What are the harsh, honest signs that a girl is unattractive?

[Anonymous]

I want brutal, honest answers. Not lighthearted reassurance. I see people beneath other posts usually doing that, and its a little bit frustrating.

I have never been approached as a girl, or kissed or asked out to be frank. Catcalled? Maybe once. Even when my past friends left me alone at a party, I didn't get approached by guys as I see and usually hear other girls telling me about their own stories and experiences, how they usually get.

So I am kinda conteplending the possibility of being low value in looks. And if I should get surgery or not. Because this honestly makes me feel pretty much miserable. I have always been fixated on my looks. I did take therapy, but it never helped despite trying so many times. But I am kind of also caught within a poor family, so I will have to save up to being able to afford it.

I feel like I failed as a woman because of this. Because I genuielly cannot relate to a majority of girls struggles. So yeah. There is that.

[4ngelic]

what do you look like? are you pretty overweight?

personally i used to be overweight ie unattractive years ago. in my overweight era (about 190-210lbs. note I'm 5'8), especially on the skinnier end I did actually get a certain amount of male attention and that's ironically when I had my hoe phase. but the guys were a litte bit less kind to me than as a skinnier person. the male attention I got was mostly sexual, almost no one had crushes on me. and it was almost always from grown adults or at the very least 19-20yos, i was overweight 16-18. dudes my age had no interest in me, only got hit on by teenagers a couple times. also it's happened where a guy would be rude to me with other people around, but when no one's there, he'd be very nice and try to get in my pants. i've had a guy tell me to pretend to be his friend because he didn't want his friends to know he's sleeping with a fat girl. that same guy would show me pictures of his type and how he dreams to sleep with them. another guy was freaked out when he thought i wanted to date him, and got angry, because i was fat. so basically if guys are embarassed to be seen flirting with you at times, they don't want to date you just sleep with you, that is a biggg sign. and obviously if no one ever hits on you, that's an even bigger sign.

other things that i noticed, especially when i was in the chunkier eras, was that i was more invisible to people my age than average if i didn't stand out. i was a bit alt at that point, and part of why i was i think was so people could see me more because or else I just faded into the background. I really felt like I had to doll myself up more than average to be treated at the same baseline as others. there was a stark difference between if i showed up badly dressed without makeup (had a bad skin condition on top of everything) etc vs well dressed and put together. And i had to be more careful at how i came accross if i wanted to be accepted by others. i didn't realize this fully when i was fat, but when i got skinny, i realized people in general had been less nice to me when i was fat, and that i didn't have to put much effort into my looks to be treated well and be seen by others. i could be going around in sweats with acne ridden skin and a greasy bun, and i'll be treated well, fat me ummm. i realized skinny me could get away with a lot more in general than fat me. guys started to be nicer and treated me more like a girl in general than before. i feel like they have much more patience with me and treat me with more care. i feel people are warmer. i'm not pretty by the way, this is just being a semi cute run of the mill person vs unattractive.

so basically if you feel like a wallflower, you feel need to try harder than others just to be accepted, if you can notice others are treated better than you, if you feel like others have much less tolerance and patience with you compared to others. that's a sign

[Asker]

Well damn. Thats my experience, except for the oberweight part. I am skinny with a moderate curve to my hips and an avarage to probably ugly face. I don't even get sexual attention. In fact, I get none at all and I am already 20. Unlike my peers. I have zero attention. Guys sometimes seem to look at me. But thats all. They can look at me for anything. But they tend to be a lot cooler towards me.

[Asker]

Edit: Typo, overweight

[Asker]

But to put in a short describtion, I am 5'2 sadly and weight like about 50 kgs. So 109 lbs. So I am more on the slim area. Curves? Almost none, till a bit on my waist and basically zero tits almost. That doesn't really save an avarage face. If its even avarage at all. Most people (of the girls) call me rather cute but beautyful. Thats all about it. I am a stranger to the universal female experience. So it kind of makes me feel disconnected from my gender.

