Should the woman pay on a first date if she asked the guy out?

Question

Swede16 · Accepted Answer

What in the? Why is this even a concern for people? It's simple... and I'll make it gender-neutral for all the purse holders.

Asking someone out when you plan on paying: "Let me treat you to a night out on Friday?", "I'd love to buy you a coffee for brunch on Sunday.", "I love blah blah movies/music too... we should go together... I will buy your ticket."

Asking someone out expecting to go Dutch: "I'm going to blah blah place time and date, I'd like to get to know you more if I see you there."

If you are asking someone out and expecting them to pay for you? The only way to find that remotely reasonable is if you just ask straight up...: " Blah blah restaurant/band/movie/exhibit is on Friday. I want to go with you. Will you please buy us tickets/ treat me to dinner and a movie?"

It's not rocket science nor has to be necessarily rude to assert your personal wants and expectations from the get-go.

And if you ever show up somewhere acting flagrant from someone else's wallet without some kind of currency (just in case) to cover at least your own bill, then you need to go back to Adulting 101.

Rosexøxø · Accepted Answer

Well, naturally.

Did she pick a guy off the street and expect him to pay for her dinner and to be rich or something?

This COULD EASILY

EASILY

become a scam women used, just to “ask men out,” and then dump them- either after the first date or first 3/4 dates, and then ask other guys out, and just repeat the same behavior/ process.

That would just be too messed up. 👐

Even business-wise, a boss is expected to pay if he/ she asks the employees to take time to work and discuss work- possibly on “off-hours” or so.

If not paying for the employees or vice versa, they would pay for themselves, naturally.

If she asked him-

If I asked him..

I’d just say does he have enough to pay for his meal at (x, y, z) places or if he wanted to choose.

If he can’t support even himself, or so, then I’d probably skidattle lol

Lliam · Accepted Answer

There's no rule that says you "should", but it makes total sense for the person who did the asking to pay for the date.

In this case, I think she should assume that she will be paying. But when the check arrives, it's up for grabs.

See what he does. You'll get a glimpse of what kind of man he is.

If he's a gentleman, enjoyed the date, and kind of old school, he might insist on paying. At first, you insist on paying, but you graciously accept if he won't hear of it.

Or, after he offers to pay and you insist that it's your treat, he graciously acquiesces. Then he asks you on a second date that will be his treat.

He might simply insist on splitting the bill or paying separate checks.

He might simply sit back and let you pay.

I'm not saying what's right or wrong. It's about the kind of guy you are looking for.

Either way, I think it's really sweet to ask the guy out and automatically assume that you're treating him. He should be flattered, and also impressed with your character.

Lionman95 · Accepted Answer

I think there is no ultimate but she should be prepared since it´s part of taking the iniative. In a world where many women make as much as guys I think it´s not bad if a woman to a date and expect the guy to pay every time. I don´t have a problem to pay at least my part but I would think twice about dating a woman that gives like she´s not willing to invest in a possible relationship but expects free meals at every date. Because arguing that she already invests by wearing a special outfit and using expensive make-up or other accessoirces is for me rather an excuse since she would buy those anyways. She would use the makeup for any guy and there´s nothing special in coming with a good hygiene to a date, that´s not an investment to me.

AviatorTom · Answer

Whoever does the asking is the one who should pay. Of course, the guy could offer to pay half.

OlderAndWiser · Answer

I suppose that would seem to be far, but I have never had a woman ask me for a date. For my generation, that just doesn't happen.

Avicenna · Answer

She should clarify what her expectations are on that front. In my experience, they’ll generally suggest going Dutch.

jennifer_bloom · Answer

I love to serve people with money but I can't afford to do it. I'm not rich and I'm not allowed to.

Amy10223 · Answer

I asked this question a while back (last summer, I think) and the consensus here was as follows: more than half of you said the guy should always pay, while some of you said, I asked the man out, and so I should pay. Some of you also said if he was a nice guy, he'd pat without any discussion about it. Anyhow, it will depend on the man. And I think that some women will insist because they were the ones who did ask. I actually did not really ask him out--what I said was (after a long time on the phone) was, "Well, it's been nice talking to you, and I have to go now. But it would be great to meet you sometime. Maybe we can do some sushi or something?" I guess that would be called asking out, but I just wanted to meet him. And I did after a long time --and he paid.

