Should a girl offer to pay on a first date?

Question

Soooo I always offer to pay for my own on a date. I think it’s respectful. However, my mother (yes) is telling me that my date yesterday was the one that asked me out, therefore I shouldn’t have offered. I’ve always offered to pay! Is this wrong? Which one would you rather a girl do? Note: he did end up paying for mine anyway but I did at least offer

PurSeduction · Accepted Answer

It's an very old so called "rule" that the man (gentleman or whatever u wanna call it) always pays...

I can't answer your question with a defintiv yes or no.

wouldn't it be just great and if each person payed his own bill? What's the benefit if the "gentle"man pays for both or vice versa?

Should a girl offer to pay on first date? In my opinion neither should offer to pay the for both.

You do it or you don't! Period.

I presume that in most cases a female would offer or suggest to pay on a date it would end in a stupid conversation where most males would:

"i would never allow a female pay.. Its my duty/ pleasure to pay as male... Blah blah." you know what I mean.

My answer to your question.

1. Either you wait for the male to pay the whole bill as most males have societies pre indulged behaviors burned into their minds (male must pay!)

2. Or you pay what you have consumed.

3. pay the whole bill for whatever reasons.

Floppy2112 · Accepted Answer

I say always offer. Reason being is that it at least tells you something about the person you are with. If they accept they may be a cheapskate or not that into you. If they refuse to let you, they are at least somewhat gentlemanly.
I know you gals think differently than men, but it's at least a little test to see if the man you are with has qualities you like.

JuliaStyles · Accepted Answer

Let's think this through. Some girls just go out on dates for the free dinner and escape a night of boredom with some fun activities. So my thought is if a girl wants to have a good time she should be willing to go Dutch. It seems fair to me and I wouldn't mind paying my share. Not all guys are made of money. If he dates four girls a month that could come to several hundred dollars. Remember, this isn't the old days where the gentlemen paid. This is today where sometimes the women earn more or as much as a man does. So what is the price of a day of fun? Go big or stay home!

Suzzz334 · Accepted Answer

It depends on what the two parties involved want to do. In my opinion, there is no right or wrong way to do it. I always made it a point to be discussed before the actual first date. That way both parties are meeting with this super awkward discuss over and not left for when the bill shows up. I have paid for some dates because I asked him. The man has paid for some dates because that is what we decided on. My husband and I respectively went dutch on our first date. This has played into how we divide bills in our family home now.

OlderAndWiser · Answer

I think that a lady offering to pay her share is sweet, considerate, and cute, but I would never agree to actually having her pay. . . unless she said that it was important to her. I would not let that issue become a problem but I am a very traditional guy and I expect to pay for everything on every date, regardless of who asked for the date.

AmandaYVR · Answer

Offer. Whatever happens after that doesn't matter as much as you offering.

Guys are mighty upset these days about how girls want all the benefits of equality, + freebies financially. Even it out. Or they're going to freak out.

Desconhecida · Answer

I think it is an act of chivalry for the guy to offer to pay the first meal but the girl only accepts if she wants a second date which she will be the one to pay then

fortunechips · Answer

If a guy asks you out, especially on a first date, it should be expected that HE pays.

However, once you both move past the first date and have been going on several dates, I think that it is important for the female to show that she is invested in the relationship as well. We now live in a society where females can make just as much $ as a man. Of course this isn't always the case, but if the lady does make as much as the man why can't she pay for herself, or even the whole meal. At what point does a female show a guy that SHE is invested in HIM? Otherwise you're just showing him you're always game for free food. A relationship takes two people to open up themselves, to be vulnerable, and to take chances and start taking risks for one another for the sake of love. If both parties are financially well off, is it right that only the man takes monetary risk for the sake of love?

I really like your mindset, and I like that you offered. If anything, guys that go on a date with you will deep down most likely appreciate the fact that you show you are serious about your time with them.

