Why did she disappear after our fun day together and no contact since?

[Anonymous]

i last saw her 2 weeks ago , it was a warm July day so went swimming at this park that has a dock , to my surprise she and a couple of her girlfriend's showed up at the same time. had never seen them there before , only really seen them at there work a restaurant and this store plus the gym.

though it went ok considering how random it was and fact we'd never done that before but have not heard from her since ( she said bye to me when i left and seemed happy ) , been in her work but she is never there , tried to add her on instagram a while back but just says requested. have seen the other girls and they did talk to me , never mentioned anything about her but have not asked yet

all i can think of is maybe she went on a trip , possibly a family trip maybe? i don't really know , i feel so lost

Updates

1 mo

still yet to come up with an answer as to what went on with her, she doesn't seem to be at her work anymore and not even sure if she still works there. she mentioned a while back she didn't go to that gym anymore either. her girlfriend's never seem to mention anything about her when i see them. though she was going to school in the fall but not even sure where or for what? so have no answers at all really,

Updates

1 mo

still without any real answers as to what happened or where this girl is , she was not at her usual job on Friday once again , 2 of the girls she was friends with still work there but did not mention her in fact no one has mentioned her this whole time. no credible leads at all on this one , assume she found a new job or on a trip or different schedule at old job , is only ideas that make sense

[DishLady]

Some people are simply unhinged. You're probably better off not having someone who does this in your life at all.

Don't hang your sense of being "lost" or "found" on some other person's behavior. BE YOU. KNOW WHO YOU ARE. That's it.

[Asker]

she has done this before , been periods where i did not see her for a bit and could not figure out why.

part of the problem is not having an answer as to why this has happened or if there is anything i can do to resolve this

[DishLady]

The only thing you can do is leave. Don't think about it. Block her. Don't let her back in. This is someone who is just messing with you and keeping you on the hook to make herself feel good. She is a heartless person. Leave. Stop thinking about any of this. I'm serious.

[Asker]

note i would not say that she is unhinged although could see that some of her behaviour would come off as so

i'm not even sure what she is doing in the fall , think she was going to school but not sure for what? don't think she is working at that job in the fall

might try talking to her girlfriend , one works at a restaurant i go to and still talks to me so perhaps she can provide some answers

[DishLady]

I'm not going to continue entertaining this. I already know how this sort of thing ends. You're too caught up in someone who doesn't gaf about you.

[Asker]

can't block her as i don't even have her on social media , i've always talked to her inperson at a few spots here

think she was jealous cause a couple weeks earlier i had seen another girl from her work at that same park who was like a stunner in her bikini and she was jealous and so appeared there too , got her ego boost and then disappeared

[OneViewpoint]

Dude, get some help for this obsession with this particular group of young girls who have done nothing but exist and work at places you frequent. It's painfully obvious to everyone else that these girls tolerate you. They have zero romantic interest in you. And frankly you're probably creeping them out at this point.

[Asker]

not sure if you will listen or not but you have to understand a lot of these girls work at a specific restaurant in my hometown i frequent. maybe i go there too often but either way its the owner who has created this situation not me , he specifically hires certain young women from my area to work there and won't even allow men or older women to serve there. he's never had a gay male server ever.

and then to make things crazier he hires a married lesbian who hates men to be the manager , does that even make any sense? so you have this restaurant staffed full of beautiful young women managed by a lady who seems to hate men , he created this mess and doesn't want to except responsibility or end the insanity and hire like a normal restaurant does

people say its my fault cause i interact so much with these girls at there work but i'm not the one who created the place to begin with or who made these staffing decisions , i wouldn't have an issue if the owner opened up the hiring process and made more fair choices , its not like people would stop going there if there was a male server or older women server

these girls just wanted a job and some easy money , perhaps they got more than they bargained for and don't really like the situation they found themselves in. but i don't think my friendship with them is wrong , this girl does not currently work at that restaurant although she did briefly work there as a host in 2024 that was how i first meet her

i though my friendship with her was healthy and genuine but maybe it wasn't necessary entirely the same to her

[OneViewpoint]

Wow, you're living deep in denial. So you're not responsible your your actions. It's everyone else's fault. You're not accepting any blame. Like I said, you have a problem. You're a borderline stalker. Get some help.

