What do you think about a guy asking a girl to pay for a date?

[nocturnalbaby]

so there's a guy I matched with on hinge who I went on 2 dates with. He planned & paid for the first date which I expected. However, for our second date, he chose the time & place again & instructed me to meet him where he chose. I met him at the restaurant he chose and expected him to pay because he planned it & invited me out.

However, after we finished eating & got up from the table to start walking towards the counter, he suddenly asked 'you okay to get this?' & I was honestly really surprised & quite frankly, turned off too. However I just said 'oh yeah sure' & paid it. I don't know how to feel about that. I still sometimes don't fully know dating etiquette since I'm kinda new to the dating scene. I've previously only been in friends with benefits or fuckbuddy type relationships, so right after that date, I started googling if the girl is meant to pay on the second date, & I read a lot of answers saying that it is actually nice for the girl to pay on the second date to return the favour if the guy paid for the first one. I then started feeling a bit bad that I hadn't offered to pay for the second date. Maybe him asking me to pay for our second dinner was his way of reminding me that it's my turn to pay?

There was also another guy I went on 2 dates with before finally cutting it off with him. He was from tinder. He paid for our first date, but for our second date we ordered from his phone (cause the restaurant we went to has an electronic menu that you scan the QR code for) to avoid having to order separately from both our phones. Later that night though, he texted me asking if I can transfer him for half of the dinner with payID using his phone number. He sad 'I'm soooo sorry I don't mean to be rude but I used my work bank account to pay & they get suspicious if they see too much being spent from it' which was very clearly the biggest lie. I just agreed & transferred him the money. I found it very unattractive though.

[Anonymous]

Ok I want to start it by saying that the guy who asked you to give back the money is NOT am ideal
Men at ALL. Someone to avoid. You felt bad about that and it’s true you should I was going to get turned off too.
Some comments are acting rude telling you “well you want feminism and here you have it. “ Well that’s not your fault what other women want.
I believe even though you want equality deep
down in your heart you want a Gentleman!!!
And you have to find a gentleman do NOT back down don’t shy away from it because that’s what you truly want. And I’m the same way at 30 years old!
I also didn’t like how the guy you recently went to a date asked you to pay randomly at the end like this as a puzzle game.. my turn then your turn my turn then your turn lol. Really? he should have told you in messages hey just asking would it be ok if you pay today? That’s it a kind question. A reminder.


I have so many dating stoties to share. I was 21 and we ate dinner as a date it was our first date lol and the bill came and this guy back than asked me to pay for it. But me being a fool thinking he is so mature lol 24 🤣 he was going to pay. But guess what I had exactly 5$ back then in my pocket to take the train plus being a college student lmao. And I was alike sorry I don’t have money or card at all. He thought I was scamming him. Anyways I deleted his number once we left the restaurant. I don’t want a father for my kids a dick.
So asking abruptly like this is very BAD he should have asked you prior.. I don’t like this guy either.


Finally at 30 I met a men as I want a gentlemen we go 80 and 20 pay. He pays mostly and also expensive things I pay the remaining if it’s coffee sweets etc. but basically he got it and he doesn’t even let me pay he makes sure he is in front of me anywhere we go so he always pays. He doesn’t let me a space to even try. And it’s not like we spend crazy we plan well where to go to fit his budget.
If you want a men as this than you have to keep looking until you find him. Don’t settle quickly because some gag asshole say this is equality. Well it’s equality for them but not for YOU you are not a sheep to follow others wish.. follow your own wishes and dreams for a men.


I want to close it by saying what you are saying it’s not wrong at all. Guys you have dated so far are not affluent. By reading your qs It seems like you want affluent men so that’s what you should find. Don’t listen to losers here don’t get fooled.
💕✨

[MrOracle]

"I believe even though you want equality deep down in your heart you want a Gentleman!!!"

Yes, you WANT the best of both worlds, and the liablities of neither. But that's not how the world works. Authority comes with responsibility, and so when you want equal power, you get equal responsibility. "Gentlemen" and "chivalry" were a result of society readily acknowledging that men had more authority than women did, and thus women had less responsibility and were to be protected. When you demand equality, you sacrifice chivalry - the two simply cannot coexist, because they are opposites. Just as a room cannot be both hot and cold, and just as you cannot be in Seattle and Miami at the same time, you cannot have equality and chivalry. You must pick ONE package, and you get BOTH the authority AND the responsibility that comes with it. That's how life ACTUALLY works.