[4ngelic]

Do you have any skin problems? hygiene problems? do you dress badly? or do you have autism or something like that? also do you wear makeup?

[4ngelic]

You should try wearing makeup and putting more effort into your appearance and outfits. if even then no one looks at you, you're unattractive. if you're actually average, you'll start to get some attention. boob size by the way doesn't matter all that much, i've always had small boobs and i'm regular looking face wise, so it can't be something that keeps men away.

[Asker]

Skin problem? Just a bit of texture. Hygiene problems? Lmao, no. My situation is exactly the reason why I take a very troughly routine seriously. Autism? Not that I know of. Probably not because I was at therapy and my therapist never mentioned it. Make up? I do wear it but it does not help much.

[4ngelic]

maybe if you want you can dm me and send me a pic, i'll tell you very honestly how attractive you are and what can be objectively done about it if there is a problem, if that's something you think you'd like

[Asker]

Also outfit wise I have a hassle. Most stuff does not fit me or are not made. I am a size xxs oftentimes or an xs. And its already hard to get some clothes. Even when I dress up, men are just sometimes glancing up but thats about it. No approach or anything. So I will take your word on the "unattractive" part. Its just shitty to realize that I am one of the minorities that are most likely probably ugly no matter what I do. The fact that my family members or my bff cannot admit that either but lie to my face that I look pretty to normal is just salt to the wound.

[HollyK21]

Beauty is more of a spectrum, it isn’t exactly linear so what’s attractive to one guy could look bad to another. Therefore, I’d say that honest signs of unattractiveness could be subjective. On top of the fact that, you don’t know what any of the men on this site who don’t have profile pics looks like, so you’re willing to let someone who could arguably look like the bottom of a foot, potentially negatively impact any views about yourself that you already struggle with.


If you’ve gone to several therapists with no success then I don't know what a non-professional like myself could say that would have any major impact. I would just start doing some inner work, focusing on building up your self esteem, with emphasis on “self” because only you can fix it. I don't know where along your timeline you determined that you need a man’s validation to feel worthy or beautiful in your own skin, but I’d say that’s absolutely something to unlearn.


You make mention of never being approached, meanwhile your friends get attention and that could be for other reasons outside of appearance, like seemingly more outgoing, friendly or fun. Maybe you were shy, quiet, not bringing much attention to yourself. In case though, you shouldn’t care for attention from shallow men who are drawn in by your beauty and/or body but are most likely low quality, low effort, fuckboys who aren’t right for you anyway.

[Asker]

I think I understand your point, and I agree self-esteem shouldn’t depend entirely on external validation. At the same time, I’d be lying if I said male attention/validation isn’t something I do care about, it is, especially since I don’t experience much of it. My main issue was more that parts of your message felt a bit assumptive about my mindset rather than the actual situation I was describing.

Also, not all men that give attention are fuck boys. Even those boys don't really wanna do much with me, so there is that. The problem is that I get literally no attention at all. Neither positive or negative.

[HollyK21]

It’s totally normal to care what men think about you. However I’d say the level or care should be more passive and neutral than it is impactful. Like a “back of your mind”, fleeting thought vs one that’s deeply effecting your self esteem to the point you’re considering plastic surgery.

I try to be careful and considerate with my wording here, which is why I say things loosely, such as “most likely” low quality as opposed to “all” men. I don’t think “all” men who give attention are fuckboys, however I do believe most end up exhibiting similar behaviors.

The problem is only a problem because you’ve turned it into one in your mind. It doesn’t have to matter at all, you just have to figure out what sent you down this path of caring so much. Find the source, unpack it, and heal it. That’s how personal growth and resetting troubling thoughts happen.