[Asker]

no i do agree that i made mistakes here , not denying that , what i'm saying is i did not create the situation. the owner should of known better than to do the things he's done , yeah i went to this place cause so many girls from my home area worked there but he could of opened up the hiring process and created a more inclusive environment that was less about his employees age and looks

i personally feel that i'm made better decisions towards girls in recent years than past years , true i talk to them a lot at work but i respect there privacy outside of it and would not expect these girls to do things with me outside of work or provide #'s and such , our friendships seem to occur more at work and i'd only focus effort talking to girls i felt i got along with and had some mutual interest in speaking to me , if i felt they had no interest at all in being friends i would not try and talk to them so much

i've tried to navigate this situation the best i could , you assume that like no younger women would like me but i've bought many of them drinks before at various bars and made connections with them before , i don't focus effort on girls i don't feel are interested , so no one is being stalked

some of these girls are stuck in an awkward situation yes but there not being stalked , they choose to work in such places and knew men would come in to visit cause they worked there , perhaps they dislike the fact they can be found so easily but that is reality of there work

[Asker]

( was looking through google maps and reading some of the reviews about the restaurant some of these girls i know work at , some really bad ones , this is an actual google review left by a customer 1 month ago , city name was edited out , owner or manager never reply to any of them ever no matter how bad they are , like this is what i'm dealing with , he created this situation and refuses to address it , everyone knows he only hires pretty white girls and doesn't even care if they treat people well

1 review
a month ago
Disgusting service, the girls who work here are hired for their looks and give terrible service. When I was trying to order drinks for my employees they made it seems like I was being a creep when I just wanted to order a round for my peers. I have never felt so disrespected in all of @#@@@. I would never recommend anybody goes to this restaurant it is disgusting how they run this business.
Food: 1/5 Service: 1/5 Atmosphere: 1/5

[Asker]

( read this one an actual review left on google about the manager who is a wing nut and seems clueless about anything )

1 review
a month ago
CA$50–60
I was disappointed by my experience with the restaurant’s management. The manager consistently displayed unprofessional behavior toward both staff and customers. Communication was often rude and dismissive, creating an uncomfortable atmosphere. Concerns and feedback were not handled respectfully, and there seemed to be a lack of accountability when issues arose.

A good manager sets the tone for the workplace, and unfortunately the leadership here appeared to have a negative impact on both employee morale and customer experience. I hope the restaurant addresses these issues and focuses on creating a more respectful and professional environment.

Service: 1/5

[HollyK21]

Anon, sir, your idea of a professional environment is one that forces these women to befriend you because you refuse to leave them alone at work. You are trying so badly to interject yourself into these relationships that have nothing to do with you it’s outrageous. Then you’re not even remotely grasping what Oneviewpoint and myself have tried telling already, numerous times on my end. If you’ve not gotten a professional evaluation on your mental state then I really think you should, this is not normal.

[Asker]

@HollyK21 she enjoyed talking to me at her work , the other people there did seem to get annoyed that i kept coming in though but i didn't really care much what they though. i've still yet to see her inperson for a few weeks now , some of her girlfriend's work at restaurants that i go to and still seen them but they never mention her and we have not talked about her yet.

i don't think she had an issue with me talking to her at work , she seemed to enjoy our conversations and her job wasn't really that interesting so i think it made her day less long and a break from it. i wouldn't of talked to her there if i felt it was bothering her or not welcome

[HollyK21]

They don’t want to deal with you outside those spaces, dude. Are you ever going to move on from fixating on these young women? My goodness.

