What the hell do I do when I have NEVER dated?

Question

I'm 18 (female) I don't party, I don't go out, I have never dated or even talked to a man and I am a peron who likes doing grandma activities and I have a anxious, sosially ackward and a bit childish perosanlity. So if I want to start dating real men where do I even start (I am open to using dating apps). PLEASE HELP!

SteveSmith1985 · Accepted Answer

Ok, so. First of all, it's really not weird at all to have never dated at 18. That's not as uncommon as you seem to think.

I can tell you this: You need to be careful girl. Seriously. Everything you just wrote makes me worry for what happens when you get thrown into dating apps.

You are innocent and naive. (if I am not making too much of a leap from what you wrote).

Dating apps, I would recommend in general (not that I'm on them so much as it seems so many women on GAG use them).

It's just... you're the ideal girl, for a certain type of (not uncommon) terrible guy to prey upon. The guy who starts off nice, but (in one or several ways) is fucking terrible.

Are you in school? If you can meet people "organically" that's the easiest and least pressure. (the way two people going to school together get to know they like each other just by... being in the same social spaces.

That's what I miss about being an adult. There's no natural way to meet people you don't work with. THAT is when dating apps make more sense.

So unless your situation is different, your best bet for dating is to find someone you like somewhere you already go. Ask them out. (that's hard enough, I realize. But it's better than dating apps).

If you insist on throwing yourself out in the world of dating... you are going to need help navigating it. A lot of it comes down to weeding out shitty guys. THe problem is, sometimes guys can hide it pretty well. But... people who are a little jaded can spot some of it.

The way I think of it, is that some guys are sharks. They're predators looking to take advantage. It's hard enough to spot all guys like this. You wouldn't be equipped with anything but your own intuition (always trust your gut by the way). There are sharks who would manipulate the shit out of you.

So you need to surround yourself with as much help as possible. Yo need a second set of eyes on how it's going with a guy you meet. Talk to your female friends about it, in detail if possible. Male friends can be great too depending. (that's what I used to do with my friends when I was your age. I've spotted a million bad guys. Or rather, helped her spot them.)

If you have an older female cousin... that would be ideal. Someone you felt comfortable being open enough with to give her details. But someone who has some more experience dating. It's really mostly just learning to navigate shitty guys that would be a (potential) problem. Learning to spot red flags is what you're going to need help with. They aren't all obvious, nor are they all there right away.

You can sign up for a dating site and figure everything else out. It's the "what happens once you and some guy have exchanged a message on there, and so there's mutual interest. From THERE, you should ideally have at least one other person (preferably more experienced, but not necessarily) that is serving as a second set of eyes.

That's what a lot of GAG questions are. Much of dating in the beginning are: about interpreting what you think the other person is thinking. And interpreting what you think you've made them think. (That sounds more complicated than it is. It's just all the silly questions everyone has at the beginning). But a second set of eyes can help you see a lot that you might miss.

Worst comes to worse, you can come get public feedback (on GAG) for specific guys as you're moving along. You can sometimes get a consensus from the number of answers. Or you just hope there happen to be insightful people on that day. You can DM me anytime, (I am indeed good at this, and do it a lot of the time on GAG) I just make no guarantee I'll still be around. (I take breaks randomly)

The problem is, it's the beginning that you need the most interpreting. Once a guy is shown that he's actually a good guy, and things have become more comfortable... there is not so much to think about.

If there is any way you are in school or something like that. You should find guys there and talk to them in person, eventually making a move (you make the move). That would be the best and safest thing for you to do. You would be dating someone you somewhat know (or at least know by reputation.)

You know they aren't manipulative, or a stalker or crazy, or whatever). If you can avoid dating apps, then you should. For now. If not, by all means... I just... hope you keep your witts about you, and always always trust your gut. If a guy seems off. Act accordingly. Don't dismiss your intuition. EVER.

The other advice would be: So adult dating is all different insofar as... the steps are different, and you go on several dates before anyone is looking to make a commitment. So you are going through the "do they like me really? Do I like them that much? I hope he blah blah blah." All that is done DURING the getting to know each other right through... at least date 3 often longer before anyone says "relationship"

I miss being able to do all of that... before any romantic/sexual stuff is on the table. Adult dating is bullshit. Highschool/college is way easier. Take advantage of the guys around you. That'll change after you finish school (it might be your situation right now, maybe you're working already)

Be very clear about what you are looking for.