Smc08 · Answer

Yes, if your trying to go for the right impression and vise versa. Just because restaurants and movies cost more these days doesn’t mean you have to go do that on a first date! There’s other fun activities people just sadly stopped doing. I remember double dates at the bowling alley and sneaking in snacks to a movie. And when men did ask a girl out for dinner he took her to a place he could afford. If you can’t afford to do shit get creative. Stop demanding money for dates on both sides. Try being spontaneous and go on a late night picnic under the stars with ya broke asses! I’m that many years old. 😂😂😂

Anonymous · Answer

Well if she’s the one asking me out that tells me she’s genuinely interested. Not just out for a free meal. I’d be more than happy to pay. But if we’re going to go by today’s standards of women wanting equality, that women can do anything a man can than yes let her pay. I don’t like that mentality but I’ve realized over time I’ve gotten screwed more especially at work when it comes to women doing or not doing certain things based on what benefits them at the time. For example we sit w patients sometimes, mainly because they’re suicidal or confused. But if a patient is hostile than 99% chance I’m going to be sitting w them.

CubsterShura · Answer

I'd pay or go dutch depending on the guy and the situation. I've been in a relationship where I've paid for a lot of meals and although I don't think I'll just give up paying altogether, I think I will have my boundaries. It doesn't feel good to hear your friends tell you that it was clear that he was there for the free food.

If I really want to ask a guy out for dinner whether it's the first date or the 35th date, if I want to pay I'll make it clear that it's on me, either saying "it's going to be on me " Or "my treat".

CrazyGirl2 · Answer

The woman should pay for EVERY date where SHE asked him out! That’s just common decency! If you invite someone out to dinner regardless of whether it’s a date or just a “hey we should all hang out sometime” kinda thing. Whoever does the inviting, should pay! Now, with that said, I always pay for my own food and drink on at LEAST the first two dates regardless. After that, we will have discussed the reason why being that I’ve had way too many men give me the, “what do you mean ‘NO’? Do you have any idea how much I spent on you tonight?” speech! But yes, if I ask you out, you are under no obligation to pay.

sarahsmith1 · Answer

I would say, both of the parties should pay. But it depends on the situation.

If the girl asked the guy out, and it turns out she choose some kind of fancy / expensive restaurant (just so she could take advantage of the guy for paying the meal)

then the girl should pay for the meal, who asked her to choose the fancy restaurant in the first place. But if they discussed to eat somewhere not expensive then both of the parties should pay what they eat (to be fair).

IveGotNoName · Answer

Traditionally, it is expected that the person who initiates the date pays for it. However, the decision of who pays on a first date should be based on mutual agreement and comfort. If the woman asked the man out and he is comfortable with her paying, then that is perfectly fine. If the man offered to pay and the woman is comfortable with that, then that is also fine. The most important thing is that both parties are respectful of each other's boundaries and preferences.

sexyier · Answer

We need to start letting men be men again not the other way round. My much younger partner pretty much approached me 6 years ago on a dating app and to be honest its the way its meant to be. A girl who chases a guy is no value to him at all. Men are supposed to chase us and ask us out and make the first move if they are interested in us. He should pay as that's what a decent guy does theirs always splitting the bill also, but no is should not be up to her, means he doesn't value her or is not interested in anyhting srerious woith her period.

BeMuse · Answer

You don't have any obligation to pay for someone just because you ask them out. If they want to meet you for drinks, food, or entertainment they are doing so at their own discretion and should be able to manager their own spending if they are an adult. You're not taking a kid to the movies or something, you are meeting an adult and getting to know them.

kinggeorge007 · Answer

I'm fine with paying if she's genuinely interested and the place she chose was an average place. And I would really appreciate it if she at least made a gesture of willingness to pay.

And as another comment said, girls these days talk about equality until it's to their benefit. If this is the case, Nah you should pay if you asked out.

ShateriaNorman1 · Answer

Honestly In my opinion No because I feel like it’s right if the man pays instead a woman shouldn’t have to pay especially not on no first date I feel like that’s unacceptable and it doesn’t matter if she asked the guy out or not the guy should still pay no matter what. Now later on down the line if things work out and if they choose to pick and choose who’s going to be paying on dates then that’s fair enough if both decides to pay or so but on the first date the man should pay In my opinion.

Screenwriter · Answer

First dates should always be something truly inexpensive, if not free, and people should pay for themselves.

