Do you think I should ask this guy out that I met at a run club?

[Anonymous]

Long story short I think that he was getting to know me and this woman around the same time (platonically).

However sensing that he may be interested in the other woman I took a step back.

The ironic part is that I do realize me stepping back almost equals he will surely pursue her because I'm out of the picture.

But I also don't want to manipulate him into choosing me this isn't a game. I want him to choose me because he prefers me not out of a tug of war situation.

[HollyK21]

My biggest hangup would be the timing of this decision, and the potential of stepping on someone else’s toes when that seemingly could’ve been avoided. Like would you say that at no point in the time you were getting to know him better, you had no feelings of interest? You just had this epiphany one day that rather than letting him pursue something with another person, you’ve got to wedge yourself between it as to not miss your chance? I’m just not a fan of hindsight, last ditch attempts at getting someone once you realize someone else may want them.


I’d rather wait to see how that plays out and if it doesn’t work, then if I’m still available and/or interested, make my move. Would you lose anything by asking him out? Not necessarily, I mean as of now we are working with assumptions vs factually knowing if he’s even interested in either of you. But if you are correct, and he really does seem to like her more, then I’d probably not wanna get in the way of that. Yeah he’s single so it’s fair game and you don’t owe her loyalty, but it sounds like you could’ve already had your chance, and didn’t take it, so why take someone else’s.

[Asker]

Nah I liked him before I noticed this other girl and him being friendly.

[Asker]

Nah not about if I did or didn't have my chance the thing is I didn't expect to meet someone when I joined.

But I started to like him. Rather than asking him out and rushing it I wanted to let him get to know me.

With this other woman in the picture though I don't know if waiting too long means he will pursue her maybe think I'm not interested

[HollyK21]

I don’t know what the window of time is between now and when you started liking him, but if it’s been at least a month or two then I would not think you’re rushing by simply asking him to hang as friends outside of this hobby. Because that’s what you should work on first and foremost, building a foundation/friendship, not dive bombing into a committed relationship as you seem to think you’d be suggesting somehow. In any case, deconstructing your decision making doesn’t exactly help in this situation because at the end of the day it is what it is. You can make a move if you want but if you really want my opinion about it I just personally wouldn’t. In my earlier twenties I tried that route of still going for it despite seeing another woman do the same, and there was definitely a competitive nature to it that I just wasn’t a fan of. I got enough of an inkling that this dude liked me, yet I’m not his first choice and I’m fighting (not literally) for his affection/attention when really I should not have been. You should always be the first choice, not an option.

[EmmaMary]

Same question just different words.

Signs a girl is secretly jelly of you and wants you out of the picture?

[EmmaMary]

Thank you for the MHO.

[Anonymous]

Do it. Maybe he likes you more, but isn't comfortable making the next move. You wouldn't want this other girl to make the first move or for nothing to happen.

[Alex-Snow]

Ask him out you have nothing to loose. Is he around your age?

[Alex-Snow]

Tx for the mho

[Nikki1989]

Stop overthinkng this and just do it.

[Anonymous]

Yes, absolutely go for it

[slatyb]

Yes, you should.