Should I ask this guy out?

[Anonymous]

Hi girls and guys 👋

I am into a guy, there were clear signs he was interested in me but had gone cold since the day before valentine due to a misunderstanding , and now he avoids me.

I think I will ask him out , but I am always the one who ask guys out and whenever I did to my surprise , I was met with harsh NO’s I have developed trauma because of this because I have been rejected too much ( everytime ) not a single success.
So I am really anxious to ask him because then I will see him everyday ( he works in my home building ) and I know guys can be a bit jerky about this like they become mean etc. So I am scared.

I swore I would never ask a guy out again but everytime I think ‘ he might be really shy I don’t want to let this slip’ but then great shame happen ( some have yelled at me , called me names etc )

i mention this for the guys and girls out there I am considered very pretty All to say : dont believe because a girl or guy is pretty they have all the luck. i really have none and myself esteem through the years have lessen and lessen my taste in guys goes to normal guys nothing fancy.

what should I do?

Thank you

Yes ask him

No don’t

Updates

1 mo

To everyone who helped a quick update : we are now dating ! ;) thank you all for your encouragement

[Drew-1990]

Don't give up, I'm in a similar boat in not liking to ask girls out. I also have gotten so many rejections it hurts and so disheartening. But you can't give up, I'm sorry you have had guys yell at you, a simple polite no is all that they need to say. I personally would be ecstatic if a girl asked me out even if I had zero issues that never happens.

[Asker]

I am considering asking him to help me out move a furniture in my place then to thank him make dinner for him an other night. What do you think?

[Drew-1990]

That would work on me

[Asker]

I think I will try this because it makes things a lot more organic , and It’s safe , in the process a lot can happen that will make it more natural to make something happen. I think I am going to do that :)

[Drew-1990]

Yes good idea do what you find comfortable and that will work. If he is willing to help you he is either just a really nice gentleman, he is into you or both

[Asker]

But that’s the thing he made a point to not hesitate to ask if I need help but that was before he became cold last week so I fear he’ll say sorry but I am busy ‘ I will see but yes still a good idea , let’s see thank you very much :)

[Asker]

For instance I once broke my back severely and he offered to massage it. i declined though

[Drew-1990]

I'm going to guess you have a very good shot with this guy. I could be wrong. Don't get me wrong about that but I'm pretty confident he likes you

[Asker]

Thank you for your take on this , I am torn since what happened last He has now changed and avoid me. Hence me panicking I guess and want to ask him out since clearly something happened , here is the full disclosure of last week : A guy who work in my house building has been super cute and lovely whenever we cross path , kinda flirty etc. He is always keen to help, and to make me smile.

Anyway things have been very heavy lately. There’s something brewing, he stares deep in my eyes and even danced for me I think he is shy and scared of his boss opinion ( his boss is my landlord basically)

The day before valentine I went to his place of work ( restaurant ) to book a table for my cousin and her husband ( it’s her favourite restaurant and she wanted me to check if it would be open on V day since it’s not usually in Wednesday )

when I walked in , it was the owner and he said he was fully booked but would keep one anyway for her - then my guy walked in the conversation , and his boss said ‘ she wants to book a table for valentine , lol but we are SO busy ‘ I saw my guy looked puzzled and a bit lost somehow , but then his boss said quickly ‘it’s for her cousin !’

Then I said goodbye and he said goodbye with a sad smile and a sad side eye. The next day (valentine) I passed in front of his restaurant and he was in , I smiled and waved and he looked at me with with no smile and barely muttering hi. No light in his eyes , when usually he lights up everytime.

It’s really upsetting , because I am not very confident in my self and very shy and now I am absolutely mortified and look straight at the pavement more than ever whenever I walk by. I really like him but I feel I have to move on which is sad because I feel I have done nothing wrong

[Drew-1990]

I'm going to guess he thought for a moment you wanted the table for yourself and him, probably shocked him and when he heard it was for your cousin he got disappointed, he probably was excited for a moment. This is only a guess but that would have been me.