1. If you are looking for a serious long term relationship. Say so explicitly on your profile. You don't (and shouldn't) say anything about having never dated anyone ever on your profile. You can say stuff like that you're "new to dating apps". Just not that you're new to guys. Not on your profile. You can (and again should) be explicit with him about it once you're talking. It just will be a magnet for creeps if its on your profile.

2. If a guy seems immediately charming. Too Smooth, super-confident, and seems to just know how to flirt... like really comes on hard with the smooth flirting. Be very very very suspicious of that guy. Really. Just avoid that guy.

3. If anyone asks you if you're a virgin, at any point when you're talking to a guy. That's a red flag right there. (unless it's in a context that you, intuitively feel makes sense. But I can't see any situation where a guy you haven't even gone on a date with should ask. No good guy is going to want to know that right away.

4. That being said, if you're looking to take it slow. Again be explicit. So the above point applies if you aren't looking to take it slow necessarily. But if you are, be explicit about that as well. The idea is to get SOME of the creeps to leave you alone because you seem like too much work. BUT it does attract a whole different kind of creep... who will want you BECAUSE you are so innocent (the same guys who ask if you're a virgin).

ohsheeT · Accepted Answer

No don't use dating apps 9 out of 10 guys are there for different reasons. ... ok so take a deep breath don't be in such a hurry...

you have to understand. Something about guys.. most of the it's a game they are only into it to get in to your pants.

Those are the 2 min studs it's all about them and your wondering when he going to start. He was undressed 2 pumps up and getting dressed then on the phone to his buddy's bragging how good he was How terrible you were.

And your wondering how logn it going to take him to get started. .

You have to know how yo read guys. That way, when you're lying to you, you know it.

I mean, I think it's a beautiful thing. You have the Strength and willpower to last this long.

It's the last thing you want to do is go out with the wrong person

I can help you and least the things to pay attention to but you will have to dm me

SueShe · Accepted Answer

Be happy to be the way you are and don't get too antsy to start dating. The way you describe yourself, you are fodder for lions and those men will take advantage of you because they know you have no experience. They will chew you up and make you pregnant before you even know it.

Don't go on dating apps because those are hook up sites where mostly men go to have sex with women. Once they have gotten into your pants, you can bet any kind of amount of money that they will drop you like a hot potato, with a big smile on their faces for having had such an easy time with you. The next victim is already waiting.

If you want to date, then you have to do a whole lot of work about your personality and the way you appear to others, including your social anxiety.

Join a club or take up a hobby where you can meet people that share the same interests as you do. That is a much easier and safer way to start dating. Good luck.

Jessica405 · Accepted Answer

From senior school to completion of post grad uni, I never wanted to date. Work was my life.

At the start of my 6th year, this fellow student just came into my life. Been together over 8 years.

It could happen to you. A guy, too good to miss, could just walk into your life. Smiling a lot will get you nooticed

IslaTheWitch · Answer

give yourself time... baby steps... start with friends...

Brendan824 · Answer

Join the club of being a loner as an adult
No I'm joking it doesn't have to be that way. You can try dating apps, the gym, work, school, maybe try an app like meetup and join a group of people doing something you all enjoy and find people through that. If you look approachable guys could just spark a conversation on the street

Anonymous · Answer

Dating apps, bars, clubs, festivals, sporting events, work events, parties, school events, concerts, social clubs, through friends of friends, give the guy who approaches you at the grocery store a chance, etc.

you're only 18. There's plenty of places to meet men, even if it means stepping out of your comfort zone.

jahaims · Answer

You don't have any friends or relatives with male friends? You are just becoming an adult. It's okay if you don't have dating experience. I didn't date, have my first kiss etc. until I was 19. I don't know if it's social media or what but younger people seem to feel like they need to be in a relationship or they aren't being adults or some similar weird mentality.

Abbycado · Answer

You can try dating apps. Are you in school by chance?

trumpetplayerforlife · Answer

Try a dating apps I was the same way when I was your age I didn't party or lose my v card til I was 18 due to being shy

slatyb · Answer

You are only 18. You don't have to do anything. Maybe get counseling to work on your social anxiety.

ImalwaysrightOK · Answer

You're 18, there are guys on this site that are 40 and have never touched a woman.

Dat-Alpha-Lion · Answer

Would you like to talk about your experiences with men?

Anonymous · Answer

Never mind. You are more comfortable this way. It is safer to stay away from men. 😏

PaleDale · Answer

Never too late, 18 is still pretty young

What the hell do I do when I have NEVER dated?

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