How should I handle dating interest when her texting and calls stay so minimal?

[Anonymous]

I met a woman at an event I went to in NY. She lives in the same building as my boss in Miami. she’s deciding where she’s moving soon but most likely she’s going to go back to NYC in another month or so. We’ve had one almost 45 minute video call and if I text her, she will respond enthusiastically and she’s made multiple references to she’ll be back in the city soon and agreed to go on a date with me numerous times. But she doesn’t seem to want to do more video calls until she’s back to where we can spend more time together in person.

I’m also very careful with how much I text her because it seems like she’s one of those people who likes to exchange a couple of texts here and there and that’s it. It just feels weird if we’re going to have such limited communication for a decent amount of time before we go on a date. To me this is like maybe a yellow flag, but yeah.

Also, it’s pretty clear that I’m interested in her romantically and going on a date with her. everything she has said on those lines has been encouraging. I just wish she would be open to another video call or two, but basically she tells me she’s busy with the rest for time in Florida, But we will see each other when she goes back to NY. she’s not doing what women do if they’re trying to brush you off. And I’ve ran everything through AI and it basically agrees that this is like openness and some level of interest but you know maybe not as much as I would want.

[HollyK21]

I feel like this is one of those take it or leave it situations. At the end of the day, this isn’t about how much she likes you or any of that, it’s about the fact that she just isn’t very good when it comes to texts/calls. This is normal for a lot of people, even with my fiancé his texting was always so minimal but that’s because he doesn’t prefer texting. However, we did much more hanging out, with texts becoming more of a check-in to see how our day is going and making plans for the night.
I understand you don’t have that luxury right now, and you’re trying to hang on because you really wanna give this a shot. You just can’t force it, and when I say this I’m not talking about the mutual feelings, agreed upon dates, etc; I’m talking about just her interest in being on the phone in general, and you having to decide whether or not this minimal communication will be enough for you. You can’t change her or make her more interested in texts/calls, she either is or she isn’t and she shows where she stands with her actions.

[Zack-Bann]

First: don’t listen to the psudo-machismo in these comments. They don’t know shit.
Second: don’t run anything by AI. It doesn’t know shit.


You’re doing good.
Some people don’t have the time or energy for endless chatting and video calls.


For now your issue is purely logistical.
She’s already told you that she’s planning on dropping by.
Just keep in minimal contact to remind her that you haven’t forgotten her.
Basically stretch out the time between your replies to her and let her stretch out her replies to you so that more time passes.


And once she’s got a date for her arrival in NYC plan ahead and ask her out during that time, make sure you figure out where to take her if she’s not a local and doesn’t know the area.
You can impress her with an authentic experience, a decent view, and close proximity to your place so you can invite her over for a nightcap


Because YES, if you two won’t live in the same city you need to move a bit faster
You can’t go on 6 dates before kissing her
Ideally you should even sleep with her as soon as possible


That way she’s invested in what you two have and even when she’s away she feels like there’s enough unfinished business to keep on seeing you.


But if you wanna date her long term one of you will have to relocate because long distance always has a short fuse

[Maybe_Maybe_not]

Omg this last sentence of the story, such an unexpected plot twist, I fucking loved it! 🤩

... But I don't think we need my enthusiasm about your scenaristic prowesses, given the serious nature of you question.

I can't personally relate to your question because texting is utterly important for me when the in person talking phase is not an option. So I would not have been attracted to her, not enough incentive.

What can is say, it's possible she doesn't like video calls, I mean video calling can be a pretty boring communication mode for people already wasting a significant amount of life expectancy in zoom office meetings. Trying to be you, but me, but you, but definitely me, I could want to test waters more with texting, in order to see how unappealing this mode is to her.

If nothing else works, I could try to dig a hole for her in my mind and leave her there until my next chance of a rendez-vous galant in the city?

[bobalife]

I think it’s best to just go at her pace if you can be patient to meet her once she returns since it sounds like you really wanna meet her and explore it.
I would be honest that it’s a yellow to red flag… she’s busy, but she isn’t prioritizing time & building a connection aka her interest isn’t that high (yet). Either you accept that this is her level of interest and style… communicate and ask her about it… or respect yourself and find someone else who matches your energy & time.
I think you can think about do you guys have what you want with connection, chemistry, compatibility when you did met and had those exchange texts/call? Or is it just more of a thrill of a chase?

[Rei13]

Some people just aren’t great when it comes to texts/phone calls. I am like that and my fiancé was not a fan of that early on. I do however value spending time with someone in person and giving them my full attention. It’s just one of those things where you either take it or leave it/find a middle ground on.

[Chazmatazz269]

She’s just not that into you, mate. If I were you, I’d back off and wait to see if she reaches out at all.
If you’re interested in a relatively equal give and take, and I suspect that you are based upon this question, I recommend that you move on. She’s either playing you or, at the minimum, accustomed to holding the prevailing power in her relationships. You probably aren’t ever going to feel a sense of satisfaction from such a relationship.

[Anonymous]

Her interested in you is just lukewarm. Trust me, if someone truly likes you, they would make the time to video call you anytime they can. But I can totally understand why she also wouldn't want to video call too much before the first date... You can never truly get to know someone thoroughly via video call. In person vibes are more important.

But in regards to her fleeting text style, she doesn't sound like the type who would be a fit for a permanent long term relationship or marriage. She might be the type who jumps from person to person

[Mark_Est]

Dude, she doesn't sound like a decent good woman. Cut it off. That is not how feminine women behave or etc. Secondly, get yourself a decent down to earth woman with values, a virgin, 23 year oldish. Don't waste time on these modern women. All you get are some modern problems.

[MrChinaski]

Live with being in limbo for now. Don't invest yourself too hard until she is ready to invest. Just enjoy what you have and go about your life. Be open to other options as they arise.

That's my approach, anyway.

[Maybe_Maybe_not]

Same conclusion Chin'

[Taurus_Woman]

This doesn’t sound like a yellow flag. It sounds more like low communication preference + long-distance timing. If she’s consistent, replies well, and agrees to meet, she’s likely just keeping things light until you’re in the same place.

[Screenwriter]

Why not bring this up with her and weigh her response? She may be loath to get too invovled before she's with you personally.

[msc545]

It sounds like she's too busy to constantly text and call you even though you'd like this. I think you either have to put up with this or find somebody else. If you keep bothering her about it, I'm sure she'll walk away.

[Manuelwe]

Her pain is in a shell and need you to earn her trust to crack it

[MrChinaski]

You can't save people.

[queenofcardio]

She seems uninterested

[Maybe_Maybe_not]

Damn, you're a killjoy now, where are my waterfalls, my fairies?

[Anonymous]

Depends

[In_Trance]

She's not interested

[Anonymous]

What did AI say?