Are most men ok with being settled on by a woman who they know deep down is not crazy for them but is with them for security/comfort?

[Anonymous]

I notice a lot of men seem fine with getting whatever they can get even if they know deep down the woman does not love them. Are most men ok being settled on when it comes to love and relationships? Like are men that desperate for love and affection that they are ok with being with a woman who they know deep down is not crazy for them but with them for security/comfort?

Yes

No

[Anonymous]

I would think it’s usually the other way around. Many men settle for women who are far below them in attractiveness and socioeconomic class. They settle down with these women because they see it as “safer” in the long term, since she would never have as many options as a very attractive, desirable woman.. and therefore is likely to be more loyal. I think some of these women know this, but they remain with their man because she is intimidated and scared of being alone. The ones that don’t usually believe they are more attractive and desirable than they actually are. The truth is that women usually aren’t admittedly attracted to guys they KNOW are out of their league. Most women NEED a man, but most men don’t NEED a woman. Short term hookups can be good enough for most men. Many of the most successful men I’ve ever known didn’t pay much attention to women, and wouldn’t have settled down with one UNTIL they were fairly wealthy. At that point, they weren’t interested in average looking women, only the very hottest, stunning ones.

[hahahmm]

How do you measure a woman's "love" ? I don't even bother trying... I do require loyalty & respect. I start with the position that if I'm willing to take a bullet for her then there's nothing she can do that matches that. Yes, men should try to get the woman who actually wants to be with him but it doesn't mean she's actually going to keep wanting that in the future. You never know.

No, I don't think most guys consciously settle with a woman who doesn't really want to be with him. But the more he thinks with his peen the more likely he does let that happen.

[hi_it_is_me123]

I only see that in men who are obsessed with young (hot) women. So if a guy only want much younger women instead of seeking women his age who has the same maturity level and personality, then what did he expect? Young people tend to more attractive unlike old people and young people are usually attracted to the their own age according to statistics.

You also can't complain about golddiggers when you try to attract women with your money. The divorce rate is much higher for couples, the higher the age gap is.

I personally prefere guys my age. Any man over 30s look too old to me aka unattractive

[hi_it_is_me123]

Dont get me wrong. You can date much younger women as long as she is not under her mid 20s. However it is weird when 40 years old man dont want any woman who ain't in their 20s and reject women even though they have good personality and are very mature.

[hi_it_is_me123]

... reject women due to age...*** i can understand when young men want young women but it is weird to me that ood men want women who could be their daughters

[backblueblack22]

The problem with gold digging is that the young woman will completely sell her morals and endure having sex with a man she has little/no interest in. If the guy enables it then fine.

But this also goes directly against “female empowerment”. This girl decided to lay on her back for money vs. actually doing legitimate work. If she lives in a 1st world country than she is NO victim.

[hi_it_is_me123]

It depends on her age. How young she is. I have no symphaty for such men. As i isaid it depends on her age. Your brain development continues till in your mid 20s which affect your maturity, personality etv. So youmg people tend to be more irrational, immature, unstable etc due to their brain development. So it is kinda disgusting when an old man groom young girls

[hi_it_is_me123]

The fucking age of consent is 14 in my country. A 14 years old girl's dad could bot get rid of her 40 years old men snd he told me police could not anything

[hi_it_is_me123]

This is why i like turkish culture more when it comes to such things. You are no suddenly grown up mature person when you become 18 due to brain development.

[hi_it_is_me123]

The fucking age of consent is 14 in my country. A 14 years old girl's dad could not get rid of her 40 years old boyfriend and he told me police that could not do anything

[hi_it_is_me123]

Europe has a low age of consent.

[backblueblack22]

Where I live the age of consent is 17 and 18 in most other states. I don’t go around chasing 18 year olds. I sure as hell don’t approach 14 year olds. Hell no.

However a 18 year old is a legal adult out here. They can be drafted in the military, be tried as an adult for a crime, are emancipated from their parents, etc. If they can do those adult things then I think they have some responsibility who they do and do not consent to. But I understand your moral POV.

However I remember at 18 (actually 16) i was expected to work hard and support myself. I did get some help because my parents wanted me to go to college. But really I didn’t have option of finding a “sugar mama” to pay my bills. Young men rarely have those options.

I guess what I’m trying to get at is that I often see feminists calling 18-21 girls “woman” when it fits them. Yes they are women. But all if a much older man seduces them suddenly they are suddenly “victims”. They are also not at all morally responsible for being a “gold digger”.

The point is that young men don’t get sympathy from society nor do the vast majority of them have the option to date older women for financial support. We are held to a higher standard at that age.

[hi_it_is_me123]

I would say the same thing about young men too. It is not a healthy relationship. I would not let my 18 years old son have sugar mommy lol. I have seen both a young man and girl who thought sugar momm/dsddy is cool till they suffer the consequences. I am not saying a 18 years old is a kid. A 18 years can do certain legal things but they are more likely to get manipulated due their naivety, lower maturity level. I also dont think a 18 years old guy should be drafted. The brain development continues till you become 22-24. I also dont think any 18 years old actively seek a suggar mommy/dad. They get approached, and then manipulated and made things they dont actually want to do etc.