[Asker]

I understand what you’re saying, and I agree that self-esteem shouldn’t depend entirely on external validation. At the same time, I think it’s a bit more complex for me. It’s not just a thought I’ve created, but also based on repeated experiences where I don’t get much attention, especially compared to people around me.
I’m not trying to make it my whole self-worth, but I also don’t think it’s unrealistic to want to feel desired and noticed, especially by men I’m attracted to. I guess I’m trying to understand why that part is missing for me, rather than just ignore it. And when I talk about plastic surgery, I don't mean large change nut proportionate adjustment. Like fixing my recessed chin and getting moderate B cups instead of having full on just AA cups. I just want to look normal and relate to my peers. I don't wanna cope having the short end of the stick. Realistically, nobody wants that.

[HollyK21]

Even our ideologies surrounding realism can be subjective. If we were to generalize, yeah, we could say that plenty of men are attracted to a slightly larger chest size. But at the same time, there’s just as many who prefer A cups. You’re talking about altering yourself to what you feel is an improvement, but to what sort of man? And how many of them? You wouldn’t prefer attracting one guy who just loves you as you are?

Also, who’s to say you don’t look normal other than the thoughts you’ve spoonfed yourself over the years? Who’s to say this or that isn’t portioned? Who’s to say surgeries would even make a difference in your day to day experience? You don’t need to look like your peers or have their experience.

[McLlovin]

When she has bbl, heavy caked on makeup, or dresses like she works at a strip club. All those are signs she’s no good. I dont know why but some women still think we’re in high school and men like it when women dress half naked. you will be used like a condom and discarded and he will go after a more respectable woman to marry.

Then there’s first impression Ever heard that resting B face. If I sense attitude emitting from you as a normal energy you put out. I already know to stay away from you. I’m not trying to be with someone who likes to argue. There’s disagreements and then there’s those women who just combative by nature. Im not saying you have to smile 24/7 but you should be approachable and friendly. Not looking like you want to fight someone. I protect my peace vigorously.

Then you got the selfish ones who think they are the table when you ask them what do they bring to the table. There isn’t anyone more insufferable than someone who is arrogant and self centered. When a man says what can you bring to the table it shouldn’t be hard or taken as insulting, however selfish people have a hard time answering this question which is why they get upset. This goes for both genders but definitely women. How can you think of anything beyond yourself when all you know is me me me. I probably could wrote a book but ill stop here. 50% looks and first impressions 50% character and personality.

[Summeroflove]

Dude. If a man’s a man whore no respectable woman wants that either.

[RavVid]

Hmmh I have only met two genuinely ugly women so it is highly unlikely you are.

More likely you may not be presenting yourself as well as you might. Even more likely is you are not giving off vibes that you can be approached.

If a girl looks happy and acts happy then guys will more feel she can be approached without her speed dialing the Police. All those TikToks have made guys cautious.

You are kind of in a negatively reinforcing cycle at this moment and I think you need to break it.

At a point I couldn't talk to girls without them running away. Used bar girls on slow Monday nights to practice on. Noticed what worked and what didn't. At first they would quickly go and polish glasses but as my skills improved they would hang around talking for longer. The objective is not to pick up but to get engagement in conversation from them and maybe low key sexual interest.

. Notice what other girls do to get interest and try that out. Nothing has to work first time all you should try for is progressive improvement.

This can work for you as it did for me.

[Asker]

Did so. Nothing helped. My friend is even more intimidating then I am and she still gets asked out. Guys barely care if the girl wants to be asked out or not, even today. They will just ask and thats about it.

[RavVid]

OK. Is your intimidating friend better presented than you are? What do you think is the difference between you?

[RavVid]

Thanks for a mho and hope it goes better for you.

[Asker]

Mho? I appologies, I took a brief time off social media. But yes, my friend fits the standart, curvy, so most clothes make her look hot. Good facial features and make up. I lack that sadly. But in personality, we are almost similar. I am just more shy because of my insecurities. People have an easier time to pick on me with stuff that is true.

[RavVid]

No apologies needed. It is true we like tight waists and classic curves but there is a lot of variability. I like slender for example but most of my friends seem to like more buxom than I. Weight is something you can do something about though it is not that easy.

