How do I move on from loving a man who still won’t love me back?

[Anonymous]

Okay so I met this guy when I was 11 years old and he was 23. He works for my dad and it started as a little school girl crush.

I think he was aware as everytime id see him id go all red in the face and act shy but he stayed professional and I think he just thought it was funny and cute and nothing more the man isn't a pedophile obviously.

As years got on my crush didn't fade away on him. When I got to 15 I became infatuated with him to the point it got very toxic. Id get jealous when I saw girls around his own age around him and one time I confessed my feelings for him and just pushed me away and yelled at me. He would have been around 28 at this time the same age as me now and i completely understand his reaction to me doing that to him now.

he's a very sweet, kind man and afterwards kept his distance away from me but carried on being kind and pretended nothing happened.

Over the years I tried to suppress my feelings for him knowing no matter how hard I tried hed never feel the same and he'd only see me as a little girl.

he's 40 now which seems crazy to say and im kinda surprise he still works for my dad after everything I put him through. He hasn't aged a day since I met him and we all joke he's a vampire.

he's had girlfriends but no relationship has ever lasted more than 3 years for him. He has no children either and seems totally committed to his career working with my dad, he even bought a cut of the business.

I still love him very much, I try to find things in him, I don't like to put myself off him but he's prefect to me no man has ever compared to him and I feel he's meant for me and all the relationships we've had that failed with others is a sign we are meant to be but I sound crazy saying that and I know hed never give me a chance.

He always tells me im a beautiful woman now and should have no trouble finding a good husband and I literally want to scream at him in frustration

Updates

1 mo

Well what makes it even worse is I've literally just found out he's dating a woman whose only two years older than me.

Updates

1 mo

UPDATE: he's staying over tonight without his lady friend in the guest house and going hunting with my dad tomorrow for the bank hoilday, then coming round for dinner afterwards. Im gonna try my hardest to tease him. Getting my nice pj's on tonight and baking cookies for everyone. I'll just happen to swing by and offer him some when he's alone

[SueShe]

You should realize by now that this is the impossible love. He seems to be a gentleman and has not sexually misused you (at least I do hope so) for his own benefit only since you were a child.

If you keep holding onto something impossible, you are just hurting yourself and you will not have a romantic future since you shut everyone else out of your life.

There has been a much too large age gap from the start and he also realizes that if he starts anything with you, he may jeopardize his future in your dad's company.

Take up a hobby or join a club where you can find people that share your interests. That would be the best way to try to find someone.

[Ferngully2000]

Ok so I know you spoke to him many years ago but I think what you are really seeking is closure one way or another.. it sounds like you are in an intermittent loop because maybe he has never really been clear with you one way or another or blown hot and cold…so would you consider asking him for coffee or whatever and actually laying everything out and seeking his thoughts, baring in mind you might not like what you hear.

it is hard, I have experienced similar but both the guy and I were with other people so we always knew it could never happen even though the feelings were definitely there and you like always help who you like/love, but I feel what you really need is closure and some guys won’t give it, but at least you tried which will help you not to forget him, but at least move on, if he doesn’t come towards you. Important thing is if he doesn’t, you can continue to live your life without being restricted by him.

[Ariesman81Nshiiit]

You're the boss' daughter. Untouchable. Even if you're smoking hot and perfect in every way it can't happen.

[Staximus]

There’s things in life you just can’t have, whether you like it or not.

[HawkPerception]

Your father would break ties with him and he'd lose all the years he's had with him. Even if he does feel attracted to you, I don't think he'd want to jeopardize his life like that. It would be a completely different story if your dad wasn't his boss, but he is... and he'd think he was a groomer for his daughter if anything went down. Maybe he does have feelings for you and actually likes the fact that you like him deep down, but it can't work.

Sometimes I hate society for these kinds of situations. Everyone's a bunch of sheep. Love is love. If there's attraction on both sides and it's mutual, why is it assumed that the man is a groomer or pedophile? I've never been in this scenario myself, but I fucking hate how stupid people are in society.

[Asker]

The thing is he's practically my farther best friend and he treats him like the son he never had. He thinks he's a really good guy and hasn't commented on the fact he's seeing a girl 10 years younger than him so what difference would 12 years do.