Makeushiver · Answer

If a guy asks you out for an evening he has more or less panned e. g, dinner at a restaurant he has chosen, after dinner entertainment that he has closed Then I don't think you need to even offer to pay. One less inexpensive way to help him save money and not feel as if you're somehow indebted to him, when he goes to pay for the check- at which point he should make it clear that it is his treat, suggest that you will cover the tip- and make sure it's around 20% provided everything went well. That's for a white linen tablecloth dinner that runs around $200 and a show, say to a music venue where a band he wants you to check out, let him pay.
If it's for lunch,(casual), drinks at a bar esp if colleagues are included should be pay your own.
I'm sure you will quickly know what types of jobs you each hold, or what type of wealth you may have. If he's working in an Investment bank, or a well paid professional and you are still a student- any expensive place should always be on the one making the most $. It would be rude to take you to an expensive restaurant ( should they open again) if he know you were keeping an eye on your money situation.
Whenever possible, pick up the cheap stuff w/o permitting him to pay you, i. e going to get coffee. The act of spending $5.00 on a couple of beverages shows that your willing to carry your share, you just can't afford the pricier places.
Of course you may be a trust fund baby just graduated for Oxford and are fluttering around Europe that the situation is obviously different

Dongtai · Answer

I’m old fashioned, I pay on dates. I’ve never been asked out by a woman I found attractive. However, it makes since for the man to pay on the first date because typically it is the man that asks the girl out to the first date. I think that’s why men have been expected to pay for so long since men led in dating for the longest time. Most women cringe at the idea of asking a guy out.

I believe the host should pay. If you invite someone out to show “them” a good time then you should be the one to pay, male or female.

ShortCircuit · Answer

I'm not going to tell anyone what they should or shouldn't do, but speaking only for myself, the only way my date is going to get a second date is if she at least pays for her own food and doesn't act disappointed by it. In fact, I'd probably offer to pay for her food, and test her to see if she insisted on paying for herself. It's a great litmus test.

But if she was generous enough to even offer to pay for the whole date, she would definitely stand out to me, and I would be more than happy to pay for every other date after that, because I'd no longer be worried that she was going to take advantage of me. I can be very generous, but she has to prove to me that she's worth it first.

Tiffany_Taylor_Made · Answer

I wouldn't recommend women paying for the first date, unless of course they're dating a childhood friend that they really know well. When you're dating a man that you don't know, you're unsure of his intentions. The fact is that many men only intend to use women for sex. When you're dating a man for the first few times, you're unsure if the man wants a full-time relationship with you or to have sex with you and ghost you afterwards. As a result, a woman would be wise to have the man pay for the first initial dates and hold off sex until about the third or fourth date. If he sticks around after sex, the chances of him being trustworthy and faithful are high. Knowing that, paying for a date with him would be safer. However, if he does ghost you after sex, it's not a complete loss for the woman because, even though she might have gotten used for sex, she didn't have to waste any of her money on it. As a woman, you don't want to have a man use you for sex and completely pay for it.

Fuzzyfuzzballs · Answer

It's nice that you offered, and I would have done the same. If a guy asked me on a date, it is considered traditional and mature if he pays and it is sweet... a guy may appreciate the gesture you offered to pay but guys do often like being the one to cover the bill, it is a masculine thing to do.

... but, in the current times where finances are not great for the world as it stands, there needs to be some flexibility. Good luck dating, maybe you'll go on another date with the same guy due to your kind politeness? 🤞🏻🙏🏻

MCheetah · Answer

You win a lot of points for offering to pay on a first date. That is CLASS, right there! However, ideally, both parties should go Dutch (pay for their own portions of the meal) or split the bill 50-50. I know some old guys might try to say the man should always pay. But nowadays we call that simping. And if women want equality, having the man go broke on someone he just meant isn't the right way to do it. Women aren't the same as they were in the 50s, so ideally, everyone should pay for their own meals nowadays, UNLESS one of them insisted on taking the other out to someplace specific. Like, the girl wanted the guy to go to some new seafood place or something, when you normally wouldn't. With that said, both parties should also make sure they both like where they're going to eat and agree on how to pay LONG before they order anything.

