Is it normal for people to want to date just for sex at this time?

Question

I met up with a guy I’d met on social media; we were supposed to meet months ago, but the timing didn’t work, so I had to cancel a few hours before the date, and he completely blocked me. A few weeks ago he got in touch with me again, asking why we couldn’t meet at the time, and we both explained our thoughts from back then.
He asked if I’d like to meet up again, I agreed. It was a first date, and I didn’t know much about him, but when we spoke for the first time a few months ago, he explained to me that sex needs to be part of a relationship if this conversation continues. I felt it was odd to ask that before you even know the person. In my view, it was a rude start, but when we met up, his defence was that he didn’t want to waste anyone’s time, so he was just being clear from the start.
The date went well; the chat was good I think we had a good time and after that he mentioned his office was nearby, I said we could go and have a look, but I’d assumed he’d show me the building whilst we walked around. I couldn’t object when he took out his key and we went to the office. There was just the two of us, and he kissed me in the lift. We started kissing in the office too, his hands went under my trousers but I wanted to slow things down so I stopped him.

We sat there for a while, but then he started again; he touched my breasts and his hand slipped inside my pants again. I stopped him and told I didn’t want to take things too far on a first date I also said that, if we were to continue seeing eachother, I didn’t think I could go all the way because I’d never had sex before. So after that, he was clearly disappointed and said it was very important to him, and I accepted that he wouldn’t contact me again after that day, but I can’t help wondering how it could be that important. The date was good; he said he liked me and to be honest, I’d have liked to see him too, but me not being ready for sex was a dealbreaker. So is this the essence of everything in the dating?

MrOracle · Accepted Answer

Sex IS obviously important, but most men will wait a reasonable amount of time. That said, the more attractive/popular a guy is, the more he is going to be used to getting sex quickly, because if he is attractive to most women, then a LOT of them will sleep with him, even on the first date. That's one of the things you have to accept if you are pursuing the hot/popular guys. Most girls in their 20s only consider the top 10% of men (and I'm being generous - many will only consider men who are in the top 0.5% of men), but such men have a million options, and so they have the leverage to get what they want - or they'll just move on to the next girl and never look back.

If you want a guy who is more patient, who considers your feelings and desires, etc., then you are going to need to raise your standards for morals and values, and that's going to be at the expense of hotness and/or popularity. That's simply how the world works.

ManOnFire · Accepted Answer

Very good that you stood your ground and made it clear that you weren't ready yet. But what's also good is that he was at least being real and honest about what he expected or felt was important to him, unlike some dudes who pretend sex isn't what they're after when it really is.

Lots of people date for just sex. It's called hooking up pretty much. If it's not your thing, then it's not your thing and there's nothing wrong with it.

If he ever tries to reach back out, don't respond. You don't want to spend your time with someone who wants to push you to do things you're not ready for, and could even be dangerous.

MzAsh · Accepted Answer

When he brought up how important sex was to him before y'all even met, that was your sign of his intentions. Not sure why you still went out with him after that. The fact that he blocked you and then reappeared tells me he's impulsive and looking for convenience, which actually was the first tell.

MissSunshine2 · Accepted Answer

You sound like you’re in a similar situation to me, where you keep meeting losers. You need to stop using dating apps and social media to find dates. We need to go out into the world and find ourselves and maybe partners, at hobbies.

Finchie40 · Answer

That should have been your answer not to go on a date with him in the first place considering you already knew his intentions. Casual sex is a normal thing , and sex in a relationship is a normal thing as well. So if you don’t want to have sex with anyone right away. then you are best to make that clear from the start and not just assume things.

AviatorTom · Answer

Guilty as charged.

After my divorce, I was not interested in another relationship, but I was interested in female intimacy... sex. I dated a few women just for the sex. I eventually got over that and started dating for a relationship, which is how I met my current wife.

Summeroflove · Answer

For some people that’s what they want. If someone pushes for sex too soon..::. It’s better to move on unless that’s the person you are as well.

Levin · Answer

This not normal and the guy has no respect for you.

And you have really poor sense of what is normal from a guy. He was giving you lots of clues, that his only intention was sex. Boundarying is important.

Any respectful guy, waits till the girl is ready, is sensitive and listens to your needs.

That's not to say that sex is not important, but chill the fuck out (the guy). There is no need to rush anything to that degree. The guy is a scumbag, irrespective of how charming he no doubt came across. If a guy starts with sex, let me give you a clue. He will no doubt fairly easily discard you once he has had his fill or gotten bored.

Maybe_Maybe_not · Answer

"he explained to me that sex needs to be part of a relationship if this conversation continues. I felt it was odd to ask. It was a rude start" A rude start indeed, that event itself should have triggered more alerting thoughts for you, in my opinion. "I also said that I’d never had sex before. he was clearly disappointed and said it was very important to him." In other words, which is consistent with how the story begins, sex itself is more important for him than you are. Full circle. "Me not being ready for sex was a dealbreaker. So is this the essence of everything in the dating?" In fact, we're not even talking about sex here, he's not into sex, this description shows he's just into himself, at your expense. I wouldn't consider him a normal guy. And you knew that, you felt it but you decided to give it a go, please trust your intuition more the next time 🍀

Theunfadeable · Answer

Of course it’s normal. This guy was a lot pushier than the would have been but i think men should be forward about what they want I applaud any man who has the balls to ask for what he wants.
when it comes to dating, women who we barely know have no problem busting out of Long less full of requirements Prerequisites and hoops that men have to jump through for the privilege of spending time with them And it’s crazy cause they seem to think men should feel privileged to go out of the way and curate some lavish experience for them And expect absolutely nothing.