I actually think it be a massive relief to my dad if he found out we were dating and my dad has even said to me "why can't you find a nice man like Alex?" Alex being the guy in question

[HawkPerception]

If that's the actual case, then push for it harder. Try something like "I like you... like really like you. And I feel it's always just circumstances preventing us from dating. I'm grown up now and I wish you'd see me as a woman. Just humor me. One date. If you don't like it, then we treat it like it never happened, and I never bring it up again."

And if you're sure that your dad's good with it, add that little disclaimer in... "I promise my dad's good with it."

[ohsheeT]

When things are meant to happen they happen

When things are not meant to happen we acknowledge it and we accept it and we move on you can't make anybody love you but what you can do is walk away and make them think about it and if they come after you then they do but for right now you should stop loving him and love yourself even more because that's when the real you you're real personality you real everything will come out and you will become the person you want to become but right now all you're doing is hurting yourself and you're taking yourself down a path that might be hard to get out of

Sometimes the deepest love is when you left somebody that you accept things the way they are and you set them free that is the deepest love you can have I think like I said find more of yourself and just walk away if it's meant to happen it will

[ohsheeT]

You just have to be honest with yourself and look at it for what it really is he is working for your family he became a partner if he was to get with you and it didn't work out there would be bad feelings somewhere between everyone and he's not willing to take that chance he might really truly like you but at the same time he cannot take that chance this is his livelihood the way he makes a living things that he is happy with you that he wants to do

I think Somewhere in Time as you get older and he becomes honest with himself you become honest with yourself at the same time maybe it might work out Sunday when he's almost ready to retire LOL but it doesn't matter how much you likes you he cannot take that chance and really you should really understand that and not you know if you make him feel guilty you can't do that you have to respect what he's trying to do he's trying to protect you your grandfather the business and himself

[Finchie40]

You are best to move on and find someone else , the chances of him being with you are very slim , mainly because you are the boss’s daughter and he knew you since you were a little kid , which he more than likely doesn’t have those kind of feelings for
You , , just because you are older now , he more than likely still sees you as a kid.

[coachTanthony]

10 years would fly by and now he's fifty. Find someone you can grow old with. Not to mention he said you would find a good husband not I would make a great husband for you. No feelings are there for him.

[DishLady]

Tell yourself every morning you can’t love someone who doesn’t love you back. Ultimately it sinks in and you move on.

[AviatorTom]

Best way to move on is to find someone new to love...

[Anonymous]

I know everyone is saying you’re delulu and you are kinda delulu in love lol. I think if it has been this long and you can not get over him. Either talk to him for closure OR make your move. If you wanna make your move, make him realize you’re all grown up now. After each one, IF he rejects you, give yourself space to come into reality that he’s not worth it and you deserve someone who will love you just as much. Gotta wake up from the love dream if he rejects you. But if he considers you… get it girl.

[Opinion Owner]

What is the update have you made your move and how has he responded?

[molonski2]

I think if I were you , I'd throw caution to the wind , you need to make things far far more obvious , get into some very seductive gear , play up to it all , and really let it be known.
Make a fun excuse to give him a sensual lap dance in a small bikini , then let nature take its course , you have wasted too many years already.

[Asker]

You say i wasted to many years but for half my life knowing him I was a child tbf 🤣

[Asker]

Tbf i did think of some plan very similar to this no lap dance included though 🤣.

Im everything older men tend to like. Im extremely feminine and can do the sweet and innocent act very well most older guys are crazy for that shit. I do notice him looking at me but he always goes for the tall skinny girls who are basic af and literally live with there hair in a ponytail and dress like there grandma went shopping for them.

Im very petite at 5ft, blonde curly hair and curves in all the right places. I look like most guys wet dream not to blow my own trumpet.

I don't think im a bad person either. I have a good social circle, do charity work, work full time etc

[molonski2]

Perfect - in that case GO HARD and follow my " out there " suggestion , believe me , it will work big time.

Reasonable comments about 50 % of the time being a child = but you still wasted the rest of the time..

Trust me , I'm correct lol 😂 lol 😆 .

[molonski2]

UPDATE = Nice
How did you go?

[Asker]

I'll write it in another post as there's a lot to go over since last night

[molonski2]

Okey , great tag me in it sounds good 5555555.

[Asker]

I made an update and tagged you in but wouldn't let me share the link

[molonski2]

Okey will read

[molonski2]

I had read that one already about baking etc , so we will await the outcome of that
lol

[Screenwriter]

You've listed all the reasons why not. This has turned into an unhealthy obsession. And it's clear this man has no interest in you because it is unprofessional as well.

