Girls: Are you generally suspicious and/or repulsed by men?

[OpenClose]

I know it sounds like I'm trying to verify some bitter suspicion, but that's not my intent.

I recently have been running into more and more statistics that really give a bleak outlook on how women feel about men lately.

One article on Psych Today claimed that in the majority of cases, women find men physically unattractive the majority of the time, and that almost all violent thoughts or actions are directed towards men. And furthermore, that women more often felt men were suspicious or creepy than friendly.

In another national culture survey, they found that, if given a choice, only some 35% of women would marry the same guy again. (Nearly half the percentage that men hold if I recall.)

Then, the straw that brought me here: apparently women initiate some 80% of divorces. I figured "okay, maybe things aren't working out, and women tend to be the ones taking the initiative." But apparently the top reasons were related to being "not satisfying enough in bed", and being "incompetent".

These stats leave me really worried. It makes me feel undesirable, slimy, and uncomfortable to be around just for being a dude. Almost as though no girl will desire me for my personality or body, but that a relationship would consist of me constantly having to "prove my worthiness of her presence" just to keep her around.

Can you maybe clarify for me?

[BlackCatAnon]

Please don't feel that you're wrong in any way because of these statistics, they're not targeting you specifically. To look into the social reasons for 'why' on some of these statistics will help clear up some concerns.

Culture is passed down from parents and through the media, but one thing not making it to our generations from our grandparents is the thought of "Working things out." Instant gratification or an unwillingness to deal with something gone wrong can be attributed to rising divorce rates. As to why a woman may initiate, it could be a variety of reasons.

Starting or jumping into a marriage to quickly will lead to a bad choice in compatibility of partners, and a woman may find herself not receiving the emotional support she requires because she picked a man based on more temporary or physical aspects. Another reason, is that some men don't know how to give women a proper g-spot orgasm (go read up on it if you're worried). So yes, many woman may find bed partners lacking if they're not getting enough stimulation. From what I understand having read about the subject, many men know how to externally stimulate, but not internally stimulate a woman. Here's a hint: the second is more satisfying.

As for the suspicious, creepy vs friendly– in what situation did they think this? Of well-mannered men in general, I find many to be kind and interesting individuals. Crass, rude, or aggressive men do come off as being 'creepy' or 'suspicious' if they're picking up a girl improperly, but you'd likely make those same judgements yourself, even being in the same gender.

I guess it depends on mannerism. For example, if a guy stares, and I look back to find him staring deadpan, I'd think it was a bit strange as well. Adding a simple smile, head nod, or wave should dispel the negative aspect. Just remember not to continue staring after. Either approach or look elsewhere.

I think the data you've been reading has been a small population sampling, or at least not a varied one, as the majority of mature women I know would agree you don't judge just based on gender. You may want to check what kind of 'cases' you're looking at: Women who've been jilted? Women who lead active lives, who are mothers, who never started dating, who live on the west coast, who frequent bars, who frequent book shops, who live in rural or urban areas... get an idea of who you're generalizing. There's a wide scope and spectrum out there, all with very different views.

Don't be discouraged, as many women out there love spending time with men, and don't have that negative bias.

[Anonymous]

Eh, I don't think any of those apply to me, but I can see how it might be somewhat true.

Maybe if men would rape others less, be a little less violent and condescending, maybe if they were publicly seen as accepting of others, things might be better.

Harsh criticism.. I know. It's hard to stomach even advising it at all, more so since this site does have its fair share of guys who don't fit that description at all.

Women are punished for not being skeptical of men. How? If a woman is raped, everyone jumps to see where she let her guard down. They ask whether she was drinking, what she was wearing, who she was with... this forces women to seem vigilant as well as be vigilant.

"Men who want to flirt with women have to realize: Women live in a state of continual vigilance about sexual safety. It’s like having a mild case of hay fever that never goes away. It’s not debilitating. You’re not weak. You’re not afraid. You just suck it up and get on with your life. It’s nothing that’s going to stop you from making discoveries, or climbing mountains, or falling in love. Sometimes you can almost forget about it. It doesn’t mean it’s not there, subtly sucking your energy. You learn to avoid situations that make it worse and seek out conditions that make it better.

If a female stranger is wary around you, it is not because she suspects you are a rapist, or that all men are rapists. It’s because a general level of circumspection is what vigilance requires. Don’t take it personally."

"If she is deemed insufficiently vigilant, she will be at least partly blamed for any sexual violence that befalls her. If she’s regarded as downright reckless, that “evidence” can be used to completely exonerate her rapist. If it comes down to a he said/she said dispute over whether sex was consensual, as so many rape cases do, the dispute becomes a referendum on whether the woman seems like the sort of reckless person who would have sex with a stranger."

link

As for your statements on divorce initiation reasons, being sexually unsatisfied for a year (or more) and having an incompetent partner are extremely valid reasons to divorce.

[jrose]

I don't hate men, I have too many wonderful men in my life to hate them. I grew up with an awesome dad and brothers who taught me that men can be pretty awesome (pains in the butt when they eat the food you were saving for lunch the next day, but still awesome). And I have mostly guy friends who I love and I know would do anything for me.

When it comes to relationships- yes, I'm naturally what I would describe as cautious about starting a relationship or letting it go too far too fast. The reason for this is twofold: a) having spent so much time around my guy freinds and brothers, I know that they tend to have hearts and emotions just as scarred and changeable as women's are and b) from experience I know there are guys out there who are just going to use you for the own ends (sex, ego boost, money, status w/e- women do this too) and I don't care to be used.

