She says she needs time before dating me—is this genuine or a soft rejection?

[Ryanaaaaa]

So I’ve been hanging out with this girl and I made it clear that I would like to take her on a date cuz I also saw some signs from her and I am also interested. (She has told me many times she hates men and doesn’t date rn due to things she has experienced, but we always joked around about me changing that somehow even if she said it’s almost impossible) Anyways she then told me she needs more time before we can start dating (primarily for herself, she had a really bad break up sometime ago and hasn’t started dating again) because she doesn’t want to hurt me due to her really caring about me. She also said that there isn’t anything to hate about me regarding her hating men and that she sees my good qualities aswell it just doesn’t fit in her life rn and she needs some time. She also made it clear she really doesn’t want to loose me as a friend if we started dating and if the relationship would go bad, she is scared the friendship wouldn’t go back to normal again. She also told me that she is really scared of dating at the time overall but also due to the possibility of it going wrong. Also she would want to get to know me better first anyways, we’ve know each other for a couple of weeks now which I also said isn’t that long. In the end we agreed to just get to know each other more and give her some time to get to know herself better and see where this takes us.
Based on this ik she needs time, but this isn’t a rejection by using time as an excuse to make it easier right? It does seem sincere that she really isn’t ready rn but might be in the future.
What do you think

Updates

4 mo

Just wanted to add, I know for certain she isn’t dating anyone or even talking to anyone else and she has only ever dated once so this would be the second time if it works out somehow

[Anonymous]

You sound like a good dude so I really don't want to say this but I feel it my duty to man. I know you want to believe her, but you just CAN'T. Is it possible she's telling the truth? It's always possible. It's just unlikely. You have to assume at least half of what comes out a woman's mouth is a lie. Don't be mad about this. To them it's not a lie. Women deal mainly in feelings, not facts. If she feels it to be true, it's true to her. Even if it ISN'T.

The reality of this situation is she is getting what she DESIRES from what you two got going on right now. There is no reason to change it. Notice she didn't tell you, "it's never going to happen". Because she wants things to continue as they are indefinitely. Is it possible she changes her mind about you? Yeah. But it's not likely. And you should NOT be waiting around for her to change her mind. Because you're not ANYONES fallback. You're someone's CHOICE, not option.

You can still be sensitive to her history, but NOT at the expense of you present or self respect. That's being a man of character 101. No woman is that weak dude I promise you.

Good luck man! Let us no how things all come out with you.👍

[Cyfris]

Welcome to the friendzone big guy.. Live your life and pursue all your options. Don't get hung up on what could be and focus on what makes you happy. If she comes around around in time before you find something else great and if not great. There is more than one woman in the world you have the potential for greatness with and limiting your possibilities for what may never come would be an injustice. Treat yourself like you are what matters most to you and explore all potential avenues that could lead your future in the right direction.

[HollyK21]

Since it’s only been a couple weeks, I really wouldn’t focus so much on dating yet and more on getting to know each other. I get that you like her and don’t wanna risk being stuck in the friendzone, but you can’t rush her healing process. She was transparent about not being ready and getting over someone isn’t linear, there is no “I’ll be done hurting and ready to be with another man by this or that date”. So whether you have the patience for this is up to you.


While I can semi-understand the whole “I don’t wanna lose you as a friend” thing, I also believe that once you do or say certain things, it creates a point of no return. Boundaries between friends and something more are already being crossed, and you can’t just erase how you feel.

[_Maya_]

I wonder why my extensive back and forth that I had with the asker is now gone with the rest of the opinions from this morning. He went so far as to even ask how he gives me MHO.

[HollyK21]

Booooo, another person who’s not really seeking feedback. There was no good reason for that, you always have insightful things to say.

[_Maya_]

Given how few quesrions I answer these days this is disappointing to say the least. I put thought into my responses when I decide to devote what little time I have. I even gave him a free peek into the mind if this girl from someone that studies human behavior for a living.

[HollyK21]

I’m sure he’s reading this exchange, so Ryan, would you mind sharing why you deleted your conversation with Maya?

[slatyb]

That's a soft rejection. Time and tide wait for no man, and neither should you. Stop wasting time and effort on her and focus on women who will date you. Tell her to get back to you when she's ready.

[Loki97]

It’s a sign to move on, she's wanting to check her options and you aren’t number 1 so have some self respect and don’t be there as a ready simp for an ungrateful woman.

[msc545]

That is a soft rejection, along with a lot of verbiage designed to convince you to not blame her for what she's going do to you if you keep this up. I know you won't listen to me, but I strongly suggest you don't keep it up.

[Ariesman81]

Doesn't matter. Genuine desire isn't there on her part.
Scenario #1... you hang around "waiting" 👎🏻
Scenario #2... let her know you're not into wishy washy relationships👍🏻

[Alex-Snow]

It sounds like her past dating and sex life had issues. Give her time, stay friendly and see how it goes.