Who do you think should pay if a girl asks a guy out?

[ZerbuTuan]

I'm just curious for everyone's opinion. I stand by the opinion that if she asks the guy out, she should pay, or at least split, and no double standards - meaning she should only ask to split if she'd be willing to split for a guy. After all, this is 2011.

Guys: You may be under the impression that paying makes you a man, but I had a discussion and we agreed that a "real man" would be someone with self-respect and had the confident to actually stand up for equal rights, not be submissive and pay for some ***** who expects it and does nothing in return.

I know I might get a lot of bashing from this question, but I don't really care.

Updates

+1 y

By the way, I also learned not to take sh*t from website moderators either, and if they abuse their power then the site is not worth it.

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+1 y

Oh and you should probably be aware that a guy always paying is meant to assert "ownership" over the girl.

[Anonymous]

you know what.. you sound like a joke.. you asked for my opinion and I'm giving it to you straight .. you seem to not taking my advice on board and being a stubborn prick and only believing what you want to believe. And the equal rights argument.. you got it all wrong. A real man is NOT a guy who believes he has to assert his authority over women he dates so he doesn't pay anything. A real man is one who does these things without even thinking because he does care about this girl. A guy can still have self respect and be a real man in my terms. You obviously have never been in a proper relationship to know these things as you think a guy paying is a sign of weakness when it is not. GROW THE F*** UP and slapping a girl because she made you pay is you being an insecure person because you have to get physically aggressive with her because you think that's equal rights because she made you feel weak. Get your facts straight.and I'm not a dumbass and way smarter and educated than you will ever be. If a girl went out with you after you did that to her.. your just scum. if you don't wanna go out with this girl don't go out with her.. its simple and you won't waste your time. YOUR OBVIOUSLY A WASTE OF TIME.

[ZerbuTuan]

LOL! Way more educated? Really? As a matter of fact, I was the smartest person in my whole school, and I was also the smartest person in all my college classes. I am also one of the smartest people in my peer group (I share the position with one other person) so take that.

How is that not equal rights? Expecting someone to pay just because he has a penis is NOT equal rights, it is CHAUVINISM. Explain why the guy should always pay in a way that is not one-sided?

[ZerbuTuan]

If the GIRL asks the GUY out it is HER job to win over the guy! What mentally sane person would ask someone out and expect THEM to do the work winning them over?

[Opinion Owner]

Like I said before... I think your liking that the girl should pay on this date because your not into her and you feel like your wasting your time with her and therefore you shouldn't pay for this date. Hypothetically, I don't why a guy.. lets use you as an example would get asked by a girl to go on a date and go with her and not even have a crush on her or think she's hot or beautiful. if you were into her, you wouldn't care if you paid because you wanna get to know her better because your into her.

[Opinion Owner]

Whats with this girl... are you attracted to her and think she's the most beautiful or hottest girl you have ever seen and wanna get to know her better or do you just wanna hook up/ score or add to your list of girls you have gone out with. I don't think your into this girl

[ZerbuTuan]

The reason I don't pay whole is because I believe in equal rights. Simple. If paying is such an important part of showing you care, then why doesn't SHE pay? Huh?

And regardless of what you want to think, paying makes the guy MORE likely to be only wanting sex. A guy after a serious relationship would want it to be equal.

[ZerbuTuan]

Oh and, I am Asexual, so I don't give a sh*t about hooking up.

[ZerbuTuan]

If a friend asked you out, would you pay for THAT to show you care about your friend?

Your argument lacks logic.

[ZerbuTuan]

As a matter of fact, I've spoke to many guys about this issue. The majority say it should be equal. The minority who still believe in chivalry and always paying were ALL sex crazy, so that just demonstrates how inequality means desperation for sex, doesn't it? Not the other way around!

