What to do if you're 24 and have never dated?

[Anonymous]

So I'm 24 years old now and I have never in my life gone out on any dates with any girls and have little knowledge about dating other than cliche stuff. Is there any particular reason I have never dated before? It makes me sad I never spend time with any girls and the longer I go without it the more sad I seem to get :(. I am nice to women, try to dress nice in public, and work hard at school to be intelligent so why do I never date ever? Oh yeah I'm a virgin too btw.. :((

[DaniJ]

Okay, here's what you do.

Step one: RELAX.

Step two: the end.

Seriously, I know it is really hard not to be with someone while you are watching everyone else have a relationship, but TRUST me. It is much better this way for now.

Reasons why you should stay single for now:

-1. you aren't actually majorly crushing on a girl, so what's the point in dating one? For the status? For meaningless sex? consider your motives. The reason for dating should be to get to know someone that you really like a lot better.

-2. relationship built on attraction RARELY last as long as relationships built on a strong friendship that has already been tested by fire. (ever heard the phrase, "I married my best friend?")

-3. You have objectivity. You aren't currently clouded by your own emotions when it comes to relationships. You are able to see all parts of the situation objectively. The second you let yourself be carried away by someone, all logic disappears. You lower your standards without even realizing it, and set up these lofty expectations that just come crashing down. As long as you force yourself to think things through, you will have control over yourself.

-4. The free time... Think about it - In a relationship, what do people have time for? school, work, housework, and dating. It's kind of a time-sucking activity. And what do you do with the free time you currently have? If your answer isn't "actively seeking a career for to support a family someday of course," then I think you need to reevaluate where you're headed in life. What is the point in dating if you haven't even found who you are going to be yet? You can't start a relationship with someone when you don't even know who you are.

-5. No Drama... This one fits right into number 4 as well. If you're busy becoming your future self, how could you possibly have time for the drama of ex-girlfriends? Because, face it- most people get it right the first time, so it's practically inevitable that you will have at LEAST one ex. The longer you postpone that, the better off you'll be.

Here's what you do:

Treat women with respect. Like sisters, only less... related. Be there for them when they need you, and be a friend to them. One day, you will realize that one of these lady friends is your perfect dream girl from fantasy land and you can get married and live happily ever after. (maybe not those EXACT words... but you get the idea.) You will already know how a relationship will work between the two of you, since you will have "perfected" your friendship. You will be well on your way to becoming the kind of man that can make any woman proud. And once this happens, it's unlikely that a best friend will dump you in a way likely to cause drama.

[DaniJ]

um, yeah in number 5, I totally meant most people DON'T get it right the first time...

[Asker]

that whole last part you said though you're assuming I somehow magically have women friends that I can create that situation with. Believe me if I had more friends who were girls I would try doing that but truth is I have almost no friends who are girls except girls who always seem to be like engaged or have bf's.

[animalwithin]

This takes having a positive attitude to a whole other level haha. Good stuff Dani, all things men an women should consider before they put themselves out there in the dating/relationship world.

[DaniJ]

Actually, the last part of my answer actually addresses that. You have to BE a friend to GET a friend. (remember first grade?) You have to be there for girls, not just expect to have tons of girl friends out of no where. be chivalrous. Hold doors open for girls you've never met. Never curse at girls you don't know. Obvious stuff. That's how friends are made. lol And thank you very much, @animalwithin.

[Asker]

ugh love how you sound like you're implying that I don't do that because I do all those things except maybe first thing but that's only because I don't know any girls to be there for lol.

[DaniJ]

Then I suggest joining a few clubs.

[Asker]

I think that last paragraph is kind of wrong. Every girl says they want that but in reality let's face it girls love guys that are flirty and give them attention and are manly not some guy who is just trying to be a friend. I think socially women are trained to look for that sort of stuff you described for men and they want to believe that but I think many times women just end up going with their gut feelings of guys who are confident and flirty and direct instead of bothering to be friends.

[CatholicVirginia]

Like everyone else said, you're pretty good looking. Embrace that. Have confidence in it. The minute you start to walk around with confidence, girls are going to notice you, and the daring ones are going to talk to you.

It's likely confidence for the reason you haven't dated. You can date, you know. Join a club at school. Ask a girl out. Or, if that's too much, talk to a girl in class and ask her to study with you. Just be really easygoing and get her involved in the conversation. Make it a conversation, about something either you or she is passionate about (and that is mildly interesting). The last thing you want is for the conversation you two have to feel like a chore for her.

[Asker]

haha good advice except about talking to a girl in my classes lol. I'm a math major which is about 90% male and the 10% that are females are not exactly normal people lol.

[CatholicVirginia]

Do you take any classes outside of your major classes? Do you have a minor? Chat up a nice liberal arts girl. They're quite the catch! (guess what I am LOL)

[Asker]

I did back in the early days of my college but I used to be overweight, weird, and just not desirable back then and lazier too. Now it's all math except for two liberal arts science classes that all liberal arts and science BS majors need to take unfortunately the classes are online lol.

[CatholicVirginia]

Then join a club!

