spend my time socially and he has my number. If he wants to make something happen, he will. If he doesn’t step up to the plate, then he’s not as keen as he led me to believe, or changed his mind.

[Grond21]

I'm really sorry to hear you're going through that. It must be hard to realize your hopes might not come true.

Is there a specific behavior he's doing? Without knowing the full context, my initial inclination is to recommend letting him know that in order for the relationship to continue, you're going to need something more. What that looks like is up to you, but it could clarify where he stands and where your future lies.

[WonderingManII]

I don't think these things are ever as simple as people make it sound sometimes. The older you get the more past you have. I think understanding that man's past might give a clue into how He's thinking now.

[sage2021]

After dating a guy like that for 6 years (on and off and on again) nothing ever changed. He has commitment phobia. Google it.

There's a book called "Men Who Can't Love" and it tells all about guys like that.

Finally I couldn't take his come closer go away routine and I up and moved 3,000 miles away from him because I loved him and that was the only way I knew for sure that it would finally end.
You're right! Focus on yourself instead. Spend all of the energy you would have spent on him and spend it on you instead. You'll be better off.

That type of guy can do this type of thing to a woman for years and years. Pull up the draw bridge and keep him out! Period.

[msc545]

I think you are probably making too much of and putting too much emphasis on that word "commit", as if it meant something at all. it is an ephemeral concept that tends to dissolve after you get what you think you want.

[MissSunshine2]

I don’t take commitment lightly.

[msc545]

Maybe you can define commitment because I've never understood the usage of that word.

[MissSunshine2]

I’ve experienced it once or twice only, so I’m afraid I’m rather new to the definition, myself 🙂

[msc545]

See, that's the thing: if you don't know what it means and you can't define it, then how can you ask for it? It doesn't make any sense to me.

[MissSunshine2]

Well, I’m thinking that commitment must be a learnt behaviour, as well as an instinct. I lack some instincts naturally, being Autistic that I’ve had to learn intellectually and just remember, instead.

[msc545]

According to you, what are the characteristics of commitment? How would you even know it if you saw it?

[HighValue]

1. Having guy friends.

2. Having guy friends that talk badly about whoever you are interested in romantically.

You seriously don't see a problem there? Self sabotaging is a thing.

[Spencer10]

Hmmm... well if you have communicated clearly what you need from the relationship and he is not responding in a reasonable amount of time I fear it may be time to move on.

[CherryLove007]

Whatever plans he has is not going to be tied down to you and he just is too much of a wahhh baby to say so.

[Staximus]

Are you in love with him or just infatuated?

[MissSunshine2]

In love.

[Staximus]

If you don't know this guy well then you're not in love, you're just infatuated

[MissSunshine2]

I know him quite well.

[DishLady]

Yes, just walk away.

[dragoblack]

Yes. Nothing good comes from a guy who can't be honest

[RHK36]

Go with your gut and do your own thing

[Jerre]

I would try to find another guy

[Jerre]

@MissSunshine2 Thank you for the Like

[Daytoday79]

I'd go, I don't have patience with games

[Pterodon]

Yes.