Coffee, tea, walk in park, a bike. An hour or so with the first-dater to chat and see if you like each other enough to proceed. Let each take care of each.

If someone INSISTS on paying, let them pay. I don't think it matters who contacted whom first or asked whom out.

Then, if it's a failure, it's simply luck of the draw and NO ONE FEELS CHEATED!!!

UmbrusNightshade · Answer

I’m old school and feel that the man should at least offer to pay. If the woman wants to pay, I think he should suggest to go Dutch. However, if she still insists then he needs to accept that and allow her to pay. If it were me, and I was hoping for a second date, I’d casually insert something like, “Thanks for paying. Next time it’s on me.” That tells her I’m still interested and let’s me be the one to initiate a continuation in the dating field.

littlered14 · Answer

I always feel as though, no matter who invites the other person, the woman should offer at least half of the bill if not offering to pay this time in hopes that there will be another date to follow and then, maybe, that guy could pay and they could take turns doing it. Otherwise, I feel as though women should be more independent and at least offer.

bayoubob · Answer

Isn't that the definition of a cuck? At the very least do halvsies? This is what is wrong with America. If a Woman is to be the instigator? Fine. The man should still pay. If things get serious? And she's the bread winner? Then a man, must be put in their place. She wears the pants.

TacosRAwesome · Answer

Technically yes but the man should at least offer.

loveslongnails · Answer

If YOU ask, you should be ready to pay. If he accepts the date, and he's a gentleman, he won't let you unless he leaves mid-date because you're an absolute disaster! LOL I don't let the woman pay on the first date if I stay till the end, because that means I pretty much enjoyed it. I was just raised that way, and the money is not an issue to me as I make plenty of it, unbeknownst to my date!

LiamJHayden · Answer

She should at least be prepared to do so. But really, just keep a first date super simple. Coffee and a chat or something like that. This way if you don't hit it off, you are not stuck sitting somewhere you don't want to be, eating a meal with someone you do not really like, and then getting stuck with the bill at the end.

Anonymous · Answer

I don’t mind it, I've been on dates where it was the guy who asked me out but i paid for the date. Usually didn't work well after the first date because it makes them feel like shit, so they wanna be friends instead which is fine by me

And if a guy asked me to go on a date with him i’ll want to split the bill or just pay what i ordered

Ms_Facesitter · Answer

If you want to go by 'only one person should pay' then yes I think the person who invited the other, should pay. But I prefer everyone to pay for their own meal.

HaveNoName · Answer

If she really insists at the time of paying, i might not want to create a scene. However,. I would stil try my best to avoid her paying. Just a cultural thing.

Haha now if that was a woman who was too clingy and i did not actually want to ever go out with, i might let her do as she wished.

sage2021 · Answer

Yes. Just as he pays when he asks you out. Maybe he could leave the tip to balance it out a little bit.

Adam1978 · Answer

Yes she should. She haa no right to a mans wallet. She can at best suggest that each pay for their own.

EmmaMary · Answer

For a first date, the rule of thumb these days seems to be who ever asks who out pays, ot at the very least agrees to go Dutch (halves).

CoolCatMar1 · Answer

Yes and no. I think everyone should pay for themselves.

AydenHazor · Answer

That is totally dependent on the situation. Personally, I wouldn't assume she was paying and would expect to go dutch, or offer to pay because I do that with anyone I go out with usually, but if she offered to pay I would accept.

W0nderb0y · Answer

Women should pay on the first date no matter what. So should men. Buy your own food. Better yet, do something that doesn’t require money. Go to the park, go to the library, go for a walk together. You’re there to get to know each other, not each other’s wallets.

jshm2 · Answer

The rules are that it's either the asker who pays, else it's a split bill if there is no relationship beyond the first date.

Billlewis · Answer

No, in my opinion. Even if she's the one who asked me out, I'd still insist on paying, and as always, if she told me she has a date with another guy, I'd ask her to let me pay for that date, too.

Sjoerd85 · Answer

The one who invites the other is the one who should pay.

Later, when you are in a relationship and live together, you will have a shared bank account to which you both contribute, and which will be used to pay at restaurants too.

musicbrain5 · Answer

I would say yes, but honestly it's just easier if each person pays for themselves. Then there's no question about who's picking up the bill, no feelings of entitlement or being owed something in return, none of that.