[Asker]

He works there though and so there was no way he could be eating in his own workplace on duty.
I thought maybe he thought for a minute I was going to come with a date. Still none explain why he is avoiding me/ being cold now. I don’t get it lol

[Drew-1990]

So guys are weird they get an idea in their head and it messes with their heads

[Asker]

Fair enough , let’s see what happen with this furnitures

[Asker]

Thank you Drew ! Will keep you posted once I get through it

[Drew-1990]

Good luck

[Asker]

Thank you ☺️

[Asker]

Hi Drew , I finally managed to start my furniture plan moving along. Please give me your thoughts , I am confused
So I asked him to help me move some furnitures in my flat he immediately accepted to come the next day to help during his cigarette break ( so escaping from work basically)

he came at 6pm and helped so much like I was scared he break his back lol he was friendly and smiley. The furniture would not go through the hallway and so he said he will come later he left in a hurry and I could tell he probably left work without telling his team.

He did come back later and came around midnight between two paying customers at his job ( restaurant) .

I was in my room and heard him moving it in the hallway I came out and said ‘ oh my god let me help you you should of knock at my door ‘ he then said he was happy to help smiled was friendly and polite and rushed back to his job.

I did not had time to invite him for lunch now which was my move to know if he had a girlfriend or not because if he said yes it meant he had no girlfriend.

Now I am back to square 1 . He did not try to make conversation or to make the thing goes longer etc.

Maybe he is just friendly and in fact has a girlfriend?

I am really upset I did not asked him but my mouth was full of smelly garlic pizza and he probably heard me being gross in my room ( laughing loud on the office US ) lol Thanks

[Drew-1990]

This sounds past him just being nice to me. You can still make your move. When you see him next or text him saying you want to take him out for helping. If you really want more you will have to mention that at some point or he will just assume it's a thank you and nothing else

[Asker]

Yeah I agree , it sounds like he is just being friendly and nothing more. I think I’ll leave it to that , I don’t think I need unnecessary heartache. That’s a shame though , I was pretty sure he liked me but things change sometimes

Thank you for your help really appreciate it

[Drew-1990]

Your welcome but I must have wrote that wrong. I think he is interested honestly. I don't think many would go to that level of doing that on break when they shouldn't leave work. He seems to be above just being nice. I'm saying if you invite him to lunch or dinner as a thank you he may think that is you just trying to say thank you. I could always be wrong but I don't think he will turn you down if he knows you are interested and the lunch or dinner is more than a thank you.

[Asker]

Hello drew

For some reasons I only see your previous message now , that’s a shame

Some things have happened since and I am very upset / sad since yesterday

1. Coïncidence, a bunch of collègue happened to have lunch in his restaurant and I bumped into them whilst leaving my flat. The guy I like was waiting their table and we spoke about why I wasn’t having lunch with them , we had a short convo and some jokes and before I left I told him I wanted to thank him but wasn’t sure how so I would like to invite him for dinner. He looked to the floor blushed a bit and said ‘ I’ll definitely think about it ‘
I left happy and then realise it was actually the polite answer people say to not Say no. A week later of not seeing him at all. I am walking back to my flat with my cousin and he is outside the restaurant staring at his phone even though I know he saw us. And we arrive to his level he lift his face and blunt say ´ Hi you are alright ‘ I tell my cousin I will be there in 2 secondes going up my flat. 3 minutes later k am downstairs we go to the car and she tells me they had a full convo , like amounting to all the convo we ever had but her in 3 minutes. With so much personal information. (She knows how many brothers he has , if he goes to church or no , our mothers background school etc she said he ask her first ‘ did you go with (me) playing basketball? She is crazy about it I love it it makes me laugh ‘ she told him we were cousin ( he might have compute there that I really booked a table for my lady cousin I guess) part 2 below

[Asker]

Part 2

then later he saw us again and he looked at her and smiled more
Anyway I was really upset because he never ask me no questions , like never or make convo but here we are with my cousins.
So the next day I was really frumpy , and I came back home passing by the restaurant as per usual and he opened the door really fast calling me ‘ hello Julie , how are you? ‘ it was very clear he wanted to talk and not just say hi , but I was so upset that I snapped with a disinterested ‘ yeah fine thanks ‘ and kept walking. He had an embarrassed laugh and then in the evening k saw him again. He looked a bit anxious and said good evening to me ( he was surrounded by colleagues )

So now I am like what is going on?
Maybe I am
Paranoid or just jealous regarding my cousin
Or not
What was he going to tell me yesterday when he opened the door? I got scared he was going to ask my cousin number or something that’s why I snapped
Thank you For your help , I am really sad and anxious to have create a mess

[Drew-1990]

That is hard to tell honestly. Sadly it is likely he like her and he was going to ask for her number sorry but true. There is a chance he wants to use her to get to know you but I honestly doubt that. Either you should move on or just come out and ask him. It's awkward I know but better than dragging this out.