I'm sure friends and online associations will help you move on. Use Meetups to cultivate friends with similar interests near your age. You have to WANT to move on, too. If you need help, see a therapist. Good luck.

[msc545]

Rather than beating around the bush, as you seem to be doing with this guy, I think you should just sit down with him and tell him about your feelings. He's either going to be okay with that or he's not. At least to have some closure on this matter, one way or the other. If he is as good a man as you say he is, it should be relatively easy to have this conversation with him, and you should have a good experience this way.

[msc545]

Would your dad have some opinions or feelings if you and this gentleman were to end up in a relationship? Your dad seems to value him. Do you think that this would be okay with your dad or not? I think this is an important part of the difficulties you are having. Try to think out loud about how Dad would react.

[Asker]

Well he's seeing a girl casually atm who is two years older then me and my dad hasn't said anything about it. My dad has made comments in the past saying "why don't you find a nice man like him" to me.

I think hed be somewhat happy for us but it take him a while to wrap his head round.

he's like a son to my dad and he's often at the house. For a matter of fact he's staying in are guest house as we speak because according to my dad something has happened between him and his lady friend so my dad is taking him out hunting tomorrow to take his mind off it.

I was planning on speaking to him tonight but now my dads mentioned he's had a falling out with his lady friend i think I should give him space. I've baked some cookies and im thinking of coming by later and offering him some to try and cheer him up but originally my plan was to try and seduce him but I don't have that in me especially when he's not in a good mood

[msc545]

This is a good time to talk to him.

[Asker]

I don't know feels abit tacky to hit on a man when he's down what if he gets mad and tells me to fuck off or something

[Asker]

Or am I thinking like woman there?

[msc545]

Now you are thinking logically. This, in fact, may not be the best time to tell him of your feelings, since his mind is probably filled with regrets and with concerns about his ex. I think you should wait and see how this situation pans out, but in the end I think you need to tell him your feelings. Not tonight, maybe not this week, and probably not even this month, but soon. If you go on like this, you are depriving him of knowing your feelings, which is not fair to him, and you are also depriving yourself of any other relationship, which is not fair to you. You need to make things right, but you need to do it at the right time.

[Asker]

Well I just gave him a cookie and he gave me a hug and kissed me on the cheek and said thank you. I dropped the plate on the floor and went all red again. I want to die now

[msc545]

Don't die now. You should really wait a long time, if ever, to do that. People drop things. I'm sure he understands. I would. Only you and I know why you dropped it.

[Asker]

I wasn't wearing a bra when he hugged me that makes it worse 😭😭

[msc545]

You are not required to always wear a bra, and I'm sure he doesn't care.

[Asker]

I hope so. What does it mean his he kisses me on the cheek though? I literally thought he was kiss me for real probably why I dropped the plate. Kiss on the cheek is like something your grandad gives you. He definitely still sees me as a little kid

[msc545]

He is going to keep kissing you on the cheek until you give him a reason to do something else.

[Asker]

I'll write an update in another post as there's a lot to go over since last night. I do have more questions and concerns now but for now I think its going very well

[msc545]

That's good to hear.

[Asker]

I made an update but wouldn't let me share the link

[WhitneySnow]

I don’t think he’s interested. Probably because he remembers you from when you were 11 and 15 and he can’t get that out of his head. Good news is he’s defo not a pedophile.

[Bklynbadboy12]

You might need some professional help. You're way to invested in some that never was and never will be. Just move on you living in a dream world he's never made you think that you even had a chance. Then on top of that you made it weird by getting jealous over some you never should be jealous of... Just move on! Trust me if you dont you'll just get hurt

[Nikki1989]

The hardest part of unrequited love isn't the lack of love; it's the presence of hope. Once you come to terms with that, moving on is too easy.

[Sunshinelips]

If something were to happen, it would have happened by now. Let him go and go and meet someone else. Once you do those feelings for that older man will fade away

[genericname85]

i find that finding a viable alternative is the best way to move on. cause in my experience the feelings for them never really go away. also it would be very important to fully cut them out of your life.

[Anonymous]

I had a similar situation with my husband. He was older and I younger. He treated me like a little girl up until he seen me in my swimsuit and could see I was a woman.

[Asker]

he's currently seeing a girl two years older then me which is something I can't seem to wrap my head around.

