Is he actually ghosting me or just going through something?

[Anonymous]

It’s gonna be a bit long

i’ve been dating this man since November. We went through “low” phases twice, once where i didn’t know the reason second time when he was moving. Everything has been good other than that. We are going through a low phase again, i saw him 3 times over the last 10 days. The last time we met he told me he is “tired of always initiating” but he was tired and went to sleep right after that.

Naturally from the next day i took initiative, started texting first and would have started planning dates first as well, but all i got for my texts is short replies, emojis. Not cold, just short answers.

This lead to me asking him what’s the problem yesterday. I asked him if he wanted space, he said no.
he continued being dry so i initiated a deeper conversation and i told him that “even if the answer is no i still deserve transparency”

He was kind of dumbfounded by this, didn’t really know what to say so i gave him “options” like:

he doesn’t want me anymore or he still does etc

he told me he is going through something and he doesn’t want me to feel bad but he doesn’t feel like talking about it. I asked if he uses this as an excuse because he doesn't want to hurt my feelings? He asked why do i think its about me. Then i sent long texts unfortunately, and asked him if he still wants to talk or not

he said he still wants to talk.
i gave him the possibility of exit several times yesterday, he didn’t take it

my fear is what he is “going through” is another girl. But i just saw him on Thursday and he offered me to go over to his place on Friday too (i left something there) but it wasn't important so i didn't take it.

is it possible he is really just going through something? He doesn't take hours to respond but i know this excuse too well to not be afraid.

[HollyK21]

I feel like there has to come a point where you just links better”. Repeatedly questioning him is mainly for your closure, but unfortunately you can’t always expect men to give you that. Even when you assure them it’s ok, it won’t hurt your feelings, saying you deserve transparency, etc, sometimes you just won’t get that, and you can feel any way you want to about that but it is what it is. If he’s got things going on, he may not wanna discuss it. It’s also possible that he’s lying — who knows, but you shouldn’t wait around for that when you know in your gut that things have changed. You make yourself sound fine with the idea of things ending, yet you justify excuse every reason for why you hold out. This is probably not going to work out, given all the complications within a 4-5 month dating phase. Are you actually emotionally ready for that? And if not, why not?

[HollyK21]

Sorry my autocorrect is all over the place. I meant to say “just know better”.

[In_Trance]

Ghosted. Move on

[Asker]

But i gave him a free exit several times, almost manipulated him into rejecting me and he didn't take it. But obviously im not reaching out to him anymore after this conversation.