Who pays on the first date remains one of the last bastions of traditional chivalry that a significant proportion of modern women would like to see remain in place - even if they're A-ok with women being equal into all other spheres of life. I see women who would be outraged if their superiors considered them less capable than their male colleagues (they're absolutely not) turn up their noses at men who even suggest going Dutch on the first date.
Some of these women put it like this: "The one who asks, pays." Somehow conveniently ignoring the fact that, even in today's modern world, men still do a majority of the asking. Go to any dating website/app - check the stats - see which sex initiates the first date more. The figures won't surprise you.
If the man earns significantly more than the woman, then sure, by all means, the man should offer to pay for the first date, and the majority of dates.
If both the man and the woman earn about the same, then going Dutch for the first date and all subsequent dates makes sense.
What if there is no second date? All the more compelling reason that you should be going Dutch.
"If the man earns significantly more than the woman, then sure, by all means, the man should offer to pay for the first date, and the majority of dates."
Why though? It isn't his responsibility to redistribute his own wealth to her. If she makes less than him it is likely because she didn't study as hard in school or doesn't work as many hours, or a number of other factors that all lead back to her effort/work ethic. Women should be prepared to pay for their own meals regardless of their income. If your income is low, don't bite off more than you can chew: date a guy who is closer to you in income and/or suggest going on the date somewhere you know you can afford.
I think it makes sense under an equality mindset, like two friends hanging out and mutually deciding what to do and where to go and splitting the costs, but my approach to courtship is not about equality. It's more about leadership.
I take the initiative and lead. I ask the girl out. I decide where we go during the early dating process. From that kind of "leader" mindset, then a decent and responsible leader pays, or else he's a "cheapskate" (taking the follower to a place that's his idea but expecting the bill to be split, like your boss taking you out for lunch and not paying for it).
At least that's kind of ethical stance I've adopted, as well as the attitude I found most successful in my case for dating. If I'm not the "leader" of the date, then it makes no sense to pay the bill, but if I am, then it makes a whole lot of sense to me. But leadership is a responsibility as I see it, not a privilege, so I do want to make sure the girl has a good time under my lead, but I set the pace and direction of the date.
I did not always start like this. Initially I took a very friendly "equality" approach, like asking the girl where she wanted to go instead of deciding where we go, in which case splitting the bill makes sense since we're hanging out like buddies. But I did not find this approach very successful compared to stepping up to the plate and taking the lead.
Ironic how on here the majority of women say they'd pay but in real life the majority of the ones I've gone on dates with refused to pay or didn't even offer lol. No offense.
Oh absolutely. At the very least she should discuss upfront splitting the bill if she doesn't intend on covering the entire bill. But it's only respectful to pay or at least offer to if she asks him out.
I think the notion of the man paying the bill is simply wrong. Behind the excuses to beautify it often lies the simple fact somebody is taking advantage of another person through coercion. If there are no consequences to refusing to pay the other parties bill, if the person wants to pay the others bill that is fine. Having the stipulation attached that if it is not payed than there will be consequences is simply wrong. Usually, the gesture isn't actually appreciated, instead it's subtely demanded. However wrong it may be though, because it is the way it is already, it's better for the man to pay the bill unless he is willing to engage in a contentious debate.
I agree with everything except for the last sentence. If that is what you believe, stand your fucking ground, and the right type of woman would respect you all the more for it.
ShortCircuit Not everyone can aspire to the same levels of excellence. Instigating a conflict over principle over a date is highly sensative and not many people have the skills needed to produce success. If we all were to aim for the highest values possible without compromise there would likely be a massive birth rate catastrophe impending in the future.
Also, it is uncommon to find a girl of honour or distinction, you could be having too high of standards. Although, it isn't a shame to reach for the best.
My boyfriend pays 90% of the time without complaining so yeah that's my answer. I told him in our country/culture, (he is a foreign guy) it is a courtesy. I buy groceries at home and shower him with gifts. If the guy isn't stingy, he will be rewarded by me 😊
I think both people should pay for their own meals. It utterly baffles me that so many women still expect to have their food paid for on dates. How can one not interpret such a thing as suggesting that they are incapable?
At the very least, suggesting that we each pay for our meals is a foolproof way of weeding out the sorts of women I want nothing to do with.
I paid for the first date haha. It was at a nice restaurant and I was the one who suggested it. I felt bad to have him pay for it because he brought a limited amount of money to visit my city. I love old fashioned guys but I wouldn’t mind paying for my part sometimes.
If she asks me out, then i dont mind. Its a plus point. But i still offer. But if she insists, it means there will be another date, and itll be my turn to pay 😄!
Now if i asked her out , its a different story. I will pay.
Halves on the bill... not really good in my opinion. Its like saying you dont have anything to repay and we may be done...
I always offer though. I like treating people. Just be sensible enough to not have champagne taste on a beer budget. Im not rich.
Well itd ne a very weird thing to suggest for the first date. I was with my ex for 6 years and eventually we developed a system where we would sometimes split it. Or if I paid for it then she pay for something else and vice versa. But as a first date? I would say the man should pay, out of kindness and generosity.
I think it is better if the woman pays first. I won't pay for her until she has paid for me first. Still, I think for the first date it is better if each person pays their own way so nobody feels used. After the first date, then I would like the girl to pay my way, then I would pay hers the next time and take turns.
If I went out with a woman that insisted to pay her half or all and would argue to get her way on that. That would be the first and last date because I know that I am completely incompatible with her.
I don't care about this trivial stuff as I'll be too busy trying to figure out whether a relationship between me and her will work or not, and should I take her out again or not. Whether I pay or she pays it doesn't matter. But if she offered to pay on her own initiative, she would score a point in my book.
Depends on the women, typically it's the gentlemen thing to do, but some women like compromise and so I say pay for most stuff and if she says no no no let me pay for this, and if she keeps insisting compromise and be like okaay you pay for popcorn and I pay for the soda or something
Yes she should and many prefer to, it's often the guy that refuses. This is the one thing my SO and I argue about, he insists on paying. I sneak money into his wallet or I'm paying for dessert or entertainment.
Actually no I don't think it's a bad thing at all. In fact I think more men should be doing this to weed out the bad options. Because if a women is really into you, she wouldn't feel offended or agitated or entitled.
Yes, I think both people on the date should pay for themselves, it would keep the playing field even, and show both participants are equally invested in the date.
No we we live in a society where everyone wants to be treated the same so why should the man pay the whole bill on a first date I agree however that if the women offers it is then your decision to turn it down or take her up on the offer depending on what you feel
My boyfriend always likes to pay and sometimes I am completely ok with it but other times I try to pitch in and help. I don't think it's completely fair if he's always paying. So sometimes I'll pay or pitch in or when he isn't looking after he pays I'll slip some money into his wallet or pocket
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