[backblueblack22]

Well at 18 it’s possible to get manipulated to all sorts of things you shouldn’t do (and not just sex).

I’ll be honest I’ve been in a couple of (legal) age gap hook ups and one relationship. I treated all the girls well and sex was often their idea. The biggest age gap was with a 21 year old when I was 35. It was fun while it lasted and I treated her fairly/respectfully.

Now again I’m not chasing teenagers. But I feel there is a very unfair label that gets place on older guys like me in those situations. She liked me, I treated her well, she treated me well. We had fun and she liked getting in bed with me.

If someone wants to label me a “creep” or predator for that than you can go fuck yourself. She dated me for 9 months and everything was 100% consensual. Hell she wanted to have sex more often that I did (good problem to have). But why am I automatically consider the “bad guy” in that? She’s was a young woman capable of making her own decisions.

[hi_it_is_me123]

I am not fucking calling a creep since you dont take advantage of them. I am very critical when it comes such relationships due to brain development that affect the maturity level and the personality which may make the youg people make irrational decisionsn etc.

[hi_it_is_me123]

Women also get called cougars for dating men who are younger than them. Men and women have different struggles.

[hi_it_is_me123]

Since women are seen the weaker sex, society can't think that women can be creeps too
Women ain't angels of course

[backblueblack22]

Also when I was a college “hunk” I did have a few much older woman approach me a few times. Most of them weren’t attractive. But I remember meeting a 34 year old when I was 20. She was very hot and was on a cougar hunt and I was her target. But I turned it down when I found out she was married. I got a thing about not crossing the line when it comes to adultery.

But let’s she did end up taking me home. Virtually nobody besides maybe my mother would be consisted me a “victim” in that case. Even if i did feel weird about later I would not nor should not claim that I was “naive”. I was a young adult at the time. Not a boy.

[backblueblack22]

It’s close to unheard of for a woman to be called “a creep” unless she’s a flat out pedo.

But I can be called that for virtually anything. Even if I’m just being innocently friendly to a girl who has zero interest in me I risk that. I can’t even ask a teenage girl where the water fountain is at.

I know that’s a bit of an exaggeration but seriously women and society in general is very quick to throw guys under the bus with that term.

[aWes0MeNeSs]

I think this tends to happen with guys who are desperate and/or have low self esteem, and don't think they can do any better, so are willing to settle for that. The thing is, women like that usually don't stick around for long and typically use men as a placeholder until they find something they like better.

[Jena-Min]

"To settle on" is a really ugly way of putting it, but the question is really interesting!
We need to make some points about this.
First, people who settle full knowing that their partner doesn't love them, are deeply insecure and are going to be really unhappy. That's the kind of relationships and marriages that end up in disastrous divorces and/or cheating.
Second, thankfully many, many men are willing to work and fight in life to reach their happiness and make happy the person next to them, and that's what makes for happy and long-lasting relationships!

[Browneye57]

You would have to be a fool to take up with a woman that isn't absolutely gaga over you. Fucking insane.

Do you have ANY idea what happens when she comes to that realization in her own mind? That's right, she shuts down sexually, cheats bails or any combination thereof. And she goes looking for CHAD THUNDERCOCK.
I guarantee it.

And then the poor guy stands there crying in his beer cuz he thought he did everything right, gave her everything she asked for. Why the fuck did SHE take up with HIM? I'll tell you why - because women love opportunistically. As long as they FEEL it is benefiting them they're all in. When that changes, which her little feelings are subject to change at any given moment, then you hear the famous "I love him... but I'm not IN LOVE with him." Classic.

And a GIANT FAIL

[Qdbrown]

This is the consequence of online dating. Many average women assume they can get a high status men, because they high value men smash them for a couple of months from apps such as Tinder. It's inline how women marry up.

That leaves a lot of sub par women for average guys. This is very common these days. And now a lot of average and above average women saying, where are all the men that barely give them any attention. They assume they can, and deserve the best. And these women will date and get smashed for years until they realize they are losing major sexual value, when they wake up 35, 40 or 50 and no one is hitting them up except pervs just wanting a one-time hit it and quit it.

[Anonymous]

This is what the majority of men actually do because it’s normalised in the way we’re taught to view dating and relationships.

As the man you’re supposed to chase, and she’s supposed to play (or be, I guess) hard to get. You’re supposed to win her over. She’s supposed to be aloof at first and then eventually realise that you’re a great guy and fall for you. That’s how it works in movies right? Or at least that’s how men see it.

Any time that happens in real life she settled. Women today move fast with guys they really like.

[VIVANT]

It’s true for all healthy people, I think. If you like someone you want them and only a moron or severely insecure person, pretends to not want what they do want & risks losing it for good, in hopes of getting them. That is why the question of do they like me snd playing hard to get or do they just not like me is pretty irrelevant in my opinion. People who revolve their interactions around games become the game ultimately so you’re not better off just bc it’s pretend disinterest vs genuine disinterest. Better to walk on.

[rjroy3]

I wouldn't say most, but many are. To be fair though I don't even really hold it against them as long as the woman treats them well and he's crazy about the woman.

