Why did I feel so heartbroken when this trip now makes me so happy?

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

My trip has just started, ai haven’t checked in my hotel yet, check in starts in 5 minutes. Have been sitting here by this lake for over an hour and have been loving it.

Feeling present, meditative, lucky, grateful and happy.

Yesterday I was upset because my date, who was supposed to have a 4th date with me today, didn’t follow up on time and left me hanging, waiting whether he would come or not, I bought a whole new kitchenware, dishes and so much stuff, so that I could make him the best possible dish from my country’s cuisine, yet he was just texting me and telling me he wasn’t sure if his schedule would allow it… However we have holidays…

He has been texting me since 3rd date and 3rd date was really nice too. But I expected more follow up and responsibility from him, not keep me hanging and waste my precious holidays time waiting for him to make time for me or not…

So I decided to take things in my hands and instead of being sad or disappointed, came to travel… I bought the tickets exactly 12 hours ago.

So I gave enough time for him to show up if he could, but last minute showing up is no more allowed.

He just reappeared today, he probably thinks that I am waiting. I am not. I am having the best, most peaceful time here and tomorrow a date with a guy who has been sending me flowers for months already. That guy is traveling to this city just to take me out to the restaurant, you gotta appreciate the effort.

Updates

2 mo

Excuse my typos haha, I try to put the caps lock on and it’s close to letter “a” so I accidentally type “ai” instead of “I” haha

[Smart_Monk]

Because you treat dating strangers as a hobby. ㅤ

[Finchie40]

Because your expectations are too high , and sadly that’s what happens in most cases especially in relationships , why it’s best to not have very high expectations. By having high expectations is only going to hurt yourself over anything else , especially if you count on someone else to fulfill those expectations of yours. One thing I learned in life with relationships, is to no longer have high expectations, with a girl , and I understood my happiness comes from within myself , so if you depend on someone else to bring you happiness , then unfortunately you will never be happy or satisfied with yourself because that person isn’t always going to be able to fulfill your expectations and happiness. So when I am interested in a girl or really like a girl , I will treat her the same way I like to be treated in return , but I will not have high expectations of her whatsoever, if she gives to me the same way I give to her that’s all that matters , why communication and honestly goes a long way. We all know shit happens in life and we all face our own problems and challenges in life , so if someone wants to be a part of that with you , they will make the effort to be by your side , if not? Then it’s up to you on whether you want to be by their side as well. So understand nothing is perfect and lower your expectations. If they are giving to you the same way you are giving to them , then that’s an amazing thing , if not , then move on and find yourself someone that makes you their top priority the same way you make them yours and eventually you will more than likely experience true love. Because one of the biggest relationship killers is selfishness , and we all have selfishness inside of ourselves , so if you can’t remove selfishness for someone , then don’t expect them to do the same for you , it needs to go both ways for any relationship to survive

[OlderAndWiser]

So the guy with you now is not the one who was originally scheduled to be with you?

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

There’s not a guy with me now… I am traveling solo…
The guy I was supposed to have a 4th date with didn’t follow up about the schedule and later on texted me ready to go to dinner with me a few hours ago, but I was already traveling, because he didn’t confirm whether he’d see me or not and just left me hanging …
Why am I supposed to waste my holidays and wait for something that might not even happen and he hasn’t confirmed? So I came to travel

Today he texted me and told me he thought he really confirmed it and apologized for making a mistake.. I told him I understood and instead, I invited him to come join me on this trip… Since it’s just 1 hour of railway ride away from our city.

But… He hasn’t texted…

Instead there was a guy who always wanted to meet me and sent me flowers all the time and that guy has bought a ticket to come to me and have a dinner with me tomorrow… I will meet him for a dinner tomorrow…

I genuinely liked the first guy, that’s why I was going on a 4th date with him and I could see myself dating him long term. It’s very heartbreaking that my feelings don’t seem mutual and he doesn’t put as much effort as I do… He’s probably very spoiled with women’s attention and likely entertaining other women who gave him intimacy earlier than I… We haven’t had anything.

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

I’ve been wondering what I am doing wrong and why is that when I really like someone and want it to work, it never does…

[OlderAndWiser]

Having this guy reveal his lack of interest doesn't mean you are doing something wrong. You are not supposed to change yourself or otherwise manipulate a guy into loving you. If he does appreciate you exactly as you are, then you are not meant to be.

