Should a woman take a chance on a man she sees good in or is she settling?

[Anonymous]

I’m still very much learning about relationships, men and what I want… I see a man who is about 12 years older than me (40s)… he’s very kind, quirky.. but he’s at a stage in his life where his life is consumed with things.. his mom suffered an aneurysm and she’s mute.. in a nursing home.. his father is hard on him and is trying to give his son his business (he’s taking over now) he’s always at the nursing home seeing about his mom and making sure everything is going right and making sure she’s fed and changed. His dad is there all day..

but I can’t tell the difference between a man who is just introverted and shy or insecure/ low confidence… with a father like his I’m sure there’s a level of insecurity… but I was just attracted to his nature and empathy and how he cares for his mother. I think he’s a nice guy that no other women there really pay attention to.

it’s like with men like him do women or should women pour into him or what do you think about men like him in that situation

[Anonymous]

I'm gonna say this as an experienced dater... top high quality men don't tend to be single till their 40s. Most men with great character, personality, good job, somewhat attractive tend to be taken by the time they are around 35. It sounds judgmental but it is true.

Secondly, taking care of parents really does not entitle you an award. It is something people should reasonably do. Your parents raised you for so many years and yet you think you deserve an award for caring for them back? If you're attracted to something like this, it makes me wonder how much exposure to men do you really have? do you lack the opportunities to meet a variety of men? or is he the only man you get to see?

[zagor]

As an experienced dater you probably don't have a clue about top quality men or you wouldn't have to date so much.

[Opinion Owner]

@zagor

You definitely sound mad

[Mariogirl09]

If he has no ambition, lazy, a loser... yea dont date him. If he is loyal, respectful, ambitious and has his own money... yes

[Mariogirl09]

But dont date someone off potential they need to prove themselves to you

[Asker]

That second post is exactly what I needed to hear… not even sure if he wants me… I may not even be his dream girl. Lol but I was just curious

[Mariogirl09]

Yea learn from me... dont do it

[Asker]

But he’s not lazy or bad in my opinion.. he’s very consistent and helpful and hands on with his mom

[Mariogirl09]

Just know you're probably not going to be his first priority either... his dad is there...

[OneViewpoint]

He sounds like a good man trying to take care of everyone around him. Not the worst you could do. But he also sounds like he needs to set some boundaries for himself and get some semblance of control over his life. Sounds like you're ambivalent about this guy. You respect him but there's little romantic motivation. Is that settling? You decide what's important to you.

[gasman70]

sounds like a good man just stuck in a bit of a hard time beyond his control. An introvert doesn't mean lacking confidence, by the way. I know plenty of introverts that are plenty confident. I'm very extroverted so I'm not talking about myself.

[Asker]

But what if I find how he talks and dress quirky..

[gasman70]

then that's up to you, is it something you like, don't like, is it a deal breaker or not, that's something you have to figure out yourself.

[Asker]

I don’t know if that’s being too picky or shallow

[gasman70]

it depends on what you like personally, do you hate it or do you think, meh, I can deal with it. that is the question you have to ask yourself.

[Asker]

His dad is hard on him and he’s in his 40s… I just don’t know how much his father affects him.. is he weak when it comes to his dad? Can he lead, be assertive? Would he want to spoil me?

[gasman70]

my old man is a dick and punched me in the face several times when i was. i grabbed and threw him down and held him there. im 55 and he's still a dick. i dont know if he can lead or spoil u, i dont know him

[nastyb]

@Asker

Depending on how big the age gap is, one day you might find yourself taking care of him just the same way he is taking care of his parents right now. I would be cautious about large age gaps. One day you would find yourself a nurse to an old man who can't keep up with you in any way shape or form.

[Anonymous]

He is at a different stage in his life than you as evidenced here. It can work of course, but this is often the biggest issue with age gaps.

[dudeinohio]

Take a chance.

[In_Trance]

Jesus...