[Opinion Owner]

If you keep thinking this way... 'EQUAL RIGHTS, being Assexual and all this other bullsh*t, I swear you are going to end up a lonely old man. Imagine if a girl said she was assexual and all this equal rights stuff youve been talking about... a guy wouldn't even bother with her because she is such as headache... it would be a big turnoff for guys

[ZerbuTuan]

Why should I care? A relationship is just a perk, it is not a requirement. I have other areas of my life to focus on as well. Besides, there are plenty of girls who don't expect guys to sacrifice their equality for the sake of "showing he cares", they realize that a lot of guys are pretty aggressive on the issue nowadays, so they won't automatically expect the guy to pay, especially in this case where the guy wasn't even the one doing the asking out.

[indidoes]

i can understand where you're coming from. I don't think girls expect guys to pay but now that I think about it, it does feel weird even if a girl asks a guy out she should pay the bill. For me, I don't usually expect anything because every guy is different. But out of courtesy I offer to pay regardless if he or I asked to go out on a date. I think its because I was bought up being told that I should always insist.

Ide be happy to pay for a meal unless he asked me out on a date and he said, I want to take you out, I want to pay for us:) if he didn't say that I don't expect anything. If that girl you were with just stood there expecting you to get your wallet out to pay for the lot I think its a little rude. I don't think she represents how all girls are. It also depend on you, the guy. some guys like you say like respect and act according to the girl and him and how they are but there's some guys who just have it no other way-they have to pay for everything. I think this girl is very stereotypical in the head or has just been spoilt a lot by family or friends so maybe she's used to it and expected you to pay...haha oh dear, don't worry about this, it doesn't speak for all couples/dates:)

[ZerbuTuan]

If you ask a guy out and actually pay your part, then it is a RESPONSIBILITY, not a COURTESY! This is 2011, it should be automatic that both people pay, except on a first date where some people believe the one who asks should pay.

Sorry I didn't actually go out with a girl like that, I just heard a lot about these issues.

[indidoes]

i feel like if the bill is split on the first meeting date its as though you don't want to have anything to do with the other person after the dinner. you want to be even so you don't owe each other. Whereas if it was a good date its good to have just one person pay so that it doesn't give that impression.

[ZerbuTuan]

Well, its okay to say the one who asks should pay for the first date (not the other person), but after the first date, things should be equal.

[ZerbuTuan]

Some guys (the non-brainwashed ones) are reluctant to pay even on the first date though because there are people who will go on a date just to get a free meal.

[indidoes]

also I think some girls expect for meals to be paid for them because for example a lot of my friends say that guys enjoy doing this. I hear all the time even from guys, (theyre not brainwashed they do have a conscience) they enjoy being the guy opening doors pulling out chairs paying for things. These guys don't like it when the girls expect it but they jsut enjoy doing these things for girls. so girls don't question it and just go with it because they don't want to make a scene or overreact.

[ZerbuTuan]

So how is it not brainwashing? Do you still think they would pay if they were never taught the "rule"?

[JessSmile]

I always insist to pay for myself. There actually have been a few times that I have paid for my date to. (Like when we go to movies, one of us always buys the tickets, and the other person gets the snacks) But normally my boyfriend and I try to not spend money on dates and go places like the park or one of our houses. But on our first few dates, he tried to convince me to let him pay for me, but I honestly told him not to bother because a) I had money b) I didn't need him to c) he should save his money since we do stuff pretty often. Honestly, we rarely spend money on each other because we are both broke high school students who can't really afford to go out on dates. So normally we just hang out in the park or something.

[ZerbuTuan]

Guys insist on paying because they have been brainwashed by their parents, the media and society into thinking that if they don't pay for it all just because they're male, then they won't succeed at life. Its good that you refused his offer.

[MrWrong]

I don't really fit the description of a "real man" in the traditional cultural dictionary, but I'd still want to buy dinner. The myriad of reasons includes the fact that women make 75% less than men or the fear of a few moments of the waiter or waitress giving me an awkward look if I don't, but the real reason is I care about the girl, and I'm in a good financial situation anyway.

It maybe 2011, but I'm old-fashioned.

