She needs time... Should I try asking her out again? She should be phoning me? Right?

[Anonymous]

So there's this girl which I've been having a crush on for quite a few years already but she had a bf... She broke up with her boyfriend of 4 years 3 months ago. I've known this girl for about 2 years now... we rarely talked until about a few months ago when she broke up with her bf. I asked her out for dinner a couple days ago and I gathered up enough courage to ask her out and tell her about my feelings. The ironic part was before I asked her out she told me about some other guy that had asked her out and she rejected him because she promised herself some time to be single before she steps into the dating scene again. But I just had to ask her out because I couldn't keep it in anymore...

Anyways, she told me she was sorry right after I told her because she wants to be single for a while because her x boyfriend hurt her... But she said we could hang out still and get to know each other better. What do you guys think? Is she trying to be nice and be just friends? Or do I have to be persistent and keep trying? At the end of the night she told me to call her whenever if I wanted to do something and just gave me a hug. Wouldn't the ball be in her court? Do I have to keep initiating things here? Is she even worth pursuing? Guy/Girls opinions please...

[tex151]

This question comes up all the time, and once again I will tell you what you did wrong. It was good that you asked her to dinner everything was going well, until she started talking about some other dude that asked her out and she rejected him. Instead of letting it go and not worrying about it, you told her you had feelings for her. And what did she do, she immediatly said she wasn't looking for a realtionship right now. Classic excuse right there. You NEVER EVER reveal your feelings towards a woman UNLESS, you are already dating her, you have already slept with her, or she has revealed her feelings towards you.

You have to understand that women always want to take the easy way outta things, and they do this to spare you your hurt feelings, I don't know why they do it but they do. They don't want conflict so they lie, and say things like well not looking for a relationship right now, I just want to be friends at the moment, or it would be weird dating you cause were such good friends.

She said she wants to hang out with you and get to know you better, ok that's a classic bullsh*t line once again. What she means by that is she wants to get to know you better as friends not to get into a relationship. I know it sucks when they say that because your thinking hey alright we're good, maybe she likes me. Now don't just blame her for messing with you like that, because that is what every woman does when they just see a guy as a friend.

To really put this to the test, next time you see try and kiss her and see what she does, if she lets you, chances are slim but maybe just maybe she might like you. But don't be surprised if she pulls away and says something like sorry I just am not ready for a boyfriend yet, or we should just be friends.

This is what you should do forget about her and date other women. Because if you don't then you are going to be on one hell of an emotional roller coaster. She will plan things with you, and then flake but for some reason have a very good reason on why she flaked. Your going to be chasing her around in cirlcles and your going to be very frustrated and you will get no where with her.

[nermalinda]

I agree with this completely. I would say move on and find a girl who is really into you.

[jimmajam]

It really doesn't matter if it's a nice way to say "lets be friends" or she really wants time alone. When a woman says she wants space or time alone it's best to give it to her. I've learned that if you dont' respect that request they will hold it against you. I think you should be able to tell if she was telling the truth or copping out by how she said it. Did she sound sincere or was she trying to sound really nice?

I don't think you should push the issue and I don't think you should be initiating every time. Since you're technically still friends it's okay to contact her once in a while, but if it starts becoming one sided, stop. Go ahead and initiate a couple times, but don't make yourself too available. If she wants to be friends or a possible relationship interest she'll contact you back.

[caretomuch]

I think she is doing the right thing.

I recently was dumped after a 5 year relationship with a wonderful guy...I still love him. I have not been moving on very well...And I am trying. But it has been 5 months since our break-up and I still him to walk in the door after work with steak in hand to make me dinner. Or to be sleeping on my couch when I finish my second job.

I was asked by a friend if I wanted to be sent up with a really nice, good looking guy is ready to settle down. Wants kids (I have 2 kids), la la la...I am just not ready...And I told her that.

And about a month ago I was asked out my a guy I know (he's nice, and also just got out of a long term relationship.) I see him at my work place daily. He asked me to got do something with him that night, but I told him I could not tonight (2 kid, you know...) He asked me to think about it.

He left and I cried...I ended up calling my mom I was so upset. I cried continuously for the next three days. It occurred to me that I am not only NOT READY to DATE, I am not ready to even think of OTHER men as potentials.

The following week he asked again. And I was straight forward with him, and told him I am not ready...He still come to my work place and is friendly as he always was. I felt bad, but I don't want to jump into anything.

