If confidence is key to dating, why do so many people lack it?

[Cw992]

[Effably]

Confidence is tied to being in control, of yourself if nothing else, which is easiest to achieve by having low stakes or being in a familiar element.

Dating is all about raising the stakes and exposing yourself to someone new. The more it means to you, the less likely you are to appear confident.

If you are okay with being intentionally confident that is quite easy to achieve. As humans we interestingly register someone's breathing to be linked to their confidence. If you simply practice a relaxed comfortable breathing rhytm you can slip into a confident-appearing state whenever you like.

Naturally any calming techniques or confidence techniques are basically tricks to do this but if you skip the fluff it comes down to breathing steady.

[Cw992]

Totally agree. I don't think the younger generations of today know what confidence is. Their idea of confidence to me appears to be how good looking the person is and how much money the person has as a opposed to how the person carries themselves and treats others.

[FrodoSkywalker007]

Many factors. Upbringing, experience, lack of social contact etc

[Cw992]

Do you think people like to project they're more confident than they actually are?

[FrodoSkywalker007]

I think it's a necessity.

[Cw992]

I've always found it a funny requirement given how many people barely make eye contact with eachother in the real world lol

[DishLady]

It's incredibly difficult to be GENUINELY confident. It's easy to be arrogant (which is what folks who lack confidence and WANT to be, so they cover up with false bravado in some attempt to "fake it till you make it"...). It's easy to give in to fear. It's hard to be genuinely fearless and open enough to just speak your mind and express feelings in a way that's still respectful and honest. For most people, being vulnerable is only possible when there's true confidence. It's not only the confidence that is admired, but the vulnerability that comes with it.

[Nikki1989]

The reason so many people lack confidence in dating is that the dating environment itself is practically designed to strip it away. It is how you deal with it that counts, and many deal with it very badly.

[Cw992]

Totally agree. Online dating in particular has made everything so superficial that people only care about looks and see good looks as someone having confidence. The human connection has been ripped away.

[Kelly6]

@Cw992 confidence not something people can learn.

it comes from personality which not everyone has.

[Cw992]

Couldn't agree more.

[Anonymous]

Sort of. Not giving a 💩 while still respecting the other person is a key. Keeping just enough detatchment that they crave having you around, but not so detatched that they feel ignored or abandoned. It's sort of an art. You have to learn to play the other person just right.

[Cw992]

Very true and I agree. The point of my question is I'm wondering why so many people have this as a preference when they themselves lack confidence. Why do they desire this so much as a trait in others? I see it all the time on dating profiles. And I know a large majority of these people will have confidence issues themselves yet they desire others being confident, always find out it bizarre and humourous lol

[Opinion Owner]

"Main character" syndrome. Some times it's lack of confidence, sometimes it's narcissism, sometimes it's both. Women do it for attention. a lot of women today (and increasing) were never taught they had value beyond their what's between their legs and their physical attractiveness. So their entire life becomes an exercise in drawing, and trying to keep the attention of as many men as possible. Men conversely as soon as they hit puberty (erroneously) define their worth by the amount of women they attract. And tragically in all of this both genders are doing all the can to destroy the other genders confidence. It would be comical if it wasn't as mean spirited as it is. But bot genders consider their actions justified. Because it's all part of "the game"😆 and to an extent this game has always existed. But the difference is up until about 5 years ago this game had clearly defined goals woman and men were looking to get married, have kids, pay taxes and die.😆 Now it's primarily just an ego boost.😆

[Cw992]

Totally agree. I would add also that it's more of an online ego boost. The internet deludes people into building personas of themselves that they'd never act out in the real world. The majority of people in the real world today walk around with their heads down avoiding eye contact but online they portray these other worldly people with personalities of kings and queens it really is hilarious when you think about it 😂 people were so much more normal 15/20 years ago than they are now. Even the most beautiful people never took themselves as seriously as this new generation of influencers. I dread to think what the world will be like in 20 years time 😂

[Opinion Owner]

The Bible tells us this in 2Timothy 3:1-2 "In the last days perilous times will come: For men will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boasters, proud, blasphemers, disobedient to parents, unthankful, unholy".
We might not have 20 more years.

[Anonymous]

Because some people just don’t have it.

[Cw992]

I totally agree which is why I find it amusing that so many people put it as a requirement in their dating bios when searching for their desired bio when they don't have it themselves lol