How do I ask a hot-and-cold coworker about his schedule change?

[Anonymous]

So basically, there's a guy who was interested in me at first. I wasn't. Over time, I was won over by his characteristics and personality. He pulled back for a while. Ever since, it has been hot and cold between us. There are times when things have remained professional and others when it feels flirtatious. It's been exhausting. However, I found out that he might be changing his schedule, and I panicked a little because he is changing the only days I see him at work. I don't know if he doesn't want to see me or something. I don't know how to ask him about it or bring it up especially if he asks why I am asking.

[HollyK21]

I don’t think there’s a specific moment to wait for, or way that you need to ask such a simple, generic question. Just tell him you heard he’s thinking about changing schedules and I’m sure he would elaborate a bit on his own. If you noticed a blatant change, there’s always the chance that he’s found someone on his own time and is avoiding you out of respect for that connection.


It’s also a chance that he’s thought better of his interest in you because at the end of the day you are a coworker and he doesn’t wanna cross that boundary. Whether interoffice dating is allowed or not, drama almost always, inevitably comes from that route and most would rather avoid that. In any case, you won’t have any real clarity unless you open the door to a conversation about it. You could have someone comment saying something that you think aligns with the situation best, then pick their brain about it, but you’ll ultimately walk away from that conversation not feeling much closure or understanding because only he could give you that.

[Anonymous]

Talk to him, and ask him on a date or something. He might have picked up on the lack of interest initially, and he wants to shed his remaining feelings. The hot and cold thing is very confusing for both parties. Don't hesitate. Trust me.