The men I'm dating- I'm far less slower to give my trust and I would say I expect more from them faster (commitment, loyalty etc) than I do with my male friends, but I don't believe I hate any of my exes and I'm certainly not repulsed by men in general.

[TheManHimself]

Yes, you would constantly have to prove your worthiness to keep a woman around and even then it may not be enough.

Women areemotionaly creatures, they do not reason or think logically in a consistent way, sometimes they do, sometimes they don't depending on how they are feeling in the moment.

Emotions in women are very fluid, so girls are constantly changing moods, thoughts, tastes, perspectives, even personalities based on how they are feeling.

It is futile to try to control how a girl is feeling at all times because you can make her feel good now, but someone else can come and make her feel better, and she will be focused on that, when she sees you again, she will be focused on you, etc.. He focus changes depending of where is she receiving her emotions.

They are addicts of feeling a rollercoaster of emotions.

We men are differently, we don't need drame to feel good, we don't get attached to a soap opera, we can be fine just by chilling all day, girls will get bored experiencing only the same emotion.

We are logical, we have reason, just like girls, but in a more consistent way.

Solution, become so good at who you are so when a girl cheats you can just find another one in no time, simply become the type of guys that will always have more options than her, you can do it, everyone can, you know what to do.

Also if you become that guys she is more likely to stay around and no cheat, but even then it is not for sure, so deal with it, this is how things are.

[chatheman]

good answer

[kholland65]

This is spot on. I think its a lot of the reason the women are initiating divorces. They simply get bored easier than men. Us men are content with your average lifestyle. If we live comfortably, our wife respects us, we're having fun, that's all that matters. However, for girls just having a comfortable life isn't not enough to keep her around. She needs to feel that emotional roller coaster. After marriage that ride tends to slow down and she gets bored. She'll think its something else though.

[chatheman]

it is in their nature the survival of the species will always depend on one of many things one of those things is attraction women are attracted to a certain type of man end of story. even fat girls who can't get a fit man would rather be alone then have sex with a fat guy. in the past men got what they wanted by simply kidnapping a women when she out working or walking and forcing her into marriage. this is the origin of the honeymoon however these days kidnap and forced marriage is frowned upon (cant think why). women cannot help what they are attracted to no more then you can the difference nowadays is that women can choose who they have sex with sorry mate you were born about 500 years too late

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't use the word 'repulsed' lol, but yes, I find myself naturally, effortlessly suspicious of men. I am not apart of those women who have violent thoughts towards men lolol but yes, I do find myself feeling that men are more often creepy than friendly. However, that's just because I'm paranoid and I've seen dimensions of so many men that make me believe that a good percent of men are creepy pigs. I can't help but be skeptical because so many men world wide have done terrible, grimy, disgusting things to women who thought they could trust them. I know women aren't always so innocent, but I don't know seeing that all the time can really change your perspective on men. I also used to work in a gym around a ton of pigs and that just really changed my perspective on men and what positive and negative male attention is.

If you are confident and secure in being a good man that women should want then don't fret :) You have nothing to worry about. Also, don't feel like you have to go around proving your worthiness becuase there are a lot of sh*tty females out there and for all you know she's not even worthy of you to be going through all that effort! You also have to keep in mind that there are a ton of women who have reasons to incorrectly redirect their anger with men onto the entire male population. Women who have been chated on, raped, sexually abused, and so forth. So those women could very well be a large amount of the ones forming those statistics.

[Anonymous]

I think that society paints a picture that men are all cheaters. This, obviously is not true, but that's what all the shows and books and movies seem to say. Women have it ingrained in them from a relatively young age, that men can't be trusted because "all they want is sex, they'll say anything to get it, and will leave you once they do." This could lead to the bitter thoughts.

In my opinion though...

If a stranger, or a recent acquaintance started being overly friendly and saying things that could be sexual, I'll be put off and try to get away from him as soon as possible. Immediate flirting freaks me out immediately. I've never heard a man felt uncomfortable being a guy for this reason. Interesting. I think that the media also alters a woman's ideal male image. The media praises the ideal male body. The athletic, muscular type, just as it alters the female image. So women tend to want that body type. It's messed up, yes. But trust me, there'll be a girl out there who will like you.

[chatheman]

google mgtow and marriage strike there is your answer all women hate men and are out to destroy them look at the feminist movement. it is not so much about equal rights as it is for supiorer rights for women if you wanna chat some more on the issue the worst thing in the world is to be a man. do yourself a favour get though college get out of the west and go to some place where men are in charge otherwise they will ruin you

[minas]

Are you serious lollol !

yeah yeahh women can be creepy as well lol ha ha

[chatheman]

pretty much I have studied this problem in great detail

[gummybear888]

I believe that I have a healthy sense of distance from everyone I deem as somebody I do not know much about-it takes time to know anyone, men or women. I have no particular sexist approach when it comes to guys in general. I am more aware due to my experience, some of which have been negative experiences with the opposite gender, that I may have to be more aware; but again this personal predisposition of mine, is due to my past experiences.

[Anonymous]

I'll be completely honest - yes. But emotionally, not physically. I am repulsed by men's shallow "visual" nature, the fact that they like sexual variety, that they try to bed the most possible women, only date for physical attraction/looks and try to get girls who are as young as possible. In terms of physical appearance, I find 99.9% of men reasonably attractive, but I am repulsed by the same percentage because of what I consider to be their emotional drawback - this shallowness.

Sorry...

[Anonymous]

I don't believe the statistics about not being satisfying in bed are accurate. Women divorce primarily for other reasons than that.

[Anonymous]

Generally, yes