Kurαȷ · Answer

I expect a woman to split (not just offer), even if it was me who asked her out.
Unless I have specified that it's my treat that time.

I never understood "they were the ones who asked you therefore they pay", that may be true for prostitutes, but if two people are going on a date they are both trying to determine whether they are right for each other.
It's a mutual endeavor, it's not a man buying a prostitute's time, and if a woman acts like it is, that's how I'm going to treat her.

JackSmy · Answer

Times are changing, and I am "Old School" and agree with your mother!
If I ask her out, it is assumed that I pick her up, pay for the date, and walk her up to the door, after the date.
If she enjoyed the time, and would like another date, she allows a good-night kiss, and if she was really enjoying our time, she kisses me! :)
Today, I don't know what the 'right' way is!
As times are changing, and I respect women, as equals, I think that the one that invites, and choses the date, like the place, or activity, should pay.

EaterPeter · Answer

Not usually. Guy usually pays. Until unless there isvsome agreement forehand. Some guys may not pay, be cheap or whatever the reason is. I had girl offered to pay once. It was a lunch we agreed to go to. After I asked her. From generations women don't pay and lot if them don't like it. Even dating sites keeps membership free for women bcoz women who pay are usually less happy. If that makes sense. So I believe it is ok you don't have to pay or offer. It's very kind of you to offer though. I know someone who ended up paying since guy left for rest room right around the check time. I usually leave too for rest room I cannot tolerate dirty hands for a sec. Lot of time I hand over my credit card to my date. If I feel payment conflict I pay snickyly but I do pay even when I am gone. When I come back. Waiter brings charge card back just for tip and sign.

rjroy3 · Answer

I have girls pay for themselves baseline so there's no preference for her offering to pay or not lol. Few exceptions. As a general rule, to me we are both there because we like eachother.

Not because I'm trying to romance her and MAKE her like me when she doesn't already. That's not what a date is about but is often how guys treat it.

Either she likes me and won't care about paying or she doesn't like me and I saved myself money paying for a girl who wasn't interested. Some rare exceptions is paying for a drink like a coffee or a single drink. But that's very rare and often only after it's very clear to me she likes me.

I'll pay for dinners after sex.

Lucretio · Answer

Honestly, I would appreciate the offer. To see a girl offer is amazing progression. However, I would not allow it unless they actually stop me from paying the first date. If they want to pay on future dates then by all means... But definitely NOT the first date. If I'm struggling to afford a first date then I should be looking at different priorities...

COMMODOREII · Answer

I don't have a problem with asking. Besides maybe the next time you ask him out and if he doesn't ask then you know where you guys stand. I always look at relationships as a collaboration between two people. Whether it's girlfriend/boyfriend all the way up to marriage. You guys help each other in financial situations and hardships because that's how life is. You need to help each other when life deals you those issues. You got to rely on each other the most during those times. What better way to test that collaboration than on dates.

SomeGuyCalledTom · Answer

What some girls don't realise is that by offering to pay their half, the guy will remember she offered, even if he insists on paying. So he'll be more excited about a second date with the girl who offered, rather than the girl who just sat there when the bill comes, wordlessly waiting for the guy to pony up.

Anonymous · Answer

i think in my opinion that the one who asked the date should pay (like your mom told) , because the one who asked the date is asking to the other to spend their precious time with them , so at least the one who asked should pay for saying thanks to the other for spending their time with them

but someone think that only the man should pay because of traditions

anyway in my opinion if you offer to pay to the one who inveted you , that show that you care about them and it's super nice from you!

but at the end of the day , every one has his toughts , so there is no wrong or right , do what you feel it's best , and that will show who you are , we are different people so no right answer , just your answer

jspl90 · Answer

to be honest I always go dutch but I sometimes offer to pay if they are a student or something similar since i have a stable fulltime job🤔but them saying its okay i can pay for myself usually makes happy since its like they are saying im not here for free food im here for you🤣or they just hated the date and didn't want to feel indepted what is fine too

Wiredone · Answer

It doesn't matter which date it was, the woman should never pay for her meal or anything else you do during the date. It was very respectful of you to offer but I would have refused to accept money from you too.

