Did the dating pool get worse as you got older?

[Anonymous]

I learned this through the hard way. Good ones get taken as they get older. Most of the attractive, decent, nice guys with good jobs and would already be taken by 35. If a guy is still single after 35, you're dealing with tier 2. After 40, you're dealing with mostly the leftovers. You are way more likely to encounter bad seeds in this population. Way more bad dates, way more indecent people with character issues, personality disorders.

Not referring to the divorced population here.

Best time to find a decent person is in your 20s.

[MissSunshine2]

I disagree. But then I wasn’t usually chosen first when I was young. Despite my beauty at the time, I was very immature and insecure and I didn’t ooze sex appeal. I wasn’t small and sexy, or cute. Which was what nearly all the guys at that time wanted.

I can honestly say that in my twenties, there were only about five decent men interested in anything potentially serious with me. Out of those, there were only two that I liked. I had some other loser boyfriends then, too.

In my thirties, I have had another seven men interested in me, ranging from very handsome, to cute, to average looking. Four of those men were good people. I was only really interested in two of them.

I attract just as many men now and i don’t look nearly as good as I did then. I doubt I ever will again. However, you do learn to be more comfortable in your own skin with age. That shows to men.

So my trick is taking care of myself. I’m fatter than I was because of health reasons, but I dress to suit my age instead of trying to keep my youth, wearing things that no longer suit me, I don’t drink, smoke, overeat or have lots of late nights and I stay out of the sun and try to walk a few times a week. I tend to wear darker clothes, as I have a stocky build. When I have time (after my education finishes); I’m going to see a dietitian and lose fifteen kilos and keep it off, with a specialised diet and exercise routine.

[MissSunshine2]

It’s not true that I’m the sexiest person. I never really was, or the smartest or most fun or most successful. You don’t have to be. Not for the right men.

[Anonymous]

The best guys over 30 I've ever met have all been taken

[Levin]

Well of course, theoretically, it would be best to do things earlier, but life doesn't always end up that way.

I wouldn't discount older people just because they are single. Sure, it may be due to some personality deficits. But the guy may have also struggled and forged themselves. Aloneness, facing our issues, it can really forge a person. They can become incredibly mentality resilient.

This is in contrast to those who do everything early (there are pros and cons to everything). They may not know themselves, have many unresolved issues, change as they age; so much so that they outgrow their partner and they realise that person is not who they want anymore.

I think if you keep your social circle good you can meet people. The problem is often one of when you age, your social opportunities often diminish. People settle down and friendships shrink as they get partnered up. And then chatting to people at social events is not necessarily easy if they are with other people.

[Anonymous]

I'd agree with that.

[Rei13]

I think a lot of the great guys are taken by 25 give or take, early thirties at the latest but it starts getting harder by then. 35-40+ still good guys there but a lot of people that are single for a reason

[Asker]

first honest person on here

[Master_Debator]

There is a reason I wouldn't "date" a woman my own age. Just more baggage, more bodies, and more demanding. Older and still single... you'll find out why they're still single after about 3 months... or at least start to find out. There's a reason they're single and it's not always some inoccent reason. Sure there might be somone single for inoccent reasons, but you're hella lucky if you can find that. Chances are she's fresh out of prison because she was cheating on her ex and boinking minors at the school she worked at. If you get her... maybe you're just not lucky bro. You'll find out.

[Asker]

well you are also single past 40, I consider you a red flag also.
Generally speaking, anyone who is still single over the age of 35 is a start to a red flag.
Top tier people get taken early on

[Master_Debator]

I'm married for like 20 years... I just look at the sexual market place and see what my options would be... and it looks grim af.

[Asker]

from the way you wrote, it definitely didn't sound like you are married.

yea... I totally get why you wouldn't want to date again at 43. If I were your age, I wouldn't want to date either. Very few attractive people at that age. And the ones that are still single at 43 tend to be severely flawed to a certain extent. Single parents or divorced, jaded and bitter folks who don't want to date ever again

[Master_Debator]

Yeah! You get it.