However, perhaps you are letting your heart run ahead too quickly, you are too eager to finally meet The One, and so you develop feelings too quickly. Maybe you need to be reminding yourself that it is too early to be deciding that you want to have his babies. :)

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

Haha, I agree! I don’t get interested in men that quickly but when I do, I do get interested very quickly… Maybe that scares them off… But at this point I feel like I’ve been let down so often. Maybe I should stop dating at all.

[OlderAndWiser]

Don't stop dating. Just drop the attitude that you are hunting for the great catch and, instead, you are just dating to get to know someone. And, of course, don't rush into sex because that immediately changes all the feelings and expectations.

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

That’s a very wise advice, I’ll keep in mind. Thank you

[Tyler_with_Questions]

This is the exact loop you named in your earlier post:
1. True self appears in the pain.
2. Pain feels overwhelming > run.
3. Run lands you somewhere nicer > relief.
4. Relief feels good… but you still wonder why the pain was so intense in the first place.

The spontaneous trip is working right now, but it’s still avoidance dressed as empowerment. Your “true self” should integrate letting you feel the heartbreak AND enjoy the lake without needing one to cancel out the other. You don’t have to punish yourself by staying home—but you also don’t have to prove you’re “over it” within 12 hours.

Your post is a case study in real-time emotional honesty. You’re not pretending to have it all figured out—you’re showing the mess, the move, and the momentary peace, all at once. You show amazing honesty. And that’s rarer and more valuable than any perfectly curated “healing journey”.

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

Haha, thanks! Which AI do you use though? It has got me figured out so well :P

[whosnumber_1]

Because you are taking control of yourself, being the hero of your own story. You don't need a guy to make you happy. You can do it yourself and when you do it give you a sense of empowerment - uplift. Taking time out for yourself and reflection allows your brain to focus and think things through. Probably a reminder that if this is helpful you need to do it more often - Good for you.

[Still-alive]

Damn you spared no time going on this trip. wish i had the time and money for this lol.

Looks really nice. i like being near the water and watching it too.

Anyways we all need that R and R you know. rest and relaxation. so you go girl lol

[Likes2drive]

Only you can make yourself happy actually, but if you keep trying to date guys that are not local who can’t always be there because of work since they travel for work then it’s not going to work out very well for you. That’s why I always make it a point to date someone that is not far from me and doesn’t have to go away for work. Right now I’m single since dating is harder when you’re older.

[nolabels]

You'll have that on occasion, yes you will.
You'll have that.

[exitseven]

okay- the world is a weird place and sometimes things do not always go as planned. It is good that you are okay doing things on your own.

[ZameerAnsari91]

Hopefully you will enjoy your date tomorrow with this new guy. Best of luck

[ZameerAnsari91]

You're really so beautiful and gorgeous that every guy would love to have you in his life.
The guy who made you wait, was unlucky, and the guy who will come to you tomorrow is very lucky

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

Thank you. I am just going there to enjoy the time and appreciate his effort of months, by getting to knowing him deeper.

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

Thank you ☺️☺️☺️

[ZameerAnsari91]

Thats a good move dear.
Be happy and proud yourself ❤️❤️❤️

[spartan55]

You are setting some high expectations for these guys.
So you invited him to go on vacation with you after three dates?

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

No fourth date was supposed to be on Easter at my home I would cook him my country’s traditional meal… He told me he wasn’t sure if he would be free because of his work. And that he would let me know and he has been texting me everyday but didn’t let me know. I figured it meant no. So I went on a vacation.

He appeared on Easter ready to come to my dinner and surprised I was on vacation, I told him he has never confirmed and he apologized saying he remembered that he confirmed and he must have forgotten.

After which I told him he could join me here on my vacation instead. But he said “It’s far for such a spontaneous trip.” 😄

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

And he asked me if ai would be back home for tomorrow so we could have a dinner. But I am on a 3 day trip… And told him I won’t be there but if he wants he will set another day.

[spartan55]

Oh, okay. I wouldn't be too hard on him, it doesn't sound like he deliberately blew you off.

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

It was sad anyways…

[spartan55]

Are you moving on from it?

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

Hahaha yes!

[spartan55]

Good, have a great trip!

[Anonymous]

At least now you feel good, so no need to overthink it.

[NathanDavis]

glad to hear you're enjoying yourself...