[Asker]

Thats what I thought , in retrospective now, it seems he was always out there when my cousin was with me. He actually liked her all along. Not me. I guess my cousin was too sweet to tell me that she felt he was into her.

I am definitely not coming out to him or anything , I have made a fool of myself. But at least not too deep. I have managed to save face somehow before it was brutal

I really appreciate your help , thank you very much for all this ;)

[Drew-1990]

No problem I hope I was actually helpful for you. I do wish you luck. Maybe you can ask your cousin what she really thinks

[Asker]

Yes it was all very insightful , thank you
She say she thinks he likes me but between girls you have to be careful about saying ‘ I think he likes you etc’ because girls fight or stop seeing each other a lot of time for those reasons so I don’t want to ruin anything I love my cousin. And this guy is not her type at all like NOPE lol so yeah good luck to him

[Drew-1990]

That makes sense well I wish you luck in finding someone worth your time and yes don't ruin your friendship with your cousin.

[Asker]

Yes , I hope so but it’s getting rather too late for me now , I am too old now to build a family one day, it’s just overtown for me now lol
Thank you for you good wishes , I hope you find what you want too
Best of luck

[Drew-1990]

It's never too late to start a family as long as you are still physically possible to have have kids

[Asker]

Actually I have one last question
I will see him regularly given we share the same building from now on how should I behave with him?
I don’t want to be nasty but I don’t want to be as nice as I was till now to protect myself and not look like a complete fool. But I don’t want him to feel disrespected either
It’s all a fine line but what do you suggest?
Thank you

[Asker]

I am 40 in May and unfortunately I have never met someone who loved me and wanted to make such plans with me and now life has decided for me.

[Drew-1990]

Hey I'm 33 and never been in an actual relationship myself. I just understand guys because I am one and from talking to guys honestly that think different and similar as me. The most peaceful way is just keep being nice you don't have to go out of your way to talk to him but just wave and say hi if you see him. If he waves you over don't ignore him or anything.

[Asker]

I am sorry you haven’t had one yet but I am sure when you will you will be a great partner , as you seem patient and good listener which are two of the very most important skills with woman 😂☺️

Yes I think I will keep being me and just say hi etc , I move out in 2 months anyway so it’s not gonna last long now. I am so glad I understood what was going on before it was way too humiliating , it’s already enough as it is I have been crying 2 days in a row
I will follow your advice , thank you very much

[Drew-1990]

Your welcome glad to help

[Asker]

☺️ ☺️

[Asker]

Drew I just wanted to tell you that in against all odds , the guy and I are now officially dating :))
Everything changed all so fast. He came to see me yesterday and just small convo, he mentioned my cousin like ‘ you were together this afternoon?’ I went up my flat and got really frustrated so went back downstairs told him I needed him to advice my cousin on the neighborough blabla since she’s moving in his borough with her boyfriend soon. He said yes and did not looked phased at all. then I asked him to give me a tour of the restaurant ( stunning 19th century place) we spent 6 hours talking , then flirting and then we kissed at the end of the evening. He seems to be VERY much into me. I can’t believe the turn of events. Everything worked in our favour last night. Surréel and so nice. I am so happy and relieved 😌

[Drew-1990]

I'm so happy for you I'm glad it worked out in the end for you. He was probably talking to your cousin to get to you and was not interested in her but you the whole time.

[Lara_Croft]

I've been following this conversation the whole time. This is just too romantic, big Congrats. God is so Good, I'm so happy for you!!

[Asker]

@Lara_Croft thank you Lara !! Really appreciate it :)) yes I think God clearly is involved in this , I have no doubt. I am very happy indeed :)

[Asker]

Yes it sounds like it , because he is in fact very much into me , I can’t quite believe that for the whole time he hide it so well. It was an other space yesterday , it was so romantic and genuine and sweet and simple. I cried so much the other night because it felt so unfair I was sure that we had something. We never stopped talking and laughing I am so glad we trusted that in fact we were meant to know each other at least. I like him a lot and he smells good , he smells exactly what I wish someone I like smell. I am happy now let’s see what happen , thank you so much for being so nice with me :)

[Drew-1990]

Your most welcome I'm happy to help a girl out. Too many guys are jerks and girls don't deserve that so I'm more than happy to give my advice and be nice to help you get your happiness.

[Asker]

Thank you ☺️ I got served !

[OtterMan68]

if you don't, you'll spend years asking "what if?"