Shyness may well be holding you back mostly I suspect. If a girl seems outgoing then she is easier to approach and appears more attractive. So I think push yourself to be un-shy at times. It is a habit you can overcome.

[Summeroflove]

Number one all men are different but let’s say someone’s universally unattractive. You will notice things if it’s simply romantic attraction probably a genuine overall lack of interest. Now keep in mind some men are taken or just won’t feel attracted. But like I said people will probably be friendly with you and nothing more.

If people find someone repulsive people will tend to be very short. Now some people feel sympathy or don’t want to come off as rude so they might overcompensate. People might be either very over the top or very monotone and brief as possible.

[Asker]

Well damn, thats my experience overall

[Summeroflove]

Well asker I don’t know what you look like or see exactly how people react. There are outliers to situations and sometimes people dwell on a couple people rather then people as a whole

[Telekinetic-Potato]

I'll answer your question first but there's something I want to say after.

Probably the strongest sign is are all of your friends really attractive? Do they respect your opinion on makeup and so on they way they do the other girls? Do you catch guys sneaking looks at you? Has anyone ever tried to sneak some form of contact?

If I were a girl that's what I'd be looking out for. But here's something you're not going to want to hear, your personality matters more than you think it does.

Yes, guys are visual. I know some women who have amazing personalities and are completely fucked because they're ugly. Like this one girl I get a little emotional sometimes thinking about how long it took me to see how great she is because of how she looks. And how when I started hanging out with her people treated me differently at first and how when she couldn't have me she settled for someone you'd have to hate yourself to date.

Men have their own version of this. Not that it changes anything. Life is cruel and there's no one holding a gun to God's head saying "make life be fair"

But if you're shy and a wallflower, maybe working on that will make you realize you're not as ugly to other people as you think you are. Put yourself out there, keep building a personality. With your own world view. Guys don't like admitting it but the good ones care about that more than looks a lot of the time.

Just follow your heart, believe in yourself and don't let anyone make you sorry for living that way. And good luck

[Staximus]

I said this on here many times and I’ll say it again. The ugliest girl at my high school always had a boyfriend for all four years that I was there. You know why? Because she had social skills. She was literally the ugliest girl out of 4500 students. The ugliest woman in the world can get a boyfriend or husband if she has social skills and knows how to interact with people. Plenty of beautiful women are complaining about nobody ever approaches them, that’s because they have no social skills.

[FreyaRed]

Brutal honesty is my specialty but very often, people who feel unhappy with their appearance bring themselves down below real level of their looks. It's often psychological black and white thinking like when I don't look at least 8/10 than I'm not more than 2/10. They dramatize a lot and exaggerate in negative direction, just because a person they feel attracted to doesn't feel attracted to them.
My bestie is solid 8/10 but guy she was together 6 years cheated on her and she dumped him, her self esteem was destroyed. He cheated on her with someone who could play miss piggy without mask. This created a chain reaction in her mind that she felt much less attractive she really is.

[NathanDavis]

insecurities, not the regular ones everyone might have

the deeply rooted ones that become obsessive and take over the person

because... you will never really see the person, you will have to, constantly deal with their insecurities and that's just simply not worth it

[Miristheiss]

When she gets tattoos, gets piercings, cuts her hair short, gets fat, becomes promiscuous, starts drinking and doing drugs, is a liar, manipulative.

[Miristheiss]

PS
I am married but I keep hearing men do not approach much anymore.
Women keep telling men to stay away, they are creeps, shaming men who approach, much is done online now.

[Asker]

I do hear of that too a lot, but it does not really hold up most men it seems. Most of my friends get approached regardless while I do not. So there is that. The only difference is that I am a little bit more shy (though socially awkward girls never held up a guy regardless) and just less endowed in some areas. People usually describe me more as cute and innocent then pretty or womanly. So it may be a factor. But of course this is the only compliment I have ever gotten from anybody, and that too just from women.

