Why hasn’t dating worked out for me since being cheated on multiple times?

[unsteadydreadfeeling]

I’ve had more than one ex cheat on me, including one who was tempted by another girl. Dating with different guys hasn’t led to a relationship since.
I’m trying to understand why this keeps happening.

[bear34]

The trust issues you're dealing with are likely far more significant than you realize. You might be overwhelming the other person without even noticing; your rules could feel burdensome to them, and your cautious behavior or tendency to fixate on details might come across as a bit intimidating. I’m not certain—I’m just sharing what crossed my mind.

[unsteadydreadfeeling]

I understand what you’re saying about trust issues, and I do try not to overshare or overwhelm anyone. I keep things light and open when I meet someone new. I’ve been on dates, but nothing has come out of them, and I’m still single. I’ve also tried dating apps and going out in public places, but I’m not getting much response from guys anymore.
That’s why I’m trying to understand what might be going wrong.

[bear34]

Perhaps you should make the man feel better about himself. Men shouldn't realize just how smart you are; you can make them feel more at ease by saying things like, "Yes, you're right—I hadn't thought of it that way."

[unsteadydreadfeeling]

I understand what you mean, and I do try to make men feel at ease. But when I compliment some guys, they don’t relax — they go straight into ego mode. So it doesn’t really help the situation. That’s why I’m trying to figure out what’s actually going wrong.

[bear34]

You shouldn't pay compliments to just anyone. If you realize the person across from you is egotistical, I think you should end the date right there. A selfish person cannot contribute anything to a relationship between two people; they will just drain you. You should pay compliments to the right person. To make a stronger impact, they need to see your feminine side.

[bear34]

I don't think every man you go on a date with stops seeing you for the same reason; they are all different people with different personalities. Don't assume you're making a specific mistake—you aren't making some universal error. Just adapt to the person you're with, but don't compromise too much of yourself. The person you're with should love you for who you are.

[unsteadydreadfeeling]

I get your point, and I do end dates when a man shows ego or selfish behaviour. But showing my feminine side doesn’t always help — sometimes it actually makes certain men act even more egotistical. I also have moderate learning disabilities, so my mum comes with me for support and safety, and she’s very protective.
I try to compliment the right person, but some men still react in ways that make the date uncomfortable or not successful.

[bear34]

I understand the situation better now. Men don't want to continue seeing you because they see your mother there. Do they know beforehand that your mother will be coming along to the date? Do you tell them? A first date should involve a sense of excitement, but having your mother present prevents the man from feeling at ease, and he won't be able to speak openly and honestly with you. It can be awkward if your mother interjects or responds to something he says. This is a dynamic meant for two people; a third party shouldn't be involved. Given your specific circumstances, I think your mother should arrange a date for you with someone she knows personally—perhaps a neighbor, a friend's son, or someone similar.

[unsteadydreadfeeling]

I do let men know beforehand that my mum comes with me because of my moderate learning disabilities and for safety. My mum has already tried arranging a meet‑and‑greet with people she knows, but I wasn’t attracted to anyone there. I’ve had some dates, but nothing has developed further, though I have made more friends.
So I understand what you’re saying, but I’m already being upfront, and my mum has tried her part too. I’m just trying to figure out why dating still isn’t moving forward for me.

[bear34]

Just think about it this way: suppose we went on a date and your mother came along. I wouldn't feel very comfortable in that situation. Furthermore, let's say we started a relationship; I’m certain your mother would regularly say things like, "Don't play games with my daughter," "Don't give her false hope if you aren't going to marry her," or "When are you two getting married?" For instance, if we had an argument and she stepped in saying, "You know about my daughter's special situation; I can't let you upset her," we’d be forced to sweep the issue under the rug instead of actually resolving it. We might not be able to go on evening dates, or your mother might often tag along whenever we went out. That could be uncomfortable for a man.

[ChiTown33]

What is the common denominator in all these relationships?

You!

There's your big clue.👍

[unsteadydreadfeeling]

Just saying “you’re the common denominator” doesn’t really help me figure out what’s happening. I’ve gone on dates, tried dating apps, and met people in public, but nothing has come from it. I’m looking for actual reasons or insight, not just a vague statement.

[beenherebefore]

You probably have some unresolved issues or traumas that make you feel attracted to unstable Men.

[unsteadydreadfeeling]

I don’t feel attracted to unstable men. I’ve had ex‑boyfriends cheat on me before, but that doesn’t mean I’m drawn to unstable people. I’ve gone on dates with different guys, tried dating apps, and met people in public, but nothing has turned into a relationship. I’m trying to understand the real reason behind the pattern.

[beenherebefore]

Well, you clearly go for guys who are not ready to commit.

[arianna1414]

I don't know ask your close friends maybe they know more

[jahaims]

You don't know how to pick an emotionally healthy guy

[unsteadydreadfeeling]

Just saying I “don’t know how to pick emotionally healthy men” doesn’t help me understand my situation. I’ve dated different guys and tried different ways of meeting people, but nothing has worked out. I’m looking for actual reasons or insight, not assumptions.

[MasterKS]

casual sex is best.