[Asker]

oh scratch what I said about classes lol.

[bobbi789]

From your profile picture, it looks like you shouldn't have any problem getting dates. I mean that genuinely! How many women have you asked out? You can argue that women should initiate dating too, but in reality that job is typically left to the guy. Just be confident, strike up a conversation with a girl, and if it goes well ask her out. If she says no, there's no harm done and it wasn't meant to be anyway. Confidence helps a lot, but a lot of girls also think shyness is cute so don't worry either way. The same goes for being inexperienced -- like other girls have said, virgins are often more appealing than a guy that's slept around. Good luck!

[Asker]

yeah but I'm not good at striking up conversations with random people I don't know anything about unless I've never met them but already know something about them.

[bobbi789]

I think I saw in another question, you said you liked tennis, math, and "unpopular music." Those are all cool interests, and could help you find someone. You could go to music festivals and join groups that are interested in similar hobbies. Bring a friend and they could help you strike up a conversation in a group setting -- if a group of girls is at the same event, watching Wimbledon at a sports bar, etc, you already know something about them and have something in common.

[bobbi789]

You can look for other clues too -- just yesterday I had three guys talk to me because I was wearing a Torres jersey, and they were interested to know why I liked soccer, why I picked a Spanish jersey, why I picked Torres's number, etc. Simple things on clothing like a logo (brand, music group, sport, etc) or a location (touristy souvenir shirts from ski resorts, beaches, etc) can give you something to talk about.

[Asker]

oh you wear Torres Jersey I don't know if I can talk to you anymore sry. lol jk.

[bobbi789]

Haha hey I got it in 2008 when he was good...

[animalwithin]

You seem like a cool guy man, I'd say your biggest problem is your inability to approach women. Are you approaching women? If not, I know that avoiding rejection is the biggest thing on your mind but you will ge nowhere with women unless you make an effort to get out there and get to know them. I don mean become some pickup artist or something, you just need to get over your fear of approaching. Rejection is fun, looking back, the funniest times in my life are when I failed with women. I tried the stupidest crap but I put myself out there and as a result I am very confident in who I am today and approaching is a blast.

You have to work on yourself too. Sittig and having a woe-is-me attitude isn't helping you out. Don't base your happiness in life on the quantity of women in your life, as hard as it is. Fill your life with things that you love and excite you, become an interesting person, and cultivate love for yourself. Women can detect a man who's so distraught with his dating "success" and it's not attractive. You need to work on your life and yourself and forget about your need/want for women.

[Asker]

I know this probably doesn't sound true but outside of girls and dating I don't hate my life at all and am decently happy and normal person and I might not have like a super confident attitude but I certainly don't have an I'm desperate attitude. Just have never really bothered much caring about dating or women. Only time I ever mention any of it is when I'm on here lol.

[animalwithin]

So if you're doing good in life, why be fixated on women? I know its tough, we all want to be paired up with a person we are madly in love with, but it takes time, patience, and confidence which seems like your biggest issue. Realzie that your "lack" of success with women doesn't say or mean anything about who you are. The measure of who you are isn't based on how many dates and girls you've slept with. So go to work on yourself, becoming more confident. BEFRIEND women rather than be fixated on

[animalwithin]

be focused on dating. The more women you have in your life as friends, the better off you'll be with/around women in general. Female friendships are very valuable to have and it's easy to make them. And it's okay to mention what you're feeling but I this place causes you to fixate on this subject then maybe spend less time here? You seem like a good guy man, just need to work on a few things, that's all.

[Asker]

haha totally about the last part you said about not being on this site so much. My mindset seems to get more negative whenever I sit on this site lol

[BluefireJon]

Target these 10% females that you don't consider normal people! For one reason you already don't have them on a pedestal and two chances are others feel the same way about them too so they probably do not get a lot of attention. Just ask them if they would like to work out a few problems after class (or whenever), its pretty cheesy but she will know that you are interested in more than just doing homework... Then just get to know her, see if you enjoy or don't enjoy her company and carry on from there.

[Anonymous]

Don't get depressed over it there is someone in the world for everybody. Your stil young and will find someone eventually. Just give it some time. It's not that bad being a virgin and the age of 24.. a lot better than being a manwhore. I would much rather date a virgin than someone who has slept with 20 women. I use to be the same way as you. I didn't have a date until I was 20 years old and the first guy that showed a little extra attention to me I jumped the gun and wanted to date him so bad. He ended up treating me like crap and broke my heart more than once. Just goes to show that patience is a virtue

[Anonymous]

I'm in a similar situation, 24 year old virgin who never dated. But I know the reasons why I didn't date/have sex. I just wasn't interested and so focused on getting a job and being financially stable that everything else blipped off the radar. In the crowd I hung out with in college, hardly anyone dated. Most of the women I consider friends were focused on getting good grades, maintaining their scholarships, building up their portfolios, prepping for interviews, and getting a job. I don't think there is anything wrong with you. A man who is passionate in his studies, treats women well, and is smart is VERY attractive in my book. Maybe you are trying to approach the women who just aren't looking right now?

