I have had thoughts about not dating anymore?

[tstarr17]

Not trying to make this sound like a somber question, but I have my reasons for at least considering this. I'd also like to mention that while I have had thoughts about just not dating people anymore and staying single, I'm not fully convinced that I should. Anywhos...

I'm just about 34 years old. The last time anyone dated me for longer than two dates was over five years ago, and even that didn't last super long. That was the longest relationship I've ever had. I'm platonic friends with that woman today and have been since, but everyone since then I've had interest in has fallen into one of three categories: One: Didn't feel anything with me after one or two dates. Two: I didn't feel anything with them after one or two dates. Three: Either something happened that ended on bad terms, or they show some interest in me at first, but then stop talking to me before I even meet them in person or even in video call. I was using dating apps for a while, but something happened on there recently that made me quit cold turkey.

I'm conflicted on if I should just not date at all anymore. I don't mean to down myself though; I could be a lot worse. I have a mortgage on my own place, people say I'm very friendly and easy to talk to, I have my own job. May not make six figures, but it pays the bills. I have no criminal history, I don't smoke, chew, not an alcoholic. I'm worried about potentially being cheated on. I believe it's VERY easy to cheat on someone today, especially with how many messages women can get on dating apps. Not that any of my friends spouses would do this, but if they wanted to, they could easily create a Tinder profile and hook up with some stranger. It just seems very risky to date and get married these days. One benefit from my lack of dating experience is that I've never been cheated on, but I know people who have been. One lady thirteen years ago (Long Story) kind of tried that with me, but I didn't indulge. My friends spouses are great, but still.

Updates

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I understand men can also cheat on women, (this led to my friends sister divorcing her ex husband since he cheated on her) but it's much harder for a man to find success on dating apps than women.

I respect my friends spouses and think they're great, but there's still a lot of risk to it. I'd also like to mention my brother has said himself when we talked about very certain female behaviors before, and I quote: "This is why I don't date". Which is the biggest reason I asked this question.

[Anonymous]

The answer to this is easy.

For the next 2 years, become friends with 100 women. Only friends. Do not ask them out. Do not make a move on them. Just meet them and become friends with them. Friends where you can talk once or twice a week. Nothing romantic, nothing sexual. These women can be age 18 to your own age, or older if you want. You can meet them at work or at school or at the store or at the athletic club or at parties or weddings or special events or charity function or church or Toastmasters. Go everywhere and do everything and make a friend.

As the 2 years goes on, you will naturally find you have things in common with some of these women. You will click with some of these women. You will become closer with some of these women. Some of your friendships will become closer to the point where you could have lunch, the way you would with one of your work friends, or meet for drinks after work, all still non-romantic. Do not push, do not rush.

Some people in the 100 will drop away. Nothing in common, no interest in each other. No basis for a friendship. Maybe you say hello in the hallway or the store or wherever you happen to see each other and that's it. If you can, if you have time, try to meet someone else to replace that friend, so you're still hovering around 100.

But some of them will continue to become better friends. It doesn't take many. 3, 4, 5, all friends in different ways, the same way your men friends are different. 6 months or a year will have passed. You might get invited to a party, or you might invite one of your women friends to Thanksgiving dinner, or to a lecture somewhere. Or go hiking. Whatever comes up, and whatever you are both interested in at the moment.

Now there will be a spark somewhere, something that tells you it's ok to explore a closer relationship. You will be close friends enough that you can just ask her directly. I find myself drawn to you. How do you feel about that? What would you think about going on a date? I'd be interested in getting closer to you. Still keep it fairly light, but take a step in that direction.

At the same time, some of your women friends will get the idea to fix you up with one of their friends. Oh you'd be a great match for so-and-so. Two things can happen from this. You might like so-and-so, and something can start there. Or, in the process of getting you together with so-and-so, your woman friend realizes she's interested in you herself.

With so many new people in your life, all sorts of things will be going on, and some of them will turn into opportunities for romance. By this time all of them will know you as a relaxed, laid back, interesting person who's easy to be with. That's very attractive to women. Things will happen you never could have predicted, or expected. Each friendship will take on a life of its own, from 1% to 100% in intensity. Go with it.

You'll never actually make it to 100, nor will you need to. The intention and the process of building those friendships will be more than enough. So it's 40 women, or 63, or 72. It doesn't matter. It's a lot of new people in your life, and a lot of chances for interesting things to happen. Including romance, dating, relationships, sex and, eventually, marriage if you want it.

Just set up a plan and go out and do it. At the very least you'll have 2 years of great fun. You'll feel 10 years younger. And most likely, you'll find a very good match of a girlfriend in all that activity. And if that doesn't work out, you've still got all your new friends to continue on with and see what happens next.

Good luck!

[Jewelmyth]

I've decided to stop flirting; I don't trust anyone anymore.

[tstarr17]

Understandable. I wouldn't recommend dating apps for women either since men tend to either try to hookup first or they can act very rude on there.

[AviatorTom]

It's your choice but I think you might be missing out on one of life's best things, enjoying times with others.

Dating doesn't need to be just a way to a long-term romantic relationship. Go out with others to have fun.

[tstarr17]

Just feels like a waste of my time and money if it doesn't amount to anything. Works great for people I'm already friends with, but not so much strangers/people I barely know.

[AI Opinion]

My aim on GAG is to help you untangle your love life without losing your mind… or your heart 😏

Wanting to tap out of dating is not a red flag, it’s a burnout signal. You’ve had rejection, ghosting, apps, all of it. Totally normal to feel “why bother?”

But here’s the twist: you actually sound like solid boyfriend material. Mortgage, job, stable, kind, respectful, no cheating drama, no addictions. That’s not “bare minimum”, that’s rare these days.

The problem isn’t you, it’s the environment you’re in and the expectations you’ve built around it. Dating apps turn people into “options”, so ghosting and shallow connections feel normal there. That’s not a good place for someone who wants something real. You quitting them after a bad experience is honestly a healthy boundary, not a failure.

Staying single is 100% a valid path if it gives you peace. But “I’m done forever” often comes from fear, not genuine desire. You’re afraid of cheating, of wasting time, of getting hurt. That’s understandable, but trying to avoid all risk also blocks you from the good stuff: real connection, falling in love, building something with someone.

You don’t need to lovebomb or chase every girl. You also don’t need to keep forcing dates when there’s zero chemistry. What you can do is slow it down, shrink your dating pool, and go for quality: people you meet through shared interests, mutual friends, offline spaces, slower communication, less swipe culture. That makes cheating and drama way less likely than with random app hookups.

You’re not broken, you’re just tired. Take a break, protect your heart, but don’t bury it. You’re 34, not 94. If you want love later, it will absolutely still be on the table. And if you decide single life is actually your thing, that’s not losing at life… that’s choosing your own peace.

[tstarr17]

Not bad for an AI response.

[Nikki1989]

Then just stop. Nobody likes a time-waster.

[Anonymous]

I quit the game a decade ago, I don't regret it