Jaximus-Lion · Answer

Isn't that a trap ! Where the female gonna bring it up in a future argument. Am gonna take (all men are pigs) and pay for the date and keep the tradition going for another 5000 years. Plus I am a gentleman, i always pay for my lady.

BlawnDeee · Answer

I believe whomever extended the invitation should offer to pay if it is a date. If I am dating a guy I like paying for things to let him know he makes me happy and I enjoy taking care of my partner as much as he enjoys taking care of me.

Anonymous · Answer

yes!! But why are you asking guys out? Flirt be cute and be so pretty and sweet that he's begging to take you on dates. The person who asks is the person who pays romantically or not. If I say to a girlfriend let me take you to lunch, thats me paying for lunch!!! But the girl should be pursued not pursuing!!!

bamesjond0069 · Answer

If she's a feminist or has a good paying job, yes.

If she's traditional and the man has a real job then he should always pay no matter what.

So based off you and where you live and the man... that all plays into this.

Daniela1982 · Answer

Would be better, and stop any bill arguments, if each person, on any date, pay their own way. That would keep these floozies from going out on a date with someone just for a free meal.

xJeremyx · Answer

Yea! My rule of thumb when it comes to dates is, whoever asks the other person out, is responsible for the bill.

I will still offer to pay my half though. Especially if I knew her finances were not doing too great.

DizzyDesii · Answer

Im paying for myself regardless. He can pay for himself or watch me have fun alone

slatyb · Answer

Yes, she should plan to pay. The man will probably offer to pay at least half.

Prettygurl12 · Answer

Of course. Imagine being invited out and then learning that you're expected to pay not only for yourself but for the one who invited you in the first place. 😂

Finchie40 · Answer

Since she is asking the appropriate thing for her to do is to pay, but I more than likely will tell her I got it if she refuses then I will tell her next date is on me

SphynxUK · Answer

If I ask, I would pay but most men won’t allow it, in which case I pay my half.  It annoys when I want to pay and they don’t like it. I mean, what’s the issue?

Potteplante · Answer

I always offer to pay when I've done the asking - if it be a man or a woman.  I don't let men pay for dates though - not until we're committed.

KomradeBrix · Answer

The best method for me: if you invite/set up the date, then you should pay, or just split it. Personally I always just try to consider whoever *can* afford to. If they had the date idea but are struggling a bit then I enjoy taking up the slack. The economy is rough for young people. Or maybe come up with a cute idea for a date like a picnic, or an at home movie date:

Gender honestly was never a factor.

Anonymous · Answer

I'm not saying she should pay, but since she asked him out she should be PREPARED to pay ( just to have all bases covered). I don't think ANYONE should ever expect someone to pay for them in anything if they're an adult.

Anonymous · Answer

If the girl knows the guy pretty well, then it is fine. But she should be ready to pay since she asked him on the date. Yes, if women are so pro-equal rights, they should feel comfortable enough to ask a guy out and be willing to pay.

StrawberryMoon · Answer

Whoever invited should pay because if you are inviting you have a motive behind the invitation, be it to gain someone's affection or whatever it is. Why should he have to pay for a date he didn't arrange?

TheSpaceGnome · Answer

People should pay for what they purchased. Why does anyone expect one person to cover the entire cost of the date?

HighValue · Answer

Both people should pay their own way on a first date so nobody feels obligated or used.

Mac-One · Answer

Under those conditions, she should not expect the guy to pay for her. She could even possibly pay some of the guy's expenses depending on the event and situation.

Drumlin2001 · Answer

I wouldn't expect it. But if someone asked me out, suggested a fancy place and then milked me all night, I'd probably leave early and would delete their number.

jiffer · Answer

hot take: the person who ask to go on the date should pay, if that is the girl then she should pay.

Biancam13 · Answer

I always like to split the bill, but yes if I asked a guy out I'd expect to pay.

straightmax12 · Answer

It depends on whether she on wants to pay out of the kindness of her heart or let the guy she's dating pay. It depends on what she wants to do is what I'm saying.

Noah-z · Answer

I don’t date but If I date, I think the guy should pay because its a date after all.

Phantomf4 · Answer

I was raised the guy pays. And even later on in a relationship it depends on if the couple talks about even splitting. The only way a woman should pay is if the couple talks about and agrees to switch back and forth

Should the woman pay on a first date if she asked the guy out?

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Should a girl offer to pay on a first date?

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Should a girl offer to pay on a first date?

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