I mean I made dating profiles (with my wife, so no I wasn't cheating) just to see what comes my way. I still pull young chicks. But I pulled some hot garbage of women from my own age and they all think I'm a sucker. I mean they look like drug users or have a eating too much disorder and they just shoot their shot at me while I still pull 20-year-olds with my looks. If I were single, what choice do you think I would make?

[Asker]

Maybe you still look much younger than your age?

There are also a lotta fake bot accounts in the apps so they might not even be real people

As far as I can tell you, very few 43 year olds still look attractive.

[Master_Debator]

It's real because I get the interest IRL as well... but I hit the weights, fitness model body type. No those chicks my age... they seriously look like they'd try to fuck anything they can get... and then try to use them.

What I'm trying to say is the chicks my age that are not even in my leauge and they're just trying anyways... which tells me they think I'm trapped with them as my only options. A good woman of my age... maybe it can be found because of certain circumstances (widowed for instance), but they're not on those sites to begin with in my opinion. The 304's for life are though.

[Asker]

Large age gaps don't tend to work. That's part of the reason why old men rarely ever tend to marry once they pass a certain age

The chances of a 50 year old being able to relate to a 30 yr old is very low.

Not everything is about looks. You might not have anything in common with someone who cannot match you mentally in any way

[Asker]

There is a reason why the vast majority of married couples are similar in age. Because people similar in age tend to get along better

[Master_Debator]

eeeeeeehhh... I know the slang, I'm not devoid of evolving with society like my parents and grandparents would. Teenagers confuse me as one of their peers still when I'm buying beer.

I think a mental link or similar IQ are more important... but I also interact with all ages constantly... I'm not some stodgy elitest that tells people to pull up their boot straps because back in my day...

I'm just like stuck in the present. Computers were new when I was growing up... phones came later... I evolved. Meanwhile my Mother-in-law can't figure out how facebook works lolz. She stayed with us for a week and couldn't figure out how a PS5 works (for the free youtube). She's the example you're giving. She will never have anything in common with someone below her age.

[Asker]

@master_debator

what I meant was...

sure you matched with a 21 yr old. but what are the chances of you being able to relate to her?

what usually ends up happening is... it just turns into a casual sex relationship.

[Master_Debator]

Maybe... or at least a higher chance of that happening. The genders I think matter... older woman and younger man, I 100% think that's what would happen if they stick together at all after a certain point. Older man and younger woman on the other hand... that guy is way more likely to cheerish the ground she walks upon...

[Asker]

Take this coming from a young woman...

The vast majority of us aren't interested in old men. We like guys just a few years older, still in their prime. Unless the old dude still looks way younger than his age, it is highly unlikely any of us will entertain you.

Most of these young women who only go for significantly older men tend to have issues of some sort. Either this or they have some type of old man fetish.

[Asker]

Large age gaps very rarely result in marriage due to significant gaps in maturity, life experience, life stages.

So If you are the type who is only interested in pursuing someone around your daughter's age, it's highly unlikely you will ever find solid permanent love. Foundation for love is built off emotional connection not just lust

[OneViewpoint]

Not really. Not for me. Quite the opposite actually. Dating has been insanely easy for me the last 10 years.

And as far as picking through the leftovers, I haven't found that to be true either. Instead I've found that a lot of women with a few miles on them and some life experience have become more mature, less insecure, and more independent. They know what they want better than their 22 year old self. The drama quotient improves. The entitlement drops. And accountability becomes a possibility. That makes them a lot easier to be around.

[Asker]

they're flawed in some way, you just refuse to see it because you're wearing rose colored glasses. I promise you that an older woman 40+ who has always wanted to be married but has never been married has some sort of a problem. Maybe not immediately noticeable to the eye... but they exist.