[ZerbuTuan]

How does the existence of the pay gap justify that? What about where that doesn't apply? What about students who don't have jobs? The reason is you care about the girl? So what does she do to show she cares? Isn't that HER job since she asked you out?

And if you're old-fashioned, you shouldn't even be accepting the idea of girls asking guys out.

[ZerbuTuan]

As for the fear of the waiter or waitress, I say f*** them. If they did that to me, I would straight up say "Oh wake up! This is 2011!" then they would know how much of a "man" I was!

[MrWrong]

I'm not perfectly old-fashioned, nor am I the kind of man needs everyone to know how much of a man I am. That was old-fashioned even in the days of John Wayne and Clint Eastwood.

I mostly meant that those two examples regarding the pay gap and the waiter's feelings were inconsequential. I just like to pay for dinner. I did when I was an unemployed college student, when she did and didn't care, and I did in a case where a girl actually did ask me out.

[MrWrong]

And I don't see why the person asking should change who has to pay.

[ZerbuTuan]

So you think the guy should always pay just because he has a penis? And yes, who asks who out SHOULD change who pays, its only FAIR that its that way. Its because of people like you that these one-sided relationships still exist. Clearly you have been BRAINWASHED into thinking this.

Also, that time when she asked you out? Did you offer to pay, or did she expect it?

[ZerbuTuan]

Also, I'm not the kind of guy who wants everyone to know what kind of a man I am either, but if someone acts that way to me for not being a man then I will show them how wrong they are.

[MrWrong]

I offered. I don't think men should have to pay, I just do. I don't expect anything in return.

Calm down, buddy. It's just an opinion.

[ZerbuTuan]

Okay well come back to me when she starts acting ungrateful and forgetting that you did so much for her without her doing anything, then I can say "I told you so".

[Anonymous]

If I don't pay for anything then it'll end up on my drift build lol still burning money...

but I don't mind to spend for another either it is a girlfriend, friend, family member, ex...

willing to sell my track car just to use the money for them...

[ZerbuTuan]

Then you should pay half. Don't pay whole if she asks you out, that just makes you look like a complete fool.

[happykitty]

Hell no... whether it is the 1950s or 2011. At the beginning the guy always pays... it shows that you really do like the girl and you wanna go out on a date with her regardless of money. If your not paying it just seems to me that your not really attracted to the girl or your doing it because you don't wanna hurt her feelings. Trust me when a guy is head over heels, really attracted to a girl.. there are no boundaries to how much he shows the girl that he really attracted to her.. whether that is sending her flowers, pumping love music outside her house or even paying for a date.The guy will do whatever it takes to show the girl he is really attacrted to her and cares about her. So overall.. if you do really like this girl and your really attracted to her and want it to develop into something more.. you pay it says a lot about you.. not that your loaded but you do care about her. If the relationship does last for a longer period of time then its alright if both pay for the date equally because your both past that really really I like you, attraction stage and you know each other well enough to know that both of you care about each other

[ZerbuTuan]

LULWAT?

If the guy has to do those stuff to show he cares then what does SHE do to show SHE cares?

And if she asked the guy out isn't it HER job to show she cares? SHE is the one using up the guy's time when he could be doing other things, SHE is the one who chose the place, why the HELL should the guy pay?

[ZerbuTuan]

You really need to WAKE UP and be introduced to the 21st century! Sexual organs don't define what people are entitled to do legally anymore, and it shouldn't socially either! If a girl asks a guy out it is HER JOB to win over the guy NOT THE GUY'S JOB! DUMB ASS!

[ZerbuTuan]

In fact, if a girl asked me out and expected me to pay, if it wasn't for the sexist "guys can't hit girls rule" then I would f***ing SLAP her!

[phl321]

Regardless of whether or not I asked the guy out, I insist on paying for myself to show that I don't have to depend on him or expect him to pay for me. And even then the guy still wants to pay for me. I'm not gonna stop him from being polite because I already insisted that I can pay for myself. I respect his gesture, so in return I expect him to feel the same way and not try to live up to that petty old standard of him paying just because he is the guy. Like you said, it's 2011.

