I need help: how do I avoid loneliness and I've realised romantic relationships are bad?

Question

I'm at a point in my life where I'm confused, I'm probably going to talk to a therapist.

I look at the other women and I know I don't want to end up like them; most relationships are just disrespect, boredom and cheating.

I have too much self-respect to be in a romantic relationship, I'm at a point in my life where I've realised that women don't get benefits in a romantic relationship.

Money? Sure, but I don't need that.

I've realised that I don't genuinely want to date, I just don't want to be alone. I'm forcing myself to like men and romantic relationships even though I've realised they're bad only because I don't want to be lonely.

People say you can have a fulfilling social life without a partner, but I disagree, because my friends are now in romantic relationships and I'm not their priority anymore.

And I'm too proud to date too; I don't want to be someone's boring routine and I don't accept the risk of being cheated on.

What option do I have? I miss high school, I miss rejecting every romantic opportunity without feeling lonely because I was surrounded by family and friends.

In my opinion, society needs a change: women should focus on friends and start ignoring romantic relationships altogether.

Finchie40 · Answer

First you have to stop being your own worst enemy and understand not every guy is a liar and a cheater just like not every girl is a liar and cheater as well , I know it’s easy to assume that’s the way that it is from all the shit you see and hear about from social media and friends’ etc. but it’s not 100 percent true , not everyone experiences bad relationships, the only people that do , are people that are selfish and only think of themselves , that constantly think grass is greener on the other side that have a hard time resisting temptations. Me personally has had my bad experiences in relationships and I use to think like you do , until I realized not everyone is the same way. The problem with most people in general , is the fact that most people like to point fingers at someone else, before pointing fingers at themselves first , and that’s why relationships end up failing , Trust me I wasn’t always the perfect boyfriend for a girl , I use to be selfish as well , by only thinking about myself at times. over thinking about her as well , thinking to myself that I did nothing wrong , to be treated the way she started treating me , with yelling and screaming over things that I had no clue what she was yelling and screaming about , looking at her like she was this crazy and not mentally stable girl , and yes I had some girls’ that weren’t , but not every one of them was mentally unstable 😂 So once i experienced failed relationships and stopped assuming she was the problem and not myself is when I realized , I am not perfect either , no one on this planet is perfect. So I decided to stop pointing fingers until I pointed fingers at myself first and learned how to remove selfishness from myself , and once I started doing that I started to experience long lasting relationships, why I was married to my wife for over 20 years because I chose to listen to her instead of immediately assuming she was the problem. Her and I were inseparable for a long ass time until she decided to be selfish and ruin our marriage. So now that I am single again , I plan on treating a girl pretty
Much the same way I treated my ex , hoping she isn’t selfish., hoping she chooses me the same way I will choose her , hoping she understands what it means to be in a relationship understanding a relationship takes 2 people , not one. The only way love grows between 2 people is when 2 people consistently choose each other and make each other their top priority , So my suggestion to you is to not get into a relationship with anyone until they are choosing you always and consistent with you , if they start treating you like a convenience, kick them to the curb and move on and eventually find someone else that wants the same things as you. Unfortunately a lot of us encounter bad seeds until we meet a good seed to grow with. Learn to remove selfishness for your partner and they will more than likely do the same for you, that’s how long lasting relationships make it the long haul , instead of the short haul. And your loneliness will disappear.

capriVib · Answer

First off, drop the whole I don't want a relationship, a cat is enough for me attitude. You need a relationship and marriage so you don't end up alone, give guys a chance. Don't be pessimistic thinking every relationship will suck, you always focus on the bad ones.

By the way I'm just like you, living like I don't need a relationship either, but thanks for reminding me that it gets exponentially harder as you get older.

Anonymous · Answer

this is the problem with western romance marriages, people treat each other like shit because they think they can always find someone else. Having too many options isn't always a good thing, people see each other as disposable. that's why you see so many traumatized individuals walking around nowadays. Anyone who claims thye don't want to love or be oved is usually a sign that this person has been traumatized to some sort of an extent.

Staximus · Answer

Your brain is on a tangent that you need to get off of. You are overwhelmed with negativity. You should see the therapist. If you choose a good guy carefully and not rush into a relationship then you’ll be fine. There’s no such thing as a perfect person for anybody or a perfect relationship, but there is such thing as good enough. Sometimes we miss what’s good enough because we are too busy looking for perfect. Chasing perfection is like a dog chasing its tail.

exitseven · Answer

Life sometimes requires compromise. There is no perfect mate and it is very hard to take two independent people and put them together without some conflict.  You have to accept the good with the bad.

moddy_the_mod · Answer

yeah, sounds like you're a miserable person. Therapy will probably help, but also finding some meaning and purpose in life will as well.

KypHistory91 · Answer

You sound very confused 🙁  Too many tiktok videos

LazerBean · Answer

You could start by getting some cats

DryGermanGuy · Answer

Yes, you need help. Talk to a therapist.

Paige2006 · Answer

Get a hobby that occupies your time

I need help: how do I avoid loneliness and I've realised romantic relationships are bad?

What Girls & Guys Said

Should I stop being in a relationship which makes me feel lonely?