Andres77 · Answer

Don't feel bad. You did nothing wrong.
The one that asks should be the one that pays. And that you offered then at least you showed your willingness to contribute and not just be the catered to princess.
If it's supposed to be a mutual relationship and not a paid scholarship just because you have XX chromosomes then you should offer.
A quality man will thank you and still pay but he'll have more respect for you from the beginning of your relationship.

Daniela1982 · Answer

When guys see the car I drive they kind of wonder why they should pay for a date as they think I have plenty of money. I do offer to drive and scare the shit out of them with my driving and laying rubber. They are willing to pay me just to drop them off along side the road.

Should a girl offer to pay on a first date?

bowenw · Answer

I think it's nice and appreciated to offer, although if I were the guy it would feel awkward to accept. To take some of the financial pressure off the guy after the first date you could ask him out and tell him you're paying and suggest he pay next time - if there is a next time.

Torari · Answer

Especially on the first date. And don't just offer, do it. At least 50/50. It's far more common than anyone wants to admit for women to date explicitly for a free meal.

You paying shows him that you're interested in him, and not just in it for the freebie.

StrikeJam · Answer

As for me, who is inviting - that one pays.
And due to normaly, it's a man - just let him pay. Let him feel he's a man )
You can offer him to pay, but keep in mind that this may be perceived as a sign that there will be no second date if you will insist on it.

ElvenMr · Answer

You could offer to pay, but he may think you don't want to be serious with him, since you are kind of distancing yourself from him a bit, if you want to pay separetly.

If you are already in a relationship with him, then it can be whatever in my opinion, whoever wants to pay pays, or split the bill however you want, or whoever invited the other pays etc..

Screenwriter · Answer

I think it should be Dutch. Each pays for their own. So no one is obligated in any sense to a virtual stranger. If the date is a bad one, no one is mad about it. Each paid their nickel and took their chances.

HikerDude · Answer

No. If it's a real date and he asked you out, he should pay. Any guy who won't is a cheapskate and a weirdo, the kind who pull out a calculator to figure the tip to the penny. It's a basic rule of society that guys have to act like men if they expect to get in a girl's panties.

kkirk4442 · Answer

It's not right or wrong. I always paid, starting with the first date. However, if a girl wants to pay, that is her right, and there is no reason for the guy to be upset or think it's odd.

Jakeofalltrades93 · Answer

at least on the first date I think whoever asked should pay. now I have to ask, did you offer but still expect him to pay or was it a genuine offer

Derekk · Answer

I think it's always polite to offer. I think you and your mom are both right. Offer, but if someone else asks you out, expect them to pay.

Elliegirl · Answer

Even though I would expect him to pat, I would still offer. With a boyfriend, it’s different. I would pay for our dates sometimes.

AdithyaR · Answer

Actually offering to pay is a very nice gesture and makes you look more confident and unique as an individual. If you believe it's the right thing to do and you want to do it, by all means don't let anyone tell you different.

DrAdams · Answer

Spilt the bill is usually what I would do or at least what usually happens/

jazzygirl0826 · Answer

Why not? If she doesn't want to she doesn't have to, but if she wants to she should. Guys don't always have to be the ones to pay.

pierre7i · Answer

Offering is nice but I prefer to pay if I've asked her out 💵

If we're in an ongoing relationship, it's nice if/when she pays, but only occasionally, I still prefer to pay most times (old-fashioned I know !)

Anonymous · Answer

Guys are expected to be the ones to ask the girl out. We are the ones who have to put ourselves out there and risk rejection to ask a girl out. So for that we should be punished by also having to pay? How does that make any sense?