[ZerbuTuan]

Well, okay, but most of the time its NOT a polite gesture. Guys do this because they are BRAINWASHED by society into thinking they HAVE to, and that if they don't then they're an unmanly cowardly loser.

[phl321]

Are you sure you're not the one who is brainwashed into thinking guys this day in age are brainwashed? And it's not really fair for you to speak for EVERY guy out there. You have your own opinions and ways of going about things, and so do other guys.

[ZerbuTuan]

Uhh no, I'm not stupid. I've never ONCE heard an excuse that's even remotely logical about why a guy should pay, but of course you'd agree with the idea since it benefits you to hell.

[phl321]

Wow, you sure do take offense pretty quickly. I did not say you're stupid, I'm saying that everyone has their own damn way of doing things, and there doesn't have to be a logical reason for why they want to do it. Wtf are you on something or do you need something? How is your idea of whether or not guys should pay superior to any other person?

[ZerbuTuan]

My excuse is fair. That's like one person saying "I support slavery" and another saying "Slavery is totally wrong", who's do you think is the most superior?

So what reason would the guy want to pay other than it being a gender role? If you think its that nice, why don't YOU pay, huh?

[phl321]

I obviously already stated that I insist on my paying for myself. I can't help if a guy wants to pay for me. And no, it's not because of his gender that I let him pay, it's because HE WANTS TO! And I didn't say any other persons ideas of guys paying were superior to yours, the point I was trying to make is why you feel like it is so wrong. It's a free country--if a guy wants to pay, great. If a girl wants to pay, great. Are YOU the one paying when you go on dates?

[ZerbuTuan]

Because guys are FORCED into paying, and made to believe that if they don't then they're an UNMANLY, COWARDLY, LOSER!

[ZerbuTuan]

If I went on a date, we'd both pay, otherwise, I wouldn't go on the date.

[phl321]

Uhm, last time I checked, no one was forcing guys to pay. How can you even prove that they are made to believe that they should, from the past? Guys believe what they want and act accordingly. Same with girls.

And I figured you'd go dutch on your date. Apparently, you're not 'brainwashed' like other guys.

[ZerbuTuan]

What are you talking about? Its call over the place! Mothers, fathers and legal guardians teach that to their sons. Its portrayed in the media. There are people who call guys who don't pay unmanly, cowardly losers, and worst of all there are the spoiled girls who EXPECT it and force the guys to pay. Sounds like brainwashing to me.

[ZerbuTuan]

Oh and some teach it to their daughters too, that the guy always pays and stuff, but not all.

[phl321]

Ugh you can blame all the people you want, but it's the guy's decision whether or not they pay, which apparently makes them 'unmanly, cowardly losers'. What would you call someone who has this so called 'self-respect' and doesn't pay? And how you are you gonna start bring up spoiled girls into this? That's a whole 'nother story.

[ZerbuTuan]

Wow, did you even read my comment? I said that they pay because of their parents, the media and society. They learn this at a young age, and the younger you are, the more likely you are to believe something because you're brain isn't fully developed, so guys are brought up to think they HAVE to pay. Its much like religion - kids will believe in whatever religion their parents choose.

[ZerbuTuan]

And the spoiled girls who expect it are an excuse for guys always paying, because the spoiled girls will act all bratty if they don't.

[phl321]

Sure why not. I'm over this. I simply had my own opinion, and instead of trying to understand where I'm coming from, you keep bringing up irrelevant BS.

[ZerbuTuan]

Wow, you're obviously NOT EVEN LISTENING to my CLEARLY LOGICAL COMMENTS! Wow! I was just stating WHY GUYS WANT TO PAY but you wouldn't listen so, if you're not going to listen then goodbye!

[phl321]

Trifling!

[ZerbuTuan]

I don't see how that's unimportant. I'm under the impression that you're upset after finding out that your boyfriend may not be as overly obsessed with you as you think he is.

