Is this normal to have girlfriend and a crush on someone else?

[Anonymous]

I'm happy with my girlfriend for 2 years and I'm not going to break up with her or cheat her, because I know nobody will be so good for me like her.

But lately I have crush on other girl with who I work , I love to look at her, fantasize about her every night, I feel like in heaven when she talks to me flirt, or smiles to me. But I know it's nothing serious anyway.

Is this normal? Does this happen to other people who are in relationship?

[rudy37lee]

It's normal to check out other women (women check out other men too) but that's where it stops. I'm sure the occasional fantasy will pop up, but you shouldn't be spending all day pining over this girl or hanging on her every word or smile or flirt. You say you won't cheat on your girlfriend, but you already are. You are cheating on her emotionally, which can be just as damaging as physical unfaithfulness. If my fiance' told me something like that was going on with him, I would seriously have to consider leaving him, it would break me. He wouldn't jeapordize what we have for a cheap thrill though, and neither would I. I have a feeling that if you are capable of this type of behavior, and especially without showing any significant guilt then maybe your current relationship isn't as peachy keen as you think it is. I wouldn't share this information with her, I think the pain it would cause, would result in more damage than good. You need to figure out if you really want her or not, and if you do, quit having this emotional affair and treat her right.

[XRabbitHeartX]

I'm sorry but I think this is completely wrong. It's one thing to think another girl is hot and occasionally have her pop into your head but what you are saying about fantasizing about her every night, looking at her, and feeling in heaven when she talks to you is very unhealthy. There should come a point when you should start to practice a thing called "self control", and not for your own sake but for your partners sake as well. If you really cared about your girlfriend you wouldn't be allowing yourself to think about her. Obviously the emotion you get can't be helped but the way you act and work with it you can. I can control my thoughts and newsflash so can you. If you can't control your thoughts then you should tell your girlfriend. It's not fair at all towards her. Just because something is not right but considered normal does not make it acceptable. You can do something about this and it's as simple as controlling what and who you think about it.

[Asker]

you are right, maybe it's normal but definitely wrong. , I will try to control my mind because I don't want to lose my girlfriend, but if I can't I will tell her and she can break up with me - because she deserves someone better then.

[XRabbitHeartX]

thank you for BA. I appreciate that :)

[Gianni]

while I agree that you need to tell your girlfriend I don't agree with the why. I think the reason that you're fantasizing about another girl is most likely because your relstionship has become routine. you probably just need to add a little more spice to the mix. telling her that you've been day dreaming about another girl might only serve to break up your relationship if you don't know why you're thinking about another girl and while many people believe that there shouldn't be any secrets in a relationship there are a lot of pandora boxes in a person's life that are in that box for a reason...its not supposed to be opened because only choas can ensue from it. but if you want to open the box then you need to have the right containment measures put in place.

[Asker]

yes I wanted to tell her so many times, beuse I feel guilty because of this crush, and maybe my girlfriend if know this can help me somehow , can do something that I will forget about this other girl.

But I don't want her to break up with me , and this may happen if I tell her.. So what should I do?

[Gianni]

every action plan is ez d execution is d hard part. 1st you need 2 knw whether you are fantasizin about dis oda girl bcus you want spice or you are lookin 4 a way out and 2 coward 2 admit it. 2nd if you want a way out I suggest you do it asap and stop draggin your girlfriend along 4d ride. but if you don't den d nex step is 2 tlk 2 yur girlfriend find out frm her if she feels d same way...but in a nice way...bcus its ez 4 it 2 sound lik you tellin her she boring

[kairon156]

answerer can you repeat your response without using short hand. I'm not bringing myself down to that level. sorry if you are offended but I think that type of typing is rude.

[Gianni]

first am I picking up attitude because that is rude...especially when one is only trying to help. secondly there is only so many characters you can type and my answer can bearly fit even with the short hand...so no I can't type it over...please pick up the issue of character limits with the moderators of the site thirdly the gist of the statement was that a) he needs to figure out if he wants to really be in a relationship or not and grow the appropriate balls to deal with it and b) if he wants t

[Gianni]

and there goes my point...then you have to wait 5 to 10 min later to continue the point...I don't like short hand but its effective

[kairon156]

this reminds me of something I heard someone say that they were told by a guy who generally does not have long lasting relationships. "I think I'm in love with falling in love" pretty much he likes the new girl feeling and can't get enough of it but it does not last and than some time passes and he's looking for that "falling in love" feeling again.

[S1mon]

I am in this boat too. Long term g/f but have a massive crush on girl at work, I am her boss too! I don't know what to do, head in a spin.

[Anonymous]

Of course that's normal. I'm not saying it is right, but feelings can't be helped. youve been with your girlfriend for 2 years and have now grown accustomed to her. this new girl elicits feelings that prob have long since died out. I mean feeling people get when they first start dating someone, the exitement and all that. Are you sure it is nothing serious about the other girl? It sounds like you think about her alot. sometimes we fantasize about others and the perfect relationship when the one we have has gone stale. Perhaps this is your case?

[Yriuqni]

I know most people will say its normal .. but it's not. It's not too bad either.. all you have to do is get away from here, in a couple of days you ll be over it .. yes it happens in other relations, but you should stop it before it gets more serious and uncontrollable.. I also suggest telling your girlfriend what's going on, she will be hurt yeah .. but you ve basically mentally cheated on her, which is not good ..

Or you can just put yourself in her shoes.. what would you want her to do ?

[cazza3]

Mentally cheat? That's a new one

[Yriuqni]

Yeh cheating starts with the thought , doesn't it ? ..it's not cheating per se .. but not very far from it either ..

[Catrine]

+1

[cazza3]

Its a million miles from cheating. I know you disagree and that's fine

[kairon156]

I agree with like 80% up to the mental cheating bit. if I had a Girlfriend I wouldn't her not to think of other guys just as long as she's still faithful to me at the end of the day.

[Yriuqni]

A thought quickly becomes an action .. I don't understand how is this far from actual cheating .. it's just a fine line!

[Anonymous]

well as long as it's nothing serious then it's completely normal. all my friends that have a relationship dream and fantasize about these really good-looking people that they have no chance with. but then they prefer they're partner over anyone else. if this is your case then it's fine. but if you think about your crush more than your relationship then you're in trouble!

[Anonymous]

I think it's normal just try not to think of her or lead her on.

[Catrine]

why do you need to think of another female when you got the person they are with?;)

[Opinion Owner]

some people might argue that's the point because if you think of other girls but in the end think the one you have is better it might strengthen your love for her. I think it's the whole caveman thing where we never had one boyfriend/husband and one wife/girlfriend. that's why I say don't lead her on and don't act on your crush as long as you truly love who you are currently with.