[StephiC]

Leave.
Any man that will risk you leaving and having sex with multitude of other men instead of him doesn't actually like you that much. He's just spending time with you.

A man who is poor will take you on an almost free date and apologise about being broke this month but put a lot of thought into it.

[Fireguy17]

Welcome to having equal rights!
Now you know and understand what guys have been going through for years/decades/forever.
Date after date, only to go nowhere, some using you just for a free and sometimes expensive meal. It is tough on the budget!
When I was dating I would try for a lunch date, easier, less expectations, less pressure, less expensive, and if it didn't go well, you had your whole rest of the day, and if it did go well, you had the whole rest of the day with each other.
While it happens, it is nice to clear up those details beforehand.
Guys that have gotten played a lot are just getting tired of it, and now with prices being what they are even a basic place to eat can easily be well over $50, toss in gas, parking, a couple of drinks and you can kiss $100 bucks away in no time, so it can be a financial drain just getting to know someone.
It's not about the money yet it is if that makes sense.
We all only have a finite amount we can spend, so for some it is a higher amount, for others not so much.
Hope that helps.

[OfMiceandMen]

I think people are getting off on a huge tangent with respect to the whole equal rights stuff.

Anyway, I think your question is: Did he apply the proper dating etiquette?

Based on what you wrote above, I would say no. I don't think you ever had an issue with paying at all. You were just a little confused that he asked you out both times and expected you to pay.

That's tough to read, bc he is somewhat saying, I get to choose where we go - you don't have a say, but expect to pay half now and then. Somewhat ignorant if you ask me.

I think he jumped the gun with asking you out again and expecting you to pay. He should have let you return the favor at your leisure. He also should have let you pick the location the 2nd time around, so you could maybe show him the kind of food you like. That's part of getting to know someone on an equal opportunity basis.

I believe it was your intention to return the favor someday, and ultimately he should have waited till you were ready.

[OfMiceandMen]

Thanks.👍

[MrOracle]

If you want equality, you'd better get used to equality. Equality means you pay your own way. This is what women asked for, and fought men for, for decades. Congratulations, you're equal now. Did you think that equality meant you were only equal with the benefits, but not the liabilities?

I only date traditional women, and I always pay the bills, but there's no illusion of equality in my relationships - we both recognize that men and women are different.

You have to decide if you are a modern, feminist women who wants equality, or if you want to be a traditional, feminine woman who follows the lead of a man. It's one way or the other, and you have different benefits and liabilities in each case - but you don't get to mix and match.

[PizzaPieMamaBear]

No the person who asks the other person to lunch is the one who pays this is true of all relationships. In a business setting if I lf im with a client and I say let’s get lunch that’s me paying for lunch. If I’m with a friend abd I say he let’s do lunch that’s me paying for lunch. Etc

[MrOracle]

@PizzaPieMamaBear Business etiquette isn't the same as dating etiquette. And let's be real: women almost never ask men out, making that rule very convenient. Equality means equality.

[PizzaPieMamaBear]

That has nothing to do with what I said. Go back and read what I said

[βιυεsκγs]

I agree MrOracle! Just for my information, can you explain what the traits/ actions of a traditional woman are?

[MrOracle]

@βιυεsκγs Sure.

A traditional woman is feminine, friendly, family-oriented, submissive (i. e., desires to be in a relationship led by a competent man), a virgin or at least has a low body count, and is looking for a life-long relationship. She isn't trying to BE a man or compete with a man, she's interested in being a woman and building her life WITH a man as a TEAM. She may have a job or business, but her priority is her family, and she knows that her job or business needs to be structured around the needs of the family (as is the man's, but in a different way).

A "modern" woman is a feminist, is full of masculine energy, is focused on traditionally masculine pursuits (a career over a family), is frequently promiscuous, and will regardless choose partners for shallow, short-term reasons rather than life-long relationships, and thus will tend to have a high number of partners, are likely to be divorced or have children out of wedlock, and are likely to be single after age 35. Modern women are FAR more likely to have mental disorders and to be on anti-depression medications, which shouldn't be a surprise: their learned behavior is going against their instincts, creating cognitive dissonance that leads to depression.

