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You go on a first date. She offers to drive you both, she pays for dinner, she pays for the movie. Next date, it's the same. She will not let you pay for anything and she seems to be in control morso of what you do on dates and where you go on dates.
Awful or Refreshing? Why?
It think I’d love the offer / gesture backed with intention and may even let her on one or more occasions but certainly not every time. Generally I believe the person that offers the first date should pay for the date, after which going “Dutch” should be more acceptable and understood.
Having the woman plan / control the date would be nice I think , it would certainly help me understand to what extent they’re invested and give me a better understanding of who they are and what they like. Even just bringing some ideas to the table would be good rather than my experience of being left to do everything
Not that I’m complaining, but it’s commonly accepted how nice it can be when something is done for you.
It's refreshing... for a while. I prefer independent women. Then we have the talk and start sharing expenses. If we're going to have a relationship, that requires being partners, not boss and employee.
Thanks for MHO
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51Opinion
I don't know about that… When I’m on a date the guy usually wants to open doors and get my chair and pay for things. I recognize his kindness with a smile, good convo, slight touches ont eh arm etc, making sure I remember his drink or favorite things…. In other words, we spoil each other a little and enjoy each other’s company.
It’s not rocket science…. Embrace the masculine and feminine… otherwise don’t bother dating.
If you do everything for a guy (or if he does everything for you), one or both of you may get bored.
I'm traditional, so I am going to drive and Pay, but I only date women with traditional values. Such women are very much the exception rather than the rule today. My girlfriend is from a much more traditional culture, so this works well for us.
But if I were to date a "modern woman" who wants equality and complains about the patriarchy, then we would definitely be splitting the check and other responsibilities. Though I can't imagine dating such a woman, honestly.
The real takeaway is that you can pick one or the other - traditional chivalry OR equality. You don't get to pick and choose. Too many women want equality until the bill arrives or the hard, dirty work needs to be done, and then they suddenly expect chivalry. That doesn't work.
Fair enough. I think a lot of people really just need to stay in their own lane with this one. I mean why do you complain about a relationship you're not even involved in. If someone wants a traditionalist, go get that. If someone wants someone modern, go get that. Neither is better, just one is better for you personally.
No or at least don't or didn't. When I was 16 1\2 i was babysitting for a lady and when she got home. Her friend that she went out with asked if I wanted to ride home. I said sure come to find out. She lives like 2 blocks from we went into her house first i ended up spending the night\nAnd we would see each other all the time. There was one point she wanted to buy me a dirt bike. Because I raced them back then and I told her, no, if I want something, I can get it myself. She was always trying to buy me something and I would not allow her too I felt embarrassed. Anyway she told me about a year into this that she was getting back with her husband I didn't even know that she was married. She tried to buy me somethat did we broke up.
And like I told her I didn't want her to buy me anything
It would be a refreshing to think that she actually values my company, but i wouldn’t be comfortable with it being entirely one-sided as you describe.
Frankly, i don’t think it’s possible. Certainly she wants something more than just conversation for her investment, and i would need to know what that is before i happily obliged.
...but isn't this what men have been doing for decades, paying for a good portion of the dates, or in some cases, all? Do you guys have nefarious purpose for doing that?
It shouldn’t be one sided. A first date doesn’t have to be that deep. It’s just a first date. Meet for coffee. You can talk all day if it’s going well or go somewhere else. If it’s not going well you can simply leave without it being awkward.
I think a lot of first dates are. Typically whoever asks, plans/pays for it without much input from the other. What I'm asking is, would you enjoy that as a man, having that "responsibility" taken off your shoulders. She's planning and paying for most or all things. So many guys complain, "why do I have do pay/plan all the dates!" Well, when confronted with such opportunity, is it all lip, or do you actually want to be taken care of in that way?
Okay first impressions. Yes I would appreciate someone who did all that. But at the same time jr it didn’t go well it would be awkward and I would feel guilt.
I think its important to make clear what men want first and what we dont want.
Do men want to be taken care of? Of course we do we’re not robots we actually have feelings and emotions. Some men might not admit it but we want you to love us.
A good woman already knows how to take care of her man, and its not looked at in her eyes as a negative thing. if you’re a woman and hearing that a man wants to be taken care of sounds bad to you, then you are not wifey material. Plain and simple.
This is something your mother should have taught you or showed you. Its reciprocal. He takes care of her and she takes care of him. Its not one sided thats why its called a relationship not servitude.
In my humble opinion, there is a limit to "being taken care of." I've dated 'that guy.' He wanted a mother, not a girlfriend. VAST difference! I enjoy reciprocity in a relationship or a man who is happy to take care of me because he feels that is his manly duty or whatever. They can be nice too, but even with that, it can be annoying (at least to me) because they won't allow you to do for them in a reciprocal way, and that's a part of my love language, so it wouldn't last long.
Based off the dates I’ve been on I’ve paid for each of them, sadly. Which is why I’ve stopped going on dates, not because I had to pay but more so the guy didn’t even offer at the least to split it half way let alone say he’d take care of it. In my opinion? Yeah men want to be taken care of from the first damn date. I’m not that man’s mommy, so no I’m not going to take care of him like I’m his damn mommy. If we were married it would be a whole different scenario, but even the. It’s still limited because I ain’t his mommy.
I want a caring loving woman. I DO NOT want anyone to "take care of me". Nope, nuh-uh, no thank you. I'll carry my weight. I'll help her carry hers. I hope she feels the same way about being in a relationship. See something that needs doing? Do it. Clean as you both cook as much as possible so there's less cleanup afterwards. I'll do my own laundry thank you. Got some down time? Run the vacuum. Clean the toilet? Takes 60 seconds.
