Do you get uncomfortable if your girlfriend/boyfriend goes out to a party without you?

[Anonymous]

does it make you uncomfortable/make you feel weird if they go out drinking at parties around other girls/guys when you aren't there? if so, why?

My girlfriend hates when I go out when we aren't together. according to her, its not that she doesn't trust me its that she doesn't trust other girls and if I'm drunk I might not realize what I'm doing or something like that. is this a legitimate concern of hers?

I usually just go anyway, I just hate feeling like every time I go out she's uncomfortable

[Anonymous]

I have this same problem with my boyfriend. We've been together for five years now but have only just finished high school, so we're at a point where the number of parties and the presence of alcohol has increased. Firstly, I was upset that he would never invite me to these parties (even though I'm not really a party girl). However, it really became a trust issue when he told me before a particular party that he wouldn't have too much, but despite saying this he got absolutely smashed. From then on when he tells me he will only have a few drinks I struggle to believe him. Even though he seems genuinely sorry for stressing me out and has reassured me he won't do that again, I worry that the people around him will coerce him into doing stuff, some girl will come onto him, or he'll lose track of his drinks and accidentally have too much and therefore do something stupid.

So your girlfriend is not the only one. Don't let it stop you from going out, just reassure her and maybe contact her during the night.

[Anonymous]

It does make me uncomfortable, not because I don't trust him OR other girls, it's just the environment that bothers me. His friends throw really ridiculous parties and people get puke-drunk and some parties are themed for girls to wear bikinis, and the idea of him being in the mix of it just makes me feel blah. Not proud of it :P Just haven't been able to completely resolve it with myself. My boyfriend started drinking less (I didn't tell him to but he might have to make me feel better) and it kind of helps to know he's not out-of-control. He also really respects my feelings about it, which honestly makes a huge difference regardless whether he changes or not.

My boyfriend also explained that when he's drunk, yes he's more relaxed and looser, but it's not going to "make" him do anything he's so morally opposed to, like cheating or stealing or hurting someone.

[aly-marie]

I wouldn't be okay with it, but that's more because we always go out and party together. I like to drink too, so I'd be upset if he went without me.

But in your situation where you can't go together all the time, I don't think it should be a legitimate concern. I would never worry that my boyfriend is going to get trashed and hook up with someone else. I figure if he's going to cheat, then he's going to regardless, but I will keep my end of the relationship by trusting him not to. It's hard to get to that point of security in a relationship though, it took me 3 years. It comes with time, unless she's not willing to even try trusting you.

[BlahDeBlahBlah]

I used to date a girl with questionable work friends. They would try to take advantage of her. I would tell her about my worries, since they would hang out after work and I wouldn't always be there. She thought I didn't trust her, but I told her honestly that I just didn't trust those "friends". Well, years later, I realized that it was dumb of me to think that she couldn't take care of herself and thus by not trusting her "friends" what I was really doing was not trusting her to make the right decisions. All that did was push us farther away. In the end, it was better that we broke up, but I do regret not being able to see my worries for what they really were. I don't know if that helps you, as each situation is different, but it reminded me so I thought I'd share.

[Asker]

appreciate the input. definitely helps

[squeakers]

Personally, it makes me uncomfortable if I wasn't invited to come with you. Having legitimate concerns for your safety can be damaging to your relationship.

My ex boyfriend and I were best friends for 5 years before we went out. He partied a lot with out me. Now he was into pills, smoke, and alcohol... So I had actual concerns. Our relationship couldn't handle that fear.

Does she know the people you're with? That could help.

[Asker]

she's met basically all of them but isn't good friends or anything. we live a few hours apart so she can't exactly come every time

[AmberChick]

why don't you invite her? And yes I'd be upset if my boyfriend did that too. Hey, us girls want to have fun also, why do we have to stay up late waiting on you?

[Asker]

live far away from each other

[Anonymous]

I've never been in a relationship but it would make me very uncomfortable. Its not that I wouldn't trust him, its just that I would have liked to be invited. I get it if its a guys night out, but if there are gonna be girls there, I better be one of them.

[Asker]

well in regards to me and my girlfriend, we only go to the same college, but during breaks, we live hours away, so its not like we can exactly just meet up every night

[Anonymous]

No, I know I'm the bomb!