If a girl does not pay her share on the first date, she will not be getting a second date with me.

Hermes-Paris · Answer

Its best to keep first dates light and cheap. Its an interview basically. Yeah slitting the tab is cool.

Twalli · Answer

It's nice if the girl offers, the guy should always be able to. I still think the guy should pay the majority. When a woman was essentially property and didn't/couldn't work the man paying made sense. Now usually both people have a job so the situation is a bit different. Usually the man makes more than the woman in a relationship so tje burden should be mostly on him. I say a 60-40 split for paying should be typical.

edolphy · Answer

The rule of thumb is the person that ask the other out is the one that pays. Most men will not let you pay either way, however at-least you know what to expect. When all else fails, follow your mother's example.

ohshee · Answer

I agree with your mom if I ask someone out .. I'm asking so it's on me I think it's cool that you offered I don't think I have every let a girl pay before. I have said no why don't you leave the tip if you want ,, but never pay

winterfox10 · Answer

It depends on who asked who out, but as a general rule, any man worth his salt is going to interpret a woman trying to split the bill as a sign she isn't interested in anything more than a friendship.

TheUniqueOne96 · Answer

I think if you're going out on a date and it wasn't discussed beforehand, the least one can do, is offer to pay their own.

If one person insists on paying beforehand, then fine, but even then, no harm in bringing some, just in case.

Hogwheels · Answer

I know some people see things as patriarchal, but I feel, as a man, like I should pay for dates. Not saying I should pay whenever we hang out if we go out top eat or something, but for dates in particular where we've set aside a time to go on a date.

SphynxUK · Answer

I always offer to split the bill on a first date.
Now I’m not traditional, but I think the man usually ends up paying anyway. They usually insist, and since they’ve asked me out somewhere, I feel comfortable enough to accept this.

BunChan · Answer

I always offer to pay... you never know what to expect 🤷‍♀️

mayur1598 · Answer

Well...  For first time I personally think both should contribute...

watrewks · Answer

I think an ok rule that whoever asks whoever out should pay.

DavidFox · Answer

Never wrong to offer, but the guy should plan and pay for date #1

genericname85 · Answer

i think a girl should want to split the bill on a first date. her straight up paying would be awkward.

Bakry123 · Answer

For me the man should pay for the date always unless he is in money problem and u r the one who insist to pay but otherwise the man should pay it show us that we can takecare of u & make u happy.

dawsonnata · Answer

I think it's just the matter of how you pay, not if you pay. If you don't pay for the meal and/or drinks with cash, them you have to pay him back with some... uhm... u know... Peace

Finchie40 · Answer

If you are the one being asked out on a date then the asker should be the one paying it was nice that you offered but if the guy really likes you he wouldn’t accept your offer

SandandWaves · Answer

I had always brought my own cash with me on first dates. The guy always paid, though even after i said its ok, I can get mine... or ours... and he still paid

paraXaraq · Answer

Who ever invites you on the date should pay, however if we are still getting to know each other and its still early days, I appreciate the offer to pay.

AGirlWithoutAName · Answer

I always offer to pay just to be polite, but I firmly believe that the person who asked the other out should pay. If they let me pay, that's the last date they'll have with me.

Astarlessnightsky · Answer

Yes, ar least offer to split the bill.  In my opinion its polite and shows you are really interested in the guy and not only after a free meal.

Angelo75 · Answer

With feminism this has become a very difficult question.

keanadawn · Answer

I’ve ALWAYS offered to pay for dates. I think it’s just nice to offer to pay for your/their meal on the first date!
I’ve found that most guys refuse to let me pay, which is very very sweet but I always make sure I get the next date after that :)

psychoticanimallover · Answer

She shouldn’t just offer - she should actually pay. Her share anyway. Unless she’s a prostitute or a conwoman or a Trump supporter.

Should a girl offer to pay on a first date?

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