I dont think the relationship is that serious atm but I dont want to be a home wrecker if I try anything with him again but your swimsuit story has planted a seed in my head but I know I shouldn't have

[Asker]

Im thinking about trying to seduce him. He often comes over the house to have private meetings with my dad which usually just consists of playing pool in the games room. More often then likely he'll spend more time in the summer bbqing with my dad and going to golf etc.

he's essentially my dads best friend and in the summer acts as part of the furniture all most.

I have a tiny little thong bikini and im thinking next time he's over to sit by the pool wearing it just to see his reaction. Im gonna start wearing less around whenever he's around just to tease him.

[whocares1972]

Out of respect for your father, he will not engage with you. Stop it!!

[queenofcardio]

You have to come to the realization that it will never work out.

[billyboy197747]

Break up with then and find someone who will love you. That has always been my experience.

[Asker]

Were not together yet so how can I break up with them?

[billyboy197747]

True, then I would forget about that person and move on. I was in that experience once and that what I did. There is that person out there who will return your love.

[whosnumber_1]

Communicate your feelings to the people who care and make a point of socializing

[Alicia740]

Return the same energy until he gets tired and want out

[Manuelwe]

Stop harassing and get on a good cock that owned by a man that loves you.
Not your tits arse and so on

[Shy_Steve]

You love a Man who you know actually already loves you.

[kaucky1]

Try not to get overworked on some guys exspecially if the guys for each other anyway

[Celticwolf78]

He has respect for your dad and family he doesn't want to mess it up with him that's why he has hasn't tried to date you because of your dad

[Sangramrajek]

He has been seeing you from your childhood, so you are like children for him, so left him alone, and find right person

[Anonymous]

Accept the fact that he is not interested in you. Date other guys.

[Hulk30]

if that Man don't love ya back simply find a Man who does

[Khyab2015]

Just keep yourself busy and stop thinking about him

[Anonymous]

Hope so to young plus put him in bad way with your Dad

[fero266]

Ew…just ew to everything

[exitseven]

Sounds like a real bad situation.

[Anonymous]

Why is he perfect?

[Asker]

he's everything good in the world. he's respectful, funny, smart, kind, handsome, hard working and is very loyal to my family. I dont think there's anything he can't succeed in, everyone likes him.

He could have slated me to other colleagues and been really mean to me after he found out my feelings for him but instead he keeps it to himself to protect my feelings.

I hate it sometimes but he actually cares that much. If he was a dick like other men id fine it easy to move on.

I remember one time he caught me smoking and drinking when I was 16 with a couple friends in the park. He smacked the cigarette out my hand and threw the bottle away and dragged me away.

We ended up in a disagreement were I said he needed to stop acting like he cared about me when he doesn't and he just said "im not arguing with a child" ngl I was getting a kick out of seeing him be that way with me until he called me a child

[Opinion Owner]

How do u both look?

[Opinion Owner]

Ofcourse he has to be loyal to your family , they pay him

[Asker]

He looks very young for his age most people assume he's early 30s has brown curly hair, 6ft , muscler build, tanned, brown eyes, really cute face. He kinda looks like Dylan O'Brien

Myself im 5ft2 very petite, pale skin, blonde with blue eyes and I also have a very cute face. I get told I look like zooey deschanel in elf.

He often goes for very skinny tall girls with a bang average face and thats not me being nasty either he does tend to go for plain janes but im sure they are all nice girls its not all about looks

[Opinion Owner]

Since u are older now ask your parents to talk to him

[Asker]

Oh god id die if my parents knew or said anything to him about the situation. I wouldn't want him to be with me out of of fear of losing his job. Like in some weird blackmail way thats not real love.

Plus i found out today after doing some stalking he's recently started dating a girl whose literally 2 years older then me so age clearly isn't the reason now

[Opinion Owner]

Exactly. So go claim him.

[Opinion Owner]

Try brushing your tits against him

[Asker]

Thats sexual harassment and he could sue my family for that

[Opinion Owner]

But u need to show him u are a women with an active sex life ,

[Anonymous]

Find someone better.

[Godihateyou]

Fuck his brother

[Asker]

he's a lonely child

[Asker]

Only * 🤣

[Godihateyou]

Fuck his cousin or father

[Plugs]

How will that help

[Godihateyou]

Do it. Then come back, but you won't have to ask me. You will know how that helps by then.

[Plugs]

How does it help

[Godihateyou]

I'm not repeating myself to an idiot

[Plugs]

How does it help loser

[Godihateyou]

I'm not repeating myself loser