[nocturnalbaby]

Not sure why this topic of equality has come up. I’m not a feminist & I don’t think I said anything about equality. I’m actually still more traditional

[MrOracle]

It wasn't necessary directed at you, but there are plenty of women who believe as I described.

[Guy13]

If I was girl, I would give you the hand ✋ and pull out my phone. Text all the cackling hens, “he just asked me to pay, OMG 😱”. Then I would FaceTime at least one and critique your arse until you cried like a baby.

It is not that it is wrong, however, it certainly falls in Stupid & Laughable’ column. Dating is probation and then is the time that we are on our best behavior.

[Anonymous]

Oh my goodness how many post do you want to make and more importantly how many times do you want to mention the other guy. Stop lying you didn't cut anything off with the other guy and your damn post proves that. He cut things off with you because you were playing childish games and messing him around or did you forget you posted the evidence to prove this when you posted the messages between you both. Creepers man

[blissinanarchy1]

He should’ve asked about it before the date even happened. Personally, I pay for the date. If a man wants the girl to pay before, that needs to be established prior, you could’ve easily not had your wallet on you.

[nocturnalbaby]

Yeah I mean a lot of us pay with our phones now, but yeah I guess it is something that should be discussed before

[SnowedIn]

In general? No issues. "Hey, I'll get this one and you get the next one?" phrased as a question. But the way you described it? Total BS. Just stupid and not well done. And it's not actually about the money or her (you) paying it's that that's the dumbest, most clueless way of going about it I've ever heard.

[nocturnalbaby]

stupid and not well done from his part right?

[SnowedIn]

Totally, 10000%, from his part and, yes, stupid. Amateur hour. Rookie.

[The_Shadow_Dweller]

That guy cannot even fact-check his lies. I bet he gets caught more with his lies than with his procrastination habits.

[Twalli]

My view is that the guy should always be able to pay, but outside the first date shouldn't always be expected to. If you're together for a long time it should be close to 50-50 who is paying. The woman paying for the second date indicates that she is willing to be financially invested in the relationship, just like the guy is. The idea that the guy pays for everything only worked when women didn't have a job and couldn't get one. They also had dowry in which her family paid the man to marry her. So unless a woman knows her parents are going to pay the guy she's marrying and that she won't work or have any money that she can use for herself, she shouldn't expect the man to pay for everything.

[Vegasrunner]

@nocturnalbaby This is exactly why I advise men to take women on cofee dates only for their first date. I can't blame the guy for asking you would pay considering how woman love talking about how independent they are but, I do think he should have either mentioned it up front or just paid considering he picked the location.

[nocturnalbaby]

I’m not one of those women that talk about being independent. I’m actually the opposite of a feminist & im quite dependent on guys. I actually want to be a housewife

[Vegasrunner]

@nocturnalbaby That's great for you but a man has to live in reality and accept the world in general. And in today's Market a lot of women love to claim to be independent, it only makes sense that your date would believe you fall into this category. What is it that you provided to him on the date that is valuable enough to HIM that he's willing to invest in you?

[Thatpearl26]

While I like the man to pay for dates as I’m old fashioned I will never refuse to split the bill or pay. As you never know what they could be going through financially. You should probably expect this to happen more as feminism is becoming more popular which pushes the idea that women can do the same thing as men. This notion while true has led to chivalry slowly fading from men being scared at being yelled at by simply holding the door for a woman.

[The_Shadow_Dweller]

Absolutely. Girls should expect to be demanded or requested to pay their share, at least.

[FieldOfVision]

Splitting the check is the polite thing to do. I don't know much about the etiquette in relationships; however, I know in friendships, you split the check unless one of you offers to pay for it in a whole.

[Chazmatazz269]

Everyone should just expect to pay their own way until they grow up enough to HAVE SIMPLE CONVERSATIONS!
If you want to have a mature relationship some day, you should really learn to communicate effectively. Assumptions and “surprise” are childish by any reasonable standard.

[msc545]

So I just figured out why you were annoyed in your other question about the guy essentially canceling the third date with you - you were not attracted to him because he asked you to pay for the second date (and you did) and you figured he owed you another meal for the (now-canceled) third date.

Apparently, any guy who asks you to act like an adult and pay for yourself becomes unattractive to you.

Pay for your own meals or stop going on dates. Men are not your ATM machines.

[nocturnalbaby]

Um i don’t think you read the other question properly. I was actually not attracted to him ever since the day I met him on the first date. I just went on a second date to give him another chance cause I thought it was too quick to end it after just one date.