[phl321]

What a great comeback, as if you have any idea how he feels about me. I thought your curiosity about who should pay was interesting, but I'm starting to find you to be less intuitive and more of an inconsiderate a-hole.

[ZerbuTuan]

You can call me whatever you want. I don't mean to brag, people say that I'm so SMART that it overwhelms others! You can believe that if you want, don't believe it if you don't want. I really don't care.

[798hshkjgcll]

Well I think it's best if the guy pays, but since she asked you out, that makes her the 'man', right? Well, splitting it would be best than to just lay it all on her. lol

I also believe it's better if a guy comes to the door to pick up his date, not wait in the car. To me, that just seems rude. But we weren't talking about that. ha ha ha.

[TheGodEmperorLeto]

Should always be split evenly imo. Unless one side insists over the other. And, yes, generally the guy will insist cause we've been socially trained to feel we should. *shrugs*

[TheGodEmperorLeto]

I don't pay to assert ownership over anyone. Sure this is just me so I can't say it's the norm for other guys, but I pay cause I genuinely want to ease any and all burdens on a person I care about and accept them myself :P I'll pay for guys and girls when we go out at times. Depends on things. But, when it comes to a girlfriend (i.e. someone I love and so devoted to), I'll be fine with paying all the time. Though, yes, she better not EXPECT or DEMAND for me to pay all the time.

[Anonymous]

I always pay for myself no matter the circumstance, if I asked him or if he asked me, if I've dated him for a short period of time or a long one. It's just a standard I have.

[ZerbuTuan]

That's good, its the way it should be in this day and age.

[Opinion Owner]

Damn straight

[Anonymous]

First date? Guy. Just how it's always been in my experience.

[ZerbuTuan]

Even if YOU asked HIM out? I asked a lot of guys this question and most of them said they would probably blow her off!

[ZerbuTuan]

And what is your REASON for thinking that? Because he has a penis? What happened to equal rights? If the girl asks the guy out, it is HER job to make an impression, and SHE is the one using the guy's time when he could have other things to do. EXPECTING THE GUY TO PAY does NOT make a good impression. In fact, even the guys who are brainwashed into insisting would probably be pissed if she EXPECTED it.

[Opinion Owner]

Don't ask for answers if you're only looking for confirmation of what you think.

[ZerbuTuan]

I'm just warning you. If you ask a guy out and expect him to pay just because he has a penis, he will be pissed because that is pure sexism. Its not a mere "opinion", it is discrimination.

[Opinion Owner]

It's not sexism... It's my opinion which I'm perfectly entitled to. I don't hold a gun to the guy's head and say pay for me. He offers, I let him. End of story. I'm sorry you're too cheap to date?

[ZerbuTuan]

Too cheap? I have money, but I use it on things that benefit the public, not to buy someone free dinners while getting nothing in return. How is it not sexism? You expect him to pay JUST BECAUSE HE'S A GUY so can you explain how that is not sexism?

You need to watch this: YouTube[dot]com/watch?v=LQ7wT4CUprQ

[ZerbuTuan]

He offers? That's not what you said in your answer, you said that guy should AUTOMATICALLY pay just because he's the guy!

[Opinion Owner]

No, you took what I said out of context. I never said automatically. I said it has been my experience. You're getting way too riled up about this. Calm down kiddo.

[ZerbuTuan]

Its okay, though, more and more guys are starting to wake up and stand up against these chauvinistic gender roles. If you want a guy who will suck up to you while you do nothing in return, I suggest you find one as soon as possible, because they are decreasing in number as the months and years go by.

[Opinion Owner]

I'm dating someone right now who got mad when I wanted to pay for my own COFFEE.

[ZerbuTuan]

My question was: "Who do you think SHOULD pay?" not "Who usually pays in your experience?"

[happykitty]

R you attracted to this girl.. do you really like this girl or are you just going on this date to hook up/ score or add to the list of the girls you have been out with? what do you want from this girl?