If he's all about her, has been for years. Did all he could to get her. She settles for him but treats him like a king... so what if she settled for him? Sucks and fucks him good all the same

Maybe she pictures another guy to get turned on enough to fuck him good but he gets a quality relationship. 🤷‍♂️

I'd have a problem with it for me, but that's my pride

[Avicenna]

In these situations, I don't think people are consciously comfortable with that unless they're comfortable being with, say, a golddigger. They may think she'll fall in love with him eventually or maybe they just want the company and fun and know it's not serious.

[Xoxocutekitty]

Is this a thing? I always thought guys were picky about who they wanted to show off to their friends and family.

I understand that some people may end up marrying someone they love due to social pressure and timing. I would assume still though, that both parties would love each other very much even if they're both secretly afraid of the concept of settling.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn’t say “most men” but a lot. You actually described my parents.

The woman will more often than not abuse her power in there scenarios. She will have higher standards for the man than herself. She will embrace double standards as well. She will rarely apologize. She will gaslight. She will abuse.

Most men of course not only desire sex but desire romance and respect from women. They also desire respect from their peers and society. They want to people to look at them as a “real man” if they are serious with an attractive woman. This pressure and insecurity can make men cave and bend.

[Daniela1982]

Why is that any different than men who settle on women just for the sex? You think any of these women that married sports figures or rich men are in it for love? More like security and possibly a nice payout later for divorce, just like Jeff Bezo's wife who got a couple $billion in their divorce settlement.

[MrPlentiful]

You act like love is a magical only poor people can have. In reality I've never met a woman who ever loved anyone, not even her cat

[Daniela1982]

@MrPlentiful Well you won't find them in a bar.

[MrPlentiful]

I didn't find them anywhere 😐youll have to explain to me how a girl can be in love with her cat but then get rid of it cuz its a little inconvenient

[Daniela1982]

@MrPlentiful Then she really didn't love it, did she?

[MrPlentiful]

Thats the thing i never met a girl who loved her animal like i would expect a guy to love an animal so

[wtf636]

I wouldn't like it. I've felt that way before in a past relationship.

I could see it working if maybe both partners acknowledge they are settling for each other, but not only 1. Then neither could get really upset, but I'm sure that rarely happens, if at all.

That being said. I think a lot of men and women will accept it, but won't like it. They will say at least I have someone, and she/he is with me in the end. It could be worse. But I'm sure it would cause issues at some point.

[Anonymous]

If HE wants her where's the problem?

I know a guy who ended up marrying his high school crush years later even tho he knows she friendzoned him for all of high school and still is not in love with him or even attracted to him but agreed because "at least he's a nice man and that's hard to find these days".
He knows for a fact she doesn't feel any sparks looking at him while he's got so many plans for a future together with her, but he doesn't mind it anyway...

[Jamie05rhs]

I'd do that as long as she was still a virgin. But if she fucked someone else then no.

[Opinion Owner]

In this case she was still a virgin. She was waiting for marriage and started feeling like she's getting too old to find someone at 24 so when he popped in her life again with the same care and respect she agreed.

[Jamie05rhs]

Then hell yeah. Nothing wrong with that. God bless them.

[Gomezaddam51]

If they are getting sex then they are fairly happy with the situation. Having a woman you are with is better than trying to find one since finding women for a relationship is a total pain. Women have it made, they can pick and choose. A guy is stuck if women don't choose him he ends up alone; he has no say in the matter.

[Dchrls78104]

I speak for myself only when I say that I would not be okay with something like that; in the end it would be too exhausting for me to deal with. I need to be in a relationship/marriage where real, mutual love is there, or else I'm better off by myself. It is actually part of the reason I have never dated.

[paradiseonearth93]

One of my good friends has done this. He just chose the first woman who wanted him because so many women didn’t want him or rejected him, so even though he isn’t crazy about her, she makes him feel wanted so he’s with her.

[Miristheiss]

No, I've only been with women who are into me as much as I am into them.
If I detect I'm into her but she is kind of into me but could sort of take me or leave me... nothing overly passionate... I bolt.

[TruthBringer]

Any man who goes for such a woman is asking to get left or even cheated on (monkeybranching). I don't need to be with a woman who is there for my resources.

[Anonymous]

I don't know about other men, but I'm sure not OK with it. I mean I know it happens a lot... when women settle down they look for a man who is a good provider and will be a stable parent, but they compromise on love and attraction to get the other qualities. I've seen it many times. Not all women, but it is a common component of female nature.

[Anonymous]

Considering the divorce rates being as high as 50% I would believe that to be the case sometimes. The opposite is also true, where the guy takes a woman as a financial hostage (or marries a gold digger).

In the former case - expect being cheated on sooner or later.

[Anonymous]

Almost every girl are same. Fuck around when they are young and then try to settle for much older guys , rich guys. Women in her prime only want to date top men , irrespective of her own looks , status. But those guys sleep around too and ultimately leave those women. Then they start looking for guys who have good careers but aren't much good looking. But will never love those guys. Watch Netflix's new , Sex/Life series. Almost every women I know are like that.

[Sarahr123]

My boyfriend is very emotional and would not be OK with that