[Asker]

I've met single older folks who have fear of commitment, unreasonably high standards, being too irresponsible to raise children, past traumas such as fear of getting too emotionally close to their partners, people who can never admit it when they are wrong, cannot hold a decent conversation, being too short/ too overweight, being too picky, avoiding love... the list just goes on...

if someone is single over 40, never been married, there is always a reason for it.

[OneViewpoint]

Whoa where'd the never been married thing come from. Your question said people over 35 and single. You didn't specify people who have never been in a relationship or never married. Those people are few and far between. How are you managing to find all these people?

[Asker]

Just people I met at bars, on the street, online. I'm not saying every "never married" person over 40 is a red flag but most of them are.

[Anonymous]

That's not necessarily true, you can't talk about single guys over 35 but not include those who are divorced, which is most of them. They're not tier 2 or leftovers, their relationship ended for whatever reason and now they're out there again, sometimes better than before because they're getting back into shape and trying new things and doing well financially and know how to make a woman happy. Everyone comes with some sort of baggage, being over 35 doesn't make them any better or worse than anyone else. And if you get settled when you're in your 20s, you're much more likely to end up divorced in your 30s or 40s, which is way harsher for older women than it is for older men.

[Asker]

Well if you were such a great catch, why wouldn't you have been snatched up in your 20s? Why would a great catch still never been picked at 40?

No, it's not way harsher for older women than men. Because reality is if you are old ugly wrinkly saggy fat old man with erectile dysfunction, your options will be limited. PERIOD.

[Texaskid1]

The dating pool has always been shitty because most people are shitty. The problem is that when you are 20 you don't realize it because your are too young and have very little experience. Think about all the people who have fallen in love in their 20's thinking that they have met "the one" only to realize that they fell in love with a shitty person , or they fell in love with the concept of love (or the concept of marriage). A lot of women ( and guys) get married very young thinking that life will be like some Walt Disney movie with the prince charming sweeping them off their feet and only to realize it sucks. They then get divorced and grow bitter and cynical as they get older. Also, a lot of older people who have been married for a while are not happy. They just stay together because they don't want to be alone and getting a divorce is too expensive.

[HighValue]

Options are better for me now that when I was young. Younger women are interested in me more IRL, but even when I was younger, I was never compatible with the gen x & Millennial women. Most of them are low quality, morally disgusting, selfish, greedy, disloyal, substance abusing, promiscuous POS from what I have seen. It isn't anything new, or something that happened as they got older because I noticed them being like that back when I was in HS too.

[dudeinohio]

You have to put things in proper perspective. Dating isn't harder or the dating pool doesn't degrade as age advances. True, after a certain age, you get a lot of divorced people; but there are still decent people among them. Same with single parents. Dating pools change; but there are lots of great people out there.

[Asker]

but if someone were so great, then they wouldn't be single their whole lives till they are old...
just think about it.

[dudeinohio]

Not necessarily. If they are older, chances are they got out of a marriage or other relationship and are available now. I found myself single again at 53 and had to start over. Married again.

[Asker]

In my post, I specifically mentioned that this does not apply to divorced people.

Though the reason why they are divorced may be a red flag.

[Maybe_Maybe_not]

I don't know, I don't work with dating pools. I meet people instead, and what I know for sure is that my relationships feel better as I get older.

[Asker]

lots of liars on here

[Maybe_Maybe_not]

A kilogram of spinach, frozen, costs about 1€50 on here. But that's for the raw version

[Ez-Bri-Z_v2]

Not really. I'm boyfriend found me after the age of 40 and he is one of the kindest, most thoughtful and funny man I've ever met. Wouldn't trade him for the world.

[Asker]

Realize everyone says their spouse is the best person in the world. But reality is not everyone who is married is actually the best person in the world

[Ez-Bri-Z_v2]

Obviously but your point was that dating pool getting worse and I disagree. People who are already married did so most likely younger so that would mean the pool is worse when younger.