Him asking me to pay on the second date isn’t at all related to me not wanting a 3rd date with him. I just wasn’t feeling the vibe with him in general & just wasn’t interested to see him anymore regardless.

This payment thing was just a separate topic that I also wanted to get opinions on. It was just an extra thing & it was my first time experiencing it

Looks like you’re just randomly making up your own story & trying to piece things together In your own way.

[nocturnalbaby]

Calm down & find somewhere else to talk about your financial insecurities. Stop trying to apply to posts that aren’t related to it.

[msc545]

Looks like you are randomly making up bullshit excuses.

[Anonymous]

Ok well first off what type of relationship are you seeking? A traditional relational? One w equality? I think he should have paid considering he asked because let’s face it people don’t have money to eat out all the time unless you’re in bed lol bad joke but seriously if he asked I’d think he would pay. What threw me was that you expected him to pay. Was that because you expect the man to pay all the time or expected it since he had asked you out?

[nocturnalbaby]

I expected it because he asked me out & chose the place for the date, & also because he seems to be a man that’s traditional & in control. He paid for the dessert we got afterwards but not for the dinner.

[humanearth]

In my day, men always paid.

It's considered uncouth to ask a lady to pay for anything when out together.

What happened to all the men? Is this the new normal in todays world

Footnote;

Uncouth means that they're crude and unrefined.

[Unit1]

We became wage slaves worth only $12-16 an hour on average. Not enough to survive for ourselves. Let alone getting a girlfriend.

[humanearth]

@Unit1 There are still ways to do dates on the lower cost end, without looking like a cheap bastard.

Yes, I remember the early days of dating. I was working minimum wage for 2.75 per hr. (OMG I just realized that I'm becoming a Senior citizen)

But even back then I had to be creative with money and dating.

[Orion76]

This isn’t equally besides even if it’s a friend not a date just another guy and the bill landed on me I won’t ask him or her to reimburse me. It’s embarrassing now on a date i don’t care what the situation is I’m paying, if she insists I’ll of course let her pay but i won’t take it as a good sign.

[Jamie05rhs]

He asked you to pay for HIS food? Oh, HAIL No!

And waiting until the end after you'd already eaten, too. What a total dick move. WEAK!

[nocturnalbaby]

Yeahh we shared a plate & he asked me to pay for the whole thing including the drinks we got. Yeah I thought it was unattractive

[Jamie05rhs]

Oh- you shared a plate. That's slightly different. But if he wanted you to pay then he still should have given you cash for half.

[AdithyaR]

Personally I am a believer of the idea that the one who asks is the one who pays. The first time i went out with this one girl, she asked me and she paid. The next time i took her out to lunch and I paid.
We didn't keep an exact count cause it didn't really matter, I paid some, she paid some.
So yeah if he asked you out, he should have paid.

[RockyHammock]

Personally, I always pay the first date, which is basic etiquette. However, the second date and onward must be 50/50 - if I pay for the second date she's gotta put in equal effort or the relationship will be one sided and I will leave.

For you: decide what you want a long term relationship or short term and act accordingly.

Think about it from his perspective.

[Anonymous]

Either whoever plans it should pay, or you split and pay for whatever you eahx order. Which tbh I think is the most fair as it means no financial investment has been made by one that the other didn't. It shows that your willing to appreciate the time he dedicated to the date and stuff like that.

[007kingifrit]

if you're some kind of career minded women yea i will ask you to pay. if you're like a real girl who doesn't want to support herself i will pay every time without complaint.

maybe he has little money or maybe you give off career woman vibes I don't know

it depends on the kind of relationship that you want. if you want to be taken care of say no i think the man should pay. but be aware this comes with expectations of being a more feminine girl.

[nocturnalbaby]

I don’t think he has little money because he paid for our first date & he also paid for the dessert on the 2nd date. Must’ve been something to do with not wanting to pay for the dinner specifically on the 2nd date. & no I don’t give off career woman vibes, I’d say I’m pretty feminine & I plan to be a housewife later when I get married

[Anonymous]

Split bill would be ideal. Or if the girl offers to pay, the guy would probably get the message that he will be paying next (so he has to make initiatives get maybe a dessert place or plan a next date). But if the guy asks the girl to pay, its strange (either offer to split).