Is this a turn off when going on a date? Did he not really want to pay? Did I turn him off by not being assertive with what I wanted?

[Anonymous]

Is this a turn off when going on a date? Did he not really want to pay? Did I turn him off by not being assertive with what I wanted?

I went out for coffee with a guy and when we went in we looked at the menu and he went up to the cashier and ordered what he wanted kind of leaving me at the menu.. he looked like he was getting ready to pay for his stuff. I was still deciding and I pulled out my wallet to get ready to pay. Then he asked me what I wanted… I told him that I’ll get whatever he gets… I was kind of nervous but wanted to show some type of “submissiveness “ in a way.. because I liked him and wanted to bond.. he kind of says.. uh alright “ and he orders us the same drink and some different refreshments/snacks for us to share…

Should I have paid for myself or be more assertive and sure with what I want despite being nervous?

[Summeroflove]

I hate when someone feels entitled to shit that’s a good way for me to just move on. However, it’s different if a woman is upfront about her standards without being entitled about it if we aren’t meant to be and both of us can be respectful about it. That I have zero issue with.

When I pay for something for someone especially if she picked the place. I’m doing it to be nice not because I HAVE to do anything. Same for me, I know that other people don’t owe me things. So when someone does it I’m appreciative. If someone just doesn’t match what I want. I don’t get angry I just respectfully move on and don’t waste not only my own time but someone else’s.

You should be upfront about what you want without coming off as entitled or feeling like someone owes you something. Two extremes….. Personally I find the whole submissive thing a little weird. What if he orders something you don’t even like….. But if that’s what you want it’s fine.

You can be upfront you want a man who pays. Bur also paying yourself and not being entitled. If you’re both wanting different things it doesn’t make either of you bad. That’s why you date. Some people aren’t compatible. It’s bad if you feel entitled and become resentful over it.

[Staximus]

You shouldn't have paid for yourself. If he's a cheapskate bastard and didn't want to pay for a cheap ass date like that, then get rid of that bum. You should have ordered what you wanted.

[Staximus]

Maybe he just has poor communication skills or was nervous and not thinking. I'd say give him a second chance to not be a cheap bum if you want to

[Asker]

He wasn’t nervous because he asked me when I was last intimate

[Staximus]

If this was your first day and he's asking you questions like that then he's just looking for sex and a cheap ass motherfucker

[Asker]

I don’t think he’s cheap he just doesn’t like me

[Anonymous]

I think you're giving this far too much weight. Most good men want to pay. They appreciate when a woman offers (at least I do) but always decline the offer. But of the thousand things that are going through a guys mind on a date. Who pays is generally the last thing that is going through his mind. If he's a good man he's already decided he's paying from start point go.

[slatyb]

Don't worry about this sort of thing. He sounds very awkward. If I have invited a woman to coffee (usually an online meeting), I ask what she wants, go order and pay. It's a trivial expense.