If she is taking this time to better herself, let her...She will be an even better women when she is ready. And she is only worth pursuing if you think she is. You may have to initiate things for the next try, but who knows she may just call you up one day and say I would like to go out.

I know when my mom and step-father split, my "new step-dad" asked my mom out and she said she wasn't ready, he asked occasionally for a year, until she accepted. They now have been together for 11 years.

Have hope and patience

[versusxiii]

This really could go either way. I understand your position as I am currently kinda in it *sigh* but you have to understand that no matter what he did to her, she was still with this guy for 4 years of her life. She doesn't want to just jump into another relationship.

Respect that and don't come on too strongly about it. Really be her friend, and don't bring up her boyfriend or relationships or love unless she talks about it first, and when she does, don't dwell anymore than she does. If she changes the subject, change it with her. You want to be there as a friend, not as someone who represents pressure.

If she does agree to do something with just the two of you, do not assume that means she wants to make it a date. She may just want to see how you two get along with no one else around. She may just feel like being with someone she trusts. Don't make any moves and ruin it, because then you'll be the guy that's just trying to get into her pants.

Even if she doesn't necessarily have feelings for you right now, she can grow them in time. Your best bet is to give her space often, be available when she does want to talk or hang out, and be supportive in what she's feeling and what she wants to do.

[Anonymous]

Truthfully you need to ask yourself some questions first. Is it possible for you to be just friends with her no strings attached? Bearing in mind that you have strong feelings for her and she is aware of it or are you willing to maintain a friendship in the hope that something will develop between you two...because that is no guarantee either and then you will end up hurt, because she has already made it clear 'just friends'.

The situation could go either way so step carefully give her space and don't initiate meetings, at this stage it's probably best for you not to pin your hopes on anything more than a friendship. It seems to me all she needs at the moment is a shoulder to cry on not a relationship.

Carry on with your life as you have been doing and don't focus too much on her..she needs to deal with her break up, it's not for you to hold her hand. I wish things would work out between you two, but when she is done with you, you may get a thank you and she will start dating other guys and you may not be needed on the scene. Save yourself the heartache and don't allow yourself to get used in the situation.

[skycat]

It looks like what she says is. It took me two months to get over a three month relationship she needs time to get over four years!

Give her time, hanf out, be respectful, and listen closely. See when you think she looks like she's feeling better, give a little more time, then ask her again, don't play silly "her court, my court" games, k? that could f*** you up. When you hang out be gentlemanly and treat her like a woman, to keep yourself beyond the friend zone in the mean time. Do nice things/gestures, treat her nice without expectation of a date anything in return. Show that you don't care how long it takes her.

[relax]

If you're asking us if she's worth it, then she's not..lol!

If she is worth it, go for it..she said to hang out..do it..just for fun..u don't have to go for something serious right of the back..

Hanging out/getting to know each other better leads to other things if you do things right (put the towel on your shoulder and be there for her and she will be there for you)...this only happens if you think "she's worth it" and if you move in at the right time...

Also, basic rule of thumb = The ball is never on her court!

[MrWizard]

That is a long relationship to come out of. Regardless if she would be interested in you, her desire for some single time is totally reasonable. Best thing you can do is remain her friend and not push her. I would not hesitate to call her up, but I'd probably try and do things in groups, not one-on-one. The less it feels like a date, the more likely she is to feel comfortable. As much as we hate to hear it, quite often they really mean "lets be friends".

[audreymarie21]

it isn't ironic that she told you she needed some time before dating someone new, girls know when a guy likes them. she was trying to be subtle and tell you she wasn't interested, before you asked her out. but you did anyways, so she had to turn you down, which very few girls enjoy doing. I would just let it be... you may get a few dates out of her, but it prob won't develop into anything, and in the end it will just be another year lost to this girl.

[MEDSERV007]

she needs time to move on and get over other guy.

she want to avoid dating too quickly and being hurt by the rebound guy phenomena.

she knows how you feel and wants to get too know you better.

i am in a similar situation and would love to be in yours because she is currently in a rebound relatiohship.

give it time, don't force her and she will probably come around.

it is in your hands.

good luck

[quantumdefender]

when a woman says she "needs time" she doesn't have the balls to say she isn't interested.

move on my friend.

[Anonymous]

I think that's a tough one because it could go either way. Maybe if you give it some time, she might end up liking you too, but don't be too aggressive or push it too much or anything because that'll probably just get annoying for her. :D