[PonyCar]

Step 1: Start now.

I love these 1-step answers. :D

But seriously- strike up a conversation with lots of different crowds (esp @ places you like). If you and a girl click, then ask if she's perhaps like to go out sometime. I've done it, it's not hard.

[Asker]

where do you usually go on first date?

[PonyCar]

Depends on who I'm dating. I like active outdoor hobbies, but food/drink is pretty standard for most people on first dates. Nothing too fancy either. Takes some of the pressure off. Can't go wrong with dinner and entertainment (movie, show, walk on the docks, fairs, etc). Find out their interests and plan accordingly. Most girls like creativity and careful planning, so you can't go wrong putting in time & effort to plan a good date.

[AlwaysMIA]

Im 18 , I'm not bad looking ( some people even call me hot lol , crazy people) only went out on one date with guy lol , turns out I'm too shy and I'm sending a weird " don't come near me I have walls vibe " , that's how a guy friend put it .

Maybe you're shy and haven't asked lots of ladies out yet ?... just maybe

Because you're cute and by the question ( not conceited or cocky or just a plain jerk )

So maybe we in the same boat lol

[Asker]

I kind of have the same reaction sometimes when girls call me cute I think they're just trying to be nice to me or something. Yeah I probably give off a slight vibe that I'm a busy person or thinking hard as opposed to a friendly approachable vibe.

[AlwaysMIA]

Haha , you are cute :)

[shumailkazimi]

hey even I'm a virgin ...ur a talented person but you maybe shy or you would have never gave much preference to that or you may never got the amount of time and space required for that...no worries its never too late...go out talk to girls and see what you can do best

[danndan6]

you miss 100% of the shots you don't take. your problem is most likely nerves. 8 months ago I couldn't even ask a random girl for the time. now I'm progressing. face your fears and they will subside over time.

[Jen91]

Don't worry about it. The next time you see a girl that you want to ask out just walk up to her and introduce yourself. The situation can only get better so why not take the chance. I'm 21 and had my first boyfriend at 20 and it didn't last long. It's no big deal. I think it would be better to go out with someone who is a virgin, vs someone who sleeps around all the time.

[EngEleROCKS]

True

[Asker]

idk I have always had this feeling like girls will think you're a creep if you just ask out random women.

[Jen91]

Yeah I'm sure some girls would be creeped out but how else are you going to meet anyone, or make new friends? you talk to people that you've never met before and begin a relationship. as long as you're not all over her you'll be fine :)

[Anonymous]

Go out to bars. Dress well but not too over the top and not too fancy. Wear nice cologne but not too much. Smile often and fake being comfortable. If you have a female friend take her and have a fake break-up at the bar and you will get a woman if it is seen that you broke up with her at the bar

[Anonymous]

Next time you see a girl you like smile and ask her out, then you will be more confident in approaching girls? don't worry about rejection it doesn't devalue you as a person only makes you stronger, so bite the bullet and go for it! :D

[Asker]

nobody just goes up to random girls and asks them out. People will think you're a creep.

[-ananyme]

Have you ever asked a girl out ? Cause that's most likely why

[Yeahhbro]

You tie a necktie around your neck...and then go out and meet new girls in social places :D

[LizTheWeirdKid]

have you tried approaching girls?

not all girls like to approach guys. some are too shy.

[moviedude714]

well, I'm in the same boat as you man, in my opinion I would say you are better looking than me

[kiss-the-nerd]

so? I'm a virgin, I never been on a date, never really had a boyfriend... it just happens don't be sad hun you need to wait for the right one :]

[CatholicVirginia]

There, you see her, sitting there across the way. She don't got a lot to say, but there's something about her. And you don't know why, but you're dying to try: you wanna kiss the nerd.

[Asker]

yes but you're only 18. You are just past grade school

[kiss-the-nerd]

rofl nice virginia and still my brother wife now is 26 and she was a virgin, never had a boyfriend and never had a date and she found my brother he is 19 and there married now

[gettinthroughthepain]

I know how you feel man I'm the same age. And iv never even kissed a girl. Did you miss out on all the parties in high school and afterward too?

[Asker]

yep pretty much. I don't understand how everybody finds so many parties and has tons of friends.

[gettinthroughthepain]

Yea I never got invited anywhere either. All my friends have gotten laid or married except me. I attempted suicide in the past over it. But I realized its not worth it.

[Eddieguitar]

All you have to do is make them laugh. But the bottom line is that you have to emotionally connect with them. Talk to me sometime if you need help!

[Anonymous]

i'm 22 and in the same boat, seeing questions like this make me really hate, despise, loathe the burden, chore, responsibility we guys have by having to initiate things

[wildchild1]

Where are you from? I'd date you! ;)

[Asker]

AZ. ;)

[moviedude714]

thats a nice, sweet answer you gave

[Anonymous]

Join the club I'm 26 and never had a Girlfriend never mind a date.

[MyNameIsJonas]

Dude I will just buy you a prostitute.

[Asker]

aren't you cool.

[Anonymous]

hate how we guys always have to initiate things

[Anonymous]

i haven't either ;(