[Hunter-40m]

Looking overweight the energy you spread May be the reason the guys stay away from you maybe you look serious and cold and that keeps guys away from you May be you have trust issues and you reflect it unintentionally these are the things that first came to my mind

[Asker]

Other girls have trust issues too, that never made men hasitate. Other then that, I am slim, just not curvy. And my facial features are frankly not interesting.

[Hunter-40m]

I get it and it s really no problem whether you are slim with no curves or not everyone has a taste of beauty believe me you can find guys that dont care about your look just dont be so distant and cold be talkative and confident love your body make peace with yourself in this way you can find a suitable partner for yourself sooner or later

[Maybe_Maybe_not]

Well, I don't know you, I don't know your culture, and whatever I deem unattractive can be universal and not.

That's how brutal and honest I can get right now.

[LiamJHayden]

Can only answer for myself. She doesn't smile or give off any warm vibes. I've been through enough hotties to now not care if she is conventionally beautiful or not as long as she does the aforementioned. A happy plain Jane is 1000x more desirable than an obnoxious hottie.

[msc545]

Excess weight is the big one. Also, bad hair or excess makeup. Finally, a history of two or more divorces always makes men pause, and rightfully so. Lack of education or chronic unemployment are red flags for most guys. If you have more than two children, most guys won't date you. Likewise, if you are totally broke and constantly seeking money, most guys with any brains will stay away from you.

[Nikki1989]

Poor hygiene and grooming — this is probably the most universal.

[queenofcardio]

If you feel that way because guys aren’t approaching you, then go approach them yourself. Put yourself in social situations and start talking to people. It’s not always about looks , it’s also about someone’s attitude.

[Anonymous]

So, you basically want people to tell you you're ugly and give you the reasons why because that's what you've already decided.

Sorry it's not as simple as all that. And if you go looking for your self worth in other people you're ALWAYS going to be disappointed.

[glennos89]

Personally being a guy I absolutely get turned off by

1: woman with a terrible attitude ( gold diggers, unloyal, nagging all the time)

2: unnatural woman who use by Botox or wear face masks made off make up

3: facial piercings

[AngryCarl3]

Just because guys don't approach you. doesn't mean you're unattractive. You might be giving out bad vibes. How approachable do you think you are?

[Asker]

Come on man... Thats a load of crap, no offense. Most women that come of as intimidating or a bad vibe still get approached because they are pretty. My peers are a big example of that.

[Marissa4]

she smokes, way she treats people like wait staff.

[Shrimpenjoyer]

You look amazing

[Vegasrunner]

@Marissa4 Men dont care about those things if she's hot thats all that matters

[Mariogirl09]

Maybe try smiling at guys. You may come off a little intimidating.

[Asker]

That... wasn't my question. And I doupt guys care about smiles and all that when they still bug girls who tell them that they are obviously not interested.

[Mariogirl09]

Its your attitude too why they dont like you. I didn't want to be mean but everything you explained in your post may be proof that your less than average

[Asker]

Well, at least you are honest. Attitude is again a "meh", because guys also approach women they absolutely know nothing about. So there is that.

[HighValue]

Tattoos, nose ring, short unnaturally colored hair, obese are all things that make a woman unattractive in my opinion.

[jahaims]

Attractive guys aren't giving her romantic or sexual interest

[Alex-Snow]

One who smokes cigarettes, has poor hygiene and does not take care of her body

[LC75LC71]

That's actually difficult to answer. Dudes are into some nasty shit!

[888theGreat]

Tattoos and I ask her to fix my car so I can take out a real woman

[slatyb]

she's inconsiderate of others.

[exitseven]

Sjhe could make a steam train take a dirt road.

[kaucky1]

We not always have to keep same look

[Anonymous]

You can see if she is unattractive at first sight.

[In_Trance]

You lost me at low value

[Zionne]

no self care