The guy will expand all that time and money, and the woman will turn around and call it the bare minimum while contributing absolutely nothing tangible to the interaction,. again, I feel the way he executed was a little bit tacky and clumsy, but he was honest and direct and now he knows not to waste any more time cause you guys are not on the same page.

Anonymous · Answer

"Normal" is subjective, but it's definitely common. You need to understand the position men are in today. Marriage and committed relationships in general have become overly punitive for men, and the "carrot" is no longer adequate to justify the risks. Add to that the fact that sex, which has always been a significant motivator of men, is readily available on a casual basis. Women have made it so.

Put yourself in a man's shoes, if you can with some honesty, and try to understand our position. Why would we submit ourselves to the risks and costs of modern marriage when sex can be easily had without those costs and risks?

jshm2 · Answer

Lol - it's "hookup" not "dating".

They call it "dating" for tax and legal purposes as they cannot outright state it's legalised prostitution and access, they are peddling.

You need to be less naïve. But that situation could have gone south real fast.

RavVid · Answer

Well sex is all that is all that is left between men and women. There is nothing else but short term sexual relationships that last while it is still fun for the participants.

The illusion of men and women bonding forever hasn't survived modern times. In earlier times there was a presumption that guys and girls dated to form enduring relationships.

With divorce rates as they are that is clearly not the case. So sex is all that remains.

Alex-Snow · Answer

There are some guys who are jerks and he is one of them. It sounds like you made your intentions known ahead of time and he did not get the hint. You have every right to wait to know the guy and have feelings for him if that is important before sex. Wait for the right guy at the right time.

slatyb · Answer

No, it's not. It is with some men but you don't have to date them. Never agree to go to a private space with a man you don't know very well. If you aren't comfortable with casual sex, then don't have sex with someone you just met. Only you can decide when you are ready, no one can advise you.

bowenw · Answer

In my experience, dating is often a way to meet people for a long-term serious relationship and different from a friends with benefits arrangement that he seems to want. Someone looking for a serious relationship would normally be okay with waiting for sex.

lilBigPotato · Answer

I stopped reading at

"and he completely blocked me. A few weeks ago he got in touch with me again, asking why we couldn’t meet at the time"

It tells you everything you need to know. Idiot and a waste of time, move on.

Anonymous · Answer

No. Anyone who considers that normal I weep for.

IMHO he was playing the odds. Imagine 1 out of 5 women f*** on a first date. Well you're strike one. But statistically speaking he's only got three more strikes before he hits paydirt. Probably not the answer you wanted to hear.

Kingofkings1992 · Answer

Sex is a normal aspect of dating, yes. If you don't feel ready for sex, then don't date. Sex tends to a lot more emotional for women than it does for men. No one is rushing you. Just get out there on your own time if you want to at all, dating is a not mandatory in life.

HighValue · Answer

It is only normal for people that are emotionally damaged and can't form strong pair bonds with another person because they participated in casual sex or had too many partners in life already.

WhitneySnow · Answer

No. This guy didn’t want to date. He wanted to hook up and never see you again.

QuineJessica · Answer

For some people yes , but actually not my stuff

NathanDavis · Answer

that has been normal and common, since the beginning of times...

MrChinaski · Answer

No. Casual sex is common for a minority of people.

Iron_Man · Answer

Unfortunately, a lot of guys are looking for sex and don’t want to get serious so they will date you for that

Twalli · Answer

Sex is a requirement for me in a relationship too, but I won't have sex before 3 months of dating, and will wait up to 2 years for the girl.

jahaims · Answer

Most people are too immature for a meaningful/healthy relationship

Vegasrunner · Answer

For men yes. Without sex there's no incentive for men to spend there time with women.

Honeyateleven · Answer

Isn't sex the most important thing in a relationship

Bklynbadboy12 · Answer

People do that all the time and he doesn't like you he just wants to have sex with you

Anonymous · Answer

For some people it's normal, but some of us prefer more serious kind of relationship.

MasterKS · Answer

Yes, that how things happens nowadays and its okay.

Anonymous · Answer

I want to do that but that luxury is for very good looking people

queenofcardio · Answer

Yes , it happens

Nikki1989 · Answer

It has been that way forever.

Kelly6 · Answer

@carina0 yes normal and getting common too

Maggie77 · Answer

Most likely that’s what drives people.

LiamJHayden · Answer

Lots of people do that.

Jeff51 · Answer

No but some do tho.

Sammy098 · Answer

I've come around many people who do that

QuietRunner · Answer

very normal to date just for sex

Zionne · Answer

it's not normal tho

888theGreat · Answer

Well animals do that

Tungi · Answer

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