I would suffocate in a traditional relationship. I grew up in a household where equality between my parents was celebrated. Mom and dad were both doing the yard work, both cooking, both cleaning, both taking care of us kids, and both teaching us things that weren't traditionally for boys and girls. I crave that in every relationship I have, and I don't do well without it. I don't need a guy to be everything, plan everything, pay for everything because I would feel like I was being kept after a while. I think that balance thing is amazing when you can find it and if it's what you seek.
I'm a more traditional guy, so I prefer to take care of her by being chivalrous, planning and paying for dates, etc. But ONLY if she is also more traditional. If I take a girl on a date and do all the right things (according to the vast majority of women's opinions) and she willingly accepts it, and then I discover she is a "modern woman" or feminist with more progressive views, I won't date her again. The hypocrisy of modern women with respect to gender roles is very off putting.
I do not care for dictatorial girlfriends. I had one once who became this sort after she twisted my arm to move. It was a damn nightmare and she used intimacy as a weapon too. I don’t want to be treated like an effing pet anymore than I remotely desire a woman as a ‘pet’.
Ownership is not a relationship for sure.
Let the inviter run the script. Volunteer to foot or share the bill if she invites but don't insist. That's the beginning of control concealed as chivalry. Red flag.
Go full Oxford on common courtesy and table manners. What would Bond do?
She takes the lead on intimacy at first until you have read the script.
No, I don't want to be nurtured until intimacy in the script.
Refreshing, sort of? I would admittedly be rather confused and probably keep insisting it is my turn to treat her.
At some point I am going to start assuming she has a thing for it.
Just like some men, some women like control.
No not really. It's kind of like that old saying people would post a decade ago or so. Don't walk in front, I may not follow, don't walk behind, I may not lead. Walk beside me and be my friend. Enough of this nonsense.
It wouldn't be awful, just weird. I'd say a 3rd to a 1/2 of the women I've dated have offered to pay thier share. I never expect this but I've always appreciated the sentiment.
I've always expected to pay. If I wasn't prepared to pay i wouldn't ask her out.
In these modern times of 2025, it seems a lot of men want to be taken care of by a women during dating. It’s important to remember the good guys are still out there in the mix, they just have to be found
u A bit weird in this absolutism… 🤔 I can’t pay for anything, not even the beer or the popcorn? That’s almost like some chaperone mollycoddling me… 🤷♂️
I'd want to drive. If she pays for most stuff, I'd need to do most things around the house and at least work part time for my own spending money.
REFRESHİNG
but in control? no, sorry but i'm the one who is on the driver seat
both figurativly and literally if i am in the mood.
All I want from her is love compassion kindness and let me put my head on her tummy when I'm having a really bad day. She doesn't have to do any sex thing she's not comfortable with and I won't try to make her do it.
I would be a little shy and say that I can at least pay for the coffee or buy dessert, and it would be bad for me if he took complete control.
Most men need all the help they can get.
I could never deal with that. The man is supposed to take care of the woman. My wife used to pay for a meal once in a while and I felt like I was sponging off her. It bothered me so much
no. we're looking for a "partner", not a "pet". "taking care" in the sense of showing appreciation maybe but we want them to be mostly self sufficient adults.
Only Generation X of course. Millennial guys do not appriacite nothing.
A woman that isn’t entitled and visibly cares to contribute to the relationship? Wow on what planet does this exist? Sign me up!
I hope that answers your question.
That would be interesting and different. If she were far wealthier it would be understandable.
Sheesh, she's either desperate or misunderstood that it's a date - not a networking event!
Not awful or refreshing. The only word that comes to mind is Imaginary.
I don’t want to be taken care of.
I just expect mutual respect and standards
Not really.
Don't get me wrong, I love when my wife "takes care of me" but only because I do everything in my power to take care of her. This thing you're talking about is a two way street, and most women have forgotten that.
Would it be nice? Yes. However, I can pay for my own meals and I can and have offered women a ride or two pick them up from their home for dates.
Refreshing but when reciprocation occurdshe needs to appreciate it and accept it.
What I want more than anything is having a woman in my life I love that I'm not ashamed to cry in front of and ask for help.
That's not being taken care of that's a control freak.
Sounds a bit controlling, but it would be nice to be taken care of in some aspects.
Simples...
Impossible to tell without knowing the specifics, but I would be uncomfortable with someone paying my way all the time.
My first thought would be, Will it be a way she can play the victim if the relationship doesn’t go anywhere. If it’s a genuine act than it would be a nice change it would definitely take a while to get used to being taken care of.
I'd feel like a gigolo, s man whore for living off her money!
I've been there but I didn't legally have a choice so I'd handle the tip
I think it depends on the man. I wouldn't like her paying for everything, but I don't drive, so if she wants to drive, then that's fine.
Proably not but it's not relevant as most women aren't going to take care of a man.
I have never had that happen but it would be different. I think I could get used to it.
B. j's. and letting me give her some #blackboyjoy will suffice.
The only thing she needs to take care of, is emptying my sack.
I know you asked this as a joke which is why you're anonymous but I'll actually you what nevermind
Well of course we do. We’re just a bunch of little baby mama boys
Honestly as long as she loves me and is loyal and faithful that's all that matters
Awful
Sounds like she's wealthy and dating a younger man who she can't keep
No, not like that.
No the other way around 😊😈 bed creaks bed creaks
I will never give my money to women.
Sounds like a control freak
Yes, especially American
To a point, but men mainly want equal effort.
Whatever you say, Mistress. xox
I don't know, I never had a date.
But I do like dominant women who want to be in control.
We are the ones taking care of you
Of course we're men
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