[Asker]

i don't think its the age difference or fact i saw them somewhere else ( had seen her at gym before too ) , might of been cause she though i was checking out her friend who was also there and sort of cute

[HollyK21]

You don’t think it’s an age issue because you’re purposefully oblivious and have been for years now.

[Asker]

i genuinely felt that we got along and our conversations were genuine up till this point , will see if she re appears before the summer is over

[HollyK21]

I feel like you’re way too in your own head about all this because you don’t have anyone else to run it by. This is the result of living a moderately isolated, single life. You fixate on these women, include yourself in situations which have nothing to do with you at all, and see zero problem with how weird this behavior is. There isn’t some mystery to solve dude, and if there is then please explain how on earth it would involve you? None of this includes you yet you’re acting so entitled to the information about it. This is very strange behavior and you’re totally in denial about it.

[Asker]

i never felt my friendship with this girl seemed weird , we were not the same age true but grew up in the same town so perhaps that did contribute to why i felt a connection with her

i never felt out of place when i was with them at the gym or park or restaurant. maybe some people would see it as weird but was like no one else there that day to judge us

[HollyK21]

I don’t know how you call these friendships. None of them add you on social media, ask to exchange information or try hanging out. You visit their places of work and they must interact. Even with this interaction you’re posting about, it only happened because you ran into each other. She is avoiding you on purpose now. You just refuse to take the hint.

[HollyK21]

You don’t need answers. It’s absolutely crazy that you’ve involved yourself in this so much anyway. Proves you have no life away from those places, and I say that respectfully, it’s just fact of the matter. It’s like you don’t do any thing else expect manage your property or whatever your job was, then go hang out there, people watching and inserting yourself mentally into those situations.

[Asker]

i just wanted some answers but realise they may not be coming , the other girls that work there still talk to me i don't think they were bothered that i shop there when there working , they just don't seem to want to talk about her

i realise sometimes in these situations closure may not come in the normal sense and has to be be found some other way to allow for the person to move on in the event they do not get any answers

[HollyK21]

Of course they don’t seem bothered they are at work! They could never avoid you, be openly rude or ignore you altogether. No bartender, server, barista, NO ONE who works in positions like these can flat out ignore regular clients. You KNOW that and it is why you continue to go back.

[Asker]

true its unlikely a girl would be rude to me at work , i'd like specifically talk to this girl when she was working on the floor though , did see her on cash a couple times but very rarely and she never seemed bothered and would often even say hi to me first if she saw me in the store. thats partly why her disappearance seems so off like she seemed ok a month ago

i'm sure there is things she's never feel comfortable talking to me about but we seemed to talk about a wide variety of subjects and she seemed fairly open to doing so

[HollyK21]

You already acknowledge that it’s unlikely a girl would be rude to you while you’re on the clock, so why do you keep reiterating that she “never seemed bothered”? You’ve been to dozens of public establishments in your life, how often do you experience someone serving you acting flat-out bothered or rude? It has to be incredibly rare and not likely, because they would be reprimanded or fired altogether.

These people CANNOT behave in the manner that YOU believe would indicate they are bothered. They literally cannot act that way to you.

[Asker]

sorry didn't update finally did see this girl last Friday at her work , sort of a strange conversation when compared to our past run ins there which seemed to go much better.

i agreed it would be unlikely a girl would be rude to me when she was working unless i did something which totally crossed the line , but during normal business like serving or cashier its not likely someone would be rude to me at there work.

thin on answers as to this one she claimed to have took time off work , had dental surgery , went camping and now apparently not going to school in the fall

[Anonymous]

Well, this is a middle school question, not a 45-year-old man question, but sometimes we like a Joey-and-Janice day of fun and nothing more. No worrying about commitments or boyfriends or having to do anything more.

[Asker]

i never implied or felt that she wanted something more simply cause we ran into each other that day , it did seem like nothing more than a fun summer day

just though it was odd to not hear or see her since when we normally did see each other

[Nikki1989]

Get over it, dude. Jeez!