How do I change my view on men?

[Anonymous]

I turned 23 this year, and since middle school I haven't been able to view any guy in a positive light with my dad being the only exception. in middle school my mom moved us to the area I live in to this day, it's predominantly white and in a way thats what caused this all. I'm mixed half white and half black, no one ever saw me as "white" they saw my skin being brown and that's all it took.

no one would be my friend because of the way that boys would treat me, what started off as light bullying turned into full on bullying and harassment. the boys would throw away my lunch, pour milk on me and call me racial slurs. the girls wouldn't be friends with me because they didn't want to be associated with someone who was getting this treatment. when high school came around it got even worse, my junior year I ended up not attending 3/4 of my classes for the year and in a way thankfully covid hit my senior year and I didn't have to see anyone.

now jumping into current times, I'm still called racial slurs and excluded. I still can't make friends because everyone still talks about what the guys did to me. on dating apps if I do happen to match with anyone, I'm told that we can have sex but they won't date a black woman because there's no "use" when there's plenty of white women around.

l've talked about this with my parents about this, my mom who is white said that I should give guys a chance and doesn't believe it was "that bad" even though she had emails being sent to her while I was in school about what was happening. While my father who is black, told me that it's better to be wary of guys because this is exactly what he went through growing up Minus the dating apps.

I want to experience things I wasn’t able to such as dating, but I’m not sure it’s possible due to the damage that’s been done to me. Maybe there’s no coming back from all of this.
any advice, I guess. I don't know

[sawno]

Alright I think its important for you to learn the real reason why that happened, and its not you. Its because people are forced to be in a place they don't want to be, forced to be in the same people in such a high density that it would be illegal if it was a work place, all there against their will and stuck in a toxic social dynamic they can't opt out off. What you then get is this kinda tribalistic behavior where they seek someone easy to take that frustration out on. If they don't they risk that happening to them.

Thankfully for you the rest of the world isn't like that, and the few places that are like that tend to be toxic workplaces you can get out off by getting a different job.

Its not a men problem though, we had a class in elementary school where it was 3 terror girls terrorizing the rest of the class. Its very much a school system problem.

To me it sounds like you need to date outside of your region, there will be people who find you attractive just takes some effort to find them. Maybe try dating in person but out of town.

[Ez-Bri-Z_v2]

Thankfully I grew up in a town where there was a large Mexican presence and not in a predominantly white area so I didn't experience much in the way of bullying over skin color. I do realize though that bullying because of skin color still exists (despite another post on here trying to deny it).

That being said, men (and women for that matter) are not a monolith. You'll have good and bad people amongst them. Shutting down on all men does "protect" yourself but it also makes you miss out on some of the good ones who aren't just interested in a one night stand.

[genericname85]

I guess the only solution is not to assume that everyone is like the people you had negative experiences with. Because factually not all people are. So I guess you gotta prof that this is the case by actively seeking out these people so you can actually be convinced that what you dealt with was not representative of all people. It's hard to do given your experience but I guess that's the way.

[Cidknee]

It's hard to believe you were in school with people like that in this century, perhaps about 75 or a hundred years ago. I didn't see biracial kids picked on for anything to do with color when in school but I've since heard that they would catch grief from both races. I have 3 biracial nephews and they've not had any trouble that I have heard about. But it could be the location. That leads me to say that there will always be dumb-asses and learn to recognize their stench from a safe distance.

[AngryCarl3]

Have you considered hanging out with guys who aren't racists?

[Anonymous]

This sounds more like a pity party post about being black.

[jahaims]

Things that didn't happen

[Celticwolf78]

I'll be your friend and you can pm me anytime