[Asker]

It definitely got worse for me and I deeply regret rejecting the good guys I met when I was younger

[Ez-Bri-Z_v2]

You are in yours 20s. There is also no guarantee you'd still be happy with someone you met in your early 20s. You'll be fine.

[Asker]

@ez-bri-z_v2

Just turned 30.

Now that I'm older, I'm seeing older guys in their late 30s, and 40. I Even went out of my range and tried a 50 yr old. Then I kinda realized the pattern I was seeing... most of these unmarried old people are unmarried for a REASON.

[Asker]

Then I remember all the good guys I met in my early to mid 20s. All of whom are now in their 30s, married with kids.

The few bad seeds i met in my 20s are not almost 40 and still unmarried.

[Asker]

The few bad seeds i met in my 20s are now* almost 40 and still unmarried.

[Ez-Bri-Z_v2]

It's just your experience like how my experience is my own. Im just saying it isn't harder, you just didn't make good choices is all

[Asker]

@ez-bri-z_v2

It's not just my own experience.

It makes 100% perfect logical sense

Good ones get taken as they get older.

Might sound offensive to many but it's true

[Ez-Bri-Z_v2]

Well, you are obviously stuck in your own mindset about this so not much more i can do to try and convince you.

[Asker]

you can't convince me. because you cannot convince anyone out of logic. If things just make sense, it makes sense.

[PeachyPie93]

I don' think the dating pool got worse I think people once they been hurt just become more cynical and jaded.. It has more to do with experiences than age or not having been married..

[Alex-Snow]

I don't really know. I'm 20 and it is fine at my age but I guess I can see that the "field" might narrow with age.

[Asker]

yup... this this advice from a 30 yr old who has dated guys in their late 30s to even 51. It does not get better as you get older. Sure, you might occasionally find the 45 yr old who has claimed to found an amazing person but its rare as hell.

[MrChinaski]

Women's dating capital peaks about 22-23, men's about 34-35.

[Asker]

Man's peak is 25 to 35. After that it just drops downhill.

[MrChinaski]

Well, we can haggle if you want. One study put the numbers at 18/50. I think 22/35 is pretty much right. It gels with my experience.

[Asker]

@MrChinaski

Not all studies are true. Especially fake studies made up by butt hurt old men who can't stand being old and ugly and fat.
Best way to know is to look at the world around you and see who these young women are dating. How often do you see 18 yr olds dating 50 yr olds? . haha
pretty much never.

I'm 30, not interested in dating anyone over 40.

look at marriage records, what is the most common age gap?

[MrChinaski]

Have you read your own posts on this thread? You are unlikeable.

[Asker]

@mrchinaski

Sorry I hurt your feelings but I like tall strong young men who still have their hair with a good strong dick

[MrChinaski]

I'm inviting you to reflect on what role you choose to play in being unable to find a tall, young, strong man who is attractive, decent, nice guys with good jobs.

If you behave in real life as you have on this thread, I don't believe there is a single such man on this planet that would bother to stop and even give you the time of day.

If you are a good person, good people will find you. If you are a bad person, good people will not.

[Asker]

@mrchinaski

womens preferences will not change with age.

People are wired to find youth attractive... a sign of good reproductive health.

If you think I would find an old fat saggy man who is losing his hair, bad knee not working, dick malfunctioning getting worse everyday, you are lying to yourself.

I still have options, I don't need to settle for an old ugly fat men as of yet.

[AngryCarl3]

I don't know, I haven't been in the dating pool since I turned 40.

[NotSlowestSloth]

Because you get weirder, more hurt, also change in social placement ie college, job, community has an affect too. Also, normal ones gets taken away.

[MyWorld22]

Well, at 22. I can say guys have no idea how to approach women, and they seem to mainly want low-stakes connections.

[Anonymous]

It can only get better for me 👍🤣 'cause I'm staying single y'all 😈😊

[NathanDavis]

not in my experience, no

[msc545]

much worse

[In_Trance]

No. It gets better