[spartan55]

What was the 'misunderstanding'?

[Asker]

Thank you for your take on this , I am torn since what happened last He has now changed and avoid me. Hence me panicking I guess and want to ask him out since clearly something happened , here is the full disclosure of last week : A guy who work in my house building has been super cute and lovely whenever we cross path , kinda flirty etc. He is always keen to help, and to make me smile.

Anyway things have been very heavy lately. There’s something brewing, he stares deep in my eyes and even danced for me I think he is shy and scared of his boss opinion ( his boss is my landlord basically)

The day before valentine I went to his place of work ( restaurant ) to book a table for my cousin and her husband ( it’s her favourite restaurant and she wanted me to check if it would be open on V day since it’s not usually in Wednesday )

when I walked in , it was the owner and he said he was fully booked but would keep one anyway for her - then my guy walked in the conversation , and his boss said ‘ she wants to book a table for valentine , lol but we are SO busy ‘ I saw my guy looked puzzled and a bit lost somehow , but then his boss said quickly ‘it’s for her cousin !’

Then I said goodbye and he said goodbye with a sad smile and a sad side eye. The next day (valentine) I passed in front of his restaurant and he was in , I smiled and waved and he looked at me with with no smile and barely muttering hi. No light in his eyes , when usually he lights up everytime.

It’s really upsetting , because I am not very confident in my self and very shy and now I am absolutely mortified and look straight at the pavement more than ever whenever I walk by. I really like him but I feel I have to move on which is sad because I feel I have done nothing wrong

[spartan55]

He thinks you were lying about making the reservation for your cousin and not yourself and a plus one.
Honestly, making a reservation for your cousin is very weird, and I wouldn't buy it either.

[Asker]

I live in a village my cousin goes there very often although there’s no way he knows she is my cousin. the restaurant belongs to my landlord , I live above it. Basically she asked me to go and ask if they were open on V day because they aren’t usually open on Wednesday night , and they would not reply on the phone because it is close on Monday and Tuesday night from 4pm. So when she finished work to call it was close. it cost me 1 minute to go during lunch time and ask so she did ask me . But she was supposed to call after to make the booking if still needed. Me my question was simply ‘ are you open tomorrow , my cousin wants a table ‘
That’s it nothing unbelievable about it

But I agree with you I believe he thought I was going to come with a date , which is sad because I was baby sitting the children of cousins whilst they had fun lol. .

[spartan55]

"nothing unbelievable about it" To you anyway. From an outside perspective it is weird. Doesn't matter now.

[Asker]

Well it’s not unbelievable , maybe to you it is for some reasons , you just don’t have the context. The fact he thought I was lying or else if it’s the case - is on him. It’s also weird to think I would be lying , I would book a table for my cousin but then come instead of her with a guy lol that’s reaching plus how is it cute to be a girl and book a table for a dude for valentine , the restaurant below her flat? lol no girls do that. It’s again reaching. A lot more than accepting that yes my cousin. Ants to know if they are open for valentine

[spartan55]

How is it reaching, you would just using a fake name... why would you lie? To spare his feelings, which is very plausible.

[Asker]

I don’t get what you mean. The restaurant has got 20 seatings and he is the main waiter , how stupid would it be to come under a fake name when I live above and we know each others and he knows my name , the boss is my landlord.

[spartan55]

You don't have to argue with me about it. I'm telling what the optics were.

[Asker]

I agree with the optics that he thought I was coming for a date for myself at first , the boss quickly shook his belief by saying not for her , it’s for her cousin. Anyway I will speak to him next week when he is back from holidays

[Asker]

Thank you !

[spartan55]

Yeah, it should be pretty easy to clear up.

[spartan55]

@asker
Wow! Congrats on dating. The rare success story! Did you ever talk to him about the reservation thing?

[Asker]

Haha thank you I agree I didn’t expect this outcome but yeah it’s true
Not yet for the reservation but I’ll get there next time and I’ll update you thatd be interesting to know I agree.

[laly520]

yes ask him

[Asker]

Hi

there's like 7 girls o. The poll that advised not to ask him out lol
I am so confused

[laly520]

u won't lose anything
better be direct rather than wait n waste time

[Asker]

I will see him everyday afterwards and he will probably have told his coworkers and they will be like looking at me like the rejected girl from the 1st floor. Plus I am older than him ( about 10 years ) so I d feel double embarrassed to have thought a younger guy could be